Bethan & Lucan
by Tracy137
Summary: Here is the sequel to 'Fallen Knights Return'. Bethan and Lucan are now 16 and 18 getting married and looking forward to a long life together. But Destiny has her own path they must follow. Violence,language and sexual situations. COMPLETE.
1. A Wedding is Announced

**_Disclaimer: I don't own King Arthur or any of its characters. The King Arthur movie is the property of Touchstone Pictures. So there is no copyright infringement intended, nor do I intend to tick anyone off – so please don't sue me, I'm poor enough already and if you do you will only gain a rust bucket car, and a load of rescue animals that make Tristan look like a cakewalk! But I do own the story itself and the characters of Bethan, Sandrina and other non-King Arthurian types…. :O) _**

_**Celeste, Suriana, Torvald, Ysabeau, Alisia and Milo are 13th C. names and one I think fit here quite well. Avitus and Felicia are genuine Roman names. Tanwir, Rahil**, **Ehsan, **_ **_Aaleyah and Ghauth are Muslim names meaning Enlightening, Path Guider, Powerful, Exalted and Helper/Defender respectively; and I think appropriate as Sarmatian names, considering that Sarmatia is now actually part of Iran._**

**_This is my third King Arthur fanfic. It is based on the 2004 movie, as well as some legends I know a little about. I do not intend to rip off any other writer (I just can't wade through so many pages of stories to check, I'd lose the will to live!) so if this premise has been done before I'm sorry, I just hope mine is different enough for it not to be too boring. But if I digress from the movie and stuff a little, don't shoot me as I'm old and the brain (what little I have) is not what it used to be. Plus I might also change things to fit the story a little better –sorry. But that is what artistic license is all about! LOL!_**

**_I watched the film again recently, for the possibly the 200th time and had done a previous story called "Fallen Knights Return"…..this is a sequel that a lot readers have been asking about._**

_**It's going to be dramatic, romantic as well as fairly funny…in places anyway….. It is nothing but fluff, so if you don't like romance and stuff please don't read it! If you read 'Fallen Knights' and liked it, hopefully you'll like this too.**_

_**WARNING: BAD LANGUAGE, VIOLENCE AND SOME SEXUAL REFERENCES (though not graphic) SO READ AT YOUR OWN PERIL. **_

_**All reviews, and constructive criticism, gratefully received – but no flaming please; and I will try to update regularly.**_

'_**Thoughts'**_

"**Speech"**

_**Anyway…on with the show!**_

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_**Bethan & Lucan**_

_**Chapter One – A Wedding is Announced**_

The gates opened and a young girl on horseback came flying through, with Gawain in hot pursuit; her hawk, Faith, wheeling high above her. Waist length blond hair flying behind her, with its ubiquitous plaits akin to her father's, and her blue eyes shining – Avitus grinned as she waved at him, flying past.

"I WON! I WON!" She gasped with delight as she leapt from her horse, Charity, and shot to the stable; slamming her hand on the wall moments before Gawain.

The young woman, wearing breeches and a thick cotton shirt over her slender frame, which was then covered by her own set of armour; a gift from the knights for her 16th birthday two months before. She leant her hands on her knees to catch her breath. Daggers sticking out of the back of her leather trousers, twin swords tied to her back, long sword hanging from her saddle and her bow and quiver hooked to her horse, she looked every inch the warrior she was.

Gawain grimaced "Only because I let you….."

"Liar, _Liar_! I won Gawain! I BEAT you - I BEAT SIR GAWAIN THE GREAT SARMATIAN KNIGHT!" She danced round him crowing with glee.

"For a 16 year old you are behaving worse than Milo! Bethan, did your father not tell you it is rude to gloat so?"

"Galahad does it all the time!" She grinned.

"Hardly 'all the time' Little Scout; he rarely bests me!" he smiled at her.

Avitus walked over "Lost again Gawain?"

"She is too much like her father!" sighed the knight, grinning easily.

Bethan hugged the Roman she had made friends with; they had a lot of the roman people from Germanius' village settled at the fort now. They were lovely people and adored her mother and the knights for what they had done for them in that dark time. In fact that was the main reason they had come to the wall.

They had the great move to come in a few weeks; Arthur planned to move to the Mid Lands of Briton, so that he was centrally based to go anywhere in the isle if needed. Also the people that were coming to settle with them were causing the fort to become overcrowded; still Arthur would refuse no one in need.

They had a strange mix; the odd Saxon, Celt, lots of Woads and some Romans - yet they all happily co-existed. There were concerns in the beginning that the Celt and Saxon settlers were either spies or would turn on them if their countrymen attacked. But after a couple of incursions from either side, it was apparent that they would not; they would fight for Arthur, and Arthur alone.

"Lucan is looking for you Bethan; you are apparently neglecting your wedding preparations." Avitus grinned.

Cocking her head to one side and hearing something that the others missed, she put her fingers to her lips as a signal to Avitus not to give them away "Quickly, in here – he is coming!" She tugged Gawain into the stable and out the back, quickly running to the tavern.

"Why are you avoiding him?" Asked Gawain with a grin.

"It is all this wedding frippery; it is driving me bloody mad! Do I want this dress or that one? Do I want lilies or roses in my hair? Who do I want to be with me on the morning of my wedding, in case of '_nerves_'? When have I _ever_ suffered from bloody _nerves_! Then Lucan starts, why have I not decided on this or that, or aught else entirely meaningless to me?

What is more important than riding as fast as our horses will gallop across the land outside; the sun on our backs, blue sky above us and the wind in our face, the freedom that comes with being able to run as far and as fast as we wish with no one to hinder us?

The solitude of a quiet wood with no disturbance save my own thoughts, and the call of my hawk; the excitement of a thunderstorm, where the thunder calls my name and writes my dreams in the lightening?" She recited with feeling the now unforgettable mantra that the children had for their dreams.

San had started it; Bethan had kept it going with Milo and now all the knights' children would get her to tell them every night before bed.

If Bethan was not there because she was out scouting with her father, then they would insist someone else do it; occasionally one of Bors' offspring would or Lucan, or even occasionally Milo or Dag's middle boy, Rahil.

"You know what I want?" she continued "I want to marry Lucan now, just do it; sod the dress, the flowers and that other bullshit and just live my life with him……..MILO!" She spied her 6½ year old brother who barrelled at her.

"Language! Your mother is going to kill us knights for all the bad language we have taught you!" Laughed Gawain.

"She would have to hear me first!"

"BEFAN!" His face lit into a huge grin, still using his baby name for her; their own unspoken habit.

She swept him up into an enormous hug"And how is my little man this fine morning? Did you miss me?"

"Aye, aye I did! I had a bad morning!" He pulled a face.

Bethan's eyes darkened instantly "Right! Come on!" She grabbed her brother's hand and went stalking off…

"_KNIGHTS_! FIGHT!" Shouted Gawain as they passed the others sitting outside the tavern.

They all leapt up; Bors sighed "I bet it is bloody Eight again! You would think he would learn – every time he picks a fight with Milo, she fights Gilly and then threatens him!"

Celeste, Suriana and Ehsan (Lancelot's twin girls and little boy), now 6 and 4 respectively ran after them; along with Tanwir and Rahil (Dagonet's adopted boys) now 5 and 7 respectively, Ghauth and Aaleyah (Galahad's son and daughter) aged 3 and 2 respectively, and finally Torvald and Felicia (Arthur's son and daughter) aged 5½ and 3 respectively.

Bethan was their hero, they all adored her; the knights often joked it was them all over again - just the differing ages caused a few problems at the moment, but when they were older another round table would be needed.

Bors' 12 children (now known simply as One, Ten or Three, etc – all except for his precious Gilly) had their own clique purely because they numbered so many themselves, and so the two camps would often battle good-naturedly; although if they felt threatened by any outside force they would form a tight-knit group numbering 23 (including Bethan and Lucan) in total, and were a formidable opponent to the various factions that tried to take them on.

Eight, now a robust 9 year old however, was the bane of Bethan's life; he idolized her and felt he had to show her how tough he was by constantly picking on her adored baby brother. When she tackled him and would bawl him out about it Gilly, now a towering 17 year old, would feel compelled to protect his sibling and soon the two would be pounding each other into the dirt.

The respective parents of the two had lost count of the amount of times black eyes and cut lips (Bethan) and black eyes, cut lips and broken noses (Gilly) they had had to tend over the past 5 years - today was to be no different.

Gilly had already been tipped off by Five that Eight had had yet another pop at Milo who had been busily telling his sister what had happened. Leaving the smithy where he worked he went to find his brother; only to find Bethan already telling him off.

"Oi! Do not yell at him!" He shouted, prepared for another fight.

However he still was not expecting the raging spitfire, blue eyes black with temper, that launched herself at him; and though he managed to get a couple of punches in, for the third time in 6 months, she broke his nose with one punch before head butting him and making him see stars.

"Do not _mess with me_; I am already pissed off about my bloody wedding!" She yelled at the boy as he lay on the ground dazed, blood pouring from his nose. She turned her attention back to Eight "See him?" she pointed at his sibling "Well, have another go at my bloody brother or any of this lot!" She indicated the rest of the other Knights' children "and I am telling you, you little sod, you will be lying next to him!"

She turned on her heel to walk away; Gilly shook his head and got to his feet going to make a grab at her, they all saw a breeze blow round her and she brought her elbow back catching him in the stomach, then stepped back stamping on his foot, before bringing the same arm back and up to punch him in the face - he dropped like a sack of potatoes to his knees. "I _did_ tell you not to…" she said darkly.

The knights had watched going 'ooh' and 'aahhh' and wincing at each blow as Bethan had got the upper hand as usual. Bors would normally be incensed at his offspring losing a fight, particularly to a girl – but this was Bethan and it went with the territory.

She had a lump coming up between her eyes where she had knocked heads with Gilly, and a cut lip as well as a bruise already forming on her eye that would turn into a bit of a shiner; but apart from that she was reasonably unscathed this time.

The knights came over and congratulated her; she grinned good-naturedly as she calmed quickly, before going to help the recovering Gilly up with a shared grin "Same time next week?" he asked.

Then she went to the Tavern to see her mother. "Have you been fighting again?" Sandrina sighed, looking at the lump, bruised eye and blood dripping from her bottom lip.

"Aye…but…." Bethan began to explain, wiping her mouth on her sleeve.

"With Gilly, over Eight and Milo….again?"

"Aye….but…."

"Bethan" San sighed "In two short weeks you will be married; Lucan will not want you behaving so…" San could see the blue eyes darkening with anger and realised too late she had said the wrong thing…..again.

"I don't give a sh….sugar what he thinks! If he expects me to sit around and play 'little maids' he better marry someone else because I intend to go on just as before. I want to be a warrior and a scout Mama, I have _always _wanted to be a warrior and a scout and that is what I will be! I am sick to death of this fu…….fudging wedding!" with that she stalked away.

Sandrina sighed, sitting and putting her head in her hands "What would _you_ do with her?" she asked Van.

Her friend sat beside her "She is a young woman, and then again she is not. She is female on the outside and a warrior on the inside. She is as tough as old boots your Bethan, and I love that about her. She is as wild as the wind and as free as her hawk. The problems only arise when anyone wants to start tying her down." they watched the teenager standing outside laughing with the knights, her anger cooled as quickly as it roared into life.

Lucan, now a handsome 18 year old came up; she rushed to him and flung her arms round his neck kissing him soundly. He had looked annoyed; but, when she kissed him, they could all see it melt away as his rigid arms left his side and hauled her closer to him.

Ilara would joke that he would tame the wild wind that was Bethan, but the others knew that was not true; all he could hope for at best was to hang onto her arm as she flew through life, and try to enjoy the ride……

"She knows him like a book, does she not?" laughed San.

"Well, it has been 9 years – if she did not, I would wonder why they were marrying!"

"I do not know Van, they love each other a lot – are completely devoted to each other…..but…." her face clouded.

"What?"

"I just feel they are still children."

"I took with Bors at 14; my sister with her lover at 15. She is not so young to wed, San. You are just being a typical mother hen!"

The young couple walked away giggling; but minutes later she was back with a face like thunder.

"I am not marrying him! I am not, and you cannot make me!"

"What has happened _now_!" Laughed Lancelot, as she entered the Tavern.

She mimicked Lucan with ease, as she did them all, "I agree with San, Bethan; you need to be a wife first and aught else after. I am afraid I could not allow you to fight….or suchlike…."

"What did you say?" asked Galahad knowing what was coming. Bethan's temper was becoming as legendary as her mother's; it was certainly easier to ignite!

"It was not what I said - more what I did!" she stated defiantly.

"What!" all the knights chorused.

"I pushed him face first in the dung heap; and told him as he was _talking_ horseshit, he might as well _eat _it as well!"

She was greeted by gales of hysterical laughter from the knights. Even Tristan, not long returned from a scouting mission, hung his head to hide the merriment in his eyes. He adored his daughter; adored the wildness about her, the joy she took out of just living every day.

Bors got up and clapped her on the back "That is my little scout! Are you sure you are not one of my bastards!" He grinned.

"Nay, I am my father's daughter; and none orders me about except my father and my King." She inclined her head to Arthur and Tristan, who were still trying to contain their laughter. "and on this issue not even they would I listen to!"

At that moment Lucan stumble in reeking and wiping manure out of his face, which set the knights off again. "I would not marry you now if you were the last woman alive……you….you… _HARPY_!" He cried, before heading home to bathe and change.

"GOOD!" she shouted back "then mayhap I can have my bloody life back at last!" She stormed off in the opposite direction.

"Sounds like when you and Amila first met Lancelot! In fact it sounds like you two most of the time now!" Roared Bors.

Lancelot grinned happily "Ah, but knights….the making up again!" he grinned mischievously, and they all fell about once more.

"It is all your bloody fault!" Laughed Sandrina "You all taught her…."

"Oh and you are such a lady; my sister and fellow _knight_!" he smirked, pulling her into his lap "what is it you said to me once "I am no lady Lancelot, and nor would I wish to ever be one"?"

"Oh you devil! How do you remember everything I say, only to throw it back at me when it suits you?" She pinched his ear playfully.

"My wife taught me all I know!" he hugged her to him. "So it is not only our faults she is as wild as the wind, but yours also; and I doubt you can do aught about it now!" he smiled, then sobered "but honestly San, would you want to break her spirit? Would you want her to be meek and obedient; to take away the zest she has for life? She lives her whole life at breakneck speed, and I for one salute her for it."

She shook her head, tears welling knowing he was describing Bethan as only a proud family member could.

"_I_ would not wish her any other way; the way she rides, scouts, fights - everything is done to the very best she can. You have to admire and love that determination about her." Gawain spoke quietly and proudly; he was now the closest to her next to her father, as Dagonet had become more caught up in his own family life.

"Aye, I would love to be like her; to see life the way she does." Ysabeau came out of the kitchens and sat on Gawain's knee, planting a kiss on his waiting lips.

"You are all right of course; Van says I am being a mother hen." There was much head nodding and she went to playfully slap her husband "_YOU_ are not meant agree!"

He scooped her up into his arms and growled "It has been 3 days since I have seen you woman, I fancy moving some furniture!" and walked out of the tavern with the others hollering and laughing at them.

San buried her head in his shoulder and kissed his neck, softly darting her tongue over the skin "Continue like that and I might drop to the ground and make love to you right here…." He murmured into her ear, merriment in his voice.

"You would not dare!" she challenged, grinning up at him.

He went as if to drop her "alright, alright you demon - pax, pax!"

She pushed his hair out of his eyes, rubbing her thumb over his tattoos as she always had a habit to do "Love me…."

"You know I do….." his voice thick with love and passion; they made it to their room, though it felt like forever.

She kissed him passionately as he stood her on her feet; three days apart was too long for them, more like an eternity. He deftly removed her clothing as she helped him get out of his. He laid her on their bed "I love you" he muttered against the skin on her neck "and I miss you…."

"When?" she groaned as his hands and lips played havoc with her senses.

"Whenever we are apart; you are the other half to me San. The other half…." His lips trailed her body, scouting every inch of it as he did the trails around the fort……

Her own hands and mouth making him growl with the desire to love her; show her physically how she ruled his world.

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Meanwhile elsewhere in the fort Bethan was talking to Gawain as she brushed Charity down.

"I do not know Gawain. I love him I really do; he is mine always, but he drives me mad with his want to tie me down. I need to be free….I will not, _cannot_, be tied." She sighed in aggravation.

Then suddenly a thought occurred to her "Why is he not a knight? Or at least training? I am – to be both knight and scout." She looked at her friend; large blue eyes regarded brilliant green ones.

"He never wanted to. He is happy working at the smithy with Gilly and Thurston; We would never force him" he thought for a moment "I think knowing Dag died, seeing all the death around from the battles; losing Lancelot and Tristan, however briefly" he grinned at the memory of what had brought this living tornado and her mother into their lives in the first place "I think it changed him. He will fight, and well - but _only _when necessary."

"I see; I thought mayhap, if he trained as I do, then he might understand; but if he does not wish it….." she tailed off.

"But it is not _just_ about being a knight and a scout. You are _wild_ my little scout; you are part Woad and part Sarmatian" No one _ever_ mentioned her roman blood, that part of her may as well have not existed – Tristan was her father and that was it "that is a deadly combination to anyone; but put your indomitable spirit into the mix as well" He grinned ruefully "He will understand as we do…..one day." He hugged her tight.

She turned and buried her head in his chest, hugging him back "Thanks Gawain…" he heard her mutter against him.

"Any time….now, I am off for food, want some?"

She shook her head, "if I do not fix Charity just right, she will try and throw me the next time I mount her; you know what an old fusspot she is…" She grinned as the horse swung her head to look at her and stamped her hoof "You are, you know you are! She is, is she not Faith!" she appealed to the hawk resting on the stable door; who in turn keened and flapped her wings "See, even the bloody hawk thinks so!" The mare merely snorted; almost in derision.

Gawain wandered off laughing; sometimes it was almost as if she could talk to those bloody animals. All of them in fact; like her mother, their mounts adored her. That was why Arthur had her earn her keep in the stables; and she _loved_ it. Their horses were never more well cared for, more loved.

Jols had told him once that when she entered of a morning they would all whinny and stamp their hooves; and she would call out "Hello boys, miss me?" And then her mare would snort and she would say "Oh my lady, I would not forget my favourite girl!" She would then go to each stall and fuss the horse occupying it; it was a ritual she did every day, and they seemed to like it as much as she.

He saw Lucan heading toward the stables; it amazed him how drawn they were to each other, always eager to make up – he could see why they all thought of Lancelot and Amila!

But this was one time Bethan would not back down – she loved Lucan, loved him like no other; but she would not let him own her - no man ever would. They all accepted that and admired her for it; it was just a shame the boy could not understand as easily.

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Lucan entered the barn and watched her with the horses, they both knew by now that she knew he was there. It was a knack she had, he could never explain it; but there was so much about her he could never explain - she was a total mystery to him 99.9 of the time.

She would flare up and cool down; and he had learnt long ago to _never, ever_ complain about the knights. Not even his father; and, _most_ especially, not Gawain or Tristan. She would defend them to the last breath in her body, she would brook no negative comment or slight on them.

She was passionate; and he knew she had often defended him the same way as they had grown. But in a way he resented the passions she displayed that the knights understood so easily. He was a Briton; by rights he should understand her more than most, yet he knew of all of them he understood her least.

He sighed, he was unsure of his next move – she often had him like this, on the wrong step to her. Usually by now she would have come to see him and they would have been laughing about whatever it was they had disagreed on.

But not this time, this time was one of those times she felt she was right and not even Tristan, Arthur or Gawain themselves would change her mind. She admired Arthur, looked up to him immensely. As her King she would obey; but again, like Tristan or Gawain, only to a point.

But they let her do it; let her be her own person and so here they both were.

She turned round and walked up to him. He watched her walk, she moved with a confident, determined step as if every one was pre-planned. Her blue eyes softened as they locked with his dark green ones and then her arms were round his neck.

He pulled her roughly to him, hugging her tightly. He knew he was probably squeezing the breath from her body, but he wanted to push her inside him and hold her there forever. But even as he had the thought he let her go, that was what she was fighting against.

"I am sorry" he understood a little now "I am sorry I am so possessive and stupid…."

She silenced him with a deep and passionate kiss, twining her fingers in his wavy hair as she knew he liked her to do; then caressed his cheek with one hand. When they broke apart both were breathless. "You are not stupid Lucan! Do not ever say that again. I love you, I love you so much; but I cannot be owned, and it is your possessiveness that is my main gripe with you."

"I know, I will do better – I will try…." She nipped his chin, her lips then slowly caressing his bottom lip; he groaned "I do not know if I can wait another two weeks. Bethan….Bethan….what you do to me…." He gasped as he hauled her against him once more; the heat between them building until he thought he should catch fire.

She broke free her eyes heavy with desire for this man who she could not always live with, but could not imagine ever being without. She adored him so much; he would never know how she adored him.

She had never wanted to love him; even as children, she had thought his determination to marry her was a game. But then they got older and she saw him for the fine boy he was, and a now he was a fine man; just like his father.

They would play and work together, and one day it just hit her – she loved him, she wanted to always be with him. She had been 13 and he 15; they had been fooling around and she had just thought _'I love him….. I really love him.'_

She had told him and he had grinned and laughed and swung her round, that same day they became betrothed.

"So the wedding is back on then?" she arched an eyebrow at him, nibbling his bottom lip once more.

"Was it ever really off?"

She smiled "Not to me; I could not _not_ marry you Lucan - I love you too much. I _want _you too much." She drew his head down and kissed him once more to show how much. Once again they were left panting as they parted. "Let us do it now! Let us marry today!" she suddenly exclaimed.

"WHAT?"

"I told Gawain all I wanted was just to marry you and live my life. I do not want the wedding and all that bullshit; I just want _you_!"

"It is driving you mad, is it not? But would they agree? What of Merlin?" He grinned, ever practical.

"It is, they would and if I know my Shaman blood he will already be on his way here; he knows these things."

He grasped her hand and for once let her wildness dictate where they went "Aye….I do not want us to spend another night apart Bethan!"

She leapt on him, wrapping her arms round his neck once more and her legs round his waist "Thank you Lucan – oh thank you!"

He wandered outside with her clinging to him like this; his arms wrapped round her and shouted "WE ARE GETTING MARRIED!"

"Now tell us something we do _not_ know!" Laughed Gawain, as he was sparring with Galahad.

"Nay, TODAY!"

Gawain said afterwards, as Dagonet was stitching the wound on his arm, that Galahad took an unfair advantage as he dropped his sword in shock; Galahad's defence was he fell forward in his own surprise at the announcement, and Gawain just happened to be in the way………


	2. Learning & Loving

**_Disclaimer: As Chapter One; so please, for the love of _God, _do not make me keep writing it out people!_**

**_WARNING: BAD LANGUAGE, VIOLENCE AND SOME SEXUAL REFERENCES (though not too graphic) SO READ AT YOUR OWN PERIL. _**

_**All reviews, and constructive criticism, gratefully received – but no flaming please; and I will try to update regularly.**_

'_**Thoughts'**_

"**Speech"**

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**_Bethan & Lucan_**

**_Chapter Two – Learning and Loving_**

In the end, Bethan got her way and they were wed that evening. She went from being a stressed and upset brat about the whole ordeal (Gawain's words, which she accepted albeit grudgingly), to being the blushing bride they had expected (Galahad's observation, whom she hugged). Well, as blushing as Bethan would ever get (Lancelot and her father's opinion – which she loved the most)!

Her wild hair was tamed as best they could – she would not let them remove her plaits and so it was all tied back in a long ponytail. It showed her fine bone structure and tattoos off and her huge blue eyes made her look angelic. Everyone ignored her slight black eye and swollen lip; thankfully the swelling between her eyes had been dealt with, with the help of cold compresses.

She wore a plain deep midnight blue velvet dress with ties at the back; her favourite and, in fact, the only one she possessed. Given to her by Guinevere, and only brought out for special occasions; it draped in all the right places, had long sleeves which covered the many battle scars she already had on her arms, and hung beautifully over her small hands that could still take a head with one brutal cut of her swords. She bothered not with flowers to carry saying they were too fussy, and instead had a few flowers randomly put in her hair.

All those who saw her marvelled at the transformation. Even Gilly was suddenly impressed at the change in his sparring partner.

"My Goddess! She actually looks like _girl_!" he exclaimed loudly, as she passed him on Baden Hill for the ceremony; causing her father to hang on to her arm as she went to take a swing at him, muttering murderously "Do not take the piss Gilly!"

This caused all the knights to roar with laughter….it would seem you could take the girl out of the warrior's clothes, but not the warrior out of the girl.

Merlin had indeed turned up the same day as she had predicted, and had added his weight to the argument in favour of immediate marriage. Tristan was agreeable seeing what all the preparations were doing to his beloved daughter; Arthur and Dagonet were also keen to see the warring over. None of them liked to see Bethan upset, or Lucan; if they wished to marry now, why not? _Why _wait another two weeks?

So it was agreed, the only dissenter in the camp was Sandrina. She was keen to keep her daughter it was obvious, and could not imagine her being a wife at only 16; she felt she was far too wild to settle down - had hoped she might calm with age.

But she knew her own mother had been younger than Bethan, not more that 15, when she had joined with her father. She also knew that if her life had been different, and she had met Tristan earlier, she too would have married young.

The overriding factor for San was she knew how fiercely Bethan loved Lucan; so she relented, and hugged her daughter telling her she hoped she would be as happy as she was.

Milo was _NOT_ happy however; she had consulted her little brother as he mattered equally as much as anyone else - if not more so as, despite the age gap, they were devoted to each other.

He loved Lucan, loved him like a brother – but he loved Bethan with all his little heart. He called her Kêmtir Mader which was Sarmatian for Little Mother, and she _was_ a second mother to him. So to let her go to another…..well, he was not keen to say the least.

However, he wanted to see her happy and so long as she gave him her solemn word that they could be together whenever he wanted, he was a little mollified – he knew Bethan had _never, ever_ broken her word to anyone about anything.

So the wedding went ahead, and a happier couple you could not have wished to see. Of course no one was to see the storm clouds gathering in the future; no one, except Merlin.

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Merlin adored his blood; oh he loved Sandrina and Amila, but he _doted_ on Bethan with all his heart. She was stubbornly proud of her heritage and if anyone asked what she was, intrigued by the matching tattoos to her father she had demanded on her 14th birthday, she would tell them "Woad/Sarmatian"; _Never_ Briton.

When the Shaman asked her about it she told him that she was as proud to be a Woad, as she was a Sarmatian. These days many settlers and the like were calling themselves 'Britons', but few really were. She had the blood of the great Merlin's ancestors as well as the man himself running through _her _veins; she had a love of the old ways, the ancient ways - so she would be a 'Woad/Sarmatian' _never_ 'Briton/Sarmatian'.

She had spoken with such passion and pride that he felt a great love for the small person in front of him who, at that time, had only been 12.

Lately he had been having bad dreams, he knew things would conclude well for her; but there would be trying times ahead for the one the Woads called 'a' allaidh****soirbheas', which was Woad for 'The Wild Fair Wind'.

So he had gone on an anal-duccaid or 'Breath Prayer' as the other pagans liked to call it, he needed to meditate and find direction. He found the path he was to travel was to the fort and to guide the people there as Destiny's new path began to unfurl. He could see it would ultimately be for the best; but still, he had a heavy heart at what was to come.

She was his light, his shining joy and he would choose her over any other as his successor. But that was all to the future, as well as a killer he would see she would be trained as a healer; it may not help her now, but there would come a time…….

0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0

The ceremony over, it was time for the festivities. There had not been much time to prepare a huge feast, but all brought something with them and soon there was food and drink enough for all.

She danced like a demon for most of the night; most of all with her new husband, but also the children from their group, even Bors', and including Gilly. But she ensured she saved dances for all her knights - especially her favourites, Gawain and Tristan.

"So, daughter?" her father smiled.

"So, father?" she reached up and pushed the hair out of his eyes. Blue ones regarded deep brown ones, both full of the love only a father and daughter as close as these two could understand.

"You are married and will be happy."

"That sounded almost like an order Papa!" she grinned, reverting to the pet name that she used now as well as Milo.

"Nay…not at all, just if you are not I will gut him like a fish; as much as I like him." was the mild reply.

She hooted with laughter "oh, papa! I love you so much!" she hugged him tight and for a moment, the merest moment, the other knights swore he held a tear in his eye. "I will do my best to make you a grandfather many times over before you are 40!" she grinned.

"On the Gods you will _not_!" he smiled "enjoy being married, have fun - the children will come believe me; but marriage is to be enjoyed if you know what I mean…." He cleared his throat as they changed sides in the dance again "I….."

"Papa, Mama already gave me 'the talk' - do not fret so!"

He was almost visibly relieved and the other knights groaned, they had been hoping to enjoy his discomfiture at giving 'the talk'…..

"Right, well…." he smiled - a faster song started and she reluctantly let the man go who had been more than a mere father to her, but her best friend and confidante too.

Tears stung her eyes as Gawain grabbed her round the waist for his turn, after him would be Galahad "What is it?" he asked a little concerned.

"He is a good man, is he not Gawain?" her voice proud despite the hitch in it, as they watched his retreating figure go to her mother.

"Aye, little scout, he is the very best of men." He hugged her "under all that blood thirsty temper you have a very soft heart do you not?" he asked with a grin, as he wiped the tears from her cheek with the pad of his thumb.

"Aye, and if you _ever_ tell anyone I will kill you!" she laughed "for none have ever noticed that except you!"

0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0

All too soon it was time for them to leave; she led Lucan out the back way having spoken to her father and Gawain.

"Why do we not leave after saying our thanks and bidding all a good night?" he asked.

"You do not know the knights as I do Lucan; especially Bors and Lancelot! It will be safer for us this way my lovely husband, for we do not want to be disturbed tonight of all nights, surely?" She grinned innocently at him.

Realisation dawned on him and he grabbed her to him, pushing her against the wall behind her and kissing her soundly "nay, my love, we do not…….." she gave herself up to his kisses.

His lips locked with hers, their tongues exploring each other's mouths; his hands began to wander over her sides and up to her neck, pulling the dress down to expose her shoulder, he began to kiss her skin in little circles; his hands moving to the back and undoing the ties. She groaned as he nipped her earlobe, wound her hands in his hair pulling his face back to hers and kissing him deeply.

"We should not being doing this here…" she gasped, trying to regain her reeling senses.

"Come then…." He swept her into his arms and strode to her old room which they would now share.

He kicked the door open and then knocked it closed with his shoulder before laying her on her bed. "Your father thought it better here…." He grinned.

"He is right, I would hate to see what they have done to your parent's home; but I doubt our Dagonet will be best pleased!" she returned the smile.

He pushed her gently down onto the pillows, once again locking his mouth to hers for a few moments, before trailing his lips down to the shoulder of the dress. He pulled it down exposing her shoulders once more, but this time he kept pulling and suddenly it was off and she was only in her undergarments. She pulled his shirt over his head and ran her lips over his chest, causing him to groan her name.

Extremely quickly they were completely naked; for a few minutes they lay there unsure of what to do next, they had never gone this far before. But soon nature and their passion for each other took its course and by the end of the night they were really husband and wife; and had gone from being unsure novices to gaining an understanding of their need for each other, and their now deepening love.

0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0

The next morning Bethan woke at dawn as usual. She went to rise only to find Lucan's heavy arm trapping her, she rolled over and watched him sleep. Her eyes alight with love just at the sight of him; she reached out to brush his unruly locks from his face.

Last night had been a revelation; it had hurt to start with but quickly the waves of pleasure had built; she had been as shocked as he at the intensity of their feelings.

Her mother had given her 'the talk' and so she had had a rough idea of what to expect, but nothing had really prepared her. He had cried out her name and she his, she knew then that no matter how they might fight, they loved each other deep down in their hearts. They were meant to be together; they had spent the rest of the night learning about each other.

She leant forward and kissed his lips with a feather light touch; he never moved, so she kissed him a little harder…..one eye opened, she could almost see him grin into the pillow "what?"

She stroked his face "I love you Lucan; I love you so much you will never know."

"Come here…." He rolled onto his back and she snuggled up to him "I love you too Bethan, with all my heart, body and soul. You know what else?" he blushed slightly "I am glad I waited for you. I am glad I did not do like the other lads and go with one of the tavern girls.

It would not have meant aught anyway; I learned _with_ you last night. Naught you already knew like the fighting; or I did like the time I showed you how to make a new blade - we learnt _together_." He hugged her tightly to him "For once I felt we were on the same foot, and whatever happens now we are together and equal."

Something in the way he spoke made sense to her "You have never felt my equal have you?" she asked quietly, suddenly realising the truth about why he was so possessive.

He shook his head "Nay. You were always the better scout, fighter, rider; the knights accepted you as one of their own. You were always better than me at everything and I _was_ jealous sometimes. Still am truth be told; I see you with the knights, and realise I will never truly _be_ one of them. Not like you, and that hurts. They would always choose you over me, every time.

It is not just because of your father either; my father is a knight too……but they love you, they _adore _you. I was always worried that one of them, or someone like them, would take you away from me. I could not have borne that. I will never leave you, never……." He closed his eyes, until she stroked his face knowing he was still thinking of what to say.

"But I realise now that that is something outside of us, out there" he gestured to the door "in here we are just Bethan and Lucan. We are not the smithy's assistant and his warrior bride, the joke of the fort; no one can believe how I 'snared' you. How you, the allaidh****soirbheas, could allow yourself to be caught by someone as placid and boring as me. But away from all that, we are us and we love each other and that is what counts."

She rolled on top of him, looking into his eyes with such love and protection that his breath caught "If I have _ever_ done anything to make you feel bad Luc, I am sorry to the bottom of my heart." She kissed him before continuing "But if anyone ever implies we are a joke because you work for Thurston whilst I train; that I should not be with you, then I will personally cut them down where 'ere they stand." Her face was passive, but she had a voice that could cut steel.

"You 'snared' me by loving me all these long years, by being the best friend I have ever had outside of my knights, by being my rock. I was 'caught' by your love, your kindness and gentle nature. Aye, we are opposites and I do not doubt we will be like Lancelot and Amila and fight like cat and dog, but like them we love each other dearly. You are the foil to me Luc, you temper me. I am too hot headed most of the time, I boil and cool quickly. You do not.

I love you Luc, I really do; I do not regret this for one moment - never have I been more sure of anything than I am of my love for you."

He understood more of her at that moment than he had since they were children; more about her and why she loved him. She loved and relied on the very things about him that he had worried she would see as weaknesses and would drive her away. All he had to do was stop being so possessive and they would be happy.

"You have never done anything to hurt me intentionally Bethan, which was the problem. You were just better than me; and I had to accept it, but it was hard sometimes."

His eyes were full and he kissed her then, teasing her bottom lip as only he could, something they had learnt long since - when kisses were what bound them together.

She began to giggle "what is it?" he asked, blinking back the emotion and smiling at her.

"Do you remember our first kiss? You were 12 and I was 10. You were not even sure you did it right, and I said that I thought you had but that I would not want to do it too often. How wrong was I!"

He laughed then, a deep heartfelt laugh; she looked pleased "What?" he said again.

"You only laugh like that with me, do you not? I have only just realised."

"You are the only one who makes me happy enough, or says anything funny enough, to laugh like that!" He pulled her up to him and kissed her again.

She cradled his face in her hands; he closed his eyes to kiss her once more.

"Do not do that, look at me" He opened them again, and she locked her large blue eyes with his deep green ones "Whatever destiny throws at us in this life Luc, _always, always_ remember this: I love you, _I_ love _you_ - I love you with all of my heart. You will _never_ have cause to doubt that love; wherever I am and whatever I do you are in here" she pointed to her chest "and you always will be."

"I know – I will remember; and Bethan? I will not tie you down, I promise. You will always be free for I know now you will return to me, as Faith returns to you" She smiled then, a smile he had never seen before, that touched his very soul.

She caressed his face and grazed his chin with her mouth, nuzzling his chest she worked her way back to his lips. They murmured words of love to each other and slowly began to make love once more….

Deep down, deep down in his soul; Lucan knew he had finally won her totally, and only by setting her free. She was his now; he had her love, he had no need to lock her away - for she would always come home to him and him alone.


	3. Worries

**_Disclaimer: As Chapter One; so please, for the love of _God, _do not make me keep writing it out people!_**

**_Kêmtir Mader is Kurdish for Little Mother; Kurdish is as close as I could get to Iranian on any online translator….so please don't hate me. 'a' allaidh soirbheas' is Gaelic for 'the wild fair wind' and I felt that as the Woads were supposed to be north of the wall, then Gaelic _could_ be their language._**

_Letocetum is now part of Lichfield in Staffordshire, and was occupied mainly around the time of Marcus Aurelius. It had also had a large fort built along the lines of Trojanic/Hadrianic architecture (i.e. Hadrian's Wall) according to the site I found. As a Staffordshire dweller I felt that I should stick to an area I know hence Arthur going there. I will not be calling the city Camelot I will keep it as Letocetum, as I feel that is more legend that reality so it will basically be another fortified village similar to the one at the wall only on a larger scale. Hope you are all okay with that._

_**WARNING: BAD LANGUAGE, VIOLENCE AND SOME SEXUAL REFERENCES (though not too graphic) SO READ AT YOUR OWN PERIL. **_

_**All reviews, and constructive criticism, gratefully received – but no flaming please; and I will try to update regularly.**_

'_**Thoughts'**_

"**Speech"**

_**-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-**_

_**Bethan & Lucan**_

**_Chapter Three – Worries_**

In theory Lucan's new found faith in Bethan was wonderful, it was such a shame it did not work in practice; though in her defence she dealt with it slightly better now. She knew he was not tying her down, merely trying not to lose her; all she could do was reassure him she would not leave him, ever.

Of course it did not help that over the last six weeks she and her father had been scouting, or she had been training hard with Gawain and Lancelot, nearly every day due to preparing for the move south.

Arthur knew to expect trouble, the fight with the Saxons on the ice – losing Dag – he did not want that to happen again. They had got Dagonet back, as they had Tristan and Lancelot. But they might well not have if it had not been for Sandrina; and if any of the knights died now there was no way to know if it was their time, and so no way to know if they could bring them back. Nay, this time Arthur was taking no chances……

He admired Bethan and knew he would be making her a knight sooner rather than later. But it concerned him, it concerned him because of two conversations he had overheard earlier that day. He was not sure that Lucan would be pleased when the time came……

0-0-0-0-0-0-0

He had been walking through the training compound with Felicia and heard Bethan talking to Gawain; he knew how she confided in the young knight. He was her best friend after all, and kept all her secrets – even from Galahad, who was still almost a twin to him. Felicia had run off to play with Celeste and Suriana and so he had stayed to listen on the pretext, if he was seen, that he was watching out for her.

"So, little scout, how is married life?" asked Gawain as they brushed their horses down from their ride.

"You know, it is better than I ever expected; I love him so much and he is a good man." She grinned, but there was something in her eyes.

"What is it?" Asked Gawain "I cannot help but give pause for the 'but' I feel is hovering?"

"Oh Gawain – you and Papa can always read me like a bloody book; I can usually fool everyone else, even Mama; but not you two." She joked, but did not laugh.

Gawain merely stood, his eyebrows arched expectantly; she sighed.

"He is so insecure and he worries so much that one of you lot, or someone like you, might steal me from him. It is utter nonsense of course, and I tell him that _all_ the time!

We fight - though Lancelot is right, the making up after _is_ wonderful!" She grinned mischievously.

"So - you think mayhap you made a mistake?"

"Nay - you know, actually I do not. He is so gentle and kind and I can feel it rubbing off on me; I know how much he loves me and how much I love him. So all is well really" she paused and the smile faltered "it is just the whole "where have you been for so long?" or "you are training _again_?" that annoys me to the point of madness; I cannot be with him every minutes of the day – I would go mad for one thing, and he would soon tire of it….at least I think he would!" She laughed a genuine laugh then.

"I see - have you spoken to him?"

"I have; and I have told him straight that if he does not like me hugging you lot and being with you then it is better he does not watch, as I am not forsaking my knights. He has to learn to trust me, and I know he will….eventually."

"You have suddenly grown up!" grinned her friend.

"You cheeky bastard!" she thumped him and he pretended to fall to the floor pulling her down with him, they lay in the hay "But you are right, I am an old married woman" She felt him raise an eyebrow "alright, maybe not so old - but I _am_ a married woman, and I have responsibilities now.

But…." She pulled a strand of hay to chew "It is like those spiders up there" she pointed to the ceiling of the stable "They build their webs down low and every day for a long time something will come and ruin it.

I know for I have oftentimes watched them, and then they move a little higher and eventually they are so high that nothing can touch them; and that fragile little web is still there long after the spider dies. That will be me and Lucan, you watch – we will keep taking our love higher and eventually he will not get worried."

Gawain leant across and hugged her "I will not be able to call you Little Scout for much longer" he whispered, his throat tight "you are growing up too fast and getting too wise."

"Aye, Merlin says I am an "old soul"; that apparently I have been here before and kept the knowledge of my old life."

She smiled - then hugged him tightly back "but I will _always_ be _your_ Little Scout, Gawain." Her own voice thick with tears for the man who had become her very best friend in the world. She cleared her throat "after all, you invented it; as for getting too wise, I doubt most folk here would agree!"

She grinned suddenly leaping to her feet "Come on, let us go practice my riding in the arena!" she plonked her saddle back on Charity who gave a snort "sorry girl, but I want to practice my jumps." She pulled him to his feet.

"Jumps?"

"Aye, watch……" She leapt onto the back of Charity and rode out to the arena, Faith cruising in the sky behind. Gawain walked out after her, what he watched her do for the next two hours left him speechless; she was jumping from the railings onto Charity's back as she cantered past and then, balancing on the horse's back, would leap to the railings or the ground.

Only twice did she lose her balance and fall off, both times must have left her winded and Gawain had to restrain himself from running to her ensure she was alright. They all knew how she hated a fuss; and each time she picked herself up and grinned at him "Oops!"

"Who taught you that?" he asked eventually.

"No one; though Papa gave me a few pointers. He taught me to ride without holding the reins so I can fire my bow at the same time." She smiled at the memory; her Papa was so patient; but he said he was not, that she was just a quick study.

Gawain remembered seeing her in the last skirmish they had had with the Celts. Riding like the wind with her father; her hair flying out behind her, an evil glint in her eye and firing arrows like the wind itself that whipped around her.

She had much in common with her father, but one thing in particular; she killed with both precision and a certain enjoyment, she was always smiling when she rode into battle. She also firmly held the same view as her mother had had for a short time; that the only good enemy is a dead one.

She rode round the arena at break neck speed cutting and blocking, and he watched in awe. He was never this good at her age; the only one who was was Tristan. She had a knack for it and it saddened him really that she had such a gift; a gift for killing.

He sparred with her and she also did a lot of double sword work. He wished Lancelot were here, he was much better with the tridents than him and could handle her. She was brutal with them and he knew he would not want to be on the receiving end of those blades in a fight.

They carried on like this for about 2 more hours before they tired enough to give up. He noticed she was holding her side as she put her Charity away, "What have you done to yourself this time Bethan?" he sighed.

"Oh, I am in trouble…."

"What?"

"You called me Bethan..."

"_Nay_, I _do_ use your name occasionally…."

"Aye, when I am in trouble…"

"Let me have a look at you….._Little Scout_….." he grinned.

She walked over and he pressed her side"does this hurt?" he asked as she flinched slightly.

"Nay, I always flinch when someone presses my side…" she rolled her eyes.

"Get it all off and let me see properly" he pointed to her armour and thick shirt; just as Arthur walked in.

"Arthur!" Her face as passive as her father's, her voice held a lot of joy at seeing their friend and commander. She walked over and hugged him.

"Little Scout, what have you done this time?" he smiled as the young woman before him held her side.

"Gawain is about to tell me" she grinned stripping off her armour and shirt, down to her thin cotton vest.

He checked her again; she already had a huge bruise coming up on her side. "I think you have just bruised your ribs; keep an eye on it though. Go to Merlin and get some Salve of Arnica, it will help bring out the bruising more quickly" He ruffled her hair "Idiot Scout!"

"Gawain you will never cease to amaze me - a healer as well, or is it that you have had your fair share of bruises too!" she laughed, running to brush down Charity before he could cuff her one across the head.

"You cheeky cow!" he scowled and then broke into a huge grin "You can go off people you know!"

"Aye, but you would no more go off me than you would Ysabeau…..so I am perfectly safe my friend!"

"You are too cocky by half, Little Scout…"

"But she speaks true…..unless you are telling me you are going off your lover!" chuckled Arthur.

"Look, if you are going to start bloody ganging up on me….."

"Nay, just stating the obvious; you would no more go off Ysabeau than I would Lucan!" Laughed Bethan, though she held her side a little harder; it had hurt a lot when Gawain had touched it. But she had long since learnt to school any overt reaction to pain out of her features and her body; otherwise she would never have got to do half of what she did.

"It hurts worse?" He was suddenly beside her.

"Nay, not really" She lied; she looked at him with a mischievous glint in her eye "why do you persist in trying to creep up on me when you know you never can?"

"Wench! If you were not injured you would be over my knee!"

"It would not be the first time one of you has spanked me, including my father!" She smiled, knowing they were not adversed to punishing her; but it had been some time.

"Go to Merlin - NOW! I will finish the damn horse!"

"When I have finished my girl here; she likes no one but me to care for her, you know that. Do you want to end up like Jols?" Gawain remembered Jols; thinking he would help her one day by trying to brush Charity for her when she had a sprained wrist – only to get his arm broke by a swift kick from the disgruntled animal.

"True - she is a demon that one."

"Aye, but she is my demon; and I love her dearly." She wrapped her arms lovingly around the horse's neck and Charity snuffled her hair.

"Well, you are one too, so you are probably well suited. I am going for food, do you want some?"

"Nay - but thank you."

As they went to leave, Gawain spotted Lucan storming towards the stables.

"Uh oh - I do not think we had better leave yet."

"You would think he would have learnt by now" sighed Arthur with a smile.

"BETHAN!" Lucan shouted storming into the stables. "What is this I hear from Gilly about some fool antics you have been getting up to on that damn nag of yours?"

The two knights stood in the doorway "It would help if he did not approach her always on the attack" grimaced Gawain "It immediately puts her on the defensive; and she is very good at defending herself…." They grinned ruefully at each other.

"She is no nag." A quiet reply.

"what were you bloody thinking?"

"I was thinking that I am here to train…"

"To be a knight and a scout; _still_?"

"Aye – _still_…." Her voice was getting increasingly quiet and she had reverted to her father's way of talking. Clipped, emotionless speech coupled with a mask-like face, was her way of trying to avoid a fight - and giving her time to gather her all if it should not work.

Gawain sighed "He should quit now, she is getting too quiet - any minute now she is going to blow……"

"But _why_?" he pleaded "I worry for you."

"As all do; but all others let me be me."

"I do not?"

"Nay…"

"I ……I……"

She turned then and walked to him; put her hands on his shoulders, her eyes full of love "I will never leave you Lucan; NEVER. But it is up to you to believe me."

"I do….I do…but…"

She sighed and turned away, her eyes dimming "There are always so many buts with you."

"I do not mean to…."

"Lucan I am tired; I am going to see Merlin."

"Why him and not me?"

"Because I need some salve, or are you a healer now also?"

"What have you done? What have you done to yourself this time, will you never consider those that love you when you go out to hurt yourself?"

She went rigid "Uh,oh…. " Arthur said.

"I merely fell from my horse and I am going to Merlin, as I have done so dozens of time before."

Both knights looked at each other in amazement as, instead of raging at him, she calmly pushed passed her husband and them, and left the stables; though Gawain saw her eyes were blazing with barely suppressed rage.

"What happened to our little spitfire?" Arthur looked concerned.

"I do not know, but I have had enough of this – he is making them both miserable."

Gawain stormed up to Lucan. "You tire of marriage already then?" he pushed the boy in the shoulder.

"What?"

"You tire of her and wish to be free; for I can see no other reason for you to treat her so - not when she constantly tells me how much she loves you." he pushed him again.

"What? Stop pushing me!"

"it is not nice is it, to be pushed…" he did it again "but this is what you do to her all the time Lucan. Can you see?" he did it again "how it must feel to be her?" He turned on his heel and walked out.

"He speaks true Lucan. You are being deeply cruel and unfair; why marry her if you wished to change her _so_ much?" Arthur said as he left.

Bitter tears sprang to the young man's eyes. _'I told her; told her they would pick her over me - **ever**y time.' _He thought. But under the self-pity, he knew they spoke true - he went to find his wife, the person he loved to distraction.

0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0

He found her coming from the room Merlin used to administer his healing. She was re-donning her armour and Lucan knew she was going back to practice.

She saw him and looked away; he knew then this time he had hurt her deeply. He sighed '_why was marriage so bloody difficult? What happened to the 'Happy-ever-after' of the fairy stories?_'

"Bethan, wait….please?" she stopped walking, but did not turn to him. "Look at me….."

She turned round "What?"

"I am sorry…I do not _mean _to upset you…." Blue eyes locked with deep green ones.

The next moment her arms were round his neck and she was kissing him soundly; he hugged her back "It is alright, I just do not want to fight right now; I am tired."

"Do you want to make up?" he grinned; her reply was to drag him back to their room. She did not have the courage to tell him she thought she was pregnant; that would come when she had had it confirmed by Merlin. For now it was her secret and hers alone; she smiled, and patted her stomach.

0-0-0-0-0-0-0

Two hours later they emerged from their room; Gawain and Bors were passing "What have you two been doing?" asked the burly knight with a grin.

"Moving the bed……" was the placid reply from Bethan, causing both the knights to fall about laughing. Gawain grinned at Lucan "Good lad!" he whispered.

Lucan grinned "We are getting very good at moving the furniture around now!"


	4. Secrets

**_Disclaimer: As Chapter One; so please, for the love of _God, _do not make me keep writing it out people!_**

**_Ghazi is Muslim for Conqueror/ warrior and I thought it an appropriate name for a Sarmatian Warrior's horse. 'a' allaidh soirbheas' is Gaelic for 'the wild fair wind' and I felt that as the Woads were supposed to be north of the wall, then Gaelic _could_ be their language._**

_**Letocetum is now part of Lichfield in Staffordshire, and was occupied mainly around the time of Marcus Aurelius. It had also had a large fort built along the lines of Trojanic/Hadrianic architecture (i.e. Hadrian's Wall) according to the site I found. As a Staffordshire dweller I felt that I should stick to an area I know hence Arthur going there. I will not be calling the city Camelot I will keep it as Letocetum, as I feel that is more legend that reality so it will basically be another fortified village** _

_**WARNING: BAD LANGUAGE, VIOLENCE AND SOME SEXUAL REFERENCES (though not too graphic) SO READ AT YOUR OWN PERIL. **_

_**All reviews, and constructive criticism, gratefully received – but no flaming please; and I will try to update regularly.**_

'_**Thoughts'**_

"**Speech"**

_**-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-**_

_**Bethan & Lucan**_

**_Chapter Four – Secrets_**

The following day no one could find Bethan anywhere. Most of the knights, including her parents, assumed she had gone riding by herself. Lucan was worried, but was trying very hard not to fret as he had promised her he would.

He found her horse gone, but Gawain's was still there – so he went to seek the knight out. Gawain was with Ysabeau at the Tavern giving her a hand to pack the things they would be taking the next day "You did not go with her?"

"Not today, I did not even realise she had gone – but I do not always go with her Lucan. She probably just wanted one last ride in the forest before we leave on the morrow."

"You are right of course. I am not going to smother her, I am not." He wandered away muttering to himself.

Gawain smiled for a moment, he was trying to be better – this time he really was.

But then the smile faded. It was not like Little Scout to take off these days without telling him, Lucan or Tristan she was going. She knew how Lucan worried and would always ensure he knew somehow.

"Go find her…"

"What?"

"Go find her Gawain. I can see by your face you are worried, and you are the least likely to fuss her. If you are worried, I am about to be frantic for my young friend." Ysabeau kissed him deeply, his arms snaked round her and he hugged her tightly.

"Keep doing that and the only thing I am going to be doing is taking you to bed, my lady!" he smiled lovingly at her.

She laughed and punched him lightly in the shoulder, "Sir, go find your friend! I will keep until later…." She grinned suggestively.

He laughed out loud "Ysabeau?"

"Hmm?" she was already clearing up again in the tavern.

"I love you…."

"and I you. Now go."

"Ysabeau?"

"Aye, Gawain?"

"Do not tell the others. I do not know why, I just have a feeling…."

"I would not….." he kissed her again and walked to the stables.

He saddled his horse and rode out; Arthur spotted him "What is wrong?"

"Naught, I just want to find our Little Scout. You know her Arthur; the Goddess knows what scrap she has got herself into! Anyway we could do with all hands for the move toLetocetum on the morrow!" He grinned.

Arthur nodded "Aye, well – do not be too long as you say, all hands on deck!" he wandered away smiling.

0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0

As he rode through the gate Gawain could not explain why he lied to Arthur. After all he probably would have sent some of the others with him….mayhap that was why he did it? He sighed, all he knew was he had a bad feeling about all this.

He looked into the sky…….and saw in the distance a hawk circling high in the air above the forest; it was keening incessantly.

He kicked his horse and rode fast for the trees, he knew it must be Faith; he was proved right, when moments later the hawk spied him and came quickly to him before wheeling above his head and heading back to where it had come from.

To the young knight it was almost as if she was trying to get him to hurry up. He was about to spur Ghazi, when the horse took off himself almost as if he knew Little Scout needed his rider……

0-0-0-0-0-0-0

It took only minutes to get there but eventually he hit the trees, as he rode he could hear a noise. As he got closer he realised it was a female crying.

He dropped from his horse and followed the sound. A few moments later he came to a small clearing; he recognised it as the one where Little Scout had found Faith as a hatchling, and would often come when she wanted some peace and quiet.

She was sat under what she called 'Faith's Tree'; what he saw made his heart lurch. She was sobbing uncontrollably; Bethan, his Little Scout, who _never_ cried much even as a child, was sobbing like a baby.

He stood undecided for a moment, would she even want him there – the few times she had ever cried she hated being seen; except for when her mother had been sick, then she wanted comfort and then it was he and Tristan she had turned to. He decided to risk it…..

"Little Scout?" he called softly, dropping onto the grass beside her "what has happened?"

"I…….I……I cannot tell you ……you will _hate_ me…."

"Bethan….there is naught you could tell me that would _ever_ make me hate you – best friends _never_ hate." he touched her shoulder.

She turned suddenly and buried her head in his chest. He could hear her mumbling "what? I cannot hear you."

"I was pregnant…."

"But that is wonderful! Is it not?" his face was wreathed in smiles, but then it registered that she had said 'was' "you said was, you '_was_ pregnant'; what has happened?"

"I have lost it….I lost the baby….I had not even told anyone; I was going to go and see Merlin after we had gone South. I did not want to slow down; I did not want to be bossed around; I reasoned with myself that until I was certain I was not responsible - but I knew….I _knew_…" she began sobbing anew.

"I lost it…and it was _my_ fault….I thought I would be alright…I thought…I thought…but I was wrong…._very_ wrong Gawain…." He hugged her to him.

"Hush, hush…it will be alright…it will." He stroked her wild hair "We all make mistakes Bethan, we all make decisions that are wrong sometimes. The strength of our character comes through in how we deal with the consequences of those decisions. Have you told Lucan?"

She looked up at him with her face all tear stained "How can I? You know what he is like. He would _never _forgive me, he would know it was the fall yesterday; it is too close to be co-incidence. He already loathes what I do; I would die if I lost him, I would Gawain; he is all the world to me."

"Then it will be our secret; you know I will not tell."

"Thank you Gawain….thank you…I know you must think me awful, evil even."

"_Nay_….of course I do not think that Bethan. You are my only other best friend next to Galahad, and I would never think that of you.

We allowed you to think you were indestructible as you grew up because, for the most part, you are. But you have others to consider now just remember that, that is all – you are getting older things are changing even for a' allaidh soirbheas…." He smiled at her.

"I wanted this baby Gawain, I really did….." fresh tears sprang to her eyes.

"I understand your grief Bethan, I do." He said quietly.

He said it so heartfelt that she raised her eyes to his with a hurt look "Nay, Gawain! Oh God, when!"

"Last summer; we never told a soul, not even Galahad and Alisia. She had been lifting heavy buckets all day at the tavern, scrubbing the floors, all the usual things she did; much like you yesterday, she was as convinced she would alright.

When she miscarried that night she was devastated and, like you, blamed herself. We grieved quietly together and promised each other it would all be alright….." His words petered out and tears gathered in his eyes.

"Was it? Alright I mean?" she leant on him, wrapping her arms round his waist and resting her head on his chest.

He hugged in return "Aye; we are lucky we love each other so much, I know – but whilst Ysabeau has not got with child since, we are hopeful…."

"I will keep your secret Gawain; thank you for telling me, I am so grateful you trust me so. It does help a little to know I am not alone in this anymore." She sighed.

"Bethan so long as I have breath in my body you will never be alone in this world." He hugged her tightly "you will always have me as your best friend, remember that."

He stood "Come on, let us go to the stream and wash that face of yours; whilst you are still beautiful even with a snotty face, I think awkward questions might be asked!" he smiled as he pulled her up, but was saddened she never bit on the obvious joke.

Bethan followed him silently for a few minutes; Charity, with Faith riding on the saddle pommel, followed on behind. She washed her face and then gave a deep sigh.

As they walked back to their horses she touched his arm "You are a deep man Gawain, I wonder that the others do not see the depth of feeling in you that Ysabeau and I do?"

He shrugged, "I suppose I do not _let_ many see."

"Well, I do and think you are wonderful….and a friend I do not deserve." Fresh tears sprang to her eyes.

"Come now, no more tears. You deserve better than me – but I am grateful you put such stock on my friendship, for it will always be yours. I meant what I said Bethan" he took her face in his hand forcing her to look at him "You will always have me at your side whilst there is breath in my body. My friendship will never waver and never falter." He hugged her tightly and then swung her onto her horse.

She clung to his neck for a moment and then sat high in the saddle "I will always survive then Gawain, for you are the sort of friend that all should have."

They made their way back…..the miscarriage was never spoken of again; both kept their secrets to the grave.

As far as Lucan was concerned Bethan was merely early with her moon blood. Ysabeau was told that she had been grieving leaving a place she loved so dear, and held so many happy memories of.

**_I know this is a short chapter, but I was getting fed up with her being a bit of a cow (and she was a brat, come on admit it!). So I decided to let something bad happen to her calm her down a bit……at least for a while. I think she will be more Tristan like now. Hope you all liked it…. and no, this is not' it'….worse is to come for her…._**


	5. Milo

**_Disclaimer: As Chapter One; so please, for the love of _God, _do not make me keep writing it out people!_**

_**Letocetum is now part of Lichfield in Staffordshire, and was occupied mainly around the time of Marcus Aurelius. It had also had a large fort built along the lines of Trojanic/Hadrianic architecture (i.e. Hadrian's Wall) according to the site I found. As a Staffordshire dweller I felt that I should stick to an area I know hence Arthur going there. I will not be calling the city Camelot I will keep it as Letocetum, as I feel that is more legend that reality so it will basically be another fortified village** _

_**WARNING: BAD LANGUAGE, VIOLENCE AND SOME SEXUAL REFERENCES (though not too graphic) SO READ AT YOUR OWN PERIL. **_

_**All reviews, and constructive criticism, gratefully received – but no flaming please; and I will try to update regularly.**_

'_**Thoughts'**_

"**Speech"**

_**-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-**_

_**Bethan & Lucan**_

**_Chapter Five – Milo_**

"Where is Befan?" Milo walked up to his father in the stable as he sorted out some of the wagons.

"She will be back soon…."

"Where is Befan?"

"I know not…Gawain has gone to find her."

"Where…."

"Why the sudden urgency to see your sister, eh?" Tristan sighed and sat down on a bale of hay, pulling his young son onto his lap.

"She promised me I could see her whenever I wanted…..but…."

"Milo your sister cannot read your mind…." He thought for a moment "though granted it may seem like she does sometimes…."

"Lucan is too bossy with her….."

Tristan stiffened "Does he make her sad?" he asked mildly.

"Nay Papa, I asked and she grinned and said she was very happy…."

"Well, I might not kill him then….."

"What?"

"Nothing….just something I told your sister once…."

"She is tough is she not Papa?"

"Aye, very; sometimes too much, but I would not change her." He smiled, thinking of her in battle – she was as happy as him to kill and she fought like him too; it felt right, that as his daughter she should be the same on the battlefield.

"I want to be as tough as her when I am older. But now, I like _her_ fighting my battles for me. Gilly does not though; his nose looks funny these days, does it not Papa?" he added thoughtfully.

Tristan buried his face in his son's head to hide his smile; Milo hated you laughing at him unless he knew why. The only one whoever got away with it, and then only occasionally, was his beloved sister.

"Is she alright?" The small boy asked, worried.

"Aye, she has gone riding."

"Why?" He put his head on his father's chest and snuggled up for a tighter hug.

"What?" Tristan drew the boy in closer.

"Why has she gone riding? Today is a busy day, even _I_ have to do chores."

"Milo, Bethan loves it here – many good things have happened to her; it is where she found Faith, met her knights, met Lucan. It is where she and her mother met me and we became a family, it is where you were born - this place, this fort, means much to her and she is sad to leave it. So she probably felt she had to say her goodbyes."

"You make me sad now Papa – I never knew…."

"Well, you know now." He hugged the little boy; who seemed to be mulling something over before speaking.

"Papa?"

"Aye?"

"Why does Befan move her furniture at night with Lucan? In fact why does everyone seem to want to move their furniture at night? It does not make sense."

Silence greeted his questions as his father struggled desperately not to laugh.

"Papa…_why_? I asked Befan and she said it is just what grown-ups do, that even you and Mama do it most nights she is sure.

I asked why and then she gave me this big dopey grin and said one day she would give me 'the talk'; and that sounded important.

Well, why does she need to give me an important talk 'one day' – why not now? _Why_ is it even important to know about moving furniture? I mean are we not all going to be doing it together today?"

It was too much for Tristan; even the legendary scout only had _so much_ self control and he started howling with laughter.

Milo looked hurt "That was _funny_? _Why _was that funny!"

Tristan could only shake his head as tears of laughter ran down his face.

0-0-0-0-0-0

Bethan and Gawain stood at the stable door watching them. Gawain glanced across; she had Charity's head resting on one shoulder, Faith on the other and she was holding his hand - her three best friends. Strange that he should not be surprised that two of them were animals; but then nothing about Little Scout ever surprised him.

Except maybe this morning; seeing her cry, his heart still lurched at the memory, that was so rare and she was so devastated. But they would never speak of it again, he knew that.

Her face was desolate and he was concerned that she would give the game away purely through her grief.

But even as he watched her he saw her do the one thing she got from neither parent, a knack that was all her own. She put the hurt in a little box and packed it away in her heart until she was ready to let it go; at least that was how she explained it to him when Midnight died.

He face immediately brightened and for all the world you would not know what had transpired only an hour before. Well, unless your name was Tristan.

0-0-0-0-0-0-0

"Little man, what in the name of God have you done to our father!" She grinned, watching Tristan laughing helplessly on the hay.

"BEFAN!" He jumped down from his father and ran to her. She scooped him up into a tight embrace and buried her head in neck. Tristan took in her stance, the tight hold she had on her brother….he felt a sudden unease.

"Befan….Befan…I cannot breath!" Milo whispered. She immediately loosened her grip, but would not let him loose. Not that he seemed to mind as he clung to her.

"Papa said you were sad about leaving?" He was not sure, she seemed heart sad and that was not like her.

"Aye, he is right I am…..but" she took a deep breath "That is over now. We must do as Arthur says and look to the future."

"Bethan doing as Arthur says, will wonders _never _cease?" Laughed Gawain; they shared a look and, this time, she bit.

"Bethan doing what _anyone_ says is a wonder in itself – but mayhap I _will_ try harder…." They all laughed.

She went to her father, knelt in front of him and laid her head in his lap as she had as a child "Your daughter needs a hug Papa."

"Then she shall have one…" He immediately sobered and pulled her into a hug, stroking her hair. His eyes locked with Gawain; a look exchanged between old friends, brothers, one asking another if all was well. Gawain gave a nod.

He sighed, he hated to lie to Tristan – but he had given his word.

Milo was worried; he tugged Gawain away "What is wrong? I know my sister; this is not about leaving the fort."

"Do you trust me?"

"Aye, you are Bethan's favourite; as she trusts you with her life and all her secrets, then so do I."

"Then trust me when I say all will be well."

"You gave your word not to tell?" Milo understood.

"Aye."

"Then I will not pry. But I am upset to see her saddened so."

"As am I; all we can do is be here for her, agreed?"

"Aye." They shook on it. Milo grinned at the knight "You are very kind, I think you will be my best friend too."

"I would be honoured…." Gawain gave a mock bow; he loved the little lad and saw so much of Tristan in him. He imagined this was how the usually silent knight might have been at this age.

Bethan finally released her father; Tristan took in her face and eyes with a quick look. He also knew she would never tell him what was really bothering her. She hugged him once more, kissed his cheek and went to tack down Charity. Milo went trotting after her, telling her all about his conversation with Gawain; she shot the knight a grateful look.

Tristan missed nothing; he went across to his fellow knight "a word?" They wandered outside "Do I need to worry Gawain?"

"Nay, Tristan. Would I let any harm befall her?"

"Nay. But she is deeply saddened and it is more than the move."

Silence greeted the statement.

"I see…you gave your word?"

"Aye…"

"Then I will not pry. Everyone has secrets; she has your friendship and protection - that will suffice."

"It is probably best to not to mention this to anyone else."

"Agreed; I cannot see Sandrina being so accepting of this situation, she would not leave it be until she had it all before her. Bethan will be alright?"

"Aye, I will watch over her for now."

He seized Gawain's arm in a tight shake "Thank you…."

Gawain shook it back "it is naught."

Tristan turned and walked back to the stables "Come Milo, let us get go help your mother."

0-0-0-0-0-0-0

He left Bethan alone in the stable. She carried on brushing Charity down; Gawain watched from the stable door as the horse turned and nudged Bethan and then rested her large head on her friend's shoulder; Faith went and perched on the other, gently caressing her ear with her beak. One arm snaked round the horse's neck, the other stroked the bird.

If he had not seen it with his own eyes he would not have believed that these so-called dumb animals were giving her such comfort.

"Gawain?" she called softly over her shoulder as he turned to leave.

"Aye?"

"I…….thank you."

"Any time, my Little Scout, any time." He wiped his eyes, fixed a smile to his face and went to find Ysabeau.

0-0-0-0-0-0

30 minutes later Milo was back "Mama says you are to come as they are clearing your room now."

"It is just as well I have finished then!" she smiled, scooping him into her arms and loading him onto her back.

Faith landed on her shoulder. "Want to go again?" Bethan murmured, holding her arm out for the hawk to move to.

They walked outside and she lifted her arm, the hawk wheeled into the air "be free, be happy!" she called her usual farewell, her way of letting Faith know she loved her. Lucan watched from a distance, Faith always returned to her, even though, every time she flew Bethan set her free.

He listened to brother and sister talk; the soft, loving Bethan shining through – the Bethan he loved so much.

"She loves you a lot…" noted Milo.

"Aye, as I do her."

"And me?"

"Milo I love you more than you will ever know, my brother." He hugged her tightly, whilst trying not to choke her.

"Well, I hope there is still enough for me…." She swung round to see Lucan leaning against the railings. He smiled, but she could see the frantic worry in his eyes.

All he knew was one minute she was looking at him strangely, and the next she was clamped so tightly to him that he and Milo were almost nose to nose.

"I think she has missed us; she greeted me like this when she came back" he whispered. He slid down and ran off shouting "I do not like kissing, and I know you will!"

They stayed like that for a few minutes; her arms wrapped round his neck and him whispering his love in her ear.

"What is it? Will you not tell me?" He asked eventually.

"I…I will miss this place." She closed her heart and eyes against the lie; though only a small one, because she _would_ miss this fort. But she could not, _would not_, lose him; and telling the truth would bring about her own destruction.

"Gawain found you?"

"Aye, at Faith's tree…"

"Ah, like your mother then…"

"Mama?" she stepped back "is she well?"

"Aye, Tristan found her at Midnight's grave…"

"I still miss that old dog…." Her voice hitched.

"Well, now you come to mention it" He grinned mischievously, and started pulling her back to their room….

"Lucan…_Lucan_!" He stopped and turned "I love you; with all my heart I love you."

He pulled her roughly to him; she had come back just as she said she would. He would make this work, he would – he could not, _would not_, lose her for that way lay his own destruction.

They hugged and kissed for some minutes "come" he said breathlessly, breaking free "That can wait until tonight!" She shook her head "Oh!" He blushed scarlet.

"Lucan! You are your father's son!" She laughed, and felt the pain in her heart let go. She would make this work, she would. She would make it up to him, though he would never know.

They ran to their room and he opened the door with a flourish. A large thing hit her in the chest, "Oh my God, it is a wolfhound like Midnight! Lucan, oh Lucan thank you, thank you!" She buried her face into the soft fur of the dog.

"You are pleased then?" He asked as they sat on the floor looking at it.

"_Pleased_? Pleased is not enough! He is wonderful!"

"He is no pup, he is 6 months – Fabius had a litter of 8 and had wanted to keep them, but they were getting too big and he was going to just leave them; mayhap even kill them.

I could not let him do that; so I said I would take them, and then all the knights said they would have one – well, Ysabeau took one for her and Gawain, she seemed almost sad about it…" Bethan's heart lurched, knowing why "and I laughed and said we would have our own pack then, like your mother used to have! Then Lancelot said it would be a good idea to do that, to help protect the children!"

For once he had felt accepted by her knights, and they had all clapped him on the back and told him it was a good thing he had done. Ysabeau had even kissed his cheek, but he would not tell Bethan that.

She hugged him again "You have a big heart Lucan, a kind one; I am glad and lucky you chose me…"

He pressed his face into her hair. He felt a closeness to her today he had notfelt since they were children; tonight, tonight he would tell her his secret, something he had told no one else – not even his father.

"He is black; that is rare for a wolfhound. I am surprised that Mama did not want him."

"Nay "he lowered his voice "she cried when she saw him, I think that was why she went to the hill."

"Ah - she does not want to leave the fort; she feels she is abandoning him." She sighed "You know when we leave on the morrow; Arthur will want me to scout with Father?"

He sighed too "Aye, I know. I also know that as much as I hate it; when we encounter trouble and we will, as I cannot see us getting all the way to Letocetum without any, that I will have to fight and so will you. But unlike my warrior wife, I take no pleasure from killing." He smiled sadly.

"You could, if you let yourself!" she grinned "Do you know it is almost like a dance? The way you constantly have to keep turning and weaving to ensure no one comes on you from behind or the side? The way you have to spin to put your weight into your swing to take a head…" She sounded so enthusiastic that he had to smile. She was a rare one, and she was all his.

Her voice changed slightly, still enthusiastic but a little harsher "It is good to know too, as you kill them, that that is one less enemy to worry about another time. As Mama once said to Arthur, "The only _good_ enemy is a _dead_ one." She went on to brightly explain more about battles and why she liked to fight.

He realised that they were not so different, they both fought to protect those they loved; the only real difference was her bloody heritage and the fact she embraced killing so wholeheartedly.

Whilst he accepted it, he would never understand that about her; he had long since got to know intimately the loving, caring side of her. She was warm and caring, loved those close to her with all that was in her; just like she lived her life.

But then there was this dark side – this side that killed without compunction and it ….frightened him sometimes, that two such opposite sides could dwell in one person. He wondered if Milo would be the same…..

She suddenly launched herself at him, and smothered him in kisses.

"Have I told you I love you?" She locked eyes with him.

"Only a few times!" he grinned.

"Well, I do and more than you will ever know."

"Well, that is good because I feel the same." They kissed deeply again, leaving each other breathless.

Lancelot appeared at the door grinning "How delighted was she - or do I even need to ask?" He asked Lucan.

"Us spread-eagled on the floor kissing should be a good indicator!" Lucan laughed back, for once at ease with the knights "Yours?"

Lancelot grinned "Let us just say I am on a promise this night!"

"You are always on a promise Lance! I am surprised you two have not got as many kids as Bors!" Bethan laughed, as the other two joined in.

"Well, you will be sleeping on the floor for the last night here, so let us get your furniture moved. With us all at it, it should not take too long." Lancelot was talking as he walked into the room followed moments later by Bors and Gawain.

They two youngsters on the floor fell about, as did Bors and Gawain as the penny dropped. "What is it?" Lancelot asked confused, then it finally dawned on him "Oh, you lot have minds like drains!" He laughed.

"Alright?" Whispered Gawain to Bethan.

"Aye." She squeezed his arm "thank you."

"Did you know we are going to have our own section where we are going? You know, for the knights…" asked Lancelot.

"You will? Will….." Bethan asked, suddenly worried she would be separated from her friends and brothers.

"You will of course…." Said Lancelot "I asked Arthur and he said it would be more than his life was worth to separate you from us….." he grinned. "You will be one of us soon enough anyway."

Lucan smiled stiffly; he would be alright with it, he really would. She kissed him "I could show you some of my more exotic moves, when I am 'better'?" and she wiggled her eyebrows suggestively.

He laughed and hugged her; aye he would genuinely accept it, for did she not always come back to _him_ now? He was safe in her love….


	6. Feelings

**_Disclaimer: As Chapter One; so please, for the love of _God, _do not make me keep writing it out people!_**

_**Letocetum is now part of Lichfield in Staffordshire, and was occupied mainly around the time of Marcus Aurelius. It had also had a large fort built along the lines of Trojanic/Hadrianic architecture (i.e. Hadrian's Wall) according to the site I found. As a Staffordshire dweller I felt that I should stick to an area I know hence Arthur going there. I will not be calling the city Camelot I will keep it as Letocetum, as I feel that is more legend that reality so it will basically be another fortified village.** _

_**WARNING: BAD LANGUAGE, VIOLENCE AND SOME SEXUAL REFERENCES (though not too graphic) SO READ AT YOUR OWN PERIL. **_

_**All reviews, and constructive criticism, gratefully received – but no flaming please; and I will try to update regularly.**_

'_**Thoughts'**_

"**Speech"**

_**-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-**_

_**Bethan & Lucan**_

**_Chapter Six – Feelings._**

She spent the night wrapped in Lucan's arms, held possessively against his muscular chest – and she felt safe.

She wondered if he _knew_ how safe he made her feel? She should tell him…."Lucan? _Lucan_! She prodded his shoulder.

She could tell from the change in his breathing that he had woke up, but was ignoring her.

She grinned "I know you are awake, I heard the change in your breathing."

"Oh, the joys of being married to a scout; go back to sleep!" He grinned, his eyes still shut.

"Lucan, I have aught I want to tell you."

"You are not going to let me sleep until you do, are you?"

"Nay."

"What is it?" he sighed.

"You make me feel safe……."

"What?"

"All the time you are with me, even being together like this; I feel safe. It is a good feeling." She smiled against his chest.

He tightened his arms protectively "Really? _I_ make _you_ feel safe?"

"Why should you not?"

"You are the warrior and I am only a smithy."

"Nay; I am a fighter, and so are you when you have to be.

You are a smithy…true…but think about what that entails; you beat metal into submission for hours each day, and have been doing so since you were 12. You have muscles I know for a _fact_ Galahad envies……" she grinned.

"I _do_?"

"Aye, I heard him telling Alisia not so long ago. Plus you are my husband; I love you and I know you love me – so I feel safe all the time I am with you, but especially now when you have these strong arms wrapped around me. I feel like nothing in the world could hurt me. You know, all you ever really have to do to get round me is this…" She sighed contentedly and patted his arms.

"But do not say you are a smithy like it is something bad. It is not – without you we would have no blades, arrow heads or shoes for our horses. Your job is very important Lucan." She said proudly, and tapped a finger on his chest "Never forget it."

"I love you; I love you so much." He muttered into her hair. He felt 10 feet tall, _he_ made _her_ feel safe. _She_ admired him for his work; she had sounded so _proud_. He knew she was not just saying it either. He knew from her voice when she was being honest, and when she was just trying to make him feel better "I will never leave you Bethan; never."

"Good - because I do not want you to" she snuggled so close it was almost as if she was going to burrow inside him; he had wanted this, on the Gods how he had wanted this….this closeness.

It had been so long, she had been so independent…..never really needing him, not like he did her. But now, now she says she did…..does.

"I have aught I wanted to tell you; it might make it clearer why I ma like I am."

"Why you are like you are what?"

"Possessive….worrying…."

"But you are trying not to be; you did so well today." Her heart clenched at the reason _why_ she had caused him to worry, but she buried the feeling.

"Aye, but it is hard and I want you to know."

She looked up at him "Tell me…" she said softly.

He took a deep breath "You know I was kept in Marius' dungeon?"

"Aye. Dagonet found you."

"Well they tortured me as well as Guinevere and the others. They did not only starve us. They broke my arm, they hurt me…."

"But you were just a little boy!" She sat up on the pelts they were using for a bed, anger contorting her features. The one thing she loathed was people who hurt children, that was why she hated the Saxons so much – they would kill and torture all; men, women _and_ children.

He pulled himself up a little too, leaning against the wall "I know, I know; but it was what they did. I was not the only child there to start with. Remember Germanius' village; remember _his_ dungeon?"

"Aye, Papa told me what Mama found there, after she got so protective with me on their return that it drove me mad - I understood after that."

"Well Marius did the same things. He killed my family; all of them.

My grandparents, parents, my older sister and my baby brother all died; all whilst I was in that little hole. They left; they left me alone - in the dark, in that smell, in there. I would hear them screaming and then it would stop, each time their cries grew fainter and eventually they stopped altogether. Finally, I was alone."

She leapt up and stormed round the room "I wish I could kill that bastard myself!" her face was furious, but also hurting for him "that bastard! How could he? How?"

He got up and grabbed her shoulders "hush, hush; it was a long time ago Bethan. I am alright am I not?"

"Nay, you are not! It haunts you, like it haunts Mama! Physically she survived, as did you….but it does _not_ make it alright. I wish they had _all _been killed, even that bastard Alecto!" She put her arms round him, and he felt wetness of tears on his chest "I am so sorry, Lucan, so sorry…."

Feeling her relax and begin to calm, he picked her up and carried her back to their makeshift bed.

"hush, so protective of your man, my tigress; it warms my heart!"

"I would defend you to the death, Lucan – you believe that do you not?"

"Bethan knowing you for the warrior you are, I would believe naught else." He hugged her to him.

"How long were you alone there?" she clung to him, trying to reassure him that all was well now.

"Only about a 2 week, I think; it was hard to tell. All I remember is Dagonet calling 'Arthur!' and lifting me out. He pointed a finger at me and his first words to me were "You must not fear me"; I never did, and I never have." He smiled at the memory of the giant knight being so kind to him.

"He protected me; even when Marius attacked after we had camped that night – he tried to protect me. I loved him; I loved him as a son loves a father. He set my arm; I had a fever - he nursed me, called me a "brave boy". All what a parent would do; when I got well he looked out for me. I know that sounds mad, he became not just my friend in the short time I knew him, he became my father….

Then _he_ died, _he_ left me….." He closed his eyes against the remembered pain of that loss. "It seemed worse somehow than when I lost my other family. He was such a good man."

Bethan grasped what he was saying "All you love leave you. That is what you are saying Lucan is it not?"

He nodded. "When he came back; when San brought him back, it was wonderful. I could not believe it; but I was _so_ happy. For a week I never let him out of my sight; if he went to the latrine I stood outside, if he went to bathe I would sit in the bathroom with him. When he slept I would sleep holding onto him. I was terrified if I let him wander he would leave again; or I would find it all to be a dream."

"I will never leave you Lucan…never….." she clung to him; wiping the tears from his eyes, smothering him in kisses. "You are my heart; I would not lose you for worlds." Her own tears mingled with his.

He buried his head in her neck "You are my light Bethan; you are all to me, I will never leave you - I will never, ever leave you."

They hugged each other for some time, silently giving and taking comfort from each other. "Does Dag know?" she asked eventually.

"Nay. You are the only other soul I have ever told."

"Then I know how much you love me to share such a secret with me; and I understand now why you feel about me as you do. I will try to be better; I will try not to make you worry so about me."

"Then we will try together, and what is it your mother says?" they intoned as one "Those who try hard, usually succeed!" They grinned at each other.

She lay down again and once again his arms went round her. She pulled his hands up to her mouth "I love you, just never leave me."

"I love you too, and I never will." He changed the subject "So, all I have to do is this and you will let me get round you?" she could hear the smirk in his voice.

"I should not have told you that, should I?" she sighed with a smile.

"Probably not; but I promise to only use it against you, _occasionally._" he laughed.

They fell asleep in each others arms, a smile on both their faces.

0-0-0-0-0-0-0

Tristan opened the door and walked stealthily in before dawn the next morning, Gawain behind him. He had promised Tristan he would watch over Bethan, and he was going to keep his word.

Tristan looked at the sleeping couple, wrapped in each others arms. Lucan's protectively wrapped around Bethan, she clinging to him even in sleep.

It brought a lump to Tristan's throat; this was a side to his daughter that he had rarely ever seen, the vulnerable side – she looked so young…..so did her husband.

No longer was she a warrior, she was merely Bethan - his daughter, and wife to one of his best friend's sons.

He went to touch her; before his hand reached her she opened her eyes "Papa!" she whispered "it is time?"

"You were awake" a statement.

"Of course, what sort of scout would I be if I could not hear Gawain clumping across the floor?"

"I do _not_ 'clump!" He hissed with a grin.

"Shh, do nott wake him!" She stroked Lucan's face; her face lit with both love and sadness.

"What is it?" Tristan was concerned "is he well?"

"Aye, but he told me something of his life, before Dagonet found him, last night. I understand him so much better now. He has had a bad time Papa".

"Ah…I see."

She turned to the other two men she adored in the all the world, next to Lucan and Milo "I will meet you outside. I will wake him as I do not wish to leave him without letting him know where I will be…."

They left with a smile and a nod.

She donned her clothing and stroked his face "Lucan? Lucan, I must leave…."

He opened his eyes "Are you alright?" he asked his voice thick with sleep, as he wrapped his arms round her and pulled her down for a kiss.

She kissed him back deeply and wrapped her arms round his bare top….."Aye, I am alright. But I must leave; everyone is rising to make ready for the long journey Lucan - you must get up also, all will be gone in an hour."

He stood, she ran her hands up his bare body causing him to grasp her to him "You can stop that, or we will no be going anywhere!" he laughed "we shall be moving non-existent furniture!"

"You will have to wait a while yet my husband…." She smiled sadly.

He blushed again as he remember it was her 'time' "Oh, aye…."

She kissed him fully on the lips, as he went to pull back, she deepened it "Never leave me…."

"I will not…you know I will not. Have I not loved you since you were 7 and I 9? I will never leave you Bethan."

She wrapped her arms tightly round him, he hugged her back "I will miss you…" she whispered in his ear, her face as passive as always but her voice heavy with love.

His heart lurched, she had never said that to him before…._never_. She had always been so keen to be onto the next adventure that sometimes he felt she forgot he was not even there.

But now….now she would miss him. She would return to him, because she would miss him when she was gone. His arms tightened around her "and if you do that I will crawl back to sleep with you, for I cannot resist those arms – remember how safe you make me feel" she said with a smile, but with eyes full of emotion.

He nodded "I will; and you will sleep in them every night and I will hug you whenever you want."

A wind blew through the open door, Bethan shuddered suddenly and glanced uneasily round to it "I will need one at the end of this day Lucan…I will. It is an ill wind…"

Fear clutched at him, he knew those feelings of hers. They were like her mother's – both were elementals and listened to nature "You?"

"Nay….none of us….but others; aye, others will perish this day." She sighed. "I must depart; be safe for me?"

"Always."

"I love you…"

"As I do you."

He pulled on some clothes as she went down to meet her father in the stable…..as she got there, he and Gawain were waiting by the doors. Lucan stood on the gallery and, on an impulse something made him call out "Be happy, Bethan….be free!"

She swung round and he saw even from there her mouth fall open; she looked to her father who nodded and she tore across the compound, up the stairs and into his arms; literally knocking him off his feet "thank you, thank you, thank you…." she cried, smothering him in kisses as he lay on the floor with her on top of him "I will always return to you, as Faith does to me!"

"I know, I _do_ know that now. I am learning…."

"You have _learnt_" she held his face in her hands "I do not deserve a man as good as you Lucan; but I am glad you do not realise that…." Before he could say anything she was gone.

He loved her; oh, _how_ he loved her.

0-0-0-0-0

Minutes later they rode out, the other knights gathering in the compound – Lucan would normally have stayed upstairs, but this day he went down to them; Dagonet smiled, so the ice was finally broken.

She thumped her chest with her fist "RRROOUUSS!" she cried as they rode out.

"RRROOOUUSS!" cried the other knights in return.

Milo came running "Befan, let me ride to the gate?" As she rode past him he put his arm up, she leant low in her saddle and grabbed it and swung him up in front of her without slowing.

Soon they were at the gate, she kissed Milo and hugged him "I will return to my little man; your sister will never desert you…"

"Look after yourselves, my Kêmtir Mader!" he called.

She grinned "Do not we always!"

She left him with Ganis "I will miss her…." He frowned.

"What is it?" asked Ganis "She goes scouting all the time, it never usually bothers you?"

"Aye, but this time she is expecting trouble; I could feel it in the way she hugged me." The little boy wandered back to the other knights. This was one time he wished he were old enough to ride with her.

0-0-0-0-0-0-0

"She is expecting trouble….." murmured Gawain.

"How do you know?" asked Galahad.

"She would never do the battle cry otherwise."

"Nay, that is true. Do think we should ride with them?"

"Nay, I do not think she is expecting it now….."

"She is not…." replied Lucan.

"What has she said to you?" Gawain turned.

"Well, it was the wind……" he told them what had happened just before she left.

"Oh bugger!" said Galahad, with a rueful smile, "I always hate that when that happens!"

"Well, I would rather know" said Lucan "at least now we can go from here prepared."

"True enough" conceded Galahad "that is true enough. But sometimes ignorance _is _bliss!" he laughed and returned to his family.

Gawain and Lucan exchanged a glance and stood staring towards the gate. Both had an uneasy feeling…….


	7. Attack

**_Disclaimer: As chapter one; so please, for the love of _God, _do not make me keep writing it out people!_**

_**WARNING: BAD LANGUAGE, VIOLENCE AND SOME SEXUAL REFERENCES (though not too graphic) SO READ AT YOUR OWN PERIL. **_

_**All reviews, and constructive criticism, gratefully received – but no flaming please; and I will try to update regularly.**_

'_**Thoughts'**_

"**Speech"**

_**-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-**_

_**Bethan & Lucan**_

**_Chapter Seven – Attack_**

Tristan and Bethan rode out across the plain to the woods; they scouted silently together for 3 hours before deciding to make their way back.

"Did you see it?"

"Aye…"

"Arthur?"

"Will be told…"

"See us?"

"Nay."

"We are _good_."

"Always were" a rare smile "you happy?"

"Aye, blissfully."

"Not at first" a statement.

"I needed to grow up."

He looked at her then "You have because something bad happened." Another statement.

"Aye."

"Lucan does not know?"

"Nay."

"Only Gawain?"

"Aye."

"Then all is well, he is a good friend; you feel better now?"

"Aye; and aye I do."

"Then it happened for a reason."

She never knew if he guessed, he never mentioned it again. But he rode level with her, leant over and kissed her cheek before hugging her.

"You are a good daughter Bethan, and I know you will be a good wife." His face was its usual passive self, but his voice held a lot of pride.

"I try Papa, I do try…."

"And what does your mother say?"

They intoned together "If you try hard enough, you usually succeed!" They grinned.

0-0-0-0-0-0-0

They rode back to the caravan; it had been on the road for a little over 2 hours.

As they rode into view Bethan's keen eyes picked out Lucan riding with Gawain. The young knight had taken the boy under his wing; he could see how he was desperately trying to be less possessive and jealous, to worry less when she left him.

Gawain could see he was anxious for a real friend; and decided if he was friends with Bethan, Milo and Tristan, then he might as well add Lucan to the mix.

There was also a method to this madness; he felt if Lucan began to fret he could tip Bethan off so she could deal with it before another war broke out between them. He was desperate for them to be happy; as happy as he and his Ysabeau.

They both heard the shout "LUCAN! _LUCAN!" _As she rode at break neck speed to her husband, Lucan too spotted her coming up the road towards them and kicked his horse towards her.

She leapt onto her saddle, steadied herself and threw herself on him. He only just remained in his own saddle. They clung together for a few minutes "I told you I would come back" she whispered in his ear "I always will. I will never leave you Lucan…."

He hugged her so tightly she could not breathe and the pain in her side hurt, but she never flinched; she loved him with all her heart.

"I love you Bethan; I love you so much…."he whispered back, his eyes alight with passion.

Tristan rode up to Sandrina "Missed you."

She smiled and caressed his cheek "you too…"

He leaned in and kissed her deeply "I must speak to Arthur, we may have problems ahead."

"Go then, I will be here when you return…" she brushed the hair out of his eyes, and smiling, kissed his lips once more; her eyes locking with his and heavy with promise. He grinned and rode off in search of his king.

0-0-0-0-0-0-0

Lancelot got hit on the back of the head by a twig "What the?" He looked round and could not see where it came from, he faced forward again only for another piece to hit him.

He felt the back of his head and this time it was caught in his hair - he looked round and saw Amila sitting in one of the wagons near a tree looking innocently at the sky. _Too_ innocently, it was not helped by their children sniggering next to her.

He scowled "Harpy! What are you doing to me now; throwing _logs _at my head!" he called to her, before dropping back and riding alongside the wagon she was in.

"_Logs_! No one is throwing _logs_ at you, you idiot man!" she snorted derisively, the children giggling all the more.

"Nay? Then what in the name of Hades are _they_ laughing at?" He pointed to his daughters and son.

"They are 6 and 4 Lancelot; they laugh at aught at this age!" She grinned evilly.

"Harpy! Confess or….."

"Or what?" she arched an eyebrow "Tell me, I am interested."

Her husband tried to think of something awful"Oh, I cannot be bothered!" he rode forward again, grinning. Amila laughed and rolled her eyes before lobbing another twig at his head…..

He sighed and shut his eyes.

"What have you done to piss her off now?" asked Bors, watching another twig bouncing off the back of his friend's head.

"You know what? I do not even know anymore!"

San rode to Amila "Why are you tormenting him now!" she asked with a grin.

"It is just so much fun!" laughed her cousin, throwing another bit of twig.

"Come on, the real reason….."

"That is it; well, and I would love to do like Bethan and Lucan…." She swung her eyes to the young couple ahead of them; Bethan was riding in front of Lucan on his horse, his arms wrapped tightly round her waist. They were whispering and laughing together and with Gawain and Ysabeau, who was riding in similar fashion on his horse next to them. Charity was tied to the pommel of Lucan's horse with Faith riding on the saddle.

Amila looked back at San, with a thoughtful look "can you watch the children?"

"Why?" Tristan rode up, hauling San from her horse onto his in a similar way to Lucan and Bethan; he saw her querying look and shrugged "It looked comfortable."

"You old romantic!" San leant back into him as he grinned and he kissed her deeply.

"I have a plan!" Amila said as she scurried to the back of the wagon and released her own horse "Children stay in the wagon. San and Tristan will remain alongside until I return." They all nodded.

"We do _not_ have to watch you suck daddy's face do we?" Suriana called; everyone laughed.

She rode to Lancelot and carried out a similar move to Bethan; but slipped, landed on Lancelot awkwardly, who was not expecting his wife to leap on him from a moving horse anyway, and knocked him from his saddle. Everyone fell about!

"Why do hate me so much?" He groaned, trying to catch his breath….

"I was trying to be romantic!"

"_Please_…do _not_….it hurts too much!" He grinned.

He helped her up and they both climbed on his horse, he dropped back to the wagon "You are off the hook!" he told Tristan "We will watch them – but to save my skin I will let the wife ride with me for a while!" Amila batted him and then kissed him.

"Oh, another that smacks you first and then kisses you! Why do women want inflict pain before pleasure?" Cried Bors.

"Because it is the only way to get your undivided attention!" called Vanora.

All laughed. Tristan nuzzled San's hair "You always have my attention…" he whispered.

She smiled "I will remind you of that tonight!"

"Promises, promises!" he gently bit her ear, smirking when he heard her sigh.

0-0-0-0-0-0

Further ahead Lucan was hugging onto Bethan, she was leaning back against him and he was nuzzling her temple when she stiffened. "What is it?" he whispered. As a wind blew to her left…..

She pushed her head into his shoulder "Do not get hurt - promise me!"

He went for his sword "I will not - I promise! Nor you!"

She leapt to her horse, Faith wheeling into the sky "CELTS! _KNIGHTS_! CELTS!"

Amila jumped down from Lancelot's horse as Ysabeau scrambled down from Gawain's. Dagonet rode down from where he had been riding next to the wagon holding Ilara and the boys.

A lot of men grabbed weapons as the Celts came screaming from the clearing ahead. Some stayed behind to guard the women and children.

The knights were surprised to see Lucan galloping with them, Bethan and Sandrina; though he was not shouting the battle cry of the knights.

He watched Bethan's face, and saw the love and softness be replaced by an emotionless mask, except for that smile and with anger in her eyes as she rode at full tilt; gripping Charity with her knees and firing her arrows in wave after wave, dropping Celts right and left.

She kept going until her quiver was empty and then, pulling her tridents, she leapt from Charity's back. She disappeared in the mêlée, though he could see her every so often as he fought to keep her in sight.

Dagonet came alongside him "Keep yourself safe boy; she can take care of herself, but she would kill you if you died on her!" he grinned.

Lucan smiled and took the hint and concentrated on not getting killed. It was minutes later as the last few Celts lay dying that he saw her….

She had three around her; she locked her swords with one. Using one of her tridents to block his claymore she stabbed him in the chest with the other, as his arm dropped she took his head.

She turned and thrust both her tridents behind her skewering the Celt behind her in the sides.

She stepped forward pulling her swords with her and turned, as he dropped to his knees she took his head. The she turned to the third that ran at her screaming - she waited until he was nearly on her and then lunged at him knocking his claymore to one side and thrusting both swords into his chest, as he dropped to his knees she took his head in a scissor action. It was all over in moments.

Another two came from either side, Lucan's heart was in his mouth but he was transfixed. She thrust her swords each side stabbing each man in the stomach, she stepped back withdrawing both swords as she went; as they fell on their faces she brought both swords down on their necks severing their heads.

She straightened panting, her face covered in blood - in fact all of her blood spattered. She caught Bors' eye and grinned "How many?" he called.

She shrugged "You are a sick man to keep count Bors!" she laughed.

She spun round "Where is Lucan? WHERE IS LUCAN!" She saw him and flew over; throwing her arms round his neck "You are safe, thank God you are safe!" Immediately checking him over and seeing an injury, instantly the killer was gone and his wife was back "You have been cut…."

Tristan came over and hugged her, smiling at the concern on her face for her husband "Little Scout, you fought well; so did you…" he smiled at Lucan over her shoulder.

Lucan smiled his pride at his father-in-law's compliment. From anyone else it would be scant praise, but from Tristan it was as much as all the knights hailing him a hero.

He then noticed Bethan had a wound on her arm. "You are bleeding too…" he chafed her shoulder as Tristan released her and went to find San.

She glanced down "it is a scratch! It will not even need stitches; _yours_ will." She wiped off some of the blood from her face to see better.

He tilted her chin and said softly "You do it."

"What?"

"You are brilliant at stitching, better than my father – I saw the work you did on Gawain that time when Lancelot cut him by accident."

She grinned and grabbed his hand "come on then" as they made their way back to the one of the wagons they say Lynette crying. "What is it?" she asked her mother.

"Thurston was killed."

"NAY!" Lucan cried horrified.

"A Celt caught him from behind…"

Bethan went over to Lynette "I am so sorry…I…..he died protecting us all."

Lynette nodded; but then as Lucan came up she ran over to him and hugged him. "What am I going to do, Lucan? I cannot work a Smithy! How will we eat?"

"We will work it for you…I will speak to Gilly. He will do it, I know he will. Thurston told me I was good enough to work on my own now, but I will stay with you instead."

Lynette hugged him tightly "Thank you…thank you Lucan….I will pay you more I promise."

"It is alright Lynette; fret not. Look, I will bury him for you….are the children faring well?"

"Aye, I will have to tell them…I….do not know how…." She sobbed anew.

Bethan put a blood spattered hand on her arm "I will tell them" she said softly "Do you want me to?"

Lynette could only nod before hugging Bethan "He…he was….a good man, was he not he Bethan?"

"Aye Lynette, he was a _very_ good man. I will speak to the children." Then she looked down at herself "Give me a moment to clean up a little." She went to a ditch on the side of the road and rinsed off as much blood as she could.

0-0-0-0-0-0-0

A little while later Lucan returned with some of the other men from burying their dead, to find the knights and some of the other families who had lost loved ones all standing round the wagon that Lynette was using.

"What is it?" He asked Gawain who had returned a little before him.

"Hush….Listen…"

Inside the wagon were Milo and the knights' children along with Bethan.

"Now we are all here can you tell us what happened to our daddy Bethan" asked Ivo (13) and Ela (14) – two of the children that Sandrina originally brought to the fort and who were adopted by Thurston - along with their younger sisters aged 2 and 4.

There were other children there from families who had lost relatives that day too, all looking for answers.

Bethan sighed, she had to do this right and she had to be honest "Well, all of you who have missing daddies and brothers they are……." She figured there was no easy way to say this "dead. They are all dead…nay, nay…do not cry…." A few gasps had been followed by tears. "See, it is not a bad thing. Well, it is obviously to you because you cannot see them anymore, but they are still here."

"How can that be?" asked Ivo, upset. "How can they be here when we are burying their bodies?"

"Because they live in here…." Bethan pointed to her heart "They will always live in here; and they will always be with us. We can never really lose them then, can we?"

"Nay….but he will not be _here_ with me. I will miss him….."

"I believe in Heaven, I believe that when we die we go to a lovely place where we live together and in peace for all time." Bethan said "They are happy there."

"You are a Christian" said Suriana "What of _my_ father? What if Daddy died, he is a pagan." She sounded worried and Lancelot's heart went out to his darling daughter.

"Pagan, Christian, Woad, Druid - it matters not, Heaven is a place where _all_ good people go Suriana; even your daddy" she glanced round "do not tell anyone, but he is a _very_ good man."

"Thank you, Bethan…" Suriana hugged her. Lancelot suddenly found he had a lot of dust in his eyes.

"You lost _your_ father, did you not Bethan?" asked Ela "How did you cope?"

"I have not lost my father. My father is still alive thank God; and I give thanks for that every day he survives another battle."

"Aye, but your _real_ father died in that dungeon; I still remember San telling you that when we were little." Ela persisted.

"Nay." Bethan was emphatic "I know of who you speak; but I have only one _real _father and he is outside, his name is Tristan. I am extremely fortunate to have such a one as he as my father. He is a _legend_; he is a scout and a knight, and I _will_ be just like him if God is good to me." Her voice was full to the brim with love and pride.

Tristan stood motionless outside the wagon – his face as passive as always, but his eyes were a war of emotions; all the knights had lumps in their throats - but then they heard Bethan continue.

"I cannot say what it is like to lose someone like your father, husband, or brother……God has been so good to me; I have a best friend, a father and a husband who are angels themselves to me and who I would rather die than be without, and who all survived this day." Tristan, Gawain and Lucan all glanced at each other and smiled, their eyes full.

"But my mother has lost people and one thing she told me is this….time is no great healer, _that_ is a lie. So here is the honest truth - when you suffer a loss so terrible you think it will kill you, you can only do one thing.

You live a moment, then you turn that moment into a second, the second into a minute, the minute into an hour, the hour into a day, the day into a week, the week into a month and the month into a year…..eventually the pain _will_ lessen." Gawain felt a tear trickle down his cheek as he thought about the loss of his baby and hers.

"But until then?" asked a little boy called Vitus, she knew he belonged to one of the peasants from Germanius' village and whose father had only just been buried.

"Until then I will be here if you need me." All the children crowded round her, hugging her and patting her face to get her attention.

A little boy leant against her "How does it feel to kill?"

"What?" she was shocked, it was something she had never been asked. She sighed "I kill so that _I_ am not killed, and those I love and wish to protect are not killed."

"Aye, but what does it _feel _like?"

There was a long pause, all the knights outside were waiting "it….it feels good to kill those that might kill us. The only good enemy is a dead one. Always remember that." The knights were surprised at the bluntness of her reply, but glad the warrior in her answered, not the woman.

Arthur sighed, she _was_ a warrior; and it was this feeling she got that made her such an effective killer - he looked over at Lucan.

The young man looked at him and came over "Do not tell me you are surprised Arthur? For I am not; she is like Tristan. She enjoys killing, she enjoys ensuring that there is one less enemy to worry about. She explained it to me only the other night." He smiled. "It scares me, but after I saw her fight today I have to admire her. She is right, it is like a dance. You know what else? I do not think I would have her any other way now" he walked back the wagon.

Arthur watched him go; she was lucky to have him, very lucky – but something told him she already knew that.

0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0

Milo climbed onto her lap "Tell them the dream Bethan; it might make them feel better…."

"Nay….for the children who lost their fathers and brothers and such this day, I have a better dream for them tonight."

She stopped and thought for a moment, she wanted to give them something that would comfort not only them, but also their families through the trying time to come.

"When you go to sleep tonight dream of a large plain with waist high grass…..it stretches as far as the eye can see. There are blue skies above and the sun shines warmly on your back…….and all those you have loved and lost, particularly your fathers, are there; they watch over you and make sure you are alright, and when your time to leave this world comes, they will return to take your hand and lead you to that wonderful place.

But for now they are your guardian angels, and they watch over you from that wonderful plain. They are always keeping you safe and well - they will walk through life at your side; you will _never_ be alone."

All the children had snuggled up to her and each other; Tristan's heart lurched as he remembered Sandrina with all the children she looked after.

There was weeping outside, and all the knights had to swallow hard. Lynette turned to Tristan, her eyes full of unshed tears "You have a special daughter there Tristan; it will be comforting to dream of my Thurston tonight, and to know he will always be with me."

"Thank you…" He nodded, not trusting himself to speak further.

0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0

Lucan came in and lifted a sleeping Milo from her "Let him sleep with us tonight Bethan - he has missed you. You can hug him and I can hug you" he smiled.

They left the wagon and went to their makeshift tent. "We will have Milo with us tonight Mama" Bethan said to her mother as she passed her parents who were talking to Gawain and Ysabeau.

Tristan strode across and embraced her "Thank you for being my daughter" his voice hitched.

"Thank you for being my father" she clung to him, bunching his shirt in her hand as she had as a child. There was not a dry eye amongst those looking on.


	8. Baited

**_Disclaimer: As chapter one; so please, for the love of _God, _do not make me keep writing it out people!_**

_**WARNING: BAD LANGUAGE, VIOLENCE AND SOME SEXUAL REFERENCES (though not too graphic) SO READ AT YOUR OWN PERIL. **_

_**All reviews, and constructive criticism, gratefully received – but no flaming please; and I will try to update regularly.**_

'_**Thoughts'**_

"**Speech"**

_**-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-**_

_**Bethan & Lucan**_

**_Chapter Eight – Baited_**

When they reached their tent, Lucan gently laid Milo on the pelts "Kêmtir Mader?" he mumbled.

"Hush, it is time for sleep little brother; and I am here to hug away your nightmares…." Bethan murmured.

"Tell me what to dream of….." he whispered; so as she cleaned and stitched the wound on Lucan's arm, she told him what to dream as she did every night.

He was asleep before she had finished. She inspected Lucan's wound. "It will scar badly, it was left too long before I stitched it." She sighed "I am sorry."

He helped her off with her armour and gazed at all the scars she had on her arms and body "I have a few and you have many……what do I care if I look a little more like you?" She hugged him to her.

"You always make be feel beautiful" she smiled.

He took in her blond waist length hair, the plaits, the large blue eyes that could stare into your very soul; and the slender frame "you _are…._do you not know that?_"_ he asked incredulously.

She shook her head "Nay, but you make me feel it" she rested her forehead against his and looked deeply into his eyes "I love you" she kissed his wound with gentle lips "You must be more careful….I worry…."

"_You_ worry? I thought worrying was forbidden?" he grinned, pleased though she cared so much.

"Only for you…." she smiled, leaning into him.

He laughed out loud "Nay; I think it works for each, my love!"

She rolled her eyes with a grin, and changed the subject "It was good to see you ride with us today!"

"I will always ride with you now, but I will never enjoy the kill."

"That is as it should be - you are like Galahad, he hates to kill; is happy to follow Arthur's orders to spare those that flee or are injured. That's why it is me that usually goes and finish the others off."

"You enjoy it that much?"

"Nay, I enjoy knowing there will be one less enemy to regroup and attack again. We managed to kill many of them today, there will be a lot fewer for any future skirmishes; each time there will be less, until there will be _none_."

"Why do you always take their heads?"

"They cannot be healed….."

"What?"

"Other wounds, no matter how fatal they may _appear_, can sometimes be healed. If I take their heads off, they _are_ dead…"

They snuggled down together; Bethan hugged her little brother, who smiled in his sleep – knowing it was his beloved sister that was holding him tight. In his dreams they raced across plains just as she told him…..

"Make me safe Lucan, please?" he wrapped his arms tightly round her.

"Are you alright?" he was concerned.

"I am now…." She sighed, snuggling back against his hard chest, his strong arms wrapped tight around her; the warmth of him flowing through her. "You did a good thing today with Lynette. She would never be able to run the Smithy on her own; you are a good man Lucan….I am so very lucky…" Sleep had begun to claim her, but still her voice held a strong pride and love for him.

He smiled and tightened his grip on her; closing his own eyes, he let sleep claim him.

0-0-0-0-0-0-0

The following morning Bethan was awoke by Guido licking her face. It would appear that both Lucan and Milo had decided to ignore the dog, so he had picked on her.

"Guido – sleep" The dog immediately went and lay down. She smiled at him, he was a quick study and was now the alpha male out of his litter which had already formed their own pack; and had indeed taken to guarding their children as Lancelot had suggested. But she was the one that ultimately controlled them.

She pitied anyone that would try to hurt or hinder the children - the hounds would tear them apart without a second thought; particularly if she gave the order.

She went to rise and noticed that Milo was gone – but knew he would go nowhere unarmed, he was a good boy. "I have to bathe and get the rest of this blood off myself." She said as Lucan's arm tightened possessively about her, she smiled at him and kissed him deeply.

"Then I will come with you!" as he scooped her up she quickly grabbed her tridents; he raised an eyebrow "I have to ask…why?" he nodded to the swords grasped in her hand.

She laughed "first rule of fighting, _never_ go anywhere weaponless!"

"I will try to remember to take a sword to the latrine with me in future! Who knows a large spider might try to cut my throat!" He roared with laughter as she batted his shoulder.

He carried her to the stream; but instead of setting her down on the bank, he leapt in with her……she let out a small shriek as the icy water hit her hot skin! Luckily, she had a moment to drop her swords before he had jumped.

"God's teeth Bethan!" Exclaimed Gawain, as he came running; dagger in one hand and sword in the other. His tent was next to theirs and he had heard her "I thought for sure you were being murdered!"

She climbed out of the water with her teeth chattering "I was! I swear to God he is trying to kill me!" she laughed at Lucan.

All of a sudden she snatched up one of her tridents and threw into a tree….

"Why did you do ……" he never finished the question as a young Celt dropped from the tree onto the ground next to him, a bow and arrow still clutched in his hand. She took the sword from his chest and brought it down on the neck of the body, separating head from shoulders.

Gawain sighed, he knew her 'rule' for herself – _always_ take the head, then they _cannot _be healed. This was the one thing about her Galahad hated, he agreed with Arthur; if they were fleeing, or already dead or injured, there was no need to brutalise them further.

But she would_ not_ yield on this point, and in the end Arthur had given in and allowed her to continue killing in her own way; but he was not happy about it and still regularly tried to dissuade her, causing them to argue on the issue frequently.

Tristan ran up and saw the body; he raised an eyebrow at Gawain "not me!" the knight pointed to Bethan.

Tristan smiled "Well done; you do very well….."

"Aye, well, I had the very best teachers…." She walked over to him smiling, and embraced him briefly "one in particular…."

The other knights had appeared "Aww….." said Bors, preening slightly.

"She means Tristan, you idiot!" Sighed Lancelot, rolling his eyes.

"I knew that! But she meant all of us too!"

It was at that moment they heard a thin scream coming from further along the stream.

"SURIANA!" Lancelot cried, recognising his daughter's voice - terror writing itself on his face as he flew away from them.

They ran, all had their hearts in their mouths; Bethan overtook Lancelot - she was running flat out and had youth on her side. She adored all the children and would protect them to her last breath, but her favourites were all the knights' offspring -she would let naught harm befall any of them.

She reached the clearing a minute ahead of Lancelot and the others. What they all saw stopped them dead.

Suriana was hugging Milo, her head buried in his chest. A Celt was lying on the ground moaning as death claimed him, one of Bethan's daggers protruding from his chest.

Bethan recovered first and strode over, killing him by cleaving his head from his shoulders. She turned to the two children; kneeling in front of them in one fluid movement, reminiscent of her mother, she asked them softly "What happened here?"

Milo looked at her, his face as passive as hers and his father's – though fear and uncertainty shone in his eyes "I came for water and Suriana was here – we started playing and then _he_ came…" he indicated the now motionless corpse in front of him. "He went to grab Suriana, but she dodged him and screamed – he came at me. I threw your dagger and he fell. Then you came….I brought your dagger because you said never go anywhere weaponless…." He smiled then "Did I do well?"

Lancelot was holding his daughter, his voice tight with emotion "You did more than well Milo…."

"You have the makings of an exceptional knight!" Finished Bethan proudly.

"Then I will be like you and father!" he grinned.

Bethan picked him up and swung him round "My brave brother, a knight - 'Sir Milo'!" She let him down and bowed low to him.

"I could not finish him as you do, I had no sword." He sounded almost apologetic.

"It is no matter, I have done it already and I doubt you would have had the strength…. you did so well Little Man; you have been learning conscientiously; as I knew you would. You did very well, and Suriana will love you forever!" she ruffled his hair and hugged him tightly. He was beaming at the pride and love in her voice.

Suriana nodded, came over and hugged him as well as kissing him on the cheek. "He is my hero!" she whispered.

Milo usually hated girls, and hated the 'kissy stuff' as he called it; only his sister and parents ever got to get all affectionate with him. But he hugged the little girl back - all the knights exchanged looks.

"It is these bloody two all over again!" Laughed Bors, pointing to Bethan and Lucan.

Tristan looked enquiringly at Lancelot. "I would not object – he is a good boy and I can see he is more than capable of taking care of her…." He grinned.

Tristan nodded. "Let nature take its course then…."

Bethan retrieved her dagger, wiping her blade on the grass. She swung Milo onto her back, "my brave little knight! Let us get you back and dressed!" She realised he was running around in just his undergarments, the same as she and Lucan.

She linked her arm through Lucan's as he spoke "Well, that answers my question…" he smiled sadly.

"What?" she looked up at him, her eyes shining.

"As to whether Milo here would be as much a cold blooded killer as you and your father; this proves he will…" His tone was non-committal. Gawain flinched and waited to see if she blew up.

"Aye he will; and I for one am proud of him. He will be a warrior one day, and make his Kêmtir Mader as proud as he has this day. He stopped both himself and Suriana getting killed, what would you have him do Lucan? Stand there and be murdered?" She smiled and kissed her young husband's shoulder.

Her words carried conviction; but instead of losing her temper as she would have before, she tried to make a point with a smile and a fairly easy tone.

"Nay, I suppose you are right…" he sighed "I know I would not have _you_ any other way now – so I would not wish Milo different either." He leant down and kissed the top of her head.

As they wandered back to the tent, Galahad made a serious error "It looks like Little Scout has finally been tamed!" he laughed.

Gawain closed his eyes and waited for the explosion; Bethan let Milo down and went charging at Galahad, knocking him flying "Do not _ever_ say that about me!" but she was laughing.

She was tickling the youngest knight unmercifully and he was screaming with laughter "Get off me you vicious harpy! Get off me!"

But she would not relent "Tell them I am not tamed…._tell them_!"

"Pax, pax!" he squealed "alright! She is not tamed…she is _not_!" She leapt up and returned to her husband's side, as a gasping Galahad tried to get to his feet.

"She is not..." agreed Lucan "I would not want her to be…." He smiled down at her, lips gently caressing her hair as she leant into him and gazed adoringly into his eyes "But she _is_ mine…." His eyes looked hopeful.

"Always and forever; just never leave me Lucan, give me your word – for I could not be without you now." She gently caressed his bottom lip with her teeth.

He crushed her to him "You have my solemn vow Bethan, I will never leave you."

"I love you…" she sighed as she wrapped her arms round his waist.

Arthur smiled as he entered the clearing "How is love's young dream?" he asked.

"Fine…." Laughed Lancelot "If a little vomit inducing!" All the knights laughed, as did Bethan and Lucan.

"I think our king has come to fetch us to move on, is that not right Arthur?" she giggled.

He nodded "Indeed it is; I hear Milo has the makings of a knight?" He smiled at the boy, who beamed back.

"News travels fast!" laughed Bethan.

"I would be honoured to serve my king when I am of age." The boy bowed solemnly, and all the knights had to smother a grin.

"Train well with your sister Milo, and you will be - apart from your father, you could not have a better teacher." Arthur spied the corpse; a flicker of distaste crossed his face "I see Bethan must have her fun…"

Lucan saw Bethan's face become passive and her eyes glittered angrily….Gawain came over and drew Lucan to one side; he explained about the disagreement between the two over the way Bethan finished a fight.

Lucan eyed the two nervously. The other knights all drifted away knowing what was coming, taking the two children with them; leaving only Lucan, Tristan and Gawain remaining to watch the two square up.

"It is not _fun_ for me, Arthur! What would you have me do, let them live to attack us again? This 'peace' of yours, this 'united land' that you love so much, is hard won with the blood of our fallen. I wish to ensure we do not have to keep spilling it!

I do not wish those I love" she indicated the three men standing with her, and the slowly retreating knights "nor myself to be the victims of your _generous nature_!" her last two words dripped sarcasm.

Arthur bridled "I know your feelings Bethan. I understand, but still…..is there need for such slaughter!"

"Nay Arthur, of course there is not……I cut their heads off for fun as you say!" she all but growled her frustration "If I take their heads, they are dead. If I do not, they could have injuries that can be healed and we have to fight them again.

I do not have the time, or the inclination, on a battlefield to run round checking every fallen enemy for a pulse! If they have no head, I know they no longer live! It is as simple as that!"

"I am your commander and I would like my orders _obeyed_!" Lucan flinched at the anger in Arthur's voice; but Bethan did not bat an eyelid, she was well used to this particular argument.

"I will obey a command that makes sense my king; not one that could cause the death's of more of my own people; or worse, those I love!

I love you Arthur; as my friend, as well as my leader - but I will _not_ blindly follow you. I will _not _blindly follow _anyone_!"

"A knight obeys their king!" He all but shouted.

"I doubt all the knights have always obeyed you blindly Arthur - but even if _they_ have, then maybe it is better you do not make me a knight, for _I_ will not!" she all but yelled.

Gawain looked at Tristan and rolled his eyes "This could go on for hours." He sighed; the scout nodded and walked off.

"Do they often argue like this?" Asked Lucan, clearly rattled at his young wife shouting and yelling at the king of Briton.

"Aye; the trouble is she has grown up with Arthur, so the whole 'king' thing does not work on her - hence this…" he indicated the two of them still squaring off. "But you know…" he lowered his voice "I think Arthur likes it."

He pointed to the twinkle in the eye of their leader, despite the set of his jaw "He loves Guin, Amila and San for doing the same; though not so much now, families and everyday life have got them to the point they cannot be bothered to be baited - everyone else does what he says." He smiled.

"Does she know?"

"Bethan? Nay, she would not give in and row if she knew; that would be her way of winning!" he laughed.

Guinevere entered the scene, "Arthur…she speaks true." She said softly, smiling at Bethan "She is merely trying to protect us. What else would you have her do?"

"_Obey_ me!"

"Why should she if you are wrong?"

"_Why_ am I wrong?"

"Her point is if they are healed, or can escape, we will end up having to fight them again; that is why she does what she does…"

He stood still for a moment and then walked over Bethan "Alright….but I do not have to like it!" he growled.

"Do not then, do not like it - do I _look_ bothered!" she turned and stalked away. Lucan went to follow, but glanced at Arthur who was watching her retreating figure - he was _grinning_!

"Feel better now you have argued?" Guinevere asked mildly.

"Aye…..much….she never refuses to rise to _that_ argument!" he walked off, smiling.

"She would if she knew you were doing it merely to let off steam, my love!"

She turned to Lucan "he hates what she does, but accepted it a long time ago. Just sometimes, especially since he became king, he likes someone to argue with; the knights, San and Amila are all taken up with their families these days, I am usually too tired or just cannot be bothered to rise to the bait" she smiled "But Bethan - Bethan _always_ bites…..without fail…._every_ time!"

Lucan smiled "I see….."

"If he _really_ meant it, she would obey…..I _think_…" Guinevere walked away laughing lightly.

Lucan grinned - if he lived to be a thousand he would never understand the relationship Bethan had with these men; but it was clear they all adored her - even the king.

He followed his wife back to the tent; he was not going to tell her the truth - he liked the idea of _her_ being on the wrong step just this once.

He grinned "Bethan? Bethan wait!" He caught her up and wrapped his arms round her waist, nuzzling the back of her neck. She almost went limp against him.

She sighed; and he laughed...

"What?"

"I did not realise it would work that well!"

She understood what he was talking about and swung round slapping his shoulder, but then kissed him passionately. "Love you…."

"Love you on…we have got a long way to go" He dragged her back to the tent "Ride with me today?"

"Once we have scouted I will; just try and stop me!"


	9. wounded

**_Disclaimer: As chapter one; so please, for the love of _God, _do not make me keep writing it out people!_**

_**WARNING: BAD LANGUAGE, VIOLENCE AND SOME SEXUAL REFERENCES (though not too graphic) SO READ AT YOUR OWN PERIL. **_

_**All reviews, and constructive criticism, gratefully received – but no flaming please; and I will try to update regularly.**_

'_**Thoughts'**_

"**Speech"**

_**-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-**_

_**Bethan & Lucan**_

**_Chapter Nine – Wounded_**

True to her word as soon as she and her father finished scouting Bethan was back in front of Lucan on his horse, and wrapped snugly in his arms.

He laughed "If I had known you liked this so much I would have done it sooner!"

She leant her head back and rubbed it against his shoulder "there is something else you can do that I like as much!" she wiggled her eyebrows at him.

His eyes opened wide "are you sure?"

"Aye, it is now at an end for another cycle; so tonight you are all mine my husband!" She giggled.

He kissed her passionately, "and you are all mine!" He smiled.

They rode along for a while, Lucan chatting continuously to her about all sorts of things.

Tristan watched from a distance, San rode alongside watching him.

"You find it amusing!" She smiled.

"Aye, it drives her mad" he smirked at her. They looked at Bethan who was obviously trying to gently shut out Lucan's voice, her face pained.

"She is so like you, Tristan…" her voice held a quiet pride and a lot of love.

"She is, and I am always grateful for that." He nodded at his daughter.

"She is calmer these days - when they first married, I worried they had made a mistake."

"I did not."

"You did _not_?"

"NNay, if he had made her miserable I would have killed him..." Tristan replied matter-of-factly.

"I do not like your tone" she smiled.

Tristan merely looked at her, a mischievous glint in his eye.

She leant over and hauled herself onto his horse in front of him; he looked quizzically at her. She shrugged "It looked comfortable." Repeating what he had said to her the day before.

He wrapped his arms round her and chuckled into her hair.

She sighed and leant back "Love me…"

"You know I do…"

"Good, because I love you too."

He nuzzled her neck and she pushed back against him sighing – her hand straying to his thigh, stroking his strong muscles under the thin material that covered it. "Keep that up and I will be carrying you off into the woods to ravish you!" he growled into her ear, his voice heavy with passion.

"You started it" she groaned slightly as he nipped her earlobe.

"Fancy a quick ride in the woods?" she heard the laugh in his voice.

"You, Sir Knight are incorrigible!" She laughed stopping him exploring her further by slapping his hand, before adding "But tonight I am yours!"

0-0-0-0-0-0-0

It was later in the afternoon when Bethan and Tristan returned from another scout ahead.

It did not look good, they came flying round a bend in the road; Bethan had an arrow protruding from her leg, which she wrenched out, and Tristan had an arm wound. The knights could hear her cursing from where they were - the wind was whipping around them like a gale.

"_Knights! _More Celts!"

Once again all the men that could be spared flew forward and met the Celts as they came up behind the two scouts.

Tristan and Bethan wheeled round and rode into the battle, their quivers already empty they withdrew their swords and fought. Bethan leapt from her horse and into the midst of the fighting.

Watching her fight was almost mesmerising, she allowed the wind to guide her…..

She fought side by side with Lancelot, trying to see where Lucan was. "He is fighting well, just over there Little Scout!" Grinned the knight, indicating the far side of the skirmish.

Bethan grinned, before the wind had her running forwards to take out a Celt that was about to attack Bors from behind. She stabbed him through the throat before removing his head.

The knight spun round and realised what had nearly happened "Thanks Little Scout!" he laughed.

She went to laugh and then her heart entered her mouth; a fierce wind whipped round her causing her to look straight up and to the left - a Celt that Gawain had just stabbed was staggering to his feet and lunging at him again.

She ran forward screaming his name "GAWAIN! _GAWAIN! **GAWAIN**!_" blind panic seizing her; not him, not her friend - not now.

He turned towards her and too late saw the Celt, he swung to the side; she saw him fall - her panic became a red rage and she tore through the Celts felling them left and right, limbs and heads flew as she cut a path to her fallen friend.

The Celt grinned at the young woman tearing towards to him, thinking she would be an easy kill.

"**YOU WILL KILL _NO _MORE THIS DAY!**" she screamed at the Celt, he was still smiling at her as his head hit the ground; she stood over Gawain and fought for him, she could see his chest was still moving - she would not let him perish.

"YOU BASTARDS!" She screamed at the Celts; the other knights heard her and saw who she was standing over. Without being able to duck and weave, for fear of leaving her fallen friend exposed, she was rapidly in danger of being over-run herself.

Tristan cut a path to her and ensured all that came before him died quickly. The other knights and Lucan also fought their way to her.

She had a number of wounds but would not give in and retreat "I will cut you down where you stand, you will_ not_ kill him!" she cried in defiance at their enemy; her body screaming in pain and fatigue, but she would not yield.

"That is the Little Scout I love!" Yelled Bors, grinning at her – though the concern for Gawain was evident in his eyes.

They fought with her and finally the fighting eased, she was wounded but would not give in to the pain. She dropped to Gawain's side along with Galahad "Gawain? Gawain; please be alright!"

She was rewarded with a groan "Bethan? Bethan…" His bloodied hand gripped her arm.

"Gawain, stay with me……stay with me Gawain!" Bors felt a chill, remembering the same words he had pleaded with Dagonet out on the ice "Do not you die on me, I wll bloody kill you!" she pleaded with her best friend, trying to joke away the terror in her heart.

Lucan saw the tears in her eyes as he knelt beside her "I will fetch my father…"

She turned as close to him as possible, as Gawain would not let loose her arm; she put one arm round his neck and hugged him "thank you, Lucan…thank you."

He rushed to fetch Dagonet. She now looked at the men gathering around them, a dark scowl on her face "**Kill them - leave not one alive; cleave every head**!" She hissed, her eyes blazing and gone from blue to black, hatred shining out from them.

Arthur closed his eyes to the rage radiating from the young woman in front of him. He fought the feeling, but he had to agree with her this one time as he looked at his fallen friend and brother "Kill them."

The men left; within minutes not one Celt survived.

Dagonet had been thorough, but had shown his fear at the severity of the wound when Lucan brought him forward. "It is not good my Little Scout…" he mumbled to Bethan.

"Could Merlin help? Not that I do not have faith in your healing Dag, you have helped me many times…"

"My healing is nothing compared to Merlin's; and aye, I think he could do more than I…." but his eyes remained uncertain.

0-0-0-0-0-0-0

"Leave him! Galahad and I can manage" Bethan barked as some men came forward to lift Gawain onto his horse. She awkwardly mounted Charity, and the knights handed him up to her; he had not let loose her arm.

"Bethan?" Blood flowed freely from his side, and she tried to stem the fear that welled in her; her small hand trying to stem the flow of the life that ebbed from him.

"It will be alright Gawain, you will not die – I will not allow it!" She said defiantly as she rode slowly back to the caravan, oblivious to all except her friend.

Galahad rode silently by her side; finally fear for his brother prompted him to speak "Bethan? You will not let him die will you?" He spoke softly, his eyes full of sadness.

"I will _not_ Galahad; I will do _whatever_ I have to to save him, you have my solemn word. No matter what, he _will_ live - he is the best friend I have ever had, and I could not be without him. He is the best part of me, he is my conscience and I will not lose him to death. Death _can_ be beaten; my parents have proved that, my friend. He has Ysabeau and he has me and you, he has much to live for." Her voice was defiant, her face passive – but her eyes were anguished. "I must call Merlin; he said he would meet us in 2 days, he has gone to bid farewell to those of his tribe not travelling with us."

"How will you call him?"

"The only way I know" she looked at Faith, who was riding on her shoulder "Ready to help a friend?" She asked softly, the hawk keened and flapped its wings rising into the air. "Fetch Merlin Faith, fetch Merlin….he is needed, and _quickly_." The bird rose higher and flew "Be happy Faith….be free." She whispered as she still sent her friend with the same farewell.

0-0-0-0-0-0

They arrived fairly quickly back at the caravan. Ysabeau saw Gawain resting in her friend's arms and flew to them. She could see that Bethan was hurt too"will he live?" she asked Bethan, knowing the young woman would not lie to her.

A defiant pair of blue/black eyes met hers "He will; I will not let him leave you…us..." she indicated Galahad too.

Gawain still clung to her arm, Ysabeau kissed her hand "I know you will do all you can."

"Please Ysabeau, he is my friend, I would do all for him as he would for me; please do not thank me." She pleaded with her friend, awkward at being thanked for doing no more than she should.

The older woman nodded "alright Bethan, alright…."

Galahad and Tristan helped him down, having to prise his fingers from her arm, and then carried him to one of the wagons. They laid him gently on the floor of the wagon. Bethan chewed her bottom lip; they had to stop the bleeding if they were to save him.

She wadded some material and pressed it to the wound, she turned to Galahad "Press this down hard and keep the pressure on it. It will slow the bleeding, at least until Merlin arrives." Galahad did as he was bid.

Dagonet entered the wagon along with his eldest son. "I have to stay with him Lucan…" she said, begging him to understand.

"I do not doubt it; you cannot let him perish Bethan. He has been a good friend to me as well as you." Lucan hugged her "I will pitch our tent next to the wagon, you only have to call and I will be here…."

"Thank you, thank you…." She flung her arms round his neck; marvelling at the change in him. Just a few short days ago, he would have been insanely jealous and demanding she leave it to the other knights to watch over him.

"Do not thank me, I know what he means and not just to you; but to your family, me, Galahad and Ysabeau - who is also your friend." He smiled, hugging her tightly. He looked over her shoulder at the fallen knight; he looked bad, and the young man could only hope that he survived. Bethan would be inconsolable without him.

He leant down to the knight as Bethan quickly went to speak to the other knights "Gawain do not you dare die on us; Bethan would never recover, you are her best friend in all the world. She loves you only slightly less than me and her father. Please, you _must_ survive…."

The other man groaned "Bethan?"

"I will fetch her; she is with the other knights and Ysabeau…."

"Ysabeau…..you will look after her…."

Bethan put her finger to his lips as she returned "we will all take care of her…._until you recover_…" her tone brooked no argument.

Galahad looked at Lucan "If anyone can save him, Merlin can…."

"I hope I can justify your faith in me young knight" smiled the Shaman as he entered the wagon.

"Where is Faith?" asked Bethan, concerned for her feathered best friend. "She found you even more quickly than I thought."

"She is outside with your father; I was already on my way, I felt you would have need of me…."

The young woman impetuously hugged the old man "You are a marvel to me Merlin!"

Tristan popped his head in the wagon; she smiled gratefully at him. He nodded and touched her arm; he looked at where Gawain had once again gripped it tightly. She was wounded too – Dagonet had stitched his arm wound, but Bethan still had all hers to be seen to – and he knew where Gawain was gripping her arm she must be in pain, yet she did not flinch; her eyes only showed concern and worry for her friend, even as her face and voice remained calm and passive…..reassuring him he would recover.

She locked eyes with Tristan, he was never more proud of her than he was at that moment; but he also wanted her to be dealt with before she got sick as well. She nodded at him, understanding, he dipped his head…..and left.

She turned to Merlin, "Papa wants me to get my wounds tended…" she smiled "Can you help? I do not wish to leave him…" she motioned Gawain.

Merlin nodded. He could see she was in pain, and she was still bleeding from some of the wounds; no one had noticed aside from her father because she was covered in the blood of their enemies and her best friend….

He looked at the young woman in front of him, and then began to work on her friend "I am proud of you Bethan, you fight well, you kill effectively; but I want to teach you to be a healer. Gawain has had to wait for help; if I had already taught you, you would have been able to aid him quickly."

"Will he die?"

"I am not sure; but faster help would have been better for him…" Merlin knew her reluctance to learn to heal.

She sighed "Very well; if it helps Gawain."

"You will watch whilst I tend his wounds. You are a quick study Bethan and I know you will learn quickly. You can then tend him as I see to you and the other wounded, there are many - too many for Dagonet to deal with alone. Thankfully not many deaths this time" He paused "I was told of your 'dream' for those that had lost loved ones in the last battle. I assume it will be passed on to those who have lost today." He paused again "You have a big heart…"

She nodded absently and he realised all her concentration was focused on Gawain. "You will not leave Ysabeau, Gawain; I promised her you would not die…..I gave my solemn word to Galahad. You will not make me break my word for the first time…You will_ not_ leave me…" quiet desperation filled her voice "I cannot lose my conscience….." she bent her head onto the shoulder of her injured friend.

"Bethan? It hurts…." He grimaced, as Merlin cleaned and dressed his wounds, stitching where necessary.

"I know; but what is it my mother says Gawain? Pain is a good thing; if you are in pain, you are not dead."

The knight smiled. "Bethan….Ysabeau?"

"I will fetch her for you…." She came back moments later with her friend. Ysabeau kissed Gawain gently, trying to bury her fear as she did so.

"Is it very bad?" she asked Merlin.

The Shaman merely nodded "He will be well cared for." He indicated Bethan. "You saw what I did Bethan?"

"Aye…." She nodded resolutely "aye, I can do it again….how often?"

"Every 2 hours night and day…Watch his stitches too; make sure he does not pull them."

"Do you want to stay Ysabeau?"

"Aye…..aye, Bethan…thank you."

"Do not thank me…" the two women shared a weary smile.

So for the next four days the two women watched Gawain fight for his life.

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It was touch and go, and a few times she thought they would lose him. But she resolutely kept insisting that he fight, and that he not give in to death. "My parents fought Gawain - so must you!"

Ysabeau marvelled at her obstinate nature, she _would not_ give in; would not let _him_ give in. She had been told by the other knights how the young woman had stood over her fallen friend and fought for him, cursing the Celts even as she cut them down. How she had demanded retribution at the end and Arthur had agreed.

She worried that one day Bethan's warrior instinct would cause her death; but knew if it did, she would be happy to die that way. Like the knights she adored, death held no fear for her; she accepted her mortality every time she went onto a battlefield. Ysabeau on the other hand was petrified of death; she had no idea what lay ahead down that path and the mere thought terrified her.

Ysabeau listened to her regaling Gawain with stories of past exploits until her voice was hoarse, this from a girl who usually said little to anyone outside her group. She was a 'fight first – talk later' type.

"Why waste words on talking when you can just knock them out. It is a much more effective way of making a point" she had stated once, when asked why she fought before she spoke with the likes of Gilly. So, too, was her belief that the only good enemy was a dead one; cut their heads off and they are definitely dead, no worries of fighting the same enemy again.

She had a very black and white way of looking at the world; Ysabeau both admired and feared her zest for life. Although she was much calmer now since her marriage to Lucan; that urge to ride full tilt at life and care naught for the consequences was still there - merely hidden, not extinguished.

All she had done was learnt her father's rigid control of her emotions – well, most of the time. Her arguments with Arthur were becoming almost a legend in their own right; but it did not mean that the passions were not there.

Tristan was a passionate man; his love and devotion to Sandrina and his family proved that – but to most he appeared devoid of feeling.

Bethan on the other hand marvelled at Ysabeau's calm and easy-going nature. She had always assumed that the fearless young knight would finally end up with someone similar to herself and Amila; hot-headed and hot tempered. But Ysabeau was the exact opposite; she was calm, responsible, funny and kind. Bethan adored her, and was glad that Gawain had finally found a decent girl to love.

On the third day, just before dawn, the situation finally reached crisis. His fever had spiked and Bethan had run out of options. She flew to Merlin; "His fever will kill him, and there is naught else I can do…" she kept her voice calm in front of the other knights, but they could well see the blind terror in her eyes.

"The tie that binds' may work…" was all Merlin said "it is all that is left." Bethan ran back to the wagon.

"Ysabeau, you have to do 'The Tie That Binds'…." She told her friend.

The other woman's eyes widened "I….I _cannot_!"

"But you _must_!" Bethan pleaded, her eyes shocked "Merlin says it is all that could work!" her voice was rising now "Ysabeau, you _must_ do this if we hope to save him!"

"I _cannot_ Bethan; if he dies, he will kill me too…..I am too frightened!" she put her face in her hands and sobbed.

The knights, who had come running at the raised voices, heard the entire exchange. They peered in and saw anger and then pity cross Bethan's face.

She patted Ysabeau awkwardly on the shoulder and sighed "alright, alright, do not cry…_I_ will do it. He is my best friend in all the world, I would not be without him…" she sighed. "I only hope Lucan understands…."

"He does…." A soft voice caressed her as a hand touched her shoulder.

She spun round and hugged him tightly; no words were needed.

She tore some of his bandage off and tied it to his wrist and hers "With this cloth I bind your soul, both to this earth and mine. If you die and leave me, you will take my soul with thine." She intoned quietly, her voice full of emotion.

Gawain…listen to me, I have done the 'tie that binds'. Remember that? Remember how Papa did that to Mama and Lancelot did the same with Amila? You are stuck with your Little Scout for all eternity now my friend…" she held his hand once more, which gripped hers tightly.

"If you die now, you willl take my soul with you, and what of Ysabeau and Lucan then? So you cannot die."

She sat back "There is naught else I can do…" she sighed and hung her head; Lucan hugged her tightly, watching as Gawain would not let loose her hand. He could only pray that the knight did not die………for he would not only lose a good friend now, he would lose his the light of his life.

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It was a day later before the fever finally began to abate and Gawain return to the land of the living. Bethan had not left his side the entire time; her wounds, though now tended, throbbed and she ached all over.

"Little Scout?" he whispered.

"Gawain?" She beamed at him, her smile lighting her face like a beacon and he could not help but return the smile weakly. "How are you feeling?" she whispered.

"Like a herd of horses ran over me…..you?"

"The same….." They grinned.

"You smell…." He wrinkled his nose.

She gasped her outrage, but leant down and kissed his cheek "I will let that go, purely because I am so glad you are come back to us!

But I would point out I have not washed for 4 days because a sick friend would not let loose my hand; I have even had to prise you lose to use the latrines!" she looked pointedly at where he was still clutching her injured arm. "Do you wish me to fetch Ysabeau?"

"Aye…is she well?"

"Would I let her be aught else?"

"You are a good friend…." He tugged her arm.

"Not as much as you are to me; I still do not deserve your friendship Gawain, but am glad for it all the same" she gripped his arm back, and once again kissed his cheek.

She was so stiff she actually fell out of the wagon, but was caught by Lucan. She flung her arms round his neck and for the first time sobbed "he is awake….he is _awake_!"

Ysabeau heard her shouting and rushed over, her eyes alight "he is awake and asking for you!" Bethan told her; before nearly having the life squeezed out of her.

"Thank you Bethan…thank you!" She avoided the gaze of the knights and Lucan; she knew they were disappointed that she could not help Gawain - Galahad particularly had barely spoken to her since that awful moment when she had refused to do 'the tie that binds'.

He watched the woman retreat to the wagon; he would ensure his brother knew who had _really _saved his life – Bethan had made excuses, so had Alisia, but at the end of the day the outcome was the same; if it had not been for Bethan, Gawain would have perished…..

"Galahad is it not good news!" Bethan hobbled over to him; the fatigue and pain evident in her – but her face was shining. He hugged her so tightly she gasped. "What is it? What is wrong?"

"Naught, only I am glad _you _are no coward!" he exclaimed hotly.

"Oh Galahad – let it go." She stepped back "Look, I was angry – but then, think on this; we are trained to kill and to die. Ysabeau is not; some _do_ fear death, and she is one of those. She is my friend and the lover of my best friend, _your brother_! Forgive her; he is safe, I would not let aught harm befall him…"

Galahad forced a smile and nodded. Bethan turned to Lucan; but Lancelot saw the look that passed over the other knight's face as she turned away.

"What will you do?" he whispered.

"Only one thing; I will ensure he knows who _truly_ saved him…." Lancelot nodded, as did the other knights. What Ysabeau had done had not sat well with any of them; even Dagonet had been shocked – his Ilara, as gentle as she was, would not have let him down so.

"Are you come back to _me_?" asked Lucan with a smile, wrapping his arms round her.

She snuggled against him "if you want me…."

"Would I never!" he grinned "You are my heart and soul Bethan…."

"Never do this to me Lucan, for I do not think I could stand it."

"I will never do this to you if I can help it. But one thing I learnt in battle Bethan is you cannot have eyes everywhere."

"I doubt we will have more trouble; I think we wiped them out this time." She smiled her satisfaction; the dead and icy glare that came to her eyes, turning the blue to black so quickly, chilled him to his core. He would never want to be on the receiving end of that sort of rage; this would not end here.

The Celts had made a dangerous enemy of her; for she would brook no mercy for any one of those wretches that ended up at the end of her swords. Her abilities were well-known and he wondered if she would be able to harness the raw power she had to use against them...

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Merlin watched them all; he sighed, the other girl's cowardice surprised him as he knew how much she loved the knight. She had forced Bethan's hand; but he was proud of the way his little Woad had matured recently. She had forgiven her friend - he looked at the knights; it was a shame they would not.

Still, it was only fair the young knight knew who it was who had saved his life. Either way there would be no dissuading his friend and brother from telling him. Gawain would be grateful to his Little Scout; he would be there to guide her and she him. Their friendship would be their salvation….


	10. Letocetum

**_Disclaimer: As chapter one; so please, for the love of _God, _do _not _make me keep writing it out people!_**

_**Thane is an old English name meaning Attendant Warrior, which I felt would be perfect for the son of someone like Bethan!**_

**_Letocetum is now part of Lichfield in Staffordshire, and was occupied mainly around the time of Marcus Aurelius. It had also had a large fort built along the lines of Trojanic/Hadrianic architecture (i.e. Hadrian's Wall) according to the site I found. As a Staffordshire dweller I felt that I should stick to an area I know hence Arthur going there. I will not be calling the city Camelot I will keep it as Letocetum, as I feel that is more legend that reality so it will basically be another fortified village similar to the one at the_ _wall only on a larger scale. Hope you are all okay with that._**

_**WARNING: BAD LANGUAGE, VIOLENCE AND SOME SEXUAL REFERENCES (though not too graphic) SO READ AT YOUR OWN PERIL. **_

_**All reviews, and constructive criticism, gratefully received – but no flaming please; and I will try to update regularly.**_

'_**Thoughts'**_

"**Speech"**

_**-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-**_

_**Bethan & Lucan**_

**_Chapter Ten – Letocetum_**

The rest of the journey to Letocetum passed without any more skirmishes; and true to his word Galahad told Gawain who had truly saved him. 

Gawain had been recovering in the wagon for a week before Galahad finally had some time alone with him.

"How fares you brother?" he grinned entering the wagon.

"Doing well Galahad; doing well…"

They chatted about things generally, and then Galahad brooked the subject of his illness.

"Do you remember much about when you were sick Gawain?"

"Nay, why?"

"You know 'the tie that binds' was done for you?"

"Apparently, aye…why?"

"But do you know who did it?"

"Ysabeau of course!" he smiled "who else would do it?"

"Bethan…" Galahad replied quietly.

Gawain looked at him confused. "_Bethan_? Why would Little Scout do it?"

"Because Ysabeau _refused_!" ground out his friend.

Gawain looked both surprised and hurt; he knew Galahad would not lie to him. "She did? Why?"

"She was scared you would die and take her soul with yours."

"Bethan was not concerned about dying? What of Lucan, he can be very jealous?"

"Nay, she was not; she promised Ysabeau and gave me her solemn word that she would do _whatever_ it took to save you, and she did. Lucan agreed with her, he could see it was the only way." There was immense pride in Galahad's voice when he spoke of Bethan.

Gawain looked at the floor, this was a shock to him - he had heard from the other knights that it was really 'the tie that binds' that saved him, but none would not say who had done it; not even Tristan. He had merely assumed it was Ysabeau; to find out she had refused, and it was actually his Little Scout….

"I see; thank you for telling me Galahad."

"I felt you should know who you owe your life to; I am sorry Gawain…" he saw the deep hurt in his brother's eyes, and wondered if his need to make sure he knew the truth was doing more damage than good. Maybe he _should_ have heeded Bethan….

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A few days before, Bethan was riding with Lucan when Galahad rode alongside with Lancelot. They were discussing something quietly; but Bethan, ever the scout, heard it.

Lucan felt her stiffen "you will do no such thing!" she exclaimed, annoyed "She loves him and he loves her! You will not upset their life together Galahad, nor you Lancelot!"

"I want him to know!" Galahad cried.

"Oh for God's sake Galahad, just bloody grow up! What good will it serve? Who will it help?" She was angry now.

"He should _know!"_ Galahad was also getting annoyed "He thinks _she_ saved him, and it was _you_!"

"_So_? Who will it possibly help to know that his best friend saved his life instead of his lover?"

Tristan rode up "Bethan is right Galahad." His tone brooked no argument. The youngest knight shut his mouth, his face set with anger.

Lancelot sighed "he _should_ know Tristan; it is only fair…"

"Aye, I agree; but as Bethan was responsible, if she does not wish it you should respect that."

Lancelot nodded; Galahad merely scowled.

Bethan calmed and touched his arm "Is this your happy face?" she asked with a smile. Using one of Gawain's favourite sayings to his brother; Galahad could not help but laugh.

He leant across and hugged her "I love you Little Scout; I just want the right thing to be done!"

"I know Galahad; I know, but let it be…"

But he had not….and now he wished he had listened to her.

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Some time later Bethan popped her head into the wagon and saw a despondent looking Gawain sitting up staring at the floor…..and a sobbing Ysabeau in the corner.

"_GALAHAD!"_

The youngest knight shuddered and rode ahead; he would wait until she calmed down before speaking to her….

She sighed in exasperation "What did he tell you?"

"That you were the one who did 'the tie that binds'…." He gestured to Ysabeau "as soon as I asked her….." he petered out; Bethan realised that her friend's tears were her 'confession'.

She growled her frustration and Guido, her now faithful companion, grumbled too sensing her anger and exasperation. "Look Gawain what does it matter _who_ did it, only that it _was_ done and you are safe?

So Ysabeau is afraid of death and I am not - what of it! My soul was already bound to you in friendship; I have only made that bond more secure and I thank God for it, for you have been the best friend a person could have in this world or the next one. I am only glad I could repay a small part of all that you have done for me.

You must remember that Ysabeau has not been raised to kill and face death as we have, many fear death as greatly as she and we wonder not at it; but because she is the lover of a knight, suddenly she is condemned for it!" She sighed deeply "I do not care what anyone else says; she is my friend and I will not condemn her for it!"

He looked at her then and smiled sadly "You are a good friend Bethan, you speak true I know. It was just a little shock to learn that the woman I love with all my heart was too scared to tie her soul to mine to save me; that that dubious honour was left to my best friend." Bethan growled her exasperation, but he continued "But as you say, I love Ysabeau; it is not her fault she was afraid." Ysabeau flew to him and buried her head in his shoulder. He wrapped his arms round her comforting her - Bethan left them, grinning.

"Is all well?" Lucan asked when she rejoined him.

"Almost…aye." she smiled. Then her face darkened before adding "But I am going to _kill_ bloody Galahad!"

"He is already gone!" laughed Lucan "said he would speak to you when you calmed down!"

She sighed "Bastard."

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It was hours later before she caught up with Galahad – she walked over when they pitched camp and punched him in the face….

"_Next_ time…respect my wishes you daft bugger!" Then she stooped and helped him to his feet as he wiped his bloody nose. Kissing his cheek she added "But I thank you for trying to show me as a faithful friend; just do not do it again….._naught_ is worth the hurt that was inflicted, however temporarily."

"Well, I got off more lightly than I thought, it is not even broken" he touched his nose gingerly "you _are _mellowing Little Scout…." She pretended to punch him again, then hugged him.

"Sometimes you care _too_ much Gal…" she sighed with a smile, before saying more seriously "Do_ not_ interfere again!"

He held up his hands with a grin "Pax, pax!"

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The rest of the trip had been problem free and she had had much more time to spend with Lucan, Milo and Gawain. She adored her little brother, and could not have been prouder of him for making his first kill protecting one of the knights' children.

She and Lucan became closer still, revelling in their new togetherness. She and Gawain found their friendship entered a new phase; they would have _no_ secrets and she found that she had been able to help heal the rift between him and Ysabeau, as if it had never existed, because of it.

The new fort was wonderful; the knights did indeed have their own section, and Lucan and Bethan were given quarters there as promised.

They had been there about four months when Ysabeau sought her out; she knew Bethan, now 5 months into her seventeenth year, had been training as a healer with Merlin since Gawain had been injured.

She was indeed a quick study and had learnt much, but she found it boring - still, it was what they all wanted; from Merlin and Arthur right the way along to her father and Gawain….so, for once in her life, she obeyed them.

Ysabeau had been ill for a week or so, and you did not need to be healer to see she was with child; Merlin confirmed Bethan's suspicions and much rejoicing was made around the fort that Gawain was about to become a father - at long last.

Bethan herself was with child now and was about 6 months ahead of her friend. Lucan had been almost delirious with joy when she told him. He picked her up and swung her round, before suddenly realising this might not be the thing to do and apologising profusely for his ignorance.

He ran round the fort telling any who would listen, and she had laughed and smiled at his excitement. She felt a pang he did not know of the other child she had lost, but his reaction to this pregnancy merely confirmed her feelings that he would never have forgiven her….

Gawain and Bethan never actually spoke of the miscarriages she and Ysabeau had suffered; but they had a silent acknowledgement and she could see he was worried. She drew him to one side "I will look after her to the best of my abilities Gawain, I promise. Vanora and Merlin will be there for her too."

"Thank you Bethan" He hugged her tightly to him. "But I am concerned; I remember your mother all too well."

"Aye but think of Vanora, Amila and Guinevere; they all pop them out without a problem!" she laughed.

He laughed with her………but could not quell the feeling of foreboding that hung within his heart. Bethan too felt the light breeze that blew around her, whispering……

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The months slipped slowly past and soon it was Bethan's time to deliver; she realised her waters had broken whilst she was chatting to Jols in the stables.

He had run to get Lucan and Vanora; unfortunately her husband collided with a stable door as he rushed headlong to her side - knocking him out for some time; and even on recovering consciousness, found he was too groggy to be of any great assistance.

It fell to Gawain and Galahad to be her supporters, Arthur had gone on patrol with the other knights; but she faired well and delivered a healthy baby boy with little problem. She refused to have them sent outside as she did not want to be alone; for all her bravado during the delivery, for the first in her life Bethan was frightened…. very frightened.

She and Lucan named him Thane, with Gawain and Galahad as his chosen protectors should aught harm ever befall her and Lucan.

She recovered well and looked forward to Ysabeau's delivery; they had become like sisters during their confinement, along with Alisia, they had joked and laughed their way through the 9 months. She loved Ysabeau and spent much time with her, revelling in having a sister of sorts who understood the vagaries of men and their stupid actions that drove her to distraction.

Like her mother before her, the knights and Lucan tried to stop her doing too much. Whilst she was careful, her first failed pregnancy still too raw to ignore, she did not want to be treated like she would break if a raindrop fell on her.

That happiness and attachment was the only reason Bethan could later give for ignoring the whispering breeze that had tried to warn her of what was to come - though Merlin knew naught could have been changed, it had all begun to hang very heavy on his heart, for the worst of it was still yet to unfold…….


	11. Lost

**_Disclaimer: As chapter one; so please, for the love of _God, _do _not _make me keep writing it out people!_**

_**Daralis is and Old English name meaning 'Beloved'.**_

_**WARNING: BAD LANGUAGE, VIOLENCE AND SOME SEXUAL REFERENCES (though not too graphic) SO READ AT YOUR OWN PERIL. **_

_**All reviews, and constructive criticism, gratefully received – but no flaming please; and I will try to update regularly.**_

'_**Thoughts'**_

"**Speech"**

_**-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-**_

_**Bethan & Lucan**_

**_Chapter Eleven – Lost_**

Ysabeau's time had come; Gawain was on his way back from a mission to move some Roman settlers nearer to Letocetum as they were having problems with some Celts. It was only a small band but they were proving difficult to completely wipe out.

Sandrina was on this mission as she had been during Bethan's confinement; she was not happy about it.

Whereas Bethan had been sunny and happy leading up to her own delivery; this time something had been troubling her about her friend, as well as Merlin; she knew bad news was on the horizon, she only hoped it was not Thane.

He was a bonny boy and Tristan adored his grandson; Bethan had succeeded in her promise too. Making him a grandfather before he was 40; there were still three years to go on that score and she hoped to present more grandchildren yet.

Sandrina had rushed back with Tristan and been confronted with her daughter calling the two young men with her every name under the sun; and a few from Hades as well. Sandrina finally learnt how much her daughter could swear; and had a few choice words of her own to say to the knights who had taught her later that evening!

Galahad had passed out long before this, joining a groggy and concussed Lucan on a bale of hay. It had been Gawain who had held her hand as she had finally pushed her son into the world.

He had been the first to hold the babe "Hello little man" one dark blue eye and one deep green one observed him calmly……..and Gawain's heart was lost to the little boy he held in his arms; he would be a friend to this one too.

He then had handed him to his grandfather "Meet your first grandchild Tristan!" Bethan was grateful there was no issue made of him being a boy; grateful that all were only happy that the babe lived.

Tristan took the little bundle from his friend in silence. The colour of the child's eyes stunned him "he has one green and one blue eye!" he smiled.

"It is a good omen; he is of the elements – the blue eye signifies water and the green the earth; but his strengths will lie with the animals like his grandfather…..horses, hawks, any and all will love him. He will be a protector, a warrior that will seek to help and not merely kill. It is a change for us all" Merlin smiled looking down at the baby, a look of pride on his face.

"What will you call him?" Asked Tristan; looking down at his grandson with so much love in his eyes that Bethan felt a tear run down her cheek.

"Thane; we will call him Thane…." murmured Bethan. "It is old Briton for Attendant Warrior - fitting if you think of Merlin's words. But his everyday name will be Tris, short for Tristan; for what better day name for the grandson of the greatest scout and warrior in the world?" Her voice full of pride and love, she touched her father's arm "he will have much to live up to…."

Tristan said nothing, stood and left; Bethan looked bewildered at her mother "Have I offended him?"

"Nay, Bethan….nay….just the opposite…" She smiled and left to go find him.

"I will never understand men!" Bethan sighed.

"You have honoured him more than you will ever understand, my Little Scout…" murmured Gawain.

"Then why leave?"

"He hates us to see his emotions…"

"I say again, I will never understand men…." But this time she smiled.

Lucan had finally recovered enough to hold his son, and was completely enamoured of the baby boy. He cooed and cuddled him, telling him of all they would do together; Bethan looked on, and loved him even more.

She felt Gawain squeeze her hand "It has all come right..." he whispered into her ear. She squeezed back and smiled.

Outside San had caught up to Tristan. "She thinks she has offended you, you left so abruptly…" she said softly.

"I…just never thought to hear her say my name for him; it is such an honour. For no matter what we say and think – she is not my blood."

"She is Tristan; she is in every way that counts. She always has been. Why do you think she kills as she does; scouts as she does; acts as she does? She wants to be like you, to _be_ you! You are the most important person to her - even more than me.

She loves you so much and only wants to make you proud. She looks up to you as what she has to attain in her life; in her eyes, you can do naught wrong. The only other knight who comes anywhere close to you is Gawain. Can you not see how she thinks of you as her father?"

He nodded silently; reaching out and hauling her roughly into his arms he held her tightly, murmuring against her hair "I only thank whatever Gods sent you both to me…"

"And I the same; for I would not be without you for worlds…" her throat thick as she heard the love and raw emotion in his voice.

0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0

That had all been 6 months ago and Tris was now a lovely little lad. He was still only a babe, but gaining well. His odd coloured eyes seemed to take in all around him; he was a good baby; and had been sleeping through the night since he was 6 weeks old, only waking for the odd feed.

Ysabeau sought out Bethan "My water's have broken!" she cried happily.

Bethan swung round from rubbing down Charity, a huge grin on her face - only for it to fall in horror…..

There was blood, lots of it, and all coming from Ysabeau.

MERLIN!_ **MERLIN!**!" _She knew immediately this was far and beyond anything she could deal with. Her father's training in keeping rigid control of her emotions took over - she could not panic now, not when her friend, her sister needed her…

"SOMEONE…_ANYONE_!" she called, Lucan came running.

"Oh Lucan! Thank God! Fetch Merlin; where is Vanora!"

"I will!" he looked in horror, but quickly schooled his face – something he had picked up from his wife "but Van and Bors took the brats for a picnic…"

Gilly too came running "What the…….? Oh ye Gods!"

"Shut up!" she hissed at him, "Do not scare her…"

"It is bad…." He replied quietly.

"Aye, but so was my mother and she lived…" she looked around and a thought occurred "Lucan….can you go and fetch Gawain; Faith will guide you…" she indicated the Hawk "Gilly fetch Merlin…"

"Ready to help another friend?" The hawk flapped slowly out the stable door. "Wait for him and show him how to find them! Be free my friend, be happy…"

Her heart in her mouth, she helped Ysabeau back to the room she shared with Gawain. She knew this much blood loss was not right this early; her mother's delivery of Milo railed in her mind.

"I want Gawain!" whimpered Ysabeau, picking up on the subdued panic around her.

"Lucan has gone to fetch him – he will be here soon…" Stories of her mother crying out for her father rang in her mind; only this time there was no Gawain to shield her from the horrors, no Gawain to protect his Little Scout from all that was to come….

"I will help you….all will be well…" She said, much more brightly and cheerfully than she felt.

Within minutes Merlin was there - and the battle to save Ysabeau began…….

0-0-0-0-0-0

Lucan found the knights quickly with the aid of Faith. They were indeed already on their way back, "it is Ysabeau…."

Gawain quickly took in the concerned face of his young friend and the initial smile faded. He looked to Arthur "go, go!" urged his leader; he flew off with Lucan in hot pursuit.

A wind blew in San's face – she knitted her brow "We need to hurry!"

Arthur looked, he and Tristan shared a glance and all started hurrying up their little caravan towards home.

As they rode Gawain looked at that young man beside him "is it bad?"

Lucan pretended not to hear.

"**Is it bad** Tell me Lucan; I wish to know so it is not a shock…she will need me….." Gawain ground out.

"Aye…there is much blood…._so _much blood Gawain…" The knight nodded and spurred his horse forward.

0-0-0-0-0-0

Back at the fort Merlin, Bethan and a recently returned Van were all struggling to save Ysabeau and her baby….

Gilly had gone and fetched his mother as soon as he had brought Merlin…..she was horrified with what she saw.

"It is taking too long!" Bethan cast anguished eyes to Van. The older woman's heart went out to the girl, she knew how much Ysabeau meant to her and Gawain. Bethan would do all she could to spare her friends any heartache - she could see the breeze playing around her, and the way Bethan kept twisting her head away from it; as if trying to ignore what it was telling her. Guido lay on the floor by the door, whining as if in sympathy with his mistress' distress.

Finally Bethan helped Ysabeau as she pushed her baby into the world. "It is a girl; you have a beautiful daughter Ysabeau!" She beamed at her friend.

Alisia who had been hovering at the door the whole time, now stepped forward "what will you name her my sister?"

Ysabeau looked sadly on her daughter as she was swaddled and handed to her "I will call her Daralis it means 'beloved' and she _will_ be - promise me you will love her like your own?" she gripped Bethan's hand.

"NAY! _You_ will live and _you_ will love her - _I_ will not be needed!" There was defiance in Bethan's voice.

"**Promise me**!" Ysabeau pleaded. Bethan could only nod dumbly…..her friend sighed and lay back.

Bethan gripped Merlin's arm "_DO _something…..I cannot lose her…._he_ cannot lose her - please! I do not beg easy, my blood….but _please_!"

"You hear the wind as I do child. I will do what I can….but….you _know_ how this is to end." He gripped her arm, his heart heavy and his voice sad "Ease her suffering…. comfort her while we work…."

Bethan spun on him "I will do _more_….!" She went to tear some cloth from Ysabeau's gown but the woman's own bloody hand stopped her.

"I can feel my life ebbing Little Scout….there is naught to be done. Do not leave him entirely alone….I want you to look after Daralis, Bethan…" she looked to her sister, who nodded.

"I will help where I can Ysabeau; but it will be sadly done without you." her twin replied.

"_NAY!_ I will not let you die….you _cannot_! You are as much sister to me as any blood of my own; Ysabeau you must _fight_ to live! You are so afraid of death, why accept it _now_!"

"I….I _am_ frightened of what is to come…..but I feel in my heart it is inevitable. I am fearful of what will happen….but…..if you hold my hand Bethan…if you show me _you_ are not afraid…then I too, will show strength and courage as I go into that long sleep…." Small tears slipped from her eyes.

Bethan bit back her own tears that threatened her "You _are_ a strong person Ysabeau! Stronger than I will _ever_ be! You are not like me….you are _kind_….and….." her voice hitched and she swallowed hard "you are ….._loving_ and…._strong_….and I will be a lesser person for want of your friendship…."

"Tell Gawain…..tell him how much I loved him…."

Bethan stiffened as Guido howled "You must wait for him, Ysabeau…please….at least let him bid you farewell!"

"Thank you Bethan…." She whispered "I see now…."

Her friend's hand dropped limply from hers "What? What do you see? Do not leave _HIM!"_

Alisia wept quietly over her sister's still form; Bethan stood and screamed her frustration, anger and despair; all the animals stamped, howled and mourned with her. Outside the breeze finally dropped and rain began to fall.

At that moment Gawain came running into the room, already dreading what he would find from what was going on outside……..

He saw Ysabeau, saw Bethan's stricken face…..the blood…..and fell to his knees weeping.

Bethan flew to his side. "I am sorry Gawain…if I could change places with her…if I could bring her back….." He hugged her tightly to him; his arms round her waist and his head buried in her stomach - all she heard was "_Ysabeau_…._Ysabeau_…"

An idea began to form in her mind……..


	12. Grief

**_Disclaimer: As chapter one; so please, for the love of _God, _do not make me keep writing it out people!_**

_**The poem was originally written in 1932…..but I do believe it fitted the story well.**_

_**WARNING: BAD LANGUAGE, VIOLENCE AND SOME SEXUAL REFERENCES (though not too graphic) SO READ AT YOUR OWN PERIL. **_

_**All reviews, and constructive criticism, gratefully received – but no flaming please; and I will try to update regularly.**_

'_**Thoughts'**_

"**Speech"**

_**-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-**_

_**Bethan & Lucan**_

**_Chapter Twelve – Grief_**

Gawain could not function; he knew he was still breathing, he could feel his chest moving. Beyond that he could not think…..she was gone, his Ysabeau was gone.

Vanora brought him the baby; a girl. He had wanted a daughter; a daughter that was like her mother, because he loved her so much. Now he had the daughter, but not the woman he loved.

He took the child and immediately regretted it; she was her mother's daughter, even at a few moments old he could see Ysabeau in her. He handed her to Bethan; he looked at the young woman before him. She looked heartbroken, but did not give into the tears. He wondered absently why, why she would not grieve.

He went to speak, but he found he could not utter a word. He looked imploringly at his Little Scout….she sank to her knees beside him and wrapped him in the tightest hug he had ever had - finally one whispered word escaped his lips "Why?"

It was too much for Bethan; she had tried to remain strong, to be the rock for all to lean on - but she could not….

Life was cruel, it was unfair and she raged against whatever had done this to her best friend in the world. She stayed with him until he slept and then crept outside…..

Lancelot and Galahad found her with her face buried in her hands on the battlements crying and raging against the world - they calmed her and led her back to Gawain; he had awoke but she was not there, and he was panic stricken wondering why she had deserted him too "He will have need of you Little Scout, in a lot of ways – you seem to comfort him, please try to contain your grief for him." Lancelot spoke quietly.

The old Bethan would have cussed them out and raged about her own loss; but she had seen much in recent months and had grown. She knew his loss far outweighed any she would ever suffer, until mayhap her own family passed as all were wont to do.

She went back to Gawain, who flew to her and wrapped her in a fierce hug. They never spoke; but she hugged him back as fiercely, and he took comfort from the mere fact that she was there – a small, friendly light; amidst the cloying, terrible darkness.

0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0

Bethan spent the next three days with Gawain and Daralis, or Darry as she was now called; as she was still feeding Tris, though he was weaning now, so she was able to wet-nurse Darry too.

He was beside himself with grief; and it was all she could do to keep from crying herself, whilst she tended him and the two babies.

The funeral had been awful - he had refused to go, so she went in his stead; Vanora, darling that she was, had had Tris and Darry.

After everyone had gone she stood there; she wanted to say goodbye to her friend, to let her know she knew she was not in that cold wet earth - but in a better place, the place she had told the children…

"Ysabeau….I know a poem. It is old and I do not know who wrote it; a man I think who knew he was to die in battle, I think it says much of you and where you are. I know you would not leave Gawain and Darry - not really." She cleared her throat and though her face was passive, her voice held an emotion so grief stricken as to move those, who were now moving back to the fort, to tears. They stopped and listened:

"Do not stand at my grave and weep  
I am not there; I do not sleep.  
I am a thousand winds that blow,  
I am the diamond glints on snow,   
I am the sun on ripened grain,  
I am the gentle autumn rain.

When you awaken in the morning's hush  
I am the swift uplifting rush  
of quiet birds in circled flight.  
I am the soft stars that shine at night.  
Do not stand at my grave and cry,  
I am not there; I did not die.

I believe this Ysabeau – I do not believe you lay in the earth. The best part of you, the part we all loved" she choked back the tears "the part that made you what you were, is now in a better place. You will be an angel Ysabeau…….and the best and bravest kind, a Guardian Angel. Arthur told me they watch over those they love…..as I pray you watch over Gawain. He is heartsick without you, and I worry for him so…." A tear slid unheeded down her cheek.

A thumb reached out and wiped it away. She looked up, startled, into Gawain's tear stained face "I miss her too, _so much_ Little Scout – but could not let you come alone….." was all he said, but it was all that was needed. He wrapped his arms around her waist as he sank to his knees and sobbed. The others left them to their grief.

0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0

Lucan was worried about the strain on her health; but knew there was naught to be done for now, except to try to be there for her…..

But it was difficult as Gawain refused to let her out of his sight for long. He was terrified of being left alone with Darry; and found strange comfort in the young woman he was so close to now that Bors joked you could not see daylight between them.

She never made him speak or talked to him over much. She was merely there, a presence in the background comforting him - hands that soothed his nightmares and arms that hugged away the pain; she became her father – silent and ever watchful.

Tristan indeed was the only other one who he allowed inside his private piece of Hades; even Galahad and his insistent chatter had been barred from his brother's life - the first time since their conscription.

"I only wish to see him…" he sighed to Bethan; as Gawain, behind the door, merely shook his head at her tugging at her hand to close it – to shut the world out of his grief. Only his Little Scout, or her father, could ever approach him.

She stepped outside as far as she could, with him still holding her hand "I wish you could, but he refuses. He only wishes to sit and be still Gal; I understand that, as does Papa, but everyone else just talks all the time and constantly asks how he is……" her words trailed off as Galahad nodded.

"Let him know I am here if he needs me….whatever the hour."

She reached up and embraced the youngest knight in a tight hug with her free arm "You are his truest friend and brother; he does know that Gal…he does."

"I may be his brother Bethan, but you are his truest friend - all who have watched these past days bear witness to that."

"If I cannot help my Gawain, what hope is there for me?" was her sad reply as she felt the door open wider and Gawain's hand tug hers back towards him.

"Bethan?" His hoarse voice and red rimmed eyes tugged at Galahad's heart, as he caught a brief glimpse of the man he called brother. They all heard a wail…

"Darry needs feeding; I had best go….tell Lucan I will be with him to cook his meal in an hour." She was finally pulled back inside, and the door resolutely shut.

Galahad sighed to himself as he walked away…..poor Gawain, to lose so much. But at least he and Darry had Bethan; he could see what a comfort to both father and daughter she was.

0-0-0-0-0-0-0

The next day Tristan came in with Milo. He took in his exhausted daughter and the haunted man before him. He took Tris from her for a moment; he adored his grandson beyond words and was always happy to have a hold of him.

"How fares he?" He asked, gesturing to Gawain as he boosted Tris on his shoulder.

Bethan shook her head "Not well Papa; I am sorely worried for him. He barely sleeps for the nightmares he has, only eats enough to keep a rat alive…." They both looked at the gaunt young knight before them.

Milo sat in Bethan's lap "Can we take Tris for a while Befan? Would that help you?"

"Aye, my little man, for you are indeed a little man now; no longer a boy at all Milo. Offering to aid you sister so…." She hugged her little brother tightly. "I love you very much, never forget that."

The father and his young son took the little boy outside…..

"Well, Young Tris - shall I teach you to scout?" enquired Milo good-naturedly "I am your uncle after all!" He grinned.

"I think he is a little young to go scouting - maybe at a year..." Tristan tried to hide the smirk.

"Well, can I hold my nephew then?" He held out his arms.

"Let us go to the stables and you can settle with him in the hay…."

Once arrived and settled Tristan noticed how all the horses calmed as the little one was brought into them. It looked as if Merlin was right, he would be accepted by all animals.

"He has very strange eyes Papa….."

"Aye, my brother was the same though…."

"Really?"

"Aye, he had one brown eye and one blue one." He smiled as he remembered Milo "You are named for him."

"Will I ever see him?"

"Nay, he died when I was 13 and he was 11, it was the year before I was conscripted by the Romans. He contracted a fever from a wound on his leg….I still miss him." He sighed.

"Am I like him?"

"Aye, very much; you remind me of him every day."

"What of Tris; who does he remind you of - Lucan or Befan?"

"Your sister, definitely your sister; may the Goddess help her – but your mother will merely say it is 'divine retribution' for all she suffered at Bethan's hands!" They both laughed.

"I think he will be a bit like Lucan too though."

"I think he must be; he is his son after all."

They both regarded the solemn little boy, seeing much of Lucan in him at that moment; then Milo tickled him and the squeal he let out set all the horses neighing as if in laughter with him.

Father and son exchanged a knowing look, he might be a little like his father but there was a lot of Bethan in him - may the Gods help the lot of them! They both laughed out loud along with Tris……

0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0

Bethan could stand no more; she was beside herself with worry over Gawain and decided to put her plan into action.

She remembered where her mother kept the parchment from all those years ago, that she had used to memorise what Merlin had told her to do to resurrect the fallen knights.

She went through her parents things and found the parchment eventually. She gathered the items together; it was difficult and took her a few days with whatever moments she could spare between Gawain and Lucan.

She made her way to Ysabeau's grave and started the charm; she laid the herbs and shining violet liquid round the grave of her dead friend and then put powdered earth about it. She rose to her feet and stepped to the bottom of the small graveyard.

"I call on the soul of one of the fallen here buried…..Ysabeau, return from the realms of the dead. Come back to your husband, Gawain, Sarmatian Knight to Arthur – King of the Britons.

Return to us Ysabeau; many here miss you and wish you back amongst them. Your time came too soon, and fate has not finished with you – destiny has yet to see you to the end of your path.

HEAR ME – RETURN TO ME! YSABEAU!"

She finished her keening, for all this was spoken in a language that no one, except a Woad, would recognise, she waited……..

Nothing happened, so she repeated the charm….again nothing. She growled her frustration….Guido joining her.

Then a hand on her shoulder caused her to turn. "It will not work child, it was her time; _he_ needs you now." He pointed to Gawain who was running up the hill towards her.

She fell to her knees "It is not fair Merlin…..I should be there….she was good and kind and I am not! She should live…and I would gladly trade my life for her….I hate to see him so……so _lost_!" She hung her head in her hands, and sobbed.

"What is it! Does she ail! Bethan? _Bethan!"_ Gawain was becoming increasingly agitated and upset – first Ysabeau, now Bethan. He had been asleep with her tucked against him comforting him that he was not as alone as he felt; but when he woke she was gone. **_BETHAN!" _**he shouted.

She did not answer, Merlin shook his head "She tried to raise her for you…." there was suddenly hope in Gawain's eyes, dashed a moment later as Merlin continued "It did not work, it was Ysabeau's time. Bethan offered to trade lives, hers for Ysabeau; she only wants you to be happy - she hates to see you so lost, boy. Her heart breaks and not just for the friend in the ground…."

"**She is _not_ in the ground**" Bethan leapt up and spun on the shaman. "She is somewhere better - I just wish I could find out where so I could bring her back to Gawain! I would gladly trade my life for hers, for it breaks my heart to see him so" she sobbed "it does, it does!" she tore down the hill as it started to pour with rain.

Gawain stood for a moment and then watching her fall in the mud, he ran after her. Sliding to a stop on his knees in the mud next to her "I am so sorry Gawain. I was so sure it would work…I did not lie; I would trade, I would trade my life with hers to make you happy again!" she sobbed once more as he pulled her into his arms and buried his face in her wet hair.

"Bethan…please….you are my dearest friend and whilst I would love my Ysabeau back with me" his voice hitched "I would not trade my Little Scout; for I know she would never wish it and would hate herself for eternity if you did such a thing - and I could not imagine my life without my best friend by my side." It was the most he had said since Ysabeau had died.

She flung her arms round his neck "Gawain….Gawain….I am sorry." He picked her up in his arms and trudged back to his room with her to the children.

Merlin raised his head to the rain and sighed "My Goddess of Destiny why must you torment them so? Surely it would be better to get the pain done together, than let them suffer like this?" There was a loud clap of thunder as if in answer.

He hung his head muttering almost to himself "Aye, mayhap you are right; she has _he_ with her and loves him dearly that is plain to see, and she is lucky to have him. I do not question, it is only that she is the light in my old heart and it is heavy yet with what is still to come; but you are right, it is your will and I will not contest it as Odell did - she will be happy yet with the husband….."

He turned and followed them slowly back down the hill.

0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0

Gawain had started to improve after this night; if nothing else Bethan had helped him start to grieve less intensely, the nightmares faded. But he still grieved, and shut himself away from all but his Little Scout and her father; she decided there was still one more thing she had to do…

It saddened her, but he would still care not for Daralis. Bethan did not mind too much as she loved the little girl with all her heart, she who looked so much like her lost friend. But whenever she watched Lucan with Tris, it broke her heart to see Gawain ignore Darry.

"We could take her?" Suggested Lucan, "I adore her, you know that; and I would see more of you if she were with us." He added ruefully "I know that is selfish….

"Nay, nay….you have been more than patient; but to be honest he needs me full as much as she, so it would not change the situation overmuch - though I hope I have made up for the neglect when we are together and _moving our furniture_?" she smiled gently, nuzzling his bottom lip causing him to groan into her mouth and crush her to him.

"Aye – aye that you have, my heart; but I do worry for her…." He knitted his brows.

"Nay, she is his daughter and I will be there for them _both_ - I gave my word. When he comes to his senses he will bitterly regret all this; I will not worsen that guilt when it comes. But whilst I will love and care for her, so must Gawain." She pondered for a moment. "We will do a 'lock in'."

"Are you sure?" Lucan looked surprised. It is what they had taken to calling their little ruse used on Dagonet and Ilara all those years ago; it had been used by others since, and had worked every time…

"About what?" Tristan asked as he and Arthur walked up, with the other knights behind.

Lucan and Bethan explained what she wanted to do, they asked the same thing; "Are you sure?" Tristan stared intently at his daughter. Like Gawain, she looked a shadow; he worried for her.

"Aye, I am sure - the only difference is I want to be locked in with him, and with Tris. I will be needed if Darry needs feeding, likewise Tris, or if he resolutely refuses to have aught to do with her; I will not put her at risk of neglect. But I will abide by your wishes." She spoke quietly and kept her eyes lowered.

Both men looked at her with a start. "She has been like this for some days now" Lucan sighed quietly "I miss the old Bethan…."

Arthur tilted her chin and made her look at him "Do what you will Bethan, we do not only want our knight and brother back, we wish our Little Scout and friend back too." He looked at the young woman in front of him. She was approaching 18 now, was a mother to two if the truth be told and could no longer be called a girl.

He saw the life draining from her much as it did from Gawain. Doing 'the tie that binds' with him was pulling her soul down with his - or mayhap his grief and friendship merely weighed heavily on her. Whatever it was he could see her drowning in the despair of his friend full as much as the man himself.

He did not like this Bethan; he hankered after the old, the one who would challenge and argue - ride, fight and cuss them out; not merely accept and acquiesce to every order and every suggestion.

Gawain's dependency on her was the talk of the fort; all knew their friendship ran deep, but no one really knew the depth until now. For his wife to will her daughter to her with her dying breath proved that depth of friendship ran to her as well.

He sighed; it was a heavy burden to place on such young shoulders. "Do whatever you think necessary Little Scout, the knights will support you as we did all those years ago." He smiled at the memory…..they had been so much happier then.

"Thank you Arthur." She dipped her head. Then straightened, a little of the old fire returned and a flicker of the old Bethan briefly flared into life "then there is no time like the present!"

0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0

A few minutes later Gawain was out looking for Bethan….she had been gone over half an hour and he knew Darry would want feeding and changing. As the time passed she was looking more and more like her mother, and he could not – would not – look at her.

Aside from that, he admitted only to himself, he missed his Little Scout. She did not nag at him, or commiserate with him; she had turned into her father, had he said that before? Probably….the days passed in a blur now, he barely remembered what he thought from moment to moment let alone day to day.

But she had, she had become Tristan - ever watchful and supportive, always ready to help.

Then, praise the Gods, Little Scout appeared and led him back to the room - he was not even aware of the other knights. His eyes and mind were fixed on his beacon of hope leading him by the hand….

It was only when he heard the door barred from outside, and heard her small voice with a hint of sorrow and saw her eyes look at him levelly as she said "Gawain, welcome to your 'lock-in" that he began to panic…..


	13. Lock In

**_Disclaimer: As chapter one; so please, for the love of _God, _do not make me keep writing it out people!_**

_**WARNING: BAD LANGUAGE, VIOLENCE AND SOME SEXUAL REFERENCES (though not too graphic) SO READ AT YOUR OWN PERIL. **_

_**All reviews, and constructive criticism, gratefully received – but no flaming please; and I will try to update regularly.**_

'_**Thoughts'**_

"**Speech"**

_**-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-**_

_**Bethan & Lucan**_

**_Chapter Thirteen – Lock In_**

"What? Why?" was all he could mumble.

"Because Darry needs you more than me; you are her _father_, she needs _you_ too." she began sadly.

"I do not want her" He stared at the ground.

"What! Why not! She is so like her mother….so like Ysabeau." her voice hitched.

"_THAT_ IS _WHY_!" he shouted, the anguish in his eyes.

She stopped, knowing that all their brother knights would be outside listening. Galahad especially; when she had turned to take Gawain back to the room he had squeezed her shoulder, and walked alongside her as she towed Gawain behind "he loves you Little Scout, _so much_" he whispered "have a care for his broken heart; he misses her greatly, he would surely die if you turned on him too."

"I love him too" she nodded "and I only want to see him well Gal." she turned to look at the youngest knight levelly; her eyes were dead, and her face as passive as always – her voice flat with, _almost,_ acceptance "If he dies of a broken heart Gawain, I will die too. I feel his soul pulling mine…..his heart is breaking mine along with his own." Then they had entered the room, shutting the door behind them; Galahad felt a chill steal over his heart.

Tristan and Arthur saw the stricken look on his face and the way all colour left it. "What is it?" asked Arthur concerned.

He told the two men what Bethan had said. "Will that happen - could it?" Arthur asked Tristan concerned.

"Aye, it could. She did 'the tie that binds', but aside from that we all know how deep their friendship runs; these past days have proved it" He sighed "it goes deeper than heart or blood tie; it is a soul tie, it was even before she did the charm."

"Her father speaks true" Merlin walked up. "Have you all been blind to what was occurring? Have you not seen how heavily he has leant upon her, and not just physically? His heart is broken and his soul cries out for peace……their tie is so deep that her soul has answered.

But do not blame the charm Arthur, their tie together was caste long before she did that, she merely tied it tighter; he has always been there for her – full as much as her father.

If she could not find Tristan, she would always run to Gawain; and then over time she would run to him first" Tristan and the other knights all nodded thinking back over the years "And now Gawain has reached out to her."

The others once again thought about it; it was true - despite the 15 years that separated their ages, one was always with the other; how often had they asked him where she might be? Or gone to find Bethan to see if she knew where Gawain had gone?

Was it not his own personal nickname for her, Little Scout, which they had all adopted over the years? Had he not treated her like an equal from the day they met, as had her father? They leant on each other a lot for support. None had truly noticed until now, but the friendship that had been forged long ago was now deep and true.

"Tristan and Gawain were the only two who loved her truly at her worst as well as her best - think on that. He loves her just as she is, whether wild and free or sad and alone; her heart and soul recognises that. They are much alike; accepting, and at the same time fighting, all that life throws at them. They are as stubborn as each other, and as passionate about those they care about; that is how their friendship deepened so much.

Their friendship is of the ages, it was _meant_ to be; it was what Destiny decreed…..it will never falter, never be broken and not even death will ever separate one from the other. If he were to perish, she _would_ soon follow." He sighed "This _must_ work, it _must_……I cannot speak of the consequences if it does not." He sighed at the stunned faces around him.

"She has finally listened to the elements and knows this is her last chance; she will fight for both their souls - if she is unsuccessful……" his voice tailed away and he left with his head down.

Arthur looked at his old friend, for Merlin was that to him now, with his heart in his mouth; horror struck at what had been implied. Lucan stood open-mouthed and stricken and Tristan was clenching and unclenching his fists but said nothing. For what could be said? Bethan had a battle on her hands now, and none present were sure this new Bethan would have the fight in her….

0-0-0-0-0-0-0

In the room Bethan watched a stubborn Gawain studiously ignore his wailing baby daughter. She sighed and sat down to feed both children, then she changed them and readied them for bed.

She sat down beside them and sighed again. Gawain, sat on the other side of the bed, glancing at her with hunted eyes; her heart went out to him….

A voice called her from outside "Befan? It is Milo, we are all here - tell us what to dream?" She imagined all the knights children, including Bors', outside the door. She smiled ruefully; the nightly ritual remained, even as all else fell to dust.

She crept closer to the door taking the babies with her, thankful the wooden doors here were not as thick as those at the wall; especially as the window was barred.

"What do we always dream about little one? A wide open plain and us riding as fast as our horses will gallop across it; the sun on our backs, blue sky above us and the wind in our face, the freedom that comes with being able to run as far and as fast as you wish with no one to hinder you.

The solitude of a quiet wood with no disturbance save your own thoughts and the call of a bird; the excitement of a thunderstorm, where the thunder calls your name and writes your dreams in the lightening.

That is what we dream about Milo…what we _always_ should dream about…._freedom_."

She reached up and patted the babies clinging to her; her shirt bunched in their little hands as they slept nestled against her chest. "And to know that we are lucky enough to have family and my knights – _my friends _- especially, who would care if we died tonight. You fill my soul with pride and my heart with love Milo….because of you, and the others here I care about more than my own life, I have not lost all faith in mankind.…" Her voice finished on a whispered sob, tears slipped down her cheek as she stared across at Gawain…..

Milo and the others did not hear the final part. But they did not need to - at the end of the day, they knew the words by heart.

"Goodnight Befan! We love you….we _all_ love you…. Goodnight Gawain….we hope you fare better soon!" her brother's young voice called out.

Gawain was sat in the far corner of the room on the bed, his deep green eyes watching her through the darkness. He could see he was killing her as much as himself; see that the life was being sucked from her just as it was from him.

He tipped his head back and banged it against the wall. What was he doing? He put his arms out and she went to him, babes still cradled against her.

She snuggled against him; he wrapped his arms around the three leaning into him and kissed her hair. "I am sorry…I am sorry I am doing this to you…" he nuzzled her cheek.

She patted his arm "It is alright Gawain….you are my dearest and most closest friend; nay - more than that now, you go beyond heart tie or blood tie. My _soul _is tied to yours for all eternity, I will let naught harm befall you; wherever you go, I will follow – even unto death." His arms tightened around them.

"I would not ask that…." He whispered fresh tears in his voice.

"You would not need to….for I would follow you regardless."

He leant his head on hers; he realised that he did not deserve this love and devotion – but by the Gods he would not let it loose now; his arms instinctively held onto the three within them possessively.

She sighed and looked down with a smile. He was hugging Darry along with her and Tris. It was not much, but it was a start; _this_ she could work with.

0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0

During the night those who had remained outside, Galahad, Tristan, San and Lucan, awoke with a start at the screams from the room. Then they heard Bethan's tired and resigned voice "It is alright – it is only a nightmare. He has these often, I will manage."

They settled again, only the Gods knew what she had had to put up with these many past days; all had only been too glad for the young girl to cope with the grief stricken knight, as she had been the only one able to pacify him. They now felt a deep guilt for their neglect; only Tristan and Galahad knew that any attempt to intervene would have been wasted, she would not have abandoned her friend….

Inside the room, Bethan had laid the children on the bed next to a struggling Gawain so she could restrain him. Darry picked up on her father's anguish and began to wail.

"Hush, Gawain, hush - you are distressing your daughter." She tried to calm him.

He suddenly crushed her to him"the blood, Bethan, so much blood!"

"I know, I know…" she soothed, stroking his back with her hands as he held her tightly. She was well used to this now; but still it distressed her greatly, to see this once great knight reduced to clinging to a mere slip of a girl such as her for comfort.

She told him as much; deciding the time for watching and waiting had passed, he needed to talk of his sorrow if he was to heal at all.

She toted both the babes in her arms again and Darry settled. He held out his arms and she settled into them once more.

"You are no girl Little Scout, you are a young woman and a mother; my best friend, who I would rather spend an eternity in Hades for than ever be without." He tightened his grip on her.

"You saved me from ending my own life many times these past days; you have kept me this side of insanity and death. No 'slip of a girl' could do that."

"But I tire Gawain, these children need _two_ parents; Darry needs her father as well as her mother. I am heart glad to be a mother to her, for she is the bonniest baby I have ever seen next to my own boy - but I can no longer do it alone; not and offer comfort to you also." He felt her shoulders sag.

"Mayhap I could help with Tris?" he spoke quietly; but he spoke, and it was not of his grief or loss for once.

"Nay, nay my sweet friend - Tris has his father; nay it is Darry alone of which I speak." She smiled in the darkness. Underneath all that grief and horror the heart of the old Gawain still beat - he was still trying to find the best way out…

"Nay…I _cannot_, I am sorry Little Scout." He sighed "I do worry for you though…." his voice trailed off.

She sat and thought for a moment - an idea occurred to her. But it would be too cruel; she could not do it – could she?

It was a lie, she was not sick….or was it a lie? Nay, she knew her own body – could slowly feel the life being drained from her. She would do it, he would understand and one day forgive her; even if he did not it was the only way, she only hoped the others would go along with it….

After another moment's thought she knew two who would - suddenly the old Bethan started to pull her soul back, and with it she would drag Gawain's….

"Gawain? I feel ill…..really ill, Gawain…." She made her voice sound weak and feeble; it was not hard, she had hardly slept or ate properly for many days.

"What!" Immediately he was sitting up staring at her, concern and worry in his face.

Her heart lurched, what monster was she to worry him so…..and _now_? But her resolve returned as she saw him deliberately hurry to lay Darry away from him but then gently cradle Tris to the bed.

"Fetch Galahad and my father, please Gawain - you know I would not break a lock in."

Seconds later he was banging almost hysterically on the door. "She is sick, Bethan is sick! Galahad, Tristan…..she wants you!"

The door was rapidly unbarred and the two flew in……hotly pursued by Lucan. "Please Gawain, can you fetch Merlin." Bethan whispered.

As soon as he had gone she drew the other three to her, as well as her mother who had entered "I am not sick….well, not any sicker than I was when I came in.

But it has occurred to me that he needs to focus on another. I will continue the lock in, but differently. I will feed the children, but feign illness for aught else. He will be forced to deal with them. I want you to spread the word that _no one,_ and I _mean_ no one, is to aid him with them in any way.

I…I feel badly treating him so but I can see no other way, if there was I would not do this; it will cause him more worry, more distress."

She touched Lucan's arm "I know it will be hard to let another tend your best boy; especially when you are such a good father but it will be for the best in the end, as I fear if we do not act decisively soon we will both perish and leave two children in want of parents; one an orphan and the other motherless." She sighed.

"You do what is needed, so long as you live I care not" Lucan whispered fervently.

"My husband, how I love you…" she smiled stroking his cheek. So long as he got her back he cared naught how.

Moments later Gawain came back with Merlin; Tristan ushered Gawain back a little so that Bethan could talk unheard by the now clearly panic-stricken knight. He could see the distress the man was in and understood why Bethan felt so guilty; but he agreed with her, this was the only way.

In hushed tones Bethan told the old Shaman her plan. "Is it wrong?" she queried, knowing he would tell her true.

"Nay, sometimes you have to be cruel to be kind my child." He smiled.

"I worry he will hate me when he learns the truth; and I would not continue to lie to him. I could not; when he is himself again I will confess all. But what if hates me for my deception?"

"Would it dissuade you from your path if he did?"

"Nay, for I must do what is best for him and Darry. But I would not wish him to hate me…..he is much to me." Frightened eyes regarded her blood kin.

"Then let me reassure you; he could no more hate you than he could stop the sun from rising on the morrow. Your souls are tied Bethan, long before you did 'the tie that binds'; your friendship and trust runs deeper than anything else. You have shared much over the years, secrets too methinks; you saved his life on the battlefield even at risk of your own. He has done the same for you in the past has he not?"

She nodded.

"I cannot say he will not be angry at first; but once his blood has cooled he will see the logic and the necessity of what you have done, and will swiftly forgive you. He can do naught else - he can refuse you naught Bethan; to refuse _you_ is to refuse his own soul."

"Thank you Merlin, it would have broken my heart to have him hate me; though I would not be dissuaded - but you must ensure that the plan is followed. If anyone relents, then it is all for naught."

"I will speak to Arthur and we will have a meeting; do not fret my little wise one, all will be well...….for I see the old Bethan fighting to reassert herself and it helps ease my heavy heart." He smiled, and left.

Outside he raised his head "So my Goddess it seems you were right to choose her. She will follow your path as resolutely as her mother; they make me proud to call them blood."

Bethan nodded and the others filed out closing the door, Gawain did not hear the barrier being put back and knew the lock in was over, he went to Bethan and crushed her to him "What is it? What is wrong? What did he say? Do not tell me I am to lose you too, for I could not bear that Bethan."

She could tell how agitated he was by the mere fact he was using her name. "Nay I am merely over stretched and over done….Merlin _thinks_ I should recover with rest, though naught is certain." She sighed "I am so tired Gawain, but the babes need changing again" she looked pointedly at the two little bundles; her breath caught…they were holding hands! She knew it was merely a thing babe's did, but it was still the most adorable thing she had ever seen.

She sneaked a glance at Gawain and saw he was smiling too. "They are so cute are they not?" she asked conversationally.

"Aye, they are…"

"So…would you?"

"I know not how to; you have done all that until now….I will fetch…"

"They will all be abed now…please Gawain…" she cut in and gave her most desperate doe-eyed look.

"Alright, alright!" he sighed "I can refuse you naught….though the Gods only know what will happen…"

He deftly handled Tris, but was terrible at changing the napkin. "Ye _GODS_! What is _that_! Did that actually come from _him_? I mean, it _is_ only breast milk and a little solid food you are feeding him, and not the fire of Hades too! The smell….how do….you…stand…the _smell_?" he asked, desperately trying not to breathe.

She was equally desperately trying not to laugh, and the exertion was causing tears to squeeze between her eyes….oh, she would tease him mercilessly about this one day!

He saw the tears "please do not cry Little Scout, all will be well." She turned the laugh that burst forth into a weak cough "Are you ailing more?" he asked immediately, worry creasing his brow.

"Nay, nay…now Darry…." She prodded for him to continue.

He dealt with his daughter. At first her heart sank as he barely made eye contact, only stripping her of her clothes and then the napkin….with the same exclamations of horror "It is _GREEN_! How in the name of Hades can it be green _AND_ smell worse than _his_!" he pointed to Tris. Bethan merely buried the smirk she felt; it was working - he had not been this animated about anything since Ysabeau had died; she got up and opened the window before they all died of the smell….

But then, as he tried to sort a clean napkin out, Darry's little hand grabbed one of his fingers. It caught his attention "What?" not realising, he spoke to the little girl before him "What is it you want of me!" He spoke a little harshly perhaps……but he spoke.

All of a sudden she let out a little squeal and tugged his finger harder, almost grinning at him. There was a stillness about him, his eyes softened and Bethan could see tears pricking at them "You are the image of your mother Daralis…." He sighed quietly.

He quickly sorted her into a napkin and redressed her. But instead of immediately handing her to Bethan as he would normally after she had hold of Tris, he once again regarded the little girl. Dark green eyes regarded dark green eyes…..

"She has my eyes!" he exclaimed "she does, Bethan, she does!"

"Of course she does you oaf, there has to be some of you in there too – you are her father!" Bethan smiled.

He snuggled onto the bed with Tris and Bethan, only this time he was the one gingerly holding Darry, muttering "She has my eyes…she does…she has _my_ eyes."

A quick glance at Bethan proved she too would recover, colour was returning to her cheeks and her eyes were regaining their fire – he sighed, for once not in sadness but in a strange contentment.

He slipped his arm round Bethan's shoulder and pulled her tightly against him. "How are you?"

"I will recover…."

"Tomorrow?" he asked hopefully; she sighed, they were not out of the woods yet. If he could he would pass the child off. It would need a few days to form the bond between them.

"Nay, not that soon….in a few days mayhap. Do not fret so Gawain…I will recover soon."

He slid further down the bed, and nuzzled his face in her hair "You are a good friend Bethan, I would not be here without you."

"Gawain I would not be here either if you died." She sighed "Do you not understand? If you died, so would I. My soul is tied to yours my dearest friend; we share a friendship that goes beyond the here and now….we will be together for eternity.

But there is a negative to a bond of that strength….if you die, so do I. If you are hurting in your heart" she touched his chest "then so do I…"

He took the children and laid them on one side of the bed, then he took her in his arms and hugged her so tightly she could not breathe "Gawain are you trying to finish me off completely?" she grinned at him, but hugged him back as tightly.

"I will never forsake you Little Scout…._never_. I will try to be a better man; I will try to live without my Ysabeau." He murmured into her hair.

"You _are_ living Gawain, reluctantly mayhap but you are. Only you need to be there for Darry. That is what I yearn for, for you to love her as much as Lucan does Tris…..as much as I know Ysabeau would want you to." She was looking up at him and he saw so much love in her face.

"I do not deserve your friendship Bethan, I truly do not - but I thank the Gods for it…" They snuggled with the children. It would be a long road, but they would make it; together they would make it. A bond had now been sealed between these two souls that _nothing_ would tear asunder…..a bond that they would need in the future.


	14. New Knight

**_Disclaimer: As chapter one; so please, for the love of _God, _do not make me keep writing it out people!_**

_**WARNING: BAD LANGUAGE, VIOLENCE AND SOME SEXUAL REFERENCES (though not too graphic) SO READ AT YOUR OWN PERIL. **_

_**All reviews, and constructive criticism, gratefully received – but no flaming please; and I will try to update regularly.**_

'_**Thoughts'**_

"**Speech"**

_**-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-**_

_**Bethan & Lucan**_

**_Chapter Fourteen – New Knight_**

It had been six months since that fateful night and Gawain was almost back to his old self; almost but not quite, he was still terribly clingy to Bethan but was getting better and he was a wonderful father to Darry who seemed to idolise him already.

The final turning point for Gawain had been his talk with Bethan on how to cope without his darling Ysabeau. "I want to survive; I do not want to drag you back down with me. But I do not know how…."

"Mama told someone once that you take a moment and turn it into a second; then you turn the second into an hour, the hour into a day and the day into a week. You can watch the week become a month and finally a year has passed and the pain, though never gone, has faded and you find you can remember them without the heartache."

"Have I told my Little Scout how wise she is recently?" he whispered as he pulled her into a hug.

She grinned "Only about 10 times since you met me; but I will take it as a given shall I?"

"I do not know what I would do without you." he ruffled her hair with a smile.

"You will never have to find out!" She grinned up at him.

0-0-0-0-0-0

Lucan had given up on ever seeing his wife alone again, at night at least. But two months after Ysabeau died, Bethan put her foot down and told Gawain that she would have to start to spend her nights with her husband; or else they would be the talk of the fort, no matter how innocent it all was.

Gawain had agreed, albeit reluctantly – it had meant he would be entirely alone as Bethan was feeding Darry and would have her with her. It had been awful and so he had taken to sleeping in the stables just to know some other living entity was close by.

It was not the same; he missed the gurgles in her sleep from the baby, and from Bethan. He smiled, though she denied it; and it mayhap was not the snoring of a man, but it _was_ little snuffling noises that blew in his ear and kept him awake. She also talked in her sleep……..and that was how he found out about her lie.

She had been mumbling one night about a month after Ysabeau had died, aught about being sorry for deceiving him and had called out his name and "please do not hate me" in such an agonised voice that she half woke herself up.

Galahad was the first to the door, along with Tristan "She alright?" nodded the scout, seeing Bethan, Tris and Darry all encircled in Gawain's arms.

"Aye it was a nightmare, something about being sorry for deceiving me and then she yelled my name and said "please do not hate me" - what would she have deceived me over, that she would think that _I_ could hate her?" He looked at his two fellow knights.

They exchanged a look; Tristan as usual was calm and his face passive, but Galahad looked extremely shifty. "Ask Bethan" was all he said as they left.

Bethan was looking around the faintly lit room a little confused until she got her bearings; she had completely missed Galahad and her father coming in. Thinking Gawain was asleep, she snuck a look at him…..two deep green eyes glittered in the faint light of the candle.

She immediately felt his arms round her tighten "What is it?" she whispered afraid she might wake the sleeping babies.

"Why were you apologising in your sleep for deceiving me? Then you yelled out my name and said "please do not hate me", why?" he whispered back.

A cold chill ran down her back, as she looked down"it was merely a nightmare Gawain, give it no more thought."

"You cannot lie to me Bethan" he tilted her chin to look at him "our souls talk to each other, so tell me…"

So she told him of her plan. She had expected him to be incensed, hurt even, instead he laughed n- he laughed so much he woke the children.

"Gawain! What on earth is the matter with you!" She exclaimed angrily trying to settle the little ones again.

"Only _you,_ Little Scout, could be that bloody devious and evil minded! No one else would have thought of that as a way to deal with me!"

"Are you not angry and hurt with me? In my dream you cast me off; told me you hated me and would no longer be my friend…" Tears sprung unbidden to her eyes.

He clasped her to him, all mirth gone now "I would _never_ be able to hate you Bethan - you saved me, and Darry…" he squeezed her as she finally got the babies settled again "that is one thing in this life you would never need to fear. My friendship is as constant and faithful as the seasons."

"Thank you Gawain….I did so hate lying to you. You are one person I would never intentionally hurt or hinder in anyway….but I felt I had no choice." She sighed.

"It matters naught, the outcome is what you wanted?"

"Aye, you are better with Darry….and I could not ask for more…"

"The napkins are still evil though!" he chuckled.

"Well now you are putting them on so they stay, it is a big help!" Bethan remembered that first night…..the clean up after the napkins had come off was horrendous!

He smiled at her"I _was _pretty awful - but I am much better now."

He picked Darry up and laid her on his chest as Bethan had shown him. The small girl immediately quieted and clutched his shirt in her little hands "you love your Papa do you? Aye you do!" he cooed at her.

He slung his free arm round Bethan's shoulder and pulled her to him, she snuggled against him with Tris. This was what she had been striving for….she could only thank God it had happened.

She had needed reassurances for a few days that he was genuinely not angry or hurt about what she had done; but he had constantly soothed her, telling her he was fine and all was well between them. It was only then he realised how much he truly meant to _her_….it made him feel loved and less alone in a small way. Lucan was lucky man, if he but knew it.

0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0

When the knights had found out that he had been sleeping in the stables for two nights it was decided that each would take a turn with him until Darry was weaned and back with him; this included Bethan and Lucan, at least that way he could sleep in a proper bed and still have company.

Gawain looked forward most to the nights he shared with Bethan; for a few short hours she helped him forget his pain and heartache. He could not explain it, but he did; when she was with him a peace stole over him that he could not understand but was eternally grateful for.

This went on for two weeks, before Bethan came up with a better idea. Gawain should have Darry and fetch her if she needed feeding; Darry was nearing 7 weeks now and was pretty good at night only waking for a feed twice.

So life moved on………destiny watched her plan play out and people went on as they had been.

0-0-0-0-0-0-0

So the six months had flown and now Bethan was staring at her 18th birthday. She marvelled; had it really been 11 years since she and her mother had arrived at the wall and met these knights. Raising three from the dead to boot; one now her father another as good as an uncle, and the rest brothers….except for Gawain.

She smiled and thought for a moment; she had puzzled what to call him for some time. He was not a brother; their friendship ran too deep for even that…..

She sighed as she spotted him walking towards her with Darry in his arms - she would think some more on it. For now; well, for now she was just grateful that all had turned out well.

The little girl held out her arms as soon as she saw Bethan, and started bouncing in her father's arms to get to her…..likewise Tris was holding his arms up for Gawain.

As they swapped offspring for a cuddle, they heard a little voice "dada, dada!" they looked at Darry - but then with surprise they realised it was Tris and he was patting Gawain on the cheek.

"Well, it is only to be expected as you spend so much time with him when I am with Darry – but we must rectify it or Lucan will kill you!" Bethan laughed.

They managed to sort it before Lucan noticed; and if Tris ever tripped up on seeing Gawain, either one of them would cough loudly to cover it or pretend he was talking to Lucan.

0-0-0-0-0-0-0

Arthur had plans for Bethan; both he and Tristan felt she was now ready to join them as a knight and a scout. She was older than they all were when they were conscripted to train; ranging in age from 8 to 15.

She had certainly earned it. The way she had saved Gawain, _twice_….took on the care of his daughter; amongst the myriad of other things she had done.

She could scout almost as well as her father and would one day better him, Tristan said so himself; and she fought like a demon, giving no quarter and as such expecting none. She would be a true asset to them.

He held a meeting for all the knights and their wives. Everyone agreed that it was time; Dagonet's was the only word of caution "Lucan is _not_ going to be happy he really does not want her to be a knight. She has calmed down a lot over recent months and he worries if she has still got that killer instinct."

"Huh! After she made me think she would die so that I would look after _both_ the babies - trust me she has got it!" snorted Gawain in humorous derision.

"Aye, go ask Gilly who had his nose broken for the 5th time this day, still over Milo and Eight, about her bloody 'killer instinct'! Only now she gets Eight to hold the baby whilst she beats his bloody brother up!" Bors roared with laughter.

"She trains like a demon too" commented Lancelot "Those two swords of hers now are bloody deadly, and that whole wind thing is a major unfair advantage if you ask me!"

"You are just sore because she beat you!" laughed Gawain.

"Aye, and I am sore in a lot of other ways too because of it!" grimaced Lancelot with a grin.

"Nay, the old Bethan is definitely back, maybe a little quieter and more thoughtful – but she has still got that fire in her belly and I for one cannot wait to get out into a good fight with her - at least she will be on our bloody side…wind thing and all!" Guffawed Bors.

"I agree" smiled Dagonet "But I am just warning you not to expect to see Lucan looking thrilled."

So the celebrations for her 18th went ahead. The feast and festivities were a great success….she had many friends in the fort, more than the knights realised.

Her healing skills were called on quite a bit now and if anyone was in trouble she would always try and help; though sometimes her temper got the better of her and Gawain and Tristan would usually end up separating a fight.

She had up stuck for Gilly, not so long ago, with one of the tavern girls. Gilly had been sweet on Claudia, and she had led him to believe she felt the same. But she led him on and then dropped him; he was heartbroken and had come to Bethan as a shoulder to cry on.

All the knights' children had one rule and one rule alone; they could fight amongst themselves as much as they liked, but if an outsider attacked them then they closed ranks and went in for the kill.

This situation was no different and once the two women had been separated by Gawain and Tristan, as usual, Bethan had a split lip and cut cheek but the other girl had a broken nose and suspected fractured jaw.

"She fought like a _girl_!" crowed Bethan in derision, as her father and her best friend led her away from the healer's room where the other girl had been taken.

"That is because she _is_ one, Little Scout!" smirked Gawain.

"Well someone should teach her to fight like a man then, that way maybe next time she will put up a better fight!" She snorted in disgust.

Gawain chortled as they went back to his room to patch her up.

Her pet subject _was_ the children; the children of the fort adored her and she could often be seen trailing hoards of them with her as she went on her business. Milo, now 9, was fiercely proud of his sister and would tell everyone who would listen that he would be just like her when he grew up. As Bethan had copied Tristan to the letter, so Milo was doing the same with her.

He also told everyone he was an uncle to two - Darry and Tris. He had long since accepted that Darry was as much Bethan's daughter as if she had birthed her herself.

The celebration was going well; all were pleased to see Gawain and Bethan back to themselves. Although the young knight looked lost without his lady, his young friend did her best to ensure he was not neglected and they danced with all the children for a while, before she returned to her husband who stood glowering on the side lines -knowing what was coming as Dagonet had already told him.

Arthur cleared his throat "I would like to thank all for coming on this auspicious day. We never thought Bethan would make it to her 18th birthday…..not because an enemy might kill her, but because one of us might! She damn near drove _me_ to murder on many occasions!"

He looked fondly at the young woman in front of him "and I hope she will for a while yet, as we missed the fiery Bethan when she was grieving so." She smiled in return and nodded.

"Well, knights!" he said "I think it is time…." All the knights including Gawain walked to the front and stood in a line, Arthur walked along with a dagger and cut each palm, only Gawain refused as he held Darry.

Arthur raised an eyebrow "I am her friend, _not_ her brother." Was all Gawain said by way of explanation. The others all looked at each other and grinned, Bors called out with a laugh "There is no need for that Arthur; he is already closer to her than we will ever be!"

The king beckoned Bethan over "You must put your palm to each of theirs when I have cut yours and then twist it to mix your blood. You will say: I pledge my blood to protect you; you are my brother in blood as well as heart. They will say the same, obviously with sister!" he smiled "It will make them your brothers for all time."

"Did you do this?"

"Nay, I was their commander…but they did it with each other."

She walked down the line and did as Arthur bid, kissing each knight on the cheek as she passed. She looked up at Gawain "we do not need this do we?" she smiled at him.

"Nay…we do not."

"Then we will stay as we are, soul tied as friends." His eyes glittered as she kissed him on the cheek, and he hugged her to him.

Whilst she had been talking to Gawain, Arthur and Tristan had left and were now returning; gesturing for the others to keep her talking. All the knights swarmed round her, chatting about her being their sister and laughing at Gawain for not taking the blood oath.

Finally Arthur signalled Gawain that they could stand back and he nudged the others "I wish to make Bethan a knight and scout of my court!" Arthur said loudly for all to hear.

A cheer went up, and all around people started clapping; save one, Lucan - Bethan's mouth fell open.

Gawain turned Bethan to see her father and Arthur propping up the most spectacular set of armour and weaponry she had ever seen in her life.

She stepped towards it with reverent hands, almost afraid to touch it. The motif on the breastplate had a figure on a horse with a hawk on the arm….it could have been her father, except for the long hair flowing in what seemed to be a breeze, behind her.

The leather scabbards for her weapons all had the same motif in miniature, and the cloak was black like the leather of the armour.

Bethan began to cry - softly at first and then great heaving sobs, before anyone could move Gawain was at her side his arms around her; concerned at her obvious distress "It is so beautiful and I never thought….I thought….you would not want me…not _now_….not after I could not save her…..I felt I had failed you all….especially you." she looked finally to Gawain, tears on her cheeks.

At last all became clear, she had blamed herself for Ysabeau's death; thought they would hate her or at least blame her, especially him - Gawain's heart contracted tightly and he clasped her to him, wiping the away the tears from her cheeks "None would _ever_ think that Little Scout, not and live. For I would cut down any that blamed you!" he ground out into her ear.

"Little Scout! Why would we not want such a fierce wild creature like you as a knight? Are you not our sister now!" Cried Bors clearly moved at her tears and rare show of emotion, not since all the trouble with Gawain had she broken down so. That rigid control had asserted itself again, or so they had thought. Many in the crowd that had gathered to witness the making of a new knight were wiping their eyes.

Gawain helped her dry her tears and she went closer to inspect it; trying out the tridents she swished them through the air, then removed the sword from its sheath.

It was an exact duplicate of her father's…..her eyes flew to his and she saw the love in them as he nodded. It was his gift to her, he had watched it made by Thurston, before the good man had died, and had ensured it was the exact copy of his own.

She looked at the work that had gone into the other blades. "Who did this?" she asked expecting Lucan to step forward. Instead Gilly did "I did Auntie!" He rolled with laughter, "For as you are my father's sister, you are now my Aunt are you not!"

The tackle took them both off their feet and but she was laughing and instead of a broken nose, this time she tickled him. He had heard what she had done for him, and he knew that despite their disputes she loved him dearly and would defend him to the death, as she would all the knight's many offspring.

She helped him up and punched his arm "You ever call me that again, and the next thing you will be saying is: "Bloody hell Goddess – how did I get here?' as you strum on a harp in Heaven!"

Everyone roared with laughter and even Lucan smirked…he had missed that fire. She turned to him "did you have _no_ hand in this?" she asked sadly. Gilly nodded at him to show her.

Lucan brought his arms out from behind his back "Nay, but I did make these….." he held four daggers in his hands.

The two larger ones had the same design on the scabbard though not as detailed as the others, but the blades were stunning; the same with the small daggers - he had copied the girl on the horse, but there was so much detail you knew it to be her….his heart had been poured into those blades as well as the steel.

"I cannot say I am happy about this Bethan, for I am not. But I know it is what you have yearned for since we were children, and I would not stand against you" he smiled then, the scowl dropping away.

She ran at him and knocked him over too. "I love you Lucan, I love you so _much!_"

"Then I can stand anything; only do not ever scare me like that again!" he murmured hugging her to him.

"Well, we seem to have a bull here from the way she keeps charging us and knocking us all to the floor!" laughed Bors.

"I could never take _you_ Bors!" she laughed as Gawain helped her and Lucan to their feet. Lucan gave the knight a strange look, but they shook hands and Gawain wandered off to fetch Darry back from Van who was having a hold….

"Mama, mama!" she called as she caught sight of Bethan. The young woman's face lit up "Did you hear that! She called me Mama!" She exclaimed and raced over to take the little girl from Gawain.

She swung her round making her giggle "Your mama in heaven would be so proud of you little one - she would too. I _still _miss her so" she whispered into the soft downy hair in a voice so low that only the knights close to her could hear her.

Gawain felt the familiar pain clutch at his heart; but she was right, it was not as severe as it had been. He could think of Ysabeau now without tears or anger at her leaving, and it did not pain so much that Darry looked like her. In the beginning he had had to focus on the eyes that were his to be able to learn to love her, he missed Ysabeau too much to see the constant reminder in everything else about the child.

But slowly it had eased and he had seen so much to love in the small girl, and she was as devoted to him as Bethan was to Tristan.

He looked to Bethan, her and her mother were all to them; had saved them so many times "Well, it's only to be expected as you spend so much time with her" they laughed at their private joke; both remembering Tris.

Bethan gave him back his daughter and touched her own chest "In here she is mine, Gawain…truly." She kissed Darry's cheek and then Gawain's. "I will be back little one, but my husband and son are feeling neglected!" she grinned at Lucan, who held out his hand – his eyes overflowing with love. No matter what she always came back.

Gawain held his suddenly fractious daughter close to his face "Aye, I miss her too when she is not with us – but we must not be greedy!" He grinned "Come little Daralis, my most beloved, let us dance!" And he went to where the others were dancing.

Sandrina, watching them with Merlin, from the battlements; seeing Lucan twirling Bethan, Tris in his arms giggling, and the other knights, including Gawain and Darry dancing about like madmen all laughing. "It will not end well, will it my blood?" she asked suddenly.

"She will not die now." He sighed and shook his head "But her path is set; though the ending will be the best for her" was all he said as he walked away.

Sandrina sighed and rolled her eyes; she loved the old man, she really did - but why did he always have to talk in such bloody riddles?

0-0-0-0-0-0-0

Back at the festivities a drunken Lancelot was trying to get Amila to dance. "Lancelot I do not want to…" she pleaded.

"Oh, come on - you do!" he wiggled his eyebrows

She chuckled "You are drunk!"

"Nay! I am slightly inabr…enebr…..inerb….okay, I am tipsy!" He grinned; then stared closely at her face "Are you pregnant again!"

"NAY! Ye Gods why are you so obsessed with children!" She laughed.

"I love them, our own are wonderful of course, and all down to my careful parenting." Amila snorted, but he ignored it "and I just want to eats them…." He glanced round and saw Gawain standing cooing at Darry as they watched Bethan dance with Tris and Lucan.

"I mean look at her….is not just so _cute_? Could not just…coochie, coochie coo!" he gabbled staggering over to Gawain "Gissa hold Gawain, go on!"

"Get stuffed Lance, you are as pissed as a fart! I am not letting you hold her, you will drop her!" He laughed.

"Nay, I will _not_ - go on gissa hug of the little coochie! Anyway _I_ am not the one that is weaving around!" he accused as he stood swaying slightly in front of his friend.

He suddenly swung round and saw Bethan "My sister, niece…whatever…will give me a love of my nephew……great nephew….…oh, who cares…."

Bethan was moving deliberately away, having handed Tris to Lucan. "Where she going?" asked Lancelot.

Lucan looked warily at them "She felt a breeze….."

"Celts?" Asked Bors, as Gawain fell into step beside her, handing off Darry to Van.

"Nay, I do not think so…."

They all moved off after her. Following her round a corner, they all saw Claudia trying to get off with Gilly again "Oh go on Gil, just a few coins; I need to start saving for our wedding…." She wheedled, but she did not get any farther before she was yanked off.

"Do not start on me, I have some friends now!" grinned Claudia maliciously, indicating some drunken men nearby.

"Aye? Well, so do I _and_ I have more than one brother now too!" Bethan let out a low whistle bringing the knights round the corner "and one of them happens to be _his _father!" she nodded at Gilly as she eyed the girl "So do you want to start a pitch battle, or do you want to finish it just you and me?"

The other knights stood and watched.

Gawain leant forward to Claudia "If I were you? I would walk away."

"I never walk from a fight."

"Well, do not say I did not warn you" he shrugged "Wipe the floor with her; cocky little cow!" he whispered into Bethan's ear with a grin.

"With pleasure!" Bethan looked into his face with a smile before turning to the others "Her arse is grass!"

She threw her arm out as if to punch Claudia from the left, a trick her mother had taught her, but in actual fact punched from the right. The blow knocked the girl to the floor, she quickly got up, and grabbed Bethan's hair "You honestly think _pulling my hair_ will hurt me?" she asked in amusement, the other knights all laughed "I am a _knight_!"

She twisted round and under letting her hair be pulled from her scalp, not even flinching. Then she punched the girl again, as the other looked in horror at the clump of bloody hair in her hand.

Two more blows to the face and a head butt finished it; Claudia lay unconscious on the floor blood streaming from her nose. Bethan looked at Gilly "Looks like I broke it!" she grinned.

He hugged her "She was being a right pain! But I did not like to hurt her; Dad says no hitting girls unless they are your sister" he hesitated "I s'pose you count…" he mumbled.

She hugged him "Well, you feel like a brother to me!" She grinned as he hugged her back "But I will still fight you…."

"I would not want it any other way!"

Gawain surveyed the damage on Bethan whilst Dag checked over Claudia "Your head is going to be sore for a few days and you have a cut on your chin; as well as the usual split lip, and your hands will need soaking to take the swelling down.

By the Goddess you did not pull the punch on her did you! But apart from that you will live!" he grinned and hugged her "welcome back Little Scout, it is good to finally see the old Bethan return!"

"Aye it has been along time coming! I _knew_ you still had that fire in your belly; and you defend your own too - I _like_ that!" cried Bors, slapping her on the back "Good lad, for not hitting her like - no _real_ man beats a woman, good lad!" He slapped both Bethan and Gilly on the back again nearly knocking them both over.

"You know what Bors, one day I swear to God you will finally smash my back doing that!" Bethan laughed.

"Helloooo, look who I got!" cried a slurry voice behind; they all turned to see a drunken Lancelot holding Darry and Tris "Oh did I miss all the fun? Shame….anyone want another little drinky?" he started to wobble; Bethan and Gawain leapt forward rescued their children just as Lancelot fell backwards and hit the dirt "I think I might just sleep here for a bit."

"Oh wonderful - you will probably sleep there all night my husband, for I am not carrying you to our bed!"

Dagonet and Tristan exchanged a look, the bond was still there "We will get him there and sort him out for you Amila" sighed an amused Dag.

"Thank you" she smiled.

"Are you going to shout at him?" asked Bors suspicious that the knight was getting off too lightly. His suspicions were justified.

Amila smiled innocently "nay, there is merely naught point tonight; aught I say will not go in and even if it did he would not remember it on the morrow! Nay, the children and I will play at being musicians with the pots and pans…….probably about _dawn_!"

They all roared with laughter, all knew what this meant; banging pots and pans and general mayhem - not good on any day, but with the hangover their brother would wake up with…..ye Gods how he would suffer!


	15. Little Scout

**_Disclaimer: As chapter one; so please, for the love of _God, _do not make me keep writing it out people!_**

_**WARNING: BAD LANGUAGE, VIOLENCE AND SOME SEXUAL REFERENCES (though not too graphic) SO READ AT YOUR OWN PERIL. **_

_**All reviews, and constructive criticism, gratefully received – but no flaming please; and I will try to update regularly.**_

'_**Thoughts'**_

"**Speech"**

_**-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-**_

_**Bethan & Lucan**_

**_Chapter Fifteen – Little Scout_**

Another six months had passed and Tris was 18 months and Darry a year old.

They were turning into bonny children and were as inseparable as their parents; Gawain and Bethan spent much time playing with them in-between training and patrols, whilst Lucan worked at the Smithy. Darry had now long since been weaned, and was supposed to be her father's sole responsibility, but it had not turned out like that.

She adored Bethan and so would toddle off to her at every available opportunity; likewise Tris was the same with Gawain. It was a common sight around the fort, and the cause of much mirth, for the two parents to be seen swapping children!

The bond between Gawain and Bethan had not lessened, in fact time seemed to be strengthening it; she hoped he would find someone to love like he did Ysabeau – but he did not seem to even be looking. He no longer frequented the tavern, and spent all his free time with Darry.

She considered herself to be lucky to have one such as Lucan; she loved him with all her heart. He was a good husband and never really minded her friend; or the children.

He found it touching they were so devoted. "They seem to be finding their own partners younger and younger!" he laughed one night, as they were snuggled together in bed after a rather energetic bout of 'furniture moving'.

She still found the phrase funny and was amazed it was still in such frequent use; in fact it was spreading around the fort now and she had heard others using it!

"Who else then?" she raised herself on one elbow "Come tell me, who else has made their mind up?"

"Milo and Suriana….." he grinned.

"Really? But he hates girls!"

"Not this one; I heard him telling her that I told you at 9 you were mine and he feels the same about her!" They both laughed.

"What did she say?"

"Aye, Milo….I will marry you…." Lucan mimicked the little girl's voice.

"It was killing that Celt that did it! But she is not me - I would not be ordered about like that!" Bethan laughed.

"Nay, you would not and glad I am of it now" Lucan sobered "I was so worried for you - that you would die and I would only be left with my love for you."

"I am sorry my tie to Gawain carries so much from me. I am sorry that you always seem to play second place to the knights." She laid her head on his shoulder "It is hard for you I know; and you are so kind and patient Lucan. I do not deserve you…."

"You deserve _better_…." He tilted her head and kissed her lips gently "But I am glad that you do not realise it and have settled for me."

"I have **_settled_** for nothing! I have **_married_ **the man that captured my heart as a child and who I love." She looked at him angrily, and then hugged him tightly to her.

He kissed her passionately, his kisses sliding to her neck and then further down "Again!" She gasped as his kisses stirred her senses.

"Again - because I love you so much Bethan, and I need to show you….." his kisses drove her hands and she made him gasp along with her.

0-0-0-0-0-0-0

They walked along arm in arm the following morning, they were happy – she could imagine a life with him that stretched as far as the eye could see…..him, her and their son - and hopefully more children. He had been insatiable last night, she grinned at the memory….

"What are you smiling at?" asked Lucan gently.

"You….I was thinking of you – last night! _Four_ times Lucan! I mean we have _never_ done it four times before!" She giggled and blushed.

He hugged her tight "and I do not think I have ever seen you blush before!" he laughed.

They walked along, Tris on his back, chatting about nothing – then the little boy tried to scramble down. Without looking Bethan knew he had seen Darry….

"Darry must be behind us…." She smiled.

Lucan laughed "I cannot believe how attached they are…."

"Do not condemn _them,_ when _you_ were as guilty my love!" she giggle against his lips.

"I could take you back and ravage you now…." He whispered.

"What in God's name have you been _eating_! Or _drinking_!" She laughed as she slapped his arm.

"I think it is being married to a knight - I do not know, maybe the armour does something to me!" They both fell about laughing.

He scooped her up in his arms "If I did not have to work this day…." he swung her round and round until they were both dizzy and giggling.

Gawain watched and smiled; mayhap he _did_ realise what he had. He sighed, he hoped they stayed happy – he hoped with all his heart, he prayed to whatever Gods might exist, that they never suffer as he had…..

0-0-0-0-0-0

Lancelot ran round with the children, particularly Darry and Tris "They are so cute Little Scout!" he exclaimed in glee "Do you want more?"

"Well technically I have two with only a few months between them, so nay not really at the moment Lance! Two lots of latrine training, teething, colic and napkins!" she grinned "the sleepless nights…it was like having twins!"

"Ah, twins - my twins are lovely _and_ my boy….but these two…." He sighed wistfully.

"Dear God Lancelot, I do believe you are getting _broody_!"

"I know, I know….it is sad that a man such as I once was would be this way; but I have a gorgeous wife and three wonderful children! I would dearly love more! But I do worry, after your mother and Ysabeau" the last whispered because Gawain was nearby "I worry for Amila….."

"You have no need, if it happens it happens; we will cross that bridge if we come to it." Amila wrapped her arms round his waist "and the practicing is fun!"

"Oh Harpy of my heart, what you do to me!" Lancelot swung round and hugged her tightly "I love you so very much; even if you do encourage the children to torment my brain from my skull if I have had too much ale!"

Bethan was grinning at them as Gawain looked away sadly "It will happen again for you Gawain, you will see….." she said as she reached his side, giving his arm a squeeze.

He wrapped her in a hug "I am content as things are Bethan, never fear – just me and Darry will suffice."

"Well, now I am worried sick….." she put on a concerned face.

"Why?"

"You called me Bethan!" She smiled.

He returned the smile "Do you not think you are getting a bit old to be called Little Scout now?"

"Nay, not where you are concerned. Why, do you not wish to call me by it anymore?" She sounded hurt.

"Nay, it is not that – for even if I do not call you by that name, you will always be _my _Little Scout. But most people grow out of nicknames at some point – yet you never have tired of this one."

"Do you not remember the story behind it?"

"Nay."

"Well," she pulled him down to sit beside her and leaned on his shoulder "it was back at the wall, and all the others would call me 'child' or 'little maid'. It really annoyed me, I mean _seriously_ pissed me off" he raised an eyebrow "Mama's not here to hear me! Anyway, _you_ called me Little Scout - and in that moment I was yours.

It was not condescending or belittling, it was not meant to make me feel a child. It _was_ what I was at the time, a little scout.

Do you remember _when _you started calling me it?" he shook his head "it was when Papa had been hurt in that Celt attack and I had somehow brought him back to the fort; I was so sure it had been all my fault and you reassured me more than anyone, except Papa, that it was not - it was then you called me Little Scout for the first time." She smiled at memory.

"You have a wonderful mind for the trivial Little Scout!" he laughed.

"Mayhap it is trivial to you Gawain, but to me it meant much and still does." She replied still serious "You treated me as an equal and I was always grateful for that." She sighed "sometimes I do not think you and Papa understand what you did for me."

"I probably do not…."

"Do you remember when Mama was having Milo and how bad things were and you and Amila came to fetch us? You rode back with me and spoke to me like I was an adult; Papa would teach me to scout….and fight….well, you _all_ taught me to fight. But you and Papa _never_ once treated me like I did not have an opinion; you were my biggest heroes.

So was Dag, but then he got the boys and things there changed. Suddenly there was just you and Papa - and some things I cannot even tell him" they shared a knowing glance.

She suddenly sat on his lap and wrapped her arms round him, as he absently tucked a lock of hair behind her ear and tugged on one of her braids "You are all the world to me Gawain; I do not know what I would do without your friendship."

"You will never have to find out" He hugged her tightly before grinning "will you look at those stupid dogs!"

The pack, lead by Guido, were desperately trying to herd all the knights' younger children into one place - obviously tired of watching so many wander about; unfortunately for them they were fighting a losing battle.

She stood and pulled him to his feet "We should aid the poor dumb creatures!" Then she turned to him and laid a hand on his chest "Mayhap when I am old and ugly Gawain I will no longer want to be called Little Scout, but until then I am happy for the nickname to stick!"

"As you wish; but you will never be ugly to me Little Scout!" He laughed as they wandered over to try and aid the dogs in their monumental task.

It was not being helped by Galahad and Lancelot who were now chasing the children as if they were monsters, causing them to squeal and run round.

The dogs were becoming agitated and Lancelot, who was advancing menacingly on a squealing Tris, was not aware of Guido coming up to him with his teeth showing "OWWW!" Lancelot yelled as the dog's teeth suddenly made contact with his arm.

"Guido! Leave!" Bethan commanded and the dog immediately dropped to her heel, as all the others lay down.

"He _BIT_ me! That bloody hound of Hades _BIT_ me!" Cried the knight.

Bethan inspected his arm "He has barely nicked the skin my brother, stop being such a baby – you who have fought to the death, literally, with Saxons and wiped the blood of Celts from your face!"

"But he _BIT _me!"

"As will I if you do not stop your wailing!"

"Your sympathy for my injury, inflicted I might add by _your_ brute of a dog, is truly underwhelming sister!"

"If you were grievous injured my brother I would indeed feel sympathy for you….as it is I can only feel confusion!" she goaded.

"Confusion?" Lancelot bit….

"Aye, Confusion. Confusion as to why you make so much fuss for something that has not even broken the skin!" She roared with laughter.

"Ye Gods you are your father's daughter, for he is just as unsympathetic to a poor injured knight!" He scolded, but with mirth in his voice.

"Well I will take that as the best compliment I have yet to receive! For to be likened to my darling father is what I strive for…." She crowed "So your insult is misguided dear Lancelot!" She hugged him.

"Ah, but it is good to have the old Bethan back." he whispered into her ear.

She hugged him all the tighter "Aye, and it is good to find myself returned."

"What is a compliment that should be insult?" a steady voice enquired.

They all turned to see Tristan regarding them levelly. Bethan explained the whole story.

"I see; she has a point Lancelot."

"You see - like father, like daughter" he wandered off muttering, ignoring the mirth in Tristan's eyes.

"Papa, could I speak with you? Something is troubling me…." Tristan frowned, Gawain was immediately alert.

"Of course…"

"It is about the blood oath…."

"What of it?"

"I pledged you to be my brother and you pledged me as your sister - does that mean I am no longer your daughter?"

"_Nay; _it was words, you are blood kin to me now that is true - the wording could have been a little different for us, but it matters naught.

You were daughter to me before, and you are daughter to me still" he embraced her. "Our blood is tied now Bethan, you are mine now in blood as well as love; you _are _now _truly_ my daughter in _all _ways, full as much as Milo."

"Thank you Papa, I was a little concerned – I much prefer you as my father than as a brother." She hugged him tightly.

Tristan felt his heart swell "You are a good person Little Scout and I love you" with that he walked abruptly away. She watched him go - that man was all to her, in all ways she admired him and loved him; she would hear naught against him.

"If there is any of those going spare?" hinted Gawain hopefully, with a grin.

She went across and hugged him too "Feeling neglected were we?"

"Just a little!" he laughed, as they released each other and sat on the grass again with the children.

"Gawain?"

"Hmmm?" He was playing with Darry.

"What are _we _to each other? We go deeper than mere friends, even deeper than brother and sister and yet we are not a couple…so, what are we?"

There was a long pause while he mulled over her question; it was something he too had been pondering "What do _you_ think we are Little Scout?"

"Us…just that; we are just……_us_. I do not think they have invented a name for our sort of friendship yet." She grinned finally.

"Nay, but I do know what we have is very rare." He kissed her cheek "Come we must take the children to be tubbed and scrubbed!" he indicated the two muddy little ones toddling round.

After many minutes of trying to catch their own respective children, Bethan thought of another tack….

"Ye Gods, Tris hates me bathing him; I will tell you what, you bathe Tris and I will do Darry?"

"Agreed!" They separated and began chasing their little monsters round to catch them for a bath……this time it worked and they separated still laughing at their contrary offspring.

Merlin watched from the battlements_ 'sometimes, Destiny could be too cruel'_ he thought.


	16. Watch Your Back

**_Disclaimer: As chapter one; so please, for the love of _God, _do not make me keep writing it out people!_**

**_The rather useless poems for Bethan's ' songs are mine – sorry!_**

_**WARNING: BAD LANGUAGE, VIOLENCE AND SOME SEXUAL REFERENCES (though not too graphic) SO READ AT YOUR OWN PERIL. **_

_**All reviews, and constructive criticism, gratefully received – but no flaming please; and I will try to update regularly.**_

'_**Thoughts'**_

"**Speech"**

_**-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-**_

_**Bethan & Lucan**_

**_Chapter Sixteen – Watch Your Back_**

A few days later they were all outside the tavern when Bors grabbed Bethan and demanded she sing. She refused but all the knights kept on, and so she sung the song she loved the most, the one her mother had taught her when she was small:

"No matter how sad the future seems,

Or how dark the sky above –

Remember that a heart is out there,

Looking for your love.

You will find it one day,

When you are lost and low –

A heart that takes you by the hand,

And shows you where to go.

So turn your back on heartache,

You are alone no more –

A friendly heart is knocking,

To take your hand once more.

To take you from the sorrow,

To leave all tears behind.

The heart and soul that calls to yours,

Will always now be mine.

So let your heart keep looking,

Allow your soul to see –

The heart that yearns to love you,

Belongs alone to me."

At the end of the song, her soft lilting voice faded and all present had tears in their eyes. Tristan wrapped his arms round San's waist and pulled her tightly back against his chest, she reached up to caress his cheek and he nuzzled her hand….grateful that he had found that heart.

Lancelot and Dagonet did the same with their wives…..these three who had once been dead, now had so much more than they had ever thought possible.

"Why did you choose that?" asked Bors, wiping his face.

"It is a sad song, but filled with hope for love – and is that not us Bors? Do we not all hope that love will ultimately find us?"

"You are becoming wise my Little Scout" he replied gruffly and then hugged her so tight she could not breathe hardly, but she smiled and hugged him back.

"And you grow an old softy my brother!" she grinned.

"Aye, and if you tell anyone I will kill you!"

Gawain watched from the corner and sighed - it _was_ a sad song that much was true…what heart would find _him_ now, when all was lost and gone?

He hoisted Darry and went to fetch her some dinner, colliding with Bethan as he did so. "What is it Gawain? You look so sad…" she took Darry from him, who immediately snuggled into her arms, cooing at her second mother.

"She misses her mother, as do I; I have not seen overmuch of you these past few weeks Little Scout." his eyes met hers and he smiled sadly.

"What ails you friend? Will you not tell one who is closer to you than blood?"

"Naught that you should concern yourself with Little Scout….." he went to step past her, but she sidestepped also and intercepted him. She took his arm and drew him away from the rest.

"If you will not tell me Gawain, I can make it my business to find out." She sounded stern now and he could not help but smile once more.

"Am I a child to you also now?" he asked in an amused tone.

"Aye, if you wish it so; now tell me what ails your heart to make you look so sad?"

"The song was sad, naught more than that."

"I do not believe you; Gawain, we cannot lie to one another – you told me once our souls talk to each other. But if you do not wish to trust me, I will not pry." She sounded hurt as she handed Darry back and went to leave. The young child began to whimper, arms outstretched to Bethan and Gawain caught the young woman's arm.

"Bethan, it is not as you think; but it is also not aught you should concern yourself with. I am happy alone" he sighed. "Will you sing again? I do so love to hear you sing Little Scout."

Bethan nodded; she did not like singing, though they all said she had a good voice – but she could refuse Gawain nothing.

He seemed so alone lately……she was worried – they had never had secrets from each other before. She made up her mind to speak to her father, she knew he was the only other that Gawain might confide in.

Gawain called out with a grin "I have persuaded Little Scout to sing again!" All clapped and stamped their feet.

Bethan cleared her throat, wondering what song to sing…..one immediately sprang to mind as so fitting for Gawain:

"When you look at shadows,

I will be the sun.

When you seek a playmate,

I will be the one.

If you only look about you,

you walk with another in the rain –

my heart is right beside you,

shielding you from pain.

Please do not despair of life,

You have my oath it is true –

That every step you take each day,

I take the same with you.

So look now for the promise,

Each new day brings –

Look for the hope,

And let it take wing.

Let it soar in the heavens,

Let loose in the sky –

Let hope be your guide,

For it never can lie."

Gawain wiped a tear as she had locked his gaze throughout the song; he knew what she was telling him; the only way to move on with his life was to seize the day and find what he really wanted now, but that whatever happened she would always be there for him. Of course if only he knew what _he_ wanted, he would do just that.

She came across "I see my message hit home?"

"It did…"

"So will you tell me now?"

"If I knew what I wanted Bethan I would - but some thoughts _must _remain my own!" he hissed at her.

She looked as if he had struck her, then her eyes darkened "I am sorry if my concern for my closest friend is irksome to you, Gawain!" before spinning on her heel and storming off.

He sighed and went after her - he knew exactly where she was going; where she always ran to when she was upset or angry.

He was right, she was on the battlements"Leave me alone!" she barked at him "You are not the only one with thoughts of their own Gawain!"

He stepped up and pulled her to him, hugging her as did little Darry "I am sorry Bethan; I do not mean to hurt you. But things have been difficult lately." He paused "Darry gets fractious without you, and I get jealous."

"Of what?"

Again a small pause "She is my daughter and I know she adores me, yet you are still the only one who can settle her most times."

"Ah, I see." She still would not look at him.

He tilted her head up and saw tears on her lashes "I have made you cry!" he was angry at himself.

"Nay, nay….it is me. I hoped I was with child again; but my cycle starts as usual."

"Why is it important to have another child now?"

"I know not…I feel…." She sighed and rubbed her face "I feel that time is running out; there is so much I wish to do Gawain……" her voice tailed off.

"Do you ail - do you feel as if you will die? Come tell me!" He was anxious now.

"Nay…but I feel…." She hunted again for the right words "as if the very air we breathe is waiting…"

"For what?"

"I know not, that is what frightens me Gawain - for the first time, I do not know…there is no breeze to guide me." he held her close for some time.

"We should go back before we are missed….." he murmured.

She tutted at herself.

"What is it?" he asked as they returned.

"There was I trying to offer you comfort, and you ended up comforting me!"

"Is that not what friends are for?" he grinned.

She smiled back "aye, and lucky I am to have you as such."

As they reached the Tavern, Lucan drew Gawain to one side. "Have you found out what ails her, for she will not tell me?"

"All she said was she had hoped to be with child again; but her cycle has started as usual." He felt the other that Bethan had said, had been for his ears alone.

Lucan smiled "She is much keen for more babes it seems - but I do love the practice of moving the furniture!" Both men laughed out loud, concerns forgotten at the mention of their old phrase.

0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0

Time continued to march and another two weeks had passed when the call to arms came. The roaming band of Celts had grown ever bolder, and Arthur was concerned that more of their countrymen were coming to their aid - better to put a stop to it now.

They had been raiding some of the farms around the fort and had been stealing livestock. But it was the attacks on the people that had incensed Arthur the most.

He had given his word to protect them and protect them he would. "Knights, we ride to rid our land of this most recent Celtic nuisance. We cannot allow them to harass our people any longer."

"It is about time we were able to have a bloody good fight, eh Little Scout!" Bors turned and slapped Bethan on the back, who just grinned at him evilly. Her hatred of the Celts was well known ever since they had hurt Gawain.

"When do we ride?" she asked.

"In one hour…."

They all rose and left to prepare "we will see if Vanora, Alisia and Ilara can have the children, as Amila and Guinevere want to ride with us too…" Bethan told Gawain and Lucan.

"Why?" Lucan asked, as Amila did not always ride with them these days, nor did Guinevere.

She shrugged "Merlin said they ought to."

She went to the stables "Well Charity my friend, up for another fight?" the horse threw its head around as if nodding; Gawain and Lucan marvelled at her connection with her animals.

She looked at Faith "What of you my feathered friend? Do wish to fly while I fight or remain here?" The hawk flapped its wings as if stretching for flight and then hopped on Bethan's shoulder; she walked outside and lifted her arm, Faith moved to it and then took off "Be happy my friend, be free!" Bethan called to her. The bird circled once, screeing her reply and then flew into the trees; the young woman watched until she was gone and then walked sighing back into the stable.

"What is it?" Asked Galahad as they tacked up.

"Not sure….I just feel like I am not minding aught that is important." She sighed again.

"What?"

"That is just it, I do not know - you know that feeling you get when you know something is going to happen only you just do not know when?"

"Not really" Galahad shrugged "do not worry Little Scout, all will be well! It always is when you fight!" he grinned.

Sandrina looked over to her husband "Be safe Tristan."

He nodded and kissed her, "You too."

"I will be alright, so long as you are….my heart beats with yours." She pushed his hair out of his eyes "Still so handsome…" she murmured against his lips as she kissed him again.

He flashed a smile "Flatterer!"

Lucan stepped forward "If you and I are separated have a care Bethan, my heart would wither without you."

"Likewise to you my husband; remember your promise to never leave me, and watch your back – you are terrible for never watching your back!" they kissed passionately and she smiled at him.

Bethan could see all that were riding with Arthur had words of love from someone close; all except Gawain. He was saying goodbye to Darry who was with Tris in Van's arms.

Bethan walked over and kissed her son and surrogate daughter goodbye. She then fiercely hugged the young knight.

"Have a care Gawain; remember if you die I will follow, and what will become of our angels then?"

"You too….." was all he said gruffly, hugging her as tightly.

Within the hour they were on their way……

Merlin watched from the battlements "Goddess of Destiny, I only pray that you make the end swift and the revenge swifter still……"

0-0-0-0-0-0-0

There had been more of the Celts than they had expected and the battle had raged for almost an hour, but they were winning; Bethan had stuck to her rule and cleaved heads as she went.

Arthur had caught sight of her and still marvelled at the ability and enjoyment she took from killing; she was truly her father's daughter.

Amila, San and Guinevere had become separated from Bethan and Lucan. Merlin had insisted they go…he had not said why, only to watch for the young couple as much as possible. He would not question destiny's plan, but he would give them a fighting chance.

It proved to be all for naught.

The fighting was still fierce but the tide was turning in their favour; within a few minutes they had the Celts on the run. But it was not quite over yet; Gawain and Tristan could see Lucan was in trouble - he was being quickly overwhelmed by the retreating Celts, who seemed keen to kill as many of Arthur's men as they could to save face as they fled for their lives.

Gawain saw one level a Claymore at the young man's back……"**LUCAN**_"_ he screamed running full tilt towards the other. '_Please let me save him…please do not let her suffer as I did_….' He thought as he ran.

But he was too late…..the younger man looked to him in confusion as the claymore bit deeply into his back. Another Celt seeing the prize of a quick kill, lunged towards him stabbing him in the stomach. At the same time Gawain and Tristan were there and felled the two men who had brought him down.

Dagonet, who was close by, heard Gawain scream and saw it all….he ran….."**LUCAN!**"

Bethan heard all the commotion and looked across as she saw Gawain cast an agonised look her way; she saw Dag drop to his knees, his face in his hands.

She knew, in that one crystal moment, she knew; and her heart broke - he was dying…her Lucan….the best part of her….was dying. She ran…..

The Celts were routed and others came "Gawain…" Lucan gasped "Gawain…tell her…I am sorry….for leaving…..for breaking my word….she was right…I was terrible…at watching…my back…" blood trickled from the side of his mouth as he tried to smile "tell her I loved her so….look after her for me Gawain….you alone can do that now…." He grasped Dagonet's hand "You were the best of me father…I loved you as my own blood…." He shut his eyes as Bethan skidded to his side.

He went limp in Dagonet's arms. "_NAY_…..NAY IT WAS _ME_! It was meant to be _me_! Not him….not my Lucan…..he was too good to die out here amongst this _filth_!" she shook him "Do not leave me Lucan….oh please, please do not leave me…." Her voice was heavy and thick with unshed tears; but he did not move, did not breathe – he was gone.

She stood……her eyes were black, no tears fell, and even Gawain sat back from her - revenge would be hers and it would swift and terrible.

She looked to the men; her eyes dead and emotionless "If you ever loved me and call me your own you will help me…." She hissed.

Every single one stepped forward – except Dagonet "He would not wish it Bethan…." he murmured, but he too quailed at the devastation and hate in those eyes; she was beyond reason and would do as she must.

"**HEAR ME CELTS! I CURSE YOU….I CURSE YOU FOR _GENERATIONS_….YOU WILL FEEL THE BOOT OF MORE THAN ONE MASTER ON YOUR NECKS….LONG AFTER I AM DEAD YOU WILL LIVE AS SLAVES! YOUR PEOPLE WILL STARVE IN THEIR THOUSANDS!**

**YOU WILL SHED YOUR OWN BLOOD IN BATTLES AND WARS…FREEDOM WILL NOT BE YOURS FOR GENERATIONS….."** She spat in hate; the retreating Celts stopped dead as the words hung like ice in the air…..

A strange fog was forming and rolling in front of Bethan and the others. Her screams of hate and anger were all that could be heard emanating from the cold fog that rolled around the now terrified Celts.

Those that went with her could see where _they _were going, but the Celts could not…..within minutes not one was left alive.

She returned to her husband caked in the blood of the slaughtered; only 20……he had been only 20……she bent over his still form, the only words that could be heard, that clutched at the heart of one knight in particular, were "I never said goodbye….I never had time…."

Gawain dropped to his knees beside her and held her – his own heart tight with pain. "I am sorry…I am sorry I was too late….I was too late" he whispered.

She began to weep; and as she did, the sky darkened and it began to rain. Thunder rumbled and the hawk cried forlornly above her…..

0-0-0-0-0-0-0

Back at the fort, Merlin hung his head - and wept.


	17. Never Leave

**_Disclaimer: As chapter one; so please, for the love of _God, _do not make me keep writing it out people! __ I know a lot of you thought I might do the resurrection charm….but I couldn't really do it again! LOL_**

_**The poem was originally written in 1932…..but I do believe it fitted the story well.**_

_**WARNING: BAD LANGUAGE, VIOLENCE AND SOME SEXUAL REFERENCES (though not too graphic) SO READ AT YOUR OWN PERIL. **_

_**All reviews, and constructive criticism, gratefully received – but no flaming please; and I will try to update regularly.**_

'_**Thoughts'**_

"**Speech"**

_**-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-**_

_**Bethan & Lucan**_

**_Chapter Seventeen – Never Leave_**

The knights went to move the body, but she glared at them "What are you doing?"

"We need to take him back to the fort, Little Scout" Tristan murmured as he knelt beside his broken daughter.

She nodded dumbly, but still knelt in the mud, in _his_ blood - all the knights looked at her. _That_ Bethan had returned, the one that had caused them fear – the one that looked as if she might die…..all had tears in their eyes.

Sandrina came to her daughter "Bethan….I….." What could she say? I am sorry your young husband of only 2 years is dead? I am sorry you feel as if your heart is breaking and being torn from your chest? I am sorry that I am fortunate enough to not know the pain you suffer my daughter? She wept for her; thick silent tears slid down her cheeks, until Tristan came and wrapped her in his arms.

"I would gladly exchange places with him…" he murmured.

"What, so I could lose my father instead!" The grief had been replaced as rage; rage against whatever had done this terrible thing to her. She grasped her father, as her mother stepped away "I would not lose you too….Lucan…" her voice hitched "Lucan would not wish it either….he knows how much you mean to me!" Tristan hugged her momentarily before she pulled away…

"Why? Why did this happen? Why did Ysabeau die…why Lucan…….**WHY NOT _ME_?**! She screamed at them.

She leapt to her feet and ran to the corpses around them, stabbing and cutting…."I curse you! I curse you for the evil you have done to me this day…may you never have a moment's peace in the next world…may your souls rot in the corpses before me! May you wander for all eternity with _no rest_, _no peace_!" She raged.

All the other knights watched in horror. Gawain walked to her "Bethan….Bethan stop this….you know not what you do." He put his arms round the struggling young woman, calming her slightly "You have powers Bethan, you are condemning these people….please…..Lucan would not wish it…"

"But Lucan is not here anymore Gawain….he is gone….._gone_…..and I…I am alone without him…..he has been by my side since I was _7_…you, he and Papa….you were my rocks. The anchors of my heart…..what do I do now….tell me Gawain….what do I _do_?" She clutched his armour then; falling to her knees in front of him but no tears fell….she would not grieve, not yet.

"You will _never_ be alone while I live Little Scout" he whispered to her as he knelt by her side "I will never leave you…."

"He said that…he _promised_, promised me he would never leave! He _lied_ to me!" She was distraught. "You too will leave me…." She mumbled.

He pulled her to him "I will not….._never_." She slumped against him; her rage spent for now - grief barely controlled.

He picked her up and carried her to his horse, lifting her up and following her into the saddle they began the painful journey back to the fort.

Tristan kept looking at her; he was worried. That dead look had returned; he rode alongside Gawain "You will be the only one to help her now Gawain….just as she did you….that was what Lucan meant when he said you were the only one who could look after her now."

"I know…..but it pains me more than I can say Tristan, to see her broken so. I remember too well my Ysabeau…." His words trailed off.

Tristan reached out a hand and touched the other knight's arm "We will be with you brother…."

Bors rode forward and touched his other arm "Van and me…we will have the little 'uns for you Gawain; know you will have your work cut out for you." his own voice hitched as he nodded towards Bethan. For the Gods knew how he was fiercely fond of the girl.

Gawain nodded and smiled sadly, his arms tightening around the young woman in front of him, pulling her closer to his chest. He remembered the last time he had done this was with his Ysabeau; now a mere 18 months later both his love and Bethan's were dead…….and _their_ lives broken…..

San went towards Bethan, but Tristan held fast her reins "leave them be, San. He is all that can help her now; this evil day goes beyond us."

They all rode on in silence. The only noise to break it was the sound of Dag's quiet sobs and Bethan's deep sighs.

0-0-0-0-0-0-0

As they neared the fort, Dagonet rode up to Arthur "I will go forward and tell Ilara and the boys…" his voice caught.

Arthur nodded….what could he say? This was a dark day; the curse, why had she cursed them so terribly? These thought were going through his mind as Guinevere rode alongside.

"What is it my husband?"

"Why would she curse them so terribly Guin?"

"Because they nearly stole her one true friend, and they _did_ steal her husband….."

"But she cursed them….it was….I mean…..the _hate_….I have never seen such hate…" he faltered.

"Aye, but Arthur what do you think I would do if you had fallen? What Amila would do if it were Lancelot, San if it were Tristan? What would you men folk do if it were us?"

He nodded, his eyes filled with tears. He reached out his arm and pulled her onto the saddle before him, he glanced round and saw Tristan and Lancelot had done the same. Sorrow for the young woman, but a guilty gladness it were not them or their wives.

Guinevere leaned back against him and sighed sadly "The only difference" she admitted quietly "is _her _curse will carry, ours would not. She is an elemental….like Merlin." She felt Arthur shudder.

"Do you think he knew?"

"Aye, I think that is why he insisted that Amila and I ride out today; though we too had a feeling we ought to."

He nodded. "I…."

They heard a scream…….Dagonet had told Ilara.

0-0-0-0-0

When they rode through the gates, Ilara rushed forward to the corpse of her son hanging over his horse. She fell to the ground sobbing.

Bethan climbed wearily down from Gawain's horse as Van came running up "He has been crying for the last half hour" indicating a weeping Tris, "and then she started too." Darry was equally inconsolable. The knights realised that that had been about the time that Lucan died….

As soon as they saw Bethan their arms reached out. She gathered them to her, despite the blood and gore covering her; they nuzzled her and Tris patted her back "mama, mama…."

"Your dada is with the angels Tris…." She took a deep breath "Dada is an angel now…"

All the children flocked round her, comforting the woman who was both like a big sister and a mother to them. The knight's children especially looked horrified at the loss one of their number had suffered; but she barely knew they were there.

Van looked at the stricken face of the young woman, and the protective way Gawain stood with her; heard what she had said to Tris. She saw the other knights, their faces blank masks.

"_Nay_, not…." she looked at Bors.

He nodded silently a single tear on his cheek. "Bloody little bugger went down fighting though!" he choked.

Bethan put a hand on his arm. She did not look at him, her eyes fixed on the floor. But she felt his strength, his words of pride and thanked him for it. He nodded and strode to Gilly "I love you son" he spoke gruffly, "I love all my bastards, do not you ever forget it." His son nodded and went to Bethan.

"Bethan….I…"

She shook her head at the young man…"not now brother…" she looked up at Gilly, her eyes swimming "I…..I…do not…."

Gilly had never seen Bethan cry…_never_…..his heart clenched and hugged her "I love you as if you were one of us bastards…" was he all he said quietly before he left.

"I ain't ever seen her cry before…" he muttered to his father.

Bors shook his head, "and you will not see it again…..the only one who will, will be him." He nodded at Gawain. "I said we would have the little 'uns for a while…."

So Van went and gently extricated the two youngsters from Bethan's grasp. The younger woman looked startled.

"I will bring them back soon….I promise. Just take a while to get your bearings eh?" Van soothed.

Tris looked at the woman, understanding she wished to help – he patted Darry's arm "nay, nay Darry…..nay, nay." he calmed the whimpering child as she was lifted out of Bethan's arms and they were carried away.

Ilara came to Bethan. The desolation and grief in those eyes, even though she still fought to keep control of her emotions, hurt the woman who was his mother all over again – but she had to ask "did you kill them all?"

"Aye…and I cursed them Ilara – I cursed them for generations to come…." She looked the other woman in the eye "I think you will understand how much I _hate_ them…."

Ilara embraced her "I do…and _I_ am glad you did what you did – I want them to suffer as we do now."

"I want him buried this night, as was his custom. He was no Christian like I; his pagan beliefs are that he must be buried this night…"

"Thank you Bethan, I am glad you honour his beliefs…."

"I honour _him_…..he deserves it…he was the light in me…..the best part of me….." Ilara nodded and was drawn away by a weeping Dagonet; his other two sons too shocked to speak. They had adored their older brother; adored him beyond words.

Bethan looked at the bundle on the horse; no more would she ride with him, no more would he drive her passion with those calloused hands of his….no more would he whisper his love in the dead of night….no more would they laugh…no more would he hold his son….no more would she tell him how much she loved him….no more….no more…..

Tristan stepped forward "we will ready him for burial…." He indicated himself and Lancelot.

She walked towards her father "I….I….." her face contorted briefly before that rigid control re-asserted itself.

He hugged her tightly "It is alright to cry Bethan…you must grieve."

"He speaks true Little Scout…" Lancelot stepped forward.

She stared at them as if they were mad "How can I grieve without my heart? It lies yonder…" she nodded at Lucan's body.

They both felt the lumps in their throats for what she meant, "I know…but you must." Tristan said.

0-0-0-0-0-0-0

Merlin had watched all this unfold, his heart bled. "Goddess of Destiny, let her pain end swiftly…" he muttered as he went to speak to her.

She eyed him levelly; her face passive as always now, but her eyes…..her eyes were full of pain. "You knew." It was a statement.

"Aye…I knew one of them would die. The knight or the husband….either one would cause you great pain."

"Yet you did not speak."

"I could not; you would have tried to change the outcome….and what then? Destiny's revenge would have been swift. You would have fallen also…"

"What care I for destiny's revenge!" she spat.

"Your son needs his mother, so does the girl child. Your husband would have needed you, or the knight. I knew not which was to die; but knew whoever survived would need you." He grasped her hands in his and studied her face "Do not try to raise him child. You will only hurt yourself; the pain will linger the more you hope to bring him back. You will _not_…close your eyes and listen to what the elements tell you…." He begged her with his eyes "it _was_ his time…"

She did as she was bid, she loved him – despite what he had done to her, she loved this old man. She closed her eyes; the breeze picked up and swirled around her…moving the rain that was still falling. A distant rumble of thunder, a sudden flash of lightening….

She opened her eyes, if anything the grief and desolation within them was deeper and unyielding "You are right my blood….he will never again hold me …..nay….he is here no more….he is on the plain in Heaven…he has left me." She fell to her knees….. finally weeping.

The others realised the reason for her holding back her grief, she had thought to raise him….

Gawain fell to his knees beside her, holding her, rocking her….the pain in his own chest threatening to halt his breath. He knew this pain, this confusion….he knew it only too well; ye Gods, why had this happened to her, to his own beloved Little Scout?

"Taker her…" said Merlin, a catch in his own voice "Take her away from all this death." Gawain did as he was bid and scooping her into his arms he took her, still sobbing, to his room….

0-0-0-0-0-0-0

He laid her on his bed and she turned to the wall. He knew not what to do to comfort her…..a small voice spoke "Do not leave me Gawain."

"_Never_…" the tears sprang unbidden to his eyes. He sat on the bed and pulled her head onto his lap, stroking her hair as she cried. Deep heart-wrenching sobs; how he knew this well…this torment, this pain that threatens to eat you alive.

She did not deserve this, nor had the boy….they could have had the life he had wanted with Ysabeau. He saw them in that couple, had hoped he could watch the life unfold that he might have had….but now…but now….and it was his fault, he was too late.

She looked at him then, blue eyes bloodshot, the anger gone, the hate spent for now"It was not your fault…" she whispered, causing him to start – it was if she had read his mind "It was not your fault Gawain…."

"I feel it is…..I saw, I shouted….but he did not see…." He pulled her to him, wrapping his arms about her. Should he tell her now? Lucan would wish it "He spoke…before he died…he spoke." Her head shot up…

"He did? What…what did he say?"

"He told me to…." suddenly tears threatened the knight as he looked at her face, but he pressed on "He told me to tell you he was sorry….sorry for breaking his word, for leaving….and you were right, he was terrible at watching his back.."

She smiled then, even as the tears streamed down her face she smiled…. "A joke….even at the end, a joke…..oh my brave boy…my fine man, how I will miss you in my heart…..for it will whither now without you…it will be the death of me…" she muttered almost to herself.

Gawain clutched her by the shoulders "You will _not_ die Bethan. He told me to tell you he loved you; that he wanted me to look after you; I cannot let aught happen to you."

"But Gawain, I miss him so…" she turned away again, fresh sobs shaking her frame. He held her until she cried herself to sleep.

0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0

That night they buried Lucan in the graveyard just outside the fort. All gathered there and listened as Merlin spoke over the grave of the young man.

Bethan bit back the tears that threatened and buried her head in the neck of their son; Darry too was in her arms, Gawain stood beside her – supporting her, physically as well as emotionally; as to all those there it looked as if she could barely stand.

Dagonet fell to his knees; sobs racked his large frame. Bethan watched the man, her heart going out to him. She knew that feeling "he needs you." Gawain whispered in her ear.

Dagonet was kneeling next to the earthen mound not truly believing his best boy, the one who had first shown him that there was a chance of a good life, was gone…..all the memories of the little boy he had rescued from that dungeon flying through his mind.

The night he had returned from the dead….the way he had run to him crying and calling his name "Dagonet, oh Dagonet!"…the first time he had called him father…

He felt a hand on his shoulder "I miss him too….he was the best part of me Dag; the _very_ best." He never answered her, but wrapped his arms round her waist and sobbed all the harder.

"Dagonet…oh, Dagonet!" she sighed, stroking his head and patting his back her tears swimming in her eyes "We will miss him….I will miss him…..so much Dagonet…_so much_." They stayed like that for some time, the young woman comforting the large knight…both knowing what the other had lost. Eventually Dagonet stood "He was a lot to me…he….I….was not his _real_ father…but….." his eyes swam again.

"You were….you _were_ his _real _father Dagonet. You were his father full as much as Tristan is mine. Do you think he would question that he was my father, if he were stood in your stead? Lucan loved you as his own blood" Her voice caught "he loved us both…_so much_….do not _ever_ doubt you _were_ his father…." Her voice tight, her eyes full she held his arm…

He stood and smiled at her "He loved you – he really did."

She nodded, not trusting herself to speak further. They embraced and he walked away, with a strange sense of comfort stealing over him from the girl. She stood for some time staring at the grave unsure what to do next. Gawain touched her arm.

"I….I cannot leave him Gawain….I cannot leave him alone here. He has not been alone since he was 9……" her voice was quiet….low….Gawain felt the tears pricking his eyes.

"It is so cold here….the soil is wet and cold, and he will be all alone…." She dropped to her knees, digging her hands in the wet dirt "I cannot leave him by himself. I want him back…please…I just want him _back_…"

Gawain picked her up and silently carried her away; she looked over his shoulder as Lucan's grave shrank in the distance "_Lucan….."_

0-0-0-0-0-0-0

Nearly a month later; Gawain woke to find the bed empty again except for the sleeping children, for the fourth time that week and he had lost count the amount of times in the last month.

He called Bors from next door"sit with the children…. I know where she has gone." He ran into the rain; the rain that had been falling since Lucan died.

"She has gone where she always goes." Sighed the knight "She is lucky to have him; though he is starting to look as ill as her now….history repeating itself…" muttered a sleepy Bors to Van, who had come in too, and the two children.

She nodded"she would have died already without him; do you think they will be alright?"

"I do not know…." he shrugged, before frowning "What a bloody mess…"

0-0-0-0-0-0

She was laying next to the grave, her hands buried in the dirt…..she had obviously cried herself to sleep – same as all the other times he had found her here. She was soaked, but what could he do? Then something occurred to him, something he had not done before.

She was stirred by a hand….and a soft voice speaking to her….

"Do not stand at my grave and weep  
I am not there; I do not sleep.  
I am a thousand winds that blow,  
I am the diamond glints on snow,   
I am the sun on ripened grain,  
I am the gentle autumn rain.

When you awaken in the morning's hush  
I am the swift uplifting rush  
of quiet birds in circled flight.  
I am the soft stars that shine at night.  
Do not stand at my grave and cry,  
I am not there; I did not die."

She opened her eyes to see Gawain, his own eyes swimming in tears "he is not here any longer Little Scout…" he spoke quietly. "Remember what you told the children?

You told them "When you go to sleep tonight dream of a large plain with waist high grass…..it stretches as far as the eye can see. There are blue skies above and the sun shines warmly on your back…….and all those you have loved and lost, particularly your father's, are there; they watch over you and make sure you are alright, and when your time to leave this world comes, they will return to take your hand and lead you to that wonderful place.

But for now they are your guardian angels, and they watch over you from that wonderful plain. They are always keeping you safe and well….they will walk through life at your side; you will _never_ be alone." Well Lucan is there too now Bethan - he will be there and he will always watch over you.

He will never leave you; he will always keep that promise. He _will_ be with you; you just will not see him…" He sighed and swallowed "but he is not _there_" he nodded at the grave "and he would not want this… come back with me Little Scout.

You have to live Bethan…the children need you, _I _ need you; our tie works both ways – if you die, I die….you are close to death, I can feel it…and if you are, then so am I. I could not, _will _not, go on without you; and then what of the children?"

She stared at him then, whispering "It hurts….Gawain….it hurts more than when I lost the baby…." This time it was too much for the young knight and he grasped her to him; clutching her tightly, his own tears flowing freely. She lay inertly in his arms, as she always did when he found her here and tried to make her leave, one hand still buried in the wet soil – her eyes over his shoulder staring at the grave.

But this time slowly her hand lifted from the mud, and wrapped round his neck, the other following, as her eyes closed and she wept fresh tears into his shoulder.

He lifted her up and carried her back to the fort.

0-0-0-0-0-0

Merlin watched from the battlements - he would save her. He thanked the Goddess, the boy _would_ save her. It was early days, there were still hard times ahead; but the tie held fast, the bond was strong…..she _would_ live.


	18. Coming Home

**_Disclaimer: As Chapter One; so please, for the love of _God, _do not make me keep writing it out people!_**

**_I know a lot of you thought I might do the resurrection charm….but I couldn't really do it _again_! So sorry poor old Lucan really has shuffled off this mortal coil; but it is all for a good cause and I will ensure the story has a happy ending._**

_**WARNING: BAD LANGUAGE, VIOLENCE AND SOME SEXUAL REFERENCES (though not too graphic) SO READ AT YOUR OWN PERIL. **_

_**All reviews, and constructive criticism, gratefully received – but no flaming please; and I will try to update regularly.**_

'_**Thoughts'**_

"**Speech"**

_**-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-**_

_**Bethan & Lucan**_

**_Chapter Eighteen – Coming Home_**

Gawain put Bethan on the bed; she was soaked through "We must get you out of those wet things. I will fetch some dry clothes and then leave you to change." He quickly went to her room, the one she had shared with Lucan.

It was strange, there were things still spread round from the morning of the battle. It was as if they were returning at any moment. Of course one of them would not, and indeed Bethan had not returned there since Lucan had died. Every time she tried she broke out in a sweat and had trouble breathing.

He stood for a moment and then made a decision. He did not think she would be returning any time soon, and so gathered as much of her things as he could to take back; that way he would not need to keep asking someone to sit with her whilst he went to fetch things back and forth.

Whilst he was away Van approached the muddy girl on the bed, "I suggest we get you in the tub Bethan." she smiled warmly and touched her arm "you need to warm up and get clean." She went to fetch water.

Bors on the other hand had had enough, he walked over and grabbed her shoulders, giving her a little shake "Now you listen to me Little Scout….I loves you, I loves you like you were one of me own bastards, but you ain't being fair to our Gawain!

He worries for you; and you are doing to him what he did to you over Ysabeau. You know how that feels, do you not? Do you think Lucan wants you to pine like this? Wants you to waste away to nothing and drag that poor bastard with you to Hades?

He would go too - Gawain would follow you willingly to your bloody Hell if you went there; just as you would him. He loves you; always has, ever since you was little….I have kept my lip buttoned, I have – even Van do not know what I thought, and that is hard for me to keep stuff from her as I love her a lot.

But not no more - I will not stay silent no more while you kill the pair of you. You are his best friend in the world; he worships you - has done for a long while, you are the other half to him see, you know that better than most, I know…..but now you are being unfair and you got to snap out of it…understand!" He spoke firmly but with affection.

She nodded dumbly, too shocked to speak. He wrapped her in a huge bear hug and this time her tears were different…no gut wrenching sobs, that broke your heart to hear them, just small tears that seemed more from guilt than grief.

"Now, now…do not take on so….but someone had to tell you, right? You understand what I am saying do you not? He is the best friend you will ever have in this lifetime, and you will kill him along with yourself if you do not stop this. What of little Tris and Darry then? So buck up my Little Scout, alright?"

She hugged him tightly "Thank you Bors, you too are a good friend and brother." She whispered into his ear. He smiled; he knew he was right to do it….though he doubted Van would agree….

Gawain returned then and flew forward, dropping his load of clothing and other items on the floor "What is it, is she alright? Where is Van?"

"She is well; we had a little chat and she cried, and Van has gone to fetch some water so she can get tubbed, scrubbed and warmed up. That is it, is it not Little Scout?"

Bethan nodded.

"I have got the water…….what is wrong?" Van asked as she came in, seeing the two men standing round Bethan.

"They had a little chat…" Gawain offered with a strange tone to his voice.

"Oh…well, let us get you sorted so that we can all go back to bed" she smiled, giving Bors a look. He and Gawain waited outside whilst Van helped Bethan bathe and change.

"What did you say to her?" asked Gawain.

"Not much; just told her that she needed to think of you more than herself…" The other knight shrugged.

"Why? I have no problem with the fact she is grieving a dead husband that she loved with all her heart!" Gawain replied testily.

"Gawain, you cannot go on like you have; you would both end up dying and what good would that do? Do you not think those little 'uns have suffered enough losing one parent each, without losing the others too?"

The other knight thought and nodded "I just….she was there for me….and I….I…."

"I know…..I know….do not fret brother….but I had to have me say." He grinned and clapped the younger knight on the back.

There was a noise on the other side and the door opened. Bethan was tucked in bed with the children "She has settled; come on Bors…we need to go to bed and have a chat." She pulled her husband out and left the two alone; muttering to him about "keeping your nose out".

Gawain had to smile as he went to empty the dirty water from the tub. They were wonderful the two of them; all the knights were - all had come and taken turns with the children, but they had been happiest with their parents.

Galahad had been there lots of times "how fares she brother?" he would ask each and every time, concerned.

"Well enough…" would be the stock reply; but Bethan would neither look nor turn to the other knight.

He would look at Gawain and see the circles under his eyes and the drained look about his face; Galahad would leave wondering if they would lose the final two who were so close to all their hearts. He would feel sick at the thought of losing his brother as his wife had lost her sister.

"Bethan?" Gawain had returned; finding her, as usual, facing the wall. "Are you alright?"

He lay down next to her; seeing the two children snuggled up to her, he wrapped his arms around all three. For the first time in a month she relaxed against him "I have been very selfish Gawain." She mumbled.

"Nay, you have not….take no notice of Bors. He just wants to help, but he has never been the most tactful of us knights!" he smiled into her hair.

"Nay he has not…but he speaks true nonetheless."

"Nay….you loved Lucan very much, you miss him. I understand Bethan" he sighed "I understand probably better than any here; except for maybe Lynette. But even she did not grieve as I did for Ysabeau, and you now do for Lucan."

He sighed again "Mayhap we grieve overmuch…..I do not know. But I _do _understand; you are not selfish Bethan…you are lost."

"I am not when you are here; I am never lost with my friend to guide me." Her voice was so low he could barely hear it.

He tightened his grip on her "Well that is good to know Bethan; mayhap you could let your friend guide you back to us. We…..**_I_**...am not ready to let your Heaven have you yet…."

She let loose the children slowly so as not to disturb them and rolled over to face him "You are a good person Gawain – I do not deserve you. But….but I am ready to come home now…Bors was right….it is not fair on you, and Lucan would not wish it."

"Thank the Gods…." He murmured as he hugged her fiercely.

She then rolled over and gathered the children to her once more, his arms about her again she sighed "You will not leave me, will you Gawain? I could not lose you too, I could _not_."

"Nay, Bethan…whatever would happen to me – you would always know I walked beside you whether in body or as a wraith….you would know me."

Her turning point had come….she begged him to tell her how to live without Lucan.

"A wise little friend told me once, when I asked her the same question after Ysabeau died; to live a moment, then turn the moment into a second. Make the second into an hour, the hour into a day. Let the day become a week, and then the week would become a month…..eventually a year would pass and the pain, whilst not gone, would not be so bad and I would be able to remember all the happy times without being so saddened. She was right." He smiled affectionately "_You_ were right, my Little Scout…."

"You speak true Gawain…I will try."

She sighed and let sleep claim her, one arm hugging the children the other hand clasping his arm; Gawain noticed the rain outside had finally stopped.

Outside Merlin listened……then he felt the rain stop for the first time since the boy had perished - it was a good omen, "Thank you Goddess…..." he murmured.

0-0-0-0-0-0

Six months flew by once more. It took another two months, but Bethan regained her strength - she was still very clingy with Gawain, but he did not mind.

She had now moved to his room and he slept on a cot at the foot of the bed, leaving the main bed for her and the children.

Daralis was the happiest any had seen her; now 18 months, she was devoted to Bethan even more now she had her with her always. Little Tris, as he was now called by all who knew him; so much so that Bethan laughed that they should have named him that instead of Thane, now 2 years old, was almost doglike in his devotion to Gawain. The young knight would often take him to Lucan's grave and tell him about his father.

However, the little boy had taken to calling him Papa – Bethan and Gawain wondered, and secretly worried, how all this was sitting with Dagonet. Although seen regularly he never commented on the situation.

In the end it was Bethan who decided to speak to the large knight directly. She was loathe to do it - for fear she would open wounds that were only just closing for them all. But she had to know, for she would not hurt that gentle giant for worlds, and he had already suffered so much.

"Dagonet?" she found him in the stables one afternoon "Can I speak with you?"

"Of course Little Scout…..what is it? Is it Little Tris?"

"Nay, he fares blissfully as always." She smiled slightly "it is me…..me, Gawain and Lucan. I need to talk to you about how things sit with you."

"Oh. I see." His smile faded slightly and her heart lurched.

"You know I stay in his room with the children and that he sleeps on a cot on the floor?"

"Aye."

"That is alright with you?"

"Why should it not be?"

"Lucan has only been dead 7 months."

"Do you wish to marry Gawain?" He eyed her levelly.

"Nay! Dear God, Dag! Lucan is barely cold! Why would I wish to marry my best friend anyway?"

"It is of no matter; we can discuss that another time. Is there anything else?"

"Have you heard Little Tris call him Papa?"

"Aye."

"Is…is that alright? Gawain has tried to dissuade him but he is too headstrong to listen.

"I know; he takes him to Lucan's grave regularly….he will not forget his real father, but it is good if he has another that is flesh and blood to guide him. As I …." He swallowed "As I did _my_ boy." His eyes swam briefly, before he blinked away the tears.

He walked across and pulled Bethan to sit on a bale of hay beside him "Bethan, look to me on this – you will love Lucan always. A piece of you died with him that day as it did me. But you and I are alive, and we need to live on. Lucan would want that, he would want it no other way. I…I miss him, of course I do…as do you I know.

I see the way your eyes stray to the graveyard when you are on the battlements sometimes, or when we passed on that mission last week. But we cannot, _must not_, pine forever. Our lives are too short; we are warriors – we could die tomorrow. Lucan proved that. He loved life so much….he loved _us_ so much….and yet…yet he died." He sighed and swallowed again, as she fought to control her own tears.

"What I am saying is this - if you find another to make you happy at _any time_ in your life" He waved her protest away "then seize the day. It is what Lucan would wish…."

"Nay Dag…..I am happy alone – like Gawain I suppose, we two are old hands at grief and prefer not to get hurt again. I just wanted to make sure you understood the situation, and I was not hurting you. If I was, then I would have moved out and cut the tie with him." She smiled, but spoke resolutely.

"You cannot cut a soul into two Little Scout; but it warms my heart to know you still think so much of me."

Her tears fell then as she wrapped her arms round him "Dagonet of Arthur's knights, you are both my brother and my father-in-law….you of all knights will hold a special place in my heart. Are you not one of mother's fallen knights returned? Are you not one of the two who welcomed us that first day in the fort? Are you not the one I would run to first before all others, saving my father, when we first came? I will _always_ think much of you Dag…._always_."

He hugged her very tightly and, not trusting speech to come; he nodded and smiled before leaving.

Gawain passed him on the way in "Alright Dag?" he asked concerned, seeing the tears in the older knight's eyes.

"She is a good girl, we are both lucky men." he choked and walked away quickly.

"Is he alright, more to the point are _you _alright?" Gawain asked on entering the stables and seeing Bethan too wiping her eyes.

"Aye, aye we are both well Gawain. I had the talk with him I wanted. He is alright about it all…but said some very strange things."

"Like what?"

"Oh about needing to move on, giving Little Tris a father figure and just general things like that. I told him you and I were happy as we were in our friendship, or alone, to start worrying about marrying other people."

"You would not wish to marry another?"

"Would you?"

"Nay, actually I would not."

"That is what I said."

He put his arm round her shoulders "Good; let us go and get some food, for the children are starving. I am sure Little Tris is eyeing up Darry as his next meal!"

She slapped his arm and they left the stables grinning. She suddenly felt a pang of guilt that she was smiling and Lucan was not here….

"I know" his voice said softly "but it will get easier with time."

She looked at Gawain startled "How did you know what I was thinking?"

"It is what I was thinking myself a few short months ago."

She pulled him to a stop and hugged him "I would be dead without you now Gawain…"

"As I would you; so, we are even are we not?" he hugged her tightly back and buried his head in her hair.

"Aye…..but I still say I owe you more than you ever owed me."

"We will argue of that another time. Come, let us get the children before they start eating their own limbs, as I am about to do!"

0-0-0-0-0-0-0

Tristan watched them go to the children and chase them round before taking them for some food, his arms about San's waist her head resting back against his shoulder. "Someone should make them see…."

"It is too soon Tristan. They are genuinely oblivious; they will see in their own time……"

She turned and caressed his cheek - rubbing her thumb over his tattoos as was her habit. "Have I told you how much I love you lately?"

"Only about a hundred times a day, but I could always stand to hear it again…" he tugged her to him, kissing her deeply.

When they broke away, both were breathless. "Tristan, you still manage to make my heart do cartwheels even now!" she grinned at him.

He leant down and blew gently into her ear "and that?" he whispered seductively.

"That…that…"

He could feel her slowly fold against him and chuckled "I see that still works as well…." He swept her up into his arms and walked towards their room.

Milo watched them go "They are off to move the furniture again…..I would be bored with it by now, they have been doing it for _years_!"

"Mayhap we are missing something" said Suriana, Milo's now constant companion "My parents never seem to tire of it - and they can be so noisy sometimes! It must really hurt Daddy too, because sometimes we hear him shout 'Ye Gods Amila…..ye Gods!"

They were not quiet in their discussion and the knights that heard, even Dagonet, fell about laughing so much that Galahad was holding his sides and Bors actually worried he might wet himself. Arthur was actually doubled over, as Guinevere merely looked to the Heavens with her shoulders heaving in silent laughter.

It was not helped when an innocent, but sweaty looking, Lancelot clad only in his breeches and shoes roamed from his room and asked "What? What is so funny? We have only been moving the furniture – Amila was fed up with the bed where it was….apparently she is worried about the noise waking the children…" This set them all off again.

Lancelot merely rolled his eyes and wandered back into the room, he could be heard saying "Why are _you_ laughing….I only said…._OH!_" Before the door shut again, but with the sounds of much hilarity the other side.

Milo and Suriana looked on in mild confusion. "You know, I do not think I want to grow up - you go mad when you get old." Was the only observation Milo made, to which Suriana and the other knight's children roundabout agreed.


	19. Gawain & Darry

**_Disclaimer: As Chapter One; so please, for the love of _God, _do not make me keep writing it out people!_**

_**The poems that are meant as 'songs' are mine.**_

_**WARNING: BAD LANGUAGE, VIOLENCE AND SOME SEXUAL REFERENCES (though not too graphic) SO READ AT YOUR OWN PERIL. **_

_**All reviews, and constructive criticism, gratefully received – but no flaming please; and I will try to update regularly.**_

'_**Thoughts'**_

"**Speech"**

_**-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-**_

_**Bethan & Lucan**_

**_Chapter Nineteen – Gawain and Darry_**

Gawain picked his daughter up; she was mithering for Bethan – which in itself was a problem, as she was with Dagonet and Ilara for the day with Little Tris.

He smiled, they had all taken to calling him that; Bethan was thinking of having a naming ceremony for him and dropping Thane altogether, merely leaving it as Tristan.

Lucan would have liked to do that, he loathed the name Thane but had never had the heart to tell her. Gawain resolved to ensure she knew….Lucan deserved that much.

"Mama, Daddy – Mama!" Darry patted her father's face to get his attention and bring him back to what was bothering her.

"I know my little beloved…but I cannot help you. She will be back soon, I promise." He smiled. '_How could I have not loved her?'_ he thought '_She is such a wonderful and placid child'._

He thought that she was a lot like Little Tris. They seemed inseparable even now - a friendship as deep as his and Bethan's possibly. He hoped so, hoped his darling daughter found someone as loyal and true to rely on.

She struggled to get down "_Nay_! I know you, you little demon child; you will be off round the fort searching for her before I can bloody blink!" He tickled her, making her giggle.

"Daddy – Darry loves you; love you Daddy! She put her arms round his neck and hugged him tight. Her curly hair like his, strawberry blond in colour like her mother's, falling into her green eyes.

He hugged her fiercely back "I love you too, little one - more than you will ever know, I love you." He suddenly had a thought "Shall we go for a ride? Take the horsey for a walkies?"

"Horsey walkies, horsey walkies!" she bounced up and down, clapping.

He grinned at her, "Come on then…." He leaned over slightly and held out his hand; she grasped it in her podgy little fingers and he walked her out of the room. Very quickly they were back….he had forgotten the bag with all the paraphernalia that you needed to change her….thank the Gods that Little Tris was now latrine trained!

"Right….we are really going this time!"

Soon they were walking to the stables, but Darry quickly tired "Daddy….Daddy carry Darry."

"Aye, it is a long walk when you are only nearly 2 and you have such short legs!" he smiled as he swung her into his arms.

Jols greeted them as they arrived "No Bethan today, Gawain?"

"Nay Jols, she has taken Little Tris out with Ilara, Dag and the boys……they are really missing Lucan, and she does not want them to feel like they no longer have a claim on Little Tris. They are still his grandparents after all…." He smiled.

"Dag took it bad, did he not?"

"Aye, not as bad as Ilara though; I thought she might follow him from what Dag told me."

"Aye, she was fearful attached to the boy she was that; still, all's on the road to the mending as they say; you taking the little one out then?"

"Thought it would blow the cobwebs away; and she is fretting for Bethan and Little Tris…." He rolled his eyes and grinned.

"Well, you got a nice day for it; have a good time! Mayhap you could teach her to scout!"

"Nay, I will leave that to her surrogate grandfather….Tristan's so much better at that stuff than me!" Gawain laughed.

Soon they were saddled and Jols lifted Darry up to her father.

"Awwww….horsey, nice horsey…..love you…." she patted the horses' neck.

"I thought you loved me?" Gawain queried in mock hurt.

Immediately large green eyes swung up to him "Aww…love Daddy too!" They smiled at each other.

"Darry, you love everyone my sweet!" Laughed Jols.

"Love you Joly…love you muchly!" Darry cooed to the other man.

"See what I mean!" he laughed.

"Everyone at this fort, Darry loves…." Gawain agreed. "She has a big heart my daughter, a very big heart." He spoke proudly.

"You ever think of you know….marrying again…not that you and Ysabeau had a chance to wed….but you know?" Jols queried "It is almost 2 year since she passed…."

"Nay Jols….I am happy with my life as it is. I have Darry, the best daughter anyone could wish for. I have a surrogate son in Little Tris, and a friend I do not deserve in Bethan. We finish each other's sentences, help each other with the children….I am closer to her now than even Galahad, and we too are close. Nay, I like my life…I do not wish to upset that applecart again."

"What of Bethan? There are plenty interested in her…"

"I do not know; you would have to ask her." He shrugged "But she says she feels the same as me and I believe her. We loved, _loved a lot_, and lost; and I know Arthur says that it is better that than to never have loved at all - but the pain of the losing is not something either one of us wishes to repeat." He sighed for a moment as too many memories crowded him.

"Anyway…we had better be off if we want to get a ride in before it gets dark!" he grinned.

"Shame…..that is a shame…" was all Jols muttered as he watched the father and his daughter ride away.

0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0

"Sing Daddy, sing!" Darry demanded; unbeknownst to the others, Gawain regularly sang to his little girl. He had a fine voice, but did not know it as no one ever heard it.

He sighed, he was very self-conscious, but would refuse his best girl nothing. "Alright….what though….what shall Daddy sing?"

"Lickle Angel; sing about the Lickle Angel!"

"Li_tt_le…its Li_tt_le, Darry….Alright, I will sing it!" laughed Gawain.

"There is a little angel,

in the sky above –

she often watches over me,

and sends me all her love.

And when I am sad and lonely,

She flutters down to say –

"hello!" very quickly,

And then she flutters right away."

Darry clapped her hands…."Wonful, Daddy, wonful, Daddy sing _good!_"

"I do not think so, it was some silly song Daddy made up for you…."grinned Gawain sheepishly "but thank you dear daughter for your biased applause!" He bowed over her solemnly.

"Daddy funny…you very funny Daddy!" she giggled.

"Well, I am glad someone appreciates me…" he grinned; "Come my little beloved….shall we walk?" he lifted her down from the horse and they walked along.

"Where Heaven Daddy?"

"Why do you ask?" Gawain sat down under a tree by the river bank, and pulled his young daughter on his lap.

"Mama, says my real Mama in Heaven."

"Ah, I see. Well, she is right. I loved another, a lovely lady called Ysabeau." He waited for the familiar pain to drive a stake through his heart at the mention of her name, but for once it did not happen. There was a stab of pain, but not one that would make him catch his breath anymore. He smiled "I loved her very much….."

"You no love Mama Bethan?" She asked suddenly concerned.

"Aye, aye I do. Mama Bethan is my best friend in the whole world. I love her even more than Uncle Galahad; he who is more my twin brother than any could be. But I loved your first mother very, very much too. Like Mama loved Uncle Lucan….."

"Oh, oh _sad_ - Uncy Lucan go to the angels…" her large dark green eyes swum.

"Oh do not cry my little pudding. Aye, they both went to the angels and we miss them, but we all have each other do we not? You have Mama, me and Little Tris and I have all of you."

She smiled through her tears "Aye, Daddy, Aye I have you….and Mama and Tris!" Then she added "Tell me of my other Mama….the first….."

Gawain sighed, they had had this conversation before – usually Bethan took over as he found it difficult, but she was not here. He pulled his daughter tighter into his arms resting his chin on the top of her head "Well, she was beautiful, kind and loving and she loved us very much. She wanted a baby…"

He hugged her tightly "and she wanted to see you grow Daralis; but things went wrong and she could not stay with us. But she loved you little Darry; never forget that, she loved you _very_ much. She named you, and your name means 'Beloved'; and you were that to her. She loved you very much my little Darry….very much indeed."

He paused for a moment and listened to her even breathing, she had fallen asleep. He leant back against the tree and closed his eyes, pretending to ignore the single tear that slid from his eye….soon he slept.

0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0

He awoke a little later to find Darry patting his face "Wake up Daddy…Daddy wake up!" It was getting dark and time to go home.

He hugged her to him "You do know Daddy loves his Darry do you not?"

She flung her arms round his neck, squeezing "Aye Daddy, Darry knows…."

"Good because I do….you are such a good girl, so sweet and kind too; my most beloved."

He put her on the horse and mounted behind her. She was shivering, as the sun was going down it was getting chilly, so he pulled his cloak round them both and hugged her to him.

He thought about all what they had talked about, and made a decision. On the way back they stopped at the graveyard; he lifted her into his arms and they walked to one particular grave….one he had not been to in a long time.

"Darry, this is where your first mother is buried. This is where to come to talk to her."

"I know, Mama brings me; she tells her how good I am and how big I am." Gawain looked shocked, he had no idea. But he was touched, touched that she should think to do that; but then did he not do the same with Little Tris? Did he not bring him to Lucan's grave?

"Well, I think we should sit with her for a little while, do not Darry; I would not wish her to feel forgotten." He sighed.

Darry came and sat in his lap; she grasped his face in her little hands "Daddy sad…..why Daddy sad?"

"Daddy miss your first Mama……he loved her muchly." He smiled using her strange little phrase.

"I no remember her."

"No pudding you would not…she died when you were but a very little baby."

"Now I big girl…." She tried to lift her arms up very high and nearly fell off his lap.

"Aye, Darry you are _very_ big girl….you will be 2 years old in 1 month from now!" he laughed.

"What we dream of Daddy?" His heart lurched as he realised she had now grasped the same ritual that all the other knights' children had long since learnt.

So he repeated what he had come to know by heart from Bethan….before finally adding, "and to know that we are lucky enough to have each other, my brother knights, and Bethan and Little Tris, who would care if we died tonight. You fill my soul with pride and my heart with love Darry….because of all of you I have not lost all faith in mankind.…"

She snuggled against him "Daddy is my bestest friend."

"But what of Little Tris; I thought he was your bestest friend?" her father smiled.

She seemed stumped for a moment, then beamed "He is….and so is you!"

Gawain hugged her tightly "Oh Darry how you make my heart sing…"

"Sing for me Daddy; please sing for Darry…" Gawain was reluctant; they were very near the fort, he could imagine the ribbing he would get if he was heard – but then he looked at Darry's face, and melted.

"Alright….but quietly…." He smiled. Before singing the song he had heard Bethan sing that night in the tavern….

"No matter how sad the future seems,

Or how dark the sky above –

Remember that a heart is out there,

Looking for your love.

You will find it one day,

When you are lost and low –

A heart that takes you by the hand,

And shows you where to go.

So turn your back on heartache,

You are alone no more –

A friendly heart is knocking,

To take your hand once more.

To take you from the sorrow,

To leave all tears behind.

The heart and soul that calls to yours,

Will always now be mine.

So let your heart keep looking,

Allow your soul to see –

The heart that yearns to love you,

Belongs alone to me."

He wiped a tear at the end and then laughed a little shakily as Darry kissed his wet cheek.

"Darry fix your boo-boo Daddy…..Do not cry…." She looked concerned.

"Oh my darling girl, you are so sweet I could eat you!" He scooped her up and made her squeal with laughter "Come it is getting very late, we should return home; Bethan and Little Tris will start to worry…" He went to put her on the horse, but she wriggled down and ran back to Ysabeau's grave…

"Goodbye Angel Mama…." She whispered.

"What? What did you call her?"

"Angel Mama, it is what Mama calls her." Darry answered, obviously perplexed that her father did not know.

Gawain smiled "That is a good name for her….a _good_ name." He swung her into his arms once more and they led the horse to the stables.

0-0-0-0-0-0

Once they had returned to the room they shared with Little Tris and Bethan he found them waiting….Bethan cooking a stew over the little fire.

"You must have smelt it!" she grinned.

Darry ran to Little Tris and they embraced. The two parents watched smiling.

"Had a good day?" asked Bethan.

He crossed the room and hugged her "Aye my friend….a _very_ good day."


	20. The Day Trip

**_Disclaimer: As chapter one; so please, for the love of _God, _do not make me keep writing it out people!_**

_**WARNING: BAD LANGUAGE, VIOLENCE AND SOME SEXUAL REFERENCES (though not too graphic) SO READ AT YOUR OWN PERIL. **_

_**All reviews, and constructive criticism, gratefully received – but no flaming please; and I will try to update regularly.**_

'_**Thoughts'**_

"**Speech"**

_**-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-**_

_**Bethan & Lucan**_

**_Chapter Twenty – The Day Trip_**

"Dagonet? Ilara? We are come….." Bethan called out into the rooms that Dagonet shared with his family.

Ilara flew to the door "Daughter…good morrow to you! How fares you and how is my little grandson…?"

"Good morrow…..well, and well!" Laughed Bethan, clasping Ilara in a tight hug; both women had mourned Lucan's passing hard, and had only just survived. Both had the men in their lives to thank for their survival…..Ilara had Dagonet and Bethan had Gawain.

But it was Bethan's curse that bound them; whilst most others could not understand the hatred that had run so deep to cause her to do such a thing, Ilara could. Her son was dead and she was heart glad that her daughter-in-law had done something to avenge him, more than merely shedding the blood of those that had slain him.

He was her 'first born' in a way. He had accepted her so immediately into his heart – reminded her so much of her dead boy….even as the years passed she would see Lucan grow and think back to her first boy. She would think 'he may have done that now' or 'I think he would have looked as strong'…..

So when Lucan had passed it was like she was living _both_ deaths again, not just one. It had been just a year since Lucan died now, but the pain was still there; though she survived – Tanwir (now 7½) and Rahil (now 9½) needed her, as did her Dag and so she had let Lucan go forward alone….but by the Goddess it had been hard.

She knew Bethan understood; knew that she too had nearly followed him to the other side, but likewise had been pulled back from the brink.

She knew they shared a bond now beyond that of mere family; they were two women who had mourned hard the loss of a loved one – one a son, and the other a husband.

She knew Bethan never went to his grave; still found it hard to leave him in the cold earth - she had told Dagonet of this only the other day.

"Bethan…" Dagonet had asked "Why do you not visit Lucan's grave? We see you go to Ysabeau's with Darry….."

"I….I cannot…." She looked at the ground "I miss him and hate to think of him alone in that cold ground. I know what Gawain has told me….but still…." She paused "So I do not go. Neither does he go to Ysabeau's. I take Darry and he takes Little Tris." She smiled "It seems we have an 'unspoken understanding'…"

"I see….I am sorry…I did not know it was still so hard for you."

"It is not that hard now Dag….but it…he was never alone you see….from the age of 9 he was never alone…. and it still hurts to think he is now ….we were inseparable as children. That was why I wanted to die with him, just so he would not be alone." She smiled "I loved him that much…."

He leant across and touched her arm "and he loved you equally." They smiled together.

"Ilara are you well? You seemed distant?" Bethan broke into her thoughts.

"I am well, very well. Now where are my men folk? They say women take too long to get ready!" She smiled.

"I am here woman, stop nagging me!" grinned Dagonet, entering the room and quickly striding to embrace both Bethan and Little Tris in a huge bear hug.

"Are you ready for the picnic little man?" Dag asked his grandson.

"Aye, Grampy….Aye, aye!" Giggled the little boy.

Tanwir and Rahil came out and rushed to Little Tris "Can we take him to the stables Bethan? We will be careful!"

"Of course…he loves the horses…plus Faith and Charity will be pleased to see him…" The two older boys ran off with Little Tris, arguing over who was to carry him.

Bethan laughed "They are so grown up now….where do the years go?"

"I could ask you that 'old woman'!" Laughed Dagonet "You are but 19 and you sound like you are 90! What of _me_! I knew you when you were _7_! How old do you think _I_ feel!"

All laughed. "Come, come husband; or we will never get there until it is time to come back…."

"Or as Van says to Bors "You are so slow Bors I am surprised you do not meet yourself leaving as you return!" Bethan gave a good impression of her friend.

"They bicker much!" Laughed Ilara.

"Aye but he loves her more than his own life…though if he knew I had told you that he would gut me like a fish!" Giggled Bethan.

0-0-0-0-0-0

They were soon on the road and passed the graveyard, Bethan casting a weary look to Lucan's grave; mayhap she should visit him. It was wrong not to "Ilara?"

"Hmm?"

"I…..would you come with me on the way back….I wish to visit Lucan's grave. It is wrong not to after so long, I think I could bear it now if you were with me."

"Of course Bethan, we both could. Could we not Dagonet?" She beamed at her husband.

"Aye, aye of course."

They rode along and were soon at their picnic spot. Bethan ran to play with the boys; her age clearly showing as she ran around with the three until all were breathless.

Bethan loved playing with all of them that much was obvious….all of sudden all three boys charged her and knocked her flying; then there was much laughter as she tried to stand with three hardy children all clinging to her and trying to hold her down…

She managed to shake them off only to go charging after them, yelling, into the undergrowth hotly pursued by Guido barking; they could hear the boys screaming with laughter as she obviously caught up with them.

Charity and Faith called out as they heard Little Tris laughing and giggling as he emerged from the undergrowth.

"The old fire is returning but she still misses him; you can see it in her face." Ilara commented.

"Aye, but she could have another if she but looked; he is right under her nose. I do not like to think of her and the boy alone." Dag frowned.

"Do not try to force it Dagonet, if they are meant to be it will happen. But they are wary of getting hurt and value their friendship….I can understand that.

Their hurt runs deep in them at the loss they have suffered, how would you feel if others were trying to push you toward someone only a short time after I died?"

"I would not wish it….but…it is not so short a time….a year….Lucan would worry…." he hugged her to him.

"There are no buts. Tristan warns of letting things run their course and we should heed that warning. It may cause more harm than good to force the issue.

They are happy as they are, and so long as she and Little Tris are content, surely that is enough?" She looked expectantly at her husband.

"Are you sure it not just that you wish her to remain always cleaved to Lucan?"

"That will always be so, whether she remarries or no. A piece of her heart will always be his. A part of her will always remain in that graveyard….just as a part of us always will. He was too good a soul for it not to." she sighed deeply, and then pulled her thoughts back.

"Nay, I wish her well – she is good to us and I do not feel I have lost my boy completely because she includes us so much in her life. I feel it keenly still, but not so painfully.

I no longer wait for the familiar pain to drive a stake through my heart merely at the mention of his name, for it does not happen so much now. There is a stab of pain, but not one that would make me catch my breath anymore.

So I hope she finds some happiness, I do; the Goddess knows she deserves it. But in her own time Dagonet, in her own time. For now she is content with friendship and support, as is Gawain. I cannot blame them, it is a big loss they suffered. They do not wish to be more than friends, and I for one support them."

"You are so wise Ilara….what would I do without you?" He snuggled his face into her hair, breathing in the scent of the violet soap she loved to wash with.

"Probably go around sticking your size 12 boots into your mouth at every available opportunity; or at least letting Bors do it for you!" She roared with laughter; remembering how when she first met him Bors would always do all the talking for both of them.

"Wench!" laughed Dag.

She laughed back and then sobered "we should ask her to talk to the boys; see if she can fathom why they fight so now…."

Dag nodded.

"Bethan! A moment please?"

"Ilara, is all well?"

"The boys have begun misbehaving….badly, and it is not like them. I worry; it has only been in the past month or two. But all the same…." Her voice trailed off, but the concern was evident in both faces before Bethan.

"You wish me to speak with them?"

"Would you?"

"Of course; they are my little brothers too are they not?" she smiled warmly at the couple. "Could you keep Little Tris occupied?"

"You do not even need to ask!" Dagonet grabbed Little Tris as Bethan returned to the two boys.

"His eyes are so unique!" smiled Ilara in wonder.

"Not so; Tristan told me his brother, Milo, was the same. He had one blue and one brown eye."

Little Tris shrieked with laughter and Faith and Charity called out in return.

"So long as we have him we have a little part of Lucan."

"We will always have him….she will never shut us out."

"Nay, she is a good girl…but I feel the wildness returning to her. I missed it." Dag replied looking wistfully at Bethan.

"That amused me with Lucan you know."

"What?"

"He always complained about her wildness; but when she quieted after we left the wall, he then complained how he missed it!" She laughed.

"Aye he could be a contradiction in terms, but he loved her so much. From the moment he saw her that first day they came to the fort at the wall, I saw it. He loved her….right then, in that one second he was hers." He smiled at the memory. "She was all he talked of, all he wanted to be with apart from me. So long as they were together he was content.

But his need for her drove her insane at times, he constantly had to be with her" he looked thoughtful "She is her father's daughter and likes her own company….Lucan could be…..demanding at best and possessive at worst." He looked at Ilara "aye, aye I accepted his faults….for he _was_ my boy…" his eyes swam, but he blinked them away.

"Still we have _them_ now….though I miss him…..always will. He was unique to me." He thought for a moment "the funny thing was it was after one night they seemed to change with each other. She seemed more accepting of his ways and he seemed happy to release her more. He said he spoke with her, and I often wonder what he said……"

"Ask her….."

"I could not."

"Why? If it was a secret who would it hurt to tell it now? If it was merely a conversation, there is no harm…..ask her."

Dagonet sat thoughtful for a moment "I will….for I wonder if he ever told why he was so tight to her…to us all…."

They sat watching Bethan speak to the boys.

0-0-0-0-0-0-0

"Tanwir! Rahil! May I speak with you as one adult does to another?" Both boys ran over nodding. Bethan always treated them as equals, not children.

"Why do you misbehave and fight so?" She was blunt, children always preferred that. Life was black and white to them.

"We want Lucan to stay with us…." Was Tanwir's reply.

"I do not understand…." Bethan was confused.

"You said that he would be our 'Guardian Angel'. That he would watch over us to keep us out of trouble. But we worried if we were not _in_ trouble then he would leave us…." Rahil's eyes filled "we miss him so much Bethan….I could not stand it if his angel self was not with us too."

Bethan felt the tears pricking her eyes, but did not allow them to fall. She swallowed deeply "Rahil, sit on my lap…" they scooted over to where she sat crossed legged on the grass, each folding into her arms "Lucan will _never_ leave us. Whether in trouble or not….he will remain watching over us. You must not cause your parents such distress, Lucan would not wish it. He was your brother, your guide and your guardian in this life - and he is the same in the next. 

He will always be there for you no matter what….you just will not see him."

"How do you know that?" they asked her.

"A dear friend told me….." she smiled, thinking of what Gawain had said "So, no more bad behaviour. Your brother will be cross, trust me!"

"Alright Bethan; we will try to be good…." They snuggled against her "but we still miss him…"

"As we all do, as we all do…." She grabbed them again; trying to lighten the moment. "I think a good tickling is in order to show you the error of your ways!" Within moments both boys were shrieking with laughter and trying to wriggle away….

After a while she returned to Dagonet and Ilara and explained. "I have told them he will remain with them, with us all, for always."

"Do you believe that?" Ilara asked "for that belief would be of great comfort to me."

"Aye, I do. I would not say what I did not believe. I believe he will guard us for eternity. He gave his word he would not leave me, I know he would not break it; he will always be with us Ilara….we merely cannot see him any longer."

The older couple nodded; Ilara embracing Bethan "Then I take comfort in that fact daughter…"

0-0-0-0-0-0-0

Ilara watched Dagonet play with Little Tris "he is a good boy!" she said to Bethan.

"He is….kind and placid; just like his father…thank God there is none of me in him….at least not yet – to be honest I do not know if the world could cope with another brat like me!" They both laughed.

"Dagonet has coped so much better than I with the loss…" Ilara sounded almost resentful.

Bethan put her hand on her arm "Not so…." She bit her bottom lip. Something she had always done when unsure how to proceed "I, or Bors, have often times found him sobbing in the stables."

Ilara looked at her shocked. Bethan nodded "He did not want to distress you further, felt you needed him to be strong. But he was not….no more than any of us were.

Lucan was with Dag even before you, and he took his loss hard. He was the first one to give Dag a glimpse of a normal life. He loved him as his own, and Dag felt the same……"

"Why is it so much harder for us, than you….I do not mean that wrongly…I…?"

"Nay I understand what it is you wish to say. It is because no parent ever expects to outlive their children; nature decrees we age first and die, they live on…..when that cycle is broken – well, the shock and disbelief is overwhelming. You have had far worse to cope with than I; I lost a much beloved husband….but you both lost an adored and beloved son."

Ilara reached over and pulled Bethan into a tight hug. "You are wise beyond your years Little Scout; and I, for one, am thankful for it. You give us comfort."

"If I do no more then I will feel I have not let my Lucan down. How could I not be there for you and Dagonet, Ilara? You are as much family to me as my own…." She smiled.

Dagonet came over once more, letting Little Tris play with Tanwir and Rahil.

"Bethan I have something to ask of you……" he started awkwardly.

"Ask and you know I will answer in truth if I can….."

"Why did you become so accepting of Lucan's possessiveness? I know it caused you great distress in the beginning; I tried to counsel him over it….but…."

"Ah, I see. Well, he told me a secret about him that explained much and made me love him all the more…." Her eyes filled at the memory.

"Could you tell us?"

"Aye, I do not think he would mind it now…..I fact I think it might help a little. You know he was kept in Marius' dungeon of course?"

"Aye, I found him."

"And well you know how they tortured him as well as Guinevere and the others. They did not only starve them. They broke his arm as you know, and they hurt him. But he was not the only child there to start with. Remember Germanius' village; remember _his_ dungeon?"

"Aye, are you - you cannot mean!" Dagonet was horrified as Bethan nodded.

"Lucan told me Marius did the same things, the other children perished long before you arrived." She shuddered "I would hate to think what Arthur and you other knights would have done… Anyway, Marius and his monks killed Lucan's first family; all of them.

His grandparents, parents, older sister and a baby brother all died; all whilst he was in that little hole, that oubliette. He felt they abandoned him, they left him alone - in the dark, in that smell, in _there_. He told me he would hear them screaming and then it would stop….each time their cries grew fainter and eventually they ceased altogether. Finally, he was alone." Her voice was quiet "I could never understand what he suffered….he was just a little boy…"

Ilara and Dagonet were trying not to cry.

"I asked him how long he was alone there and he said he thought it was about 2 weeks but it was hard to tell. All he remembered is Dagonet calling 'Arthur!' and lifting him out. He said you pointed a finger at him and your first words to him were 'You must not fear me!' Her voice hitched slightly, before she swallowed and continued "he said he never did, never….

He said you protected him…..even when Marius attacked after you had camped that night – you tried to protect him." Dagonet nodded blindly.

"He….he….." this was proving harder than she thought, but knew the gentle giant before her had to hear it - had to know what he had meant to her darling Lucan "he told me he loved you, loved you as a son loved a father. You set his arm; he had a fever - you nursed him, called him a 'brave boy."

Dagonet nodded and smiled through his tears "He said you did all the things a parent would do; when he got well you looked out for him. He said he knew that it sounded mad, but you became not just his friend in the short time he knew you, you became his father…." Dagonet could no longer hold back the tears; the grief kept so close for so long spilled out.

Bethan, her own tears swimming in her eyes, looked imploringly at Ilara – but she merely nodded for her to continue. His wife knew this all had to be said; for him to know what he had meant to his 'brave boy'.

"He said but then _you_ died, _you_ left him. He told me it seemed worse somehow than when he lost his other family. You were such a good man, and so good to him….the pain was almost unbearable.

It was then I grasped what he was saying….all he _loved_, left him; somehow some way….they left. He would always end up alone.

He told me that when you came back; when Mama brought you back, it was wonderful. That he could not believe it….that he was _so_ happy.

For a week he said he never let you out of his sight; if you went to the latrine he stood outside, if you went to bathe he would sit in the bathroom with you. When you slept, he would sleep holding onto you. He was terrified if he let you wander you would leave again; or he would find it all to be a dream.

It was then all became clear to me; why he was so clingy and possessive with those he loved, especially me. I was wild and free….always moving around. He could not keep me pinned and so needed to know where I was or be with me. It was not a bad thing…..merely a sad boy, growing into a man, who just needed to know he would not always be alone.

I promised him I would never leave him…never…..I told him he was my heart…that I would not lose him for worlds.

He told me I was his light …I was all to him, he would never leave me….never, ever leave me…..but of course, he did. But I do not blame him….for I know he walks with me even now.

But Dag, he loved you _so very much_…..he remembered every little thing you ever did for him. No matter how slight or small……and he worshipped the ground upon which you walked……you were his _hero_….there was none to compare to you. He wanted to _be _you. You were then, and always will be, his _real _father, his true blood and his best friend." Her own tears were swallowed as she hugged the gentle giant of a knight as he sobbed his grief for the boy who loved him so dearly, but had never really told him all he felt.

But for Dagonet, it was a beginning, a road back to those who remained – for in his own gentle way, he had held them from him so they would not see his own grief….not now. Both his sons and his wife fell into him, hugging and soothing him and Bethan sat back.

She hoped she had done the right thing, but thought that Lucan would approve somehow. Dagonet was a lovely man, and he deserved to know one more thing…..

"We love you too Dag….me and Little Tris, we love you so much…and we carry the love for you that Lucan felt too…..you will never be out of our lives…._never_."

0-0-0-0-0-0-0

On the road back Bethan spoke with Ilara "I will visit Lucan's grave tomorrow with you. I feel Dagonet needs to speak with him this night."

Ilara touched her arm in silent thanks; Bethan bid her goodnights and rode into the fort with Little Tris. Time to get the stew on, Gawain may be there with Darry…if not, he would be soon.

She caste an eye back…..Dagonet was kneeling before Lucan's grave; head bowed and tears clearly falling once more. But his shoulders were no longer slumped and he hoped she had helped. She rode on into the fort.

0-0-0-0-0-0-0

Dagonet knelt next to Lucan's grave; Ilara and the boys stood back. "I never knew….I never knew you thought so much of me, lad. I loved you like my own…but I always wondered if you wished for your other parents to be with you. I know now I was wrong to think so….

I never knew I was so much to you….I wish we had spoke of it, I would have liked you to know how I felt the same; how proud I was of you. But I know now and I thank you for loving me so much. It is a comfort to know, and I….I…..want you to know how much I miss you….." his voice tailed off as he fought his tears.

Then, of a sudden, a small breeze picked up…and to the side of him – for only a second - all four thought they could see Lucan smiling at them, a hazy image of the one they all loved so dearly. It was misty there, but he was clear and true……then the breeze blew again and he was gone……but for them, they knew their best boy, their favourite brother, would never be far away and that he loved them for all eternity.

They looked for Bethan, but she had gone. This was not for her….this was only for them….his family.


	21. Tristan & Sandrina

**_Disclaimer: As chapter one; so please, for the love of _God, _do not make me keep writing it out people!_**

**_The rather useless poems for Bethan's ' songs are mine – sorry!_**

_**WARNING: BAD LANGUAGE, VIOLENCE AND SOME SEXUAL REFERENCES (though not too graphic) SO READ AT YOUR OWN PERIL. **_

_**All reviews, and constructive criticism, gratefully received – but no flaming please; and I will try to update regularly.**_

'_**Thoughts'**_

"**Speech"**

_**-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-**_

_**Bethan & Lucan**_

**_Chapter Twenty-One – Tristan & Sandrina_**

She awoke to find his dark eyes looking at her "You know, in all the years we have been together Tris, I do not think I have beaten you awake _once_!" She complained.

Although his face was partially buried in the pillow she could see his eyes were alight with mirth "I could pretend to be asleep if that would help?"

"Nay, because I _know_ you are awake…..what time is it anyway?"

"A little after dawn….we have time yet before all Hades breaks loose in the guise of our son and daughter….." he pulled her closer to him, burying his head in her neck.

"Remember my husband, it was your idea to take them scouting together; you know Bethan usually trains Milo - she is the only one with any control over him these days…well, apart from you." she sighed theatrically "Sometimes I wonder why I am here at all!"

"To love me as much as I love you and to help me move our furniture most nights….and the odd day…" he kissed her deeply, his lips trailing down her neck. His fingers, gently tracing all the scars, some recent some ages old, that she had picked up in battle or from another time, a time before they met.

"Or the odd morning…." She gasped as he sent her senses reeling yet again.

Her hands had minds of their own and their own path made him growl his desire for her "San, San….even now you make me lose my control…." He groaned against her lips.

"At least I am good for something then…" she smiled, as he grabbed her hips and pulled her against him.

"You are good for a lot of things my love….not least ensuring I remain breathing. For without you I would be naught." He whispered against her neck.

His lips drew lazy circles on her skin, sending her pulse racing her and her senses into kilter.

"Tristan, Tristan…how I love you…." she sighed in his ear before he smothered her in a deep kiss again.

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Later when they were sated, content and tangled in each other's limbs she stroked the hair from his face…..chocolate brown eyes regarded deep blue ones. "What?" he asked perplexed at the look on her face.

"I want you to know that my feelings for you have changed…." She felt him stiffen.

"They have?"

"They have grown deeper, if that is possible, over the years Tristan. You know I love you more than my own life do you not? I could not live without you. You are in every beat of my heart, every breath that I take. You are my first thought in the morning and my last at night. Every fibre of my being has one word written into it……. Tristan…" the arm he had possessively around her crushed her to him. His hug so tight she could barely breath.

"Sandrina, I am the same for you – you must know that…" he ground out against her cheek.

"Aye, my darling husband; if I know naught else I know your love for me runs deep……as deep as mine for you. But I wanted you to know how deeply **_I_ **feel for you….beyond the usual 'I love you'. I am for you Tristan; as I always have been." She smiled against his beard.

She once again looked deeply into his eyes, pressing her forehead against his "Soul kissing?" he asked.

"_Aye_…..I love you…..and you are still _so _handsome…" she grinned.

He dipped his eyes and mumbled something, pushing his face into the pillow…. She pushed him onto his back and peered at him "_TRISTAN….._I do believe you are _blushing!_"

He hugged her head into his neck and would not answer, but she could feel the heat on his face. "You _are!_ You are _blushing,_ my darling!" She roared with laughter as he rolled her off and buried his face in his pillow once more.

"What? I did not hear you?" she tried to control her laughter.

"_I said_…I do not take compliments very well…." He sounded embarrassed, but also happy. She tickled him….it was something she had long since learnt about him.

It had surprised her at first; the oh so controlled and disciplined Tristan…..the man who rather die than oft let his feelings be known outside a chosen few…. was bloody **_ticklish_**!

"Get off me you evil harpy!" he cried; but she soon had him powerless with laughter; and swiftly she was as helpless as he…

"I never tire of your laughter Tristan…it is so infectious!" she giggled.

"Come here woman!" he smirked pulling back to him and pinning her arms by her side "Let us ensure those weapons of my torture are safely kept out of the way! Now it is my turn…." He began to kiss her, slowly and sensually, never once letting her escape or move.

His mouth kissed her eyelids, her cheeks, her chin…and then her lips….his mouth was driving her mad, as it trailed her neck "Tristan….Tristan…what you do to me…what you do to me.." she sighed.

Suddenly she was alone in the bed….She opened her eyes. "_What_ are you _doing?_"

"Dressing…it is time to be up…our children will here soon!" his voice was level and matter of fact…but he grinned evilly at her, knowing exactly what she had been thinking would happen.

He easily dodged the barrage of pillows she threw at him. "You….you…horrible man…you!"

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30 minutes later Bethan and Milo came in "Papa? Can we scout tomorrow….I want to visit Lucan's grave with Ilara?"

"Aye, aye of course Little Scout." He eyed her warmly.

San looked at her with a raised eyebrow. "Are you sure Bethan?"

"Ayes, Mama…I am sure…I know he is gone, I know he……I just want to speak to him. I think it is time." She smiled sadly.

"What of Milo?"

"It is alright…I will go with her, and then we will spend the afternoon together will we not Bethan?"

"Aye my little man that we will. Is it alright Papa? Are you sure?"

He went across and stroked the tattoos on her cheek "You must seek closure daughter. I understand, he will always own a part of you, but you must now find a way to talk to him and say goodbye."

"I will not forsake him; I will always speak with him, but I understand what you mean."

"Exactly….speaking with him is not something you have done 'till now. Go, the scouting can wait until the morrow. I am under no orders from Arthur to do it today." He hugged her tightly.

He opened his eyes as if someone had whispered in his ear "Be happy Bethan, be _free_." He muttered to her.

She started as if slapped "How….how did you…?"

Tristan shrugged "it just came to me…I have heard you say it to Faith many times, and you deserve the same as your faithful hawk." He covered.

Bethan and Milo left, and San turned to him; pulling him down to sit on the bed by her. "I do not believe you…..the look on your face spoke of more."

"I cannot explain it; it really did just come to me…." She saw him mentally shake himself "What shall we do then wife? For you have me all to yourself this day…"

He went to take her in his arms again "Shall we finish what we started?"

She leapt to her feet "nay, my husband…tease that you are….we have moved quite enough furniture around for one morning!"

"HA!" said a voice from the door "I knew you lot would get fed up with it sooner or later!" They turned to see Milo looking at them triumphantly "I am only surprised it has taken you _this_ long!"

He rolled his eyes at their hysterical laughter "Mad….all mad, the lot of them!"

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They went to the tavern to see Vanora and after reciting Milo's little observation, which had everyone there almost crying with laughter, they decided to go for a ride.

"Of course we could stay and I could tell them how you 'don't take compliments' " San mimicked him "oh, and do you think Bors would be interested in knowing you are ticklish!" she grinned looking at him innocently.

"San I can see you have been spending far too much time with Amila; those are the kind of dirty tricks she plays on Lancelot" he muttered calmly.

"Well, mayhap just the blushing then" she muttered before raising her voice "Umm…I forgot to say…." But Tristan covered her mouth in a deep kiss.

There was lots of whistles and clapping from the assembled knights, particularly Bors. "Whatever it was San, Tristan obviously finds it arousing!" he guffawed.

Tris picked San up "You need dealing with my lady and I know the perfect way!" He left the tavern grinning.

"Knights!" Called Gawain "Tristan is getting his own back; she must really have jested over much this morning!"

All followed him as he took her out and put her on the back of his horse, no saddle just the bareback…. And then vaulted up behind her…

"Brothers…this is between a wife and her husband…I want no onlookers- and I _will_ know if you follow!"

San was giggling nervously "You are going to toss me in the river are you not?"

"Nay."

The horse trough?"

"Nay….we have passed that already…"

The hayrick?"

"Nay."

"What then?" he remained silent.

"Argh! Do not go all 'silent scout' on me now Tris!"

"You will see when we get there" he tightened his arms around her.

"Afraid I will try to run?" she laughed.

"Nay, I just like to hold you…" he said seriously.

She squeezed his arm, and then pulled it tighter about her "Tristan, you are my soul."

"As you are mine."

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They passed Bethan with Ilara and Dagonet by the graveyard. Milo was with Tanwir and Rahil. Little Tris was in his mother's arms. Dag and Ilara stood either side of her.

"She is helping them as well as herself is she not?" San murmured.

"Aye, she is. It is good, all have been mourning too long. He was a loving boy and would not want this grief to remain so strong."

"You wish her to take with Gawain?" Sandrina voiced the thought she had had for some time.

"Aye…I would not oppose the match. He is good to her…they have been close for many years; he is one of the few that accepts her no matter how she is - wild and free or grief stricken. He holds her secrets as close as his own, and stays faithful and true by her side. Besides I think he has feelings for her even if he is not yet ready to admit it."

"How do you know?"

"When you became a knight which one did not take the blood oath because they did not want to be your brother?"

"You…"

"And Gawain would not with Bethan for the same reason. _He_ said that he wished to remain her friend; but as friend it would not matter to be her brother too….so…"

But he is 15 years her senior…"

"Aye and I am 8 years yours San. I am 39 years old and you only 31, yet recall what you told me this morning."

"You think _they_ feel the _same_?" She leant back to look at him.

"I think so…but at the end of the day they are content as friends for now. They should be allowed to make up their own minds. All I am saying is that I would not object." He looked about him "And we are here…"

She looked at the clearing; there was a riverbank, with bluebells and lush green grass - there were a few trees and one particular one you could sit under….. and a blanket laid on the grass with food and drink.

"You planned this!"

"I did indeed; I was going to put Bethan and Milo off today anyway." He smiled.

"Oh God…I forgot our wedding anniversary? Nay, I _never_ forget that!"

"Never."

"_Or_ your birthday…well, not once I finally managed to pry it out of you, anyway. So what _are_ we celebrating?"

"Our love; nothing more."

She flew at him then; just as Bethan did with Lucan and, like her daughter, she knocked him flying.

"Well, I was _not_ prepared for that…" he managed to say in between being covered in kisses.

"I love you…I do…I love you so much. You act like you are this unfeeling killing monster Tristan, but you are _not._ You are warm, loving, kind and thoughtful….and most of all you are mine." She wrapped her arms around him tightly.

"Shall we eat, or shall I ravish you now?" he asked with an evil grin.

As it turned out the food ended up waiting….

Later, as they lay once again in a tangle of naked limbs, Tristan suddenly picked her up and carried her to the riverbank; she knew what he was doing and struggled, kicked and laughed…..but it was no use…

"You know…I liked your first idea too." he grinned…

And then he jumped in …..with her…..

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Later, as they lay dressed and curled up together under the tree eating the food Tristan had organised, San let her mind wander back. Back to the night she had helped raise him….

"Did you think we fell in love then?" he asked.

"When?"

"That first night…."

"Why?"

"I did…..I have a confession."

"Oh? Only now after all this time? It cannot be too bad…"

"I came to your tent that night, after you left the fort and listened to you telling the children what to dream; then I heard you telling Bethan that at least with her you had one who would mourn your passing if you died that night.

But you did not, because I knew then I would mourn you; but even before that, when I saw you handle that horse…I think it was _then_ that I liked you and when I heard you in the tent that I started to love you."

"I see…well, that explains much; I think it is fate then….fate that even then you were as drawn to me as I to you.

For me; I think I loved you when I saw you talking to Bethan that first day, and then she put her hand in yours. There was something about you that I just could not ignore; I remember that Merlin would have preferred me to go with Lancelot to save trouble there, and Bors wanted me to go with Dag. But in my eyes no one was like you.

You were this cold blooded killer on the battlefield, this isolated and seemingly detached knight……yet I saw the man inside. The man that spent time with my daughter when he had no need, the man who went out of his way to be nice when I was told that that was _not_ his way.

You had a stillness about you, still do, that I admire. Those eyes of yours are what finally pulled my heart and soul from my chest; I could drown in your eyes Tristan. They hold the world's emotions in them, your heart and soul shine through your eyes."

He wrapped his arms about her tighter "You never did tell me what you would have had to do if Lancelot and Guinevere had not pulled back….."

She sighed; it had been so long she had all but forgotten.

"If you do not wish to…or Merlin has made you give your word not to…."

"Nay, nay…." She sighed "I would have had to kill him….Lancelot. I would have had to kill him."

"Could you have?" He did not sound surprised, and she was not sure she expected him to be. They had no secrets because each could almost read the other's mind.

"Aye….it would have killed me to do it. He is as my own brother; did I not sacrifice blood kin for him? But I would have because the unity of this country rested on it. I am deeply thankful that destiny brought Amila to us - and that disaster was averted."

Tristan nodded, his chin resting on her head. "That was a heavy burden for you to carry alone."

"I did not though, did I? You knew….deep down you had guessed."

"Aye….I had a suspicion."

"I never want to take you for granted Tristan….I know we fight sometimes….though not as much as Lancelot and Amila…"

"I do not think the Saxons and the Celts fight as much as they do."

"Nay, that is true….but for much of the time, I think it is light-hearted banter for them! They certainly seem to thrive on it…three children and another…" she stopped suddenly slapping her hand over her mouth. But Tristan, scout that he was, missed nothing.

"_Another_? Lancelot will be pleased then… he has been pestering her about more for some months." He laughed.

"For God's sake do not let on you know Tris…she will cut me down where 'ere I stand – for she has not told anyone else except me!"

"Your secret is safe with me, my wife….though at least now I know a way to stop you telling of my blushing and ticklish sides!" he chortled.

"You would blackmail your own wife?"

"Aye…to keep _those_ secrets….definitely!"

"OOH! You devil!"

"Aye, but I am yours…."

She decided against tickling him, and instead snuggled deeper into his embrace "As I am yours…"

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They rode back late into the evening; the graveyard was empty and Tristan hoped that his daughter had finally made peace with her ghost.

He wanted her to be with his brother, he knew how deeply their feelings ran for each other even if they did not. However, he would not interfere and if they were happy as friends, then so be it.

They looked in on Gawain and Bethan and found Milo had dragged his mattress in with them and was fast asleep with Little Tris and Darry tucked up with him.

Bethan sat on the floor staring into the fire and leaning her head on Gawain's knee, while he absently stroked her hair as she told him all about her day.

She smiled at her mother as she sat up "Leave him Mama – we will need to rise early tomorrow anyway if we are going scouting. I will move Darry and Little Tris in with me and give him some more space when we retire. But he insisted on them sleeping with him and I did not have the heart to say nay."

"That boy can wrap you round his little finger!" she smiled at Bethan.

"Aye…he can that – but then what sister would I be if he could not? His my little man and I am his Kêmtir Mader….if he could not, then I would be failing in my duties!" She laughed lightly. "But if he is a bad boy, he knows my wrath well enough also!

He is growing so quickly…. He is 10 now…..I remember him as this tiny little baby! He will be a good scout and warrior…he has the same instinct for killing as Papa and I….." She looked adoringly at the boy in the bed.

San drew her away, before asking quietly "Are you happy?"

"I am content Mama, my life is good right now. I have two wonderful children to love, Darry is mine in all ways that count – though I often speak of her angel Mama as I call Ysabeau, she should know the one who loved her first - and I love her like I birthed her, I have Gawain who is the most true and honourable friend. We finish each other's sentences, I oft times even know what he is thinking; I know whatever happens he will walk through this life with me. He is a comfort. He makes my soul calm…calm, when all about it is raging…"

San looked at her "I see…"

Bethan sighed "I would be dead without him Mama…he brought me back, made me realise I could not follow Lucan unto death; what of Little Tris and Darry….what of my Gawain?"

"_He_ kept you from death?" San started; she could now see what Tristan was driving at, yet her darling daughter was entirely oblivious.

"Aye…he made me realise what I would be leaving here. I could not have a truer friend Mama…."

"Nay…nay, you could not that is true."

"Come wife….I suggest we go let these two get some sleep also; we have a long day of scouting planned for tomorrow. How went your day daughter?"

"Well, Papa…it went well…." She thought of all that had happened "Aye…it did…he told me…told me to be happy, to be free. As you did….." She sighed and looked at floor "I miss him still."

"But it is fading and you remember more of the laughter than the tears now?" Tristan hugged her.

"Aye."

"Then it is as it should be…" He let her go and went to speak to Gawain "you, my brother, are a good friend to her….I am grateful." He rested his hand briefly on the other knight's shoulder.

"I would not be aught else Tristan…she is all to me. You have no need to thank me…in truth what else could I do?" He smiled, knowing that small gesture was like a bear hug from Bors. Tristan _was _loving and demonstrative….but only with his family. He was still the same old Tris to all else.

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Later when they were hugged together in bed, San ran her thumbs over his tattoos "Milo wants these now – he wants to be like you and Bethan."

"What did you say?"

"I said he could….Bethan told him they hurt like bloody Hades but she loves them. She said as a boy it is only fitting he should have them before she did hers."

"I will speak to him about it tomorrow….." He pulled her closer.

"What is it?"

"She is better than me…"

"Who is?"

"Bethan…..she survived without him; whereas I would not live without you. She told me once that is why she is so close to Milo."

"No more than I would you…..That is why she is devoted to him?"

"Aye, she said it is because she knew if aught happened to one of us the other would soon follow; Milo would need her."

"Are we that transparent in our need for each other?"

"It would appear so…"

"I am glad they have each other…." She paused "and I am glad she has Gawain."

"They would have your blessing now?"

"Aye; she said some things this evening, quite innocently, that made me think of us. She loved Lucan with all her heart, but Gawain has claimed her soul as well. You say she is better than you….but if Gawain were to perish I am not sure she would pull back in that instance.

But she chooses to ignore her feelings, as does he, because they are fearful of getting hurt again; only time will tell if their hearts will win out against their heads."

"Aye…ours did."

"I do not think mine stood a chance…as soon as I looked into those eyes of yours I was lost. Do you know when I think I truly realised how much I loved you?"

He shook his head.

"When you barely spoke to me after I sang that song; remember? When Arthur got me to tell the story of the 'Big Black Dragon'? You hugged me, whispered to me and then left so abruptly I nearly fell over.

Dagonet spoke to me and the children were playing and yet all I could think of was you. I spent the remainder of my time in the tavern worrying I had upset you; watching the last spot you had been stood in, in case you came back. As soon as I could I went looking for you, and then I found you in the stables…….the rest, as they say, is history…" he pulled her closer and nuzzled her hair.

"For me it was at the stables also. I had tried to ignore it….but I could not."

"I remember you saying; it was the most you had ever said!" She grinned against his cheek.

"I am not a good talker….." he shrugged.

"Do not ever say that Tristan; you say what is necessary and is that not enough? Also you _show_ me, show our children, how much you care for and love us. What care I for flowery words, when I have one as true as you? Look at today, no one else would have thought to do that…." She hugged him tightly "I will not have you speak so. I love you as you are.

I love the fighter in you, the precision with which you kill, I love the man who adores me so deeply, I love the scout who can see a snapped twig at 200 yards; there is naught I do not love about you Tristan….always remember that." He hugged her equally as tightly back.

"You do not love my calmness when we argue….I remember the night I spent in the stables; though I fared better than Arthur and Lancelot as I recall." His voice held a soft smirk.

She blushed "I was angry and hurt; you had kicked in our door _and_ then walked off and left me!" She smiled "But aye, your calmness in an argument can be a little…..irritating. I remember the others; Arthur had a cut lip and Lancelot a black eye did they not?"

"They did indeed…I was lucky." She felt him smile.

"Nay, you were quicker….I remember trying to strike you on more than one occasion and you grasping my wrist to stop me; their reflexes were merely not as quick as yours my love."

"Flatterer…."

"Always….."

They snuggled together as sleep took them; safe in the knowledge their love came first with them both. Their love…still as strong as the day they declared it, only deeper and more resolute; they were indeed fortunate.


	22. Bethan & Milo

**_Disclaimer: As chapter one; so please, for the love of _God, _do not make me keep writing it out people!_**

_**According to the internet, Barastyrn is the Sarmatian God of the Earth Powers….very fitting as a name for Tristan's horse, the horse of a scout; and Afsati is the Lord of Noble Animals in Sarmatian theology and so again would be a good name for Milo's horse, considering his families affinity with animals.**_

_**WARNING: BAD LANGUAGE, VIOLENCE AND SOME SEXUAL REFERENCES (though not too graphic) SO READ AT YOUR OWN PERIL. **_

_**All reviews, and constructive criticism, gratefully received – but no flaming please; and I will try to update regularly.**_

'_**Thoughts'**_

"**Speech"**

_**-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-**_

_**Bethan & Lucan**_

**_Chapter Twenty-Two – Bethan& Milo_**

Bethan closed the door and walked away with Milo "Are you sure you want do this Befan?" he asked concerned.

"Aye little man….I do." She smiled "but your concern is deeply touching."

Milo glanced over his shoulder, as heard his parents speaking, and dodged back to the door "HA!" Bethan heard him say "I knew you lot would get fed up with it sooner or later! I am only surprised it's taken you _this_ long!"

He rolled his eyes at the hysterical laughter from within the room "Mad….all mad, the lot of them!" He mumbled heading back to his sister.

She ruffled his hair "If only you knew, Milo….if only you knew…"

"Knew what? If only I knew _what_? Befan, tell me!"

"When you are older mayhap…..but not now!" she laughed.

"Oh and there was I hoping to spy on my little sister giving 'the talk'!" Guffawed a voice from behind her.

"Bors! You sly old dog…maybe I should make you do it!" she laughed.

"What is 'the talk', and why would you make it sound like he should not want to do it? Argh! Why do all adults talk in riddles? Ye Gods you could all run rings round Merlin for speaking nonsense!" He stalked off, toting Little Tris with him.

"Bloody hell, it seems the little man is having a little tantrum!" sniggered Bors.

"He is having many lately; I can see I will need to play less the willing sister and more the Kêmtir Mader!" she sighed.

"Comes to us all Little Scout…we all have to play the heavy sometimes… Coming to the tavern? Gawain is there…."

"Nay, I am visiting Lucan's grave…."

Bors eyebrows shot up "You are?" He stepped forward, his face suddenly concerned "Sure that is wise?"

"I have to speak with him Bors…I can no longer go on avoiding him. Gawain has made the same decision about Ysabeau. He took Darry there yesterday."

"Ah, I see….time to be moving on…"

"Nay, not really; but neither can we always be looking backwards" she sighed "I just want to talk to him…."

"Aye, I understand….but listen, Little Scout; do not ignore who is right under your nose alright?"

"I do not understand Bors; _what _is right under my nose?"

"Not what…._who_…"

"What?"

"Never mind….but do not think I' a going to let you be forgetting what I am telling you now." And he wandered off.

"But how can I forget what you have not told me! BORS!" She called after him, but he merely waved at her as he headed to the tavern.

At that precise moment in time she understood her brother's frustration; she began to wander to the stables to find him and her son - only to be brought running by Milo shouting…. Bors swung round too…."_Knights_!"

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Milo had stomped into the stables with his nephew – and was immediately struck how the animals welcomed the small boy. Little Tris struggled down from Milo's arms and wandered around the stables as if greeting each and every animal. Faith and Hope both alighted on his shoulders, and Charity leant over her stable door and nudged him. All the horses were neighing and the knight's dogs gathered round him.

Milo wondered at it; if anyone had told him of what he had just witnessed he would have laughed in their face and called them a liar….but here it was. Little Tris certainly had a way with animals, even more than his sister.

He sighed….he knew she did not mean to tease him, but he disliked the fact that she was a grown-up now; part of _their_ world and not his. That somehow there was this whole other life that affected everyone; but that he, and all other children, were not privy to.

He looked at Little Tris "Well, my little man….what do _you_ think of all this?"

The small boy wandered over and tapped Milo on the cheek "Awww, do not be sad Miwo…." He climbed into his lap.

Milo smiled, Little Tris had many problems saying his name - Miwo was the closest he ever got to the correct one. He hugged the small boy and kissed his cheek. "You are a good boy Little Tris…it is very proud of you I am…"

"Tris-Tris good boy, aye Miwo? Tris-Tris _good boy_!" Little Tris had long since adopted Darry's name for him.

"Aye, Tris-Tris good boy…._very_ good boy!"

"Like _that_ horsey Miwo? Tris-Tris like _that _horsey…" he pointed to the new stallion that had arrived for Arthur, since his last had died. It was black and large….and its temper matched.

"Nay, not that one my little man - he is _not_ a nice horsey…." Even Arthur was having trouble mastering the beast, and was wondering about having it destroyed as it was so dangerous.

But the toddler was already running as fast as his little legs would take him towards the horse.

Milo lunged towards the boy shouting "NAY, NAY! TRIS – NAY!"

Seconds later Bethan rounded the doors, with Bors and the other knights in hot pursuit. What they witnessed beggared belief.

Milo was frozen, too scared to approach in case of enraging the large animal, Little Tris was standing on a bale of hay and the black stallion that let no one near it, let alone touch it, was allowing the small boy to caress it's muzzle and coo at it. "Lovely horsey, are you not? Lovely horsey, you are; coochie coo-coo!" The horse tossed its head as if agreeing.

Bethan heard a snigger and turned to see Galahad smirking "You think it is funny that my son is so close to that horse? Even _I_ cannot not approach it!" She glared.

"I am sorry Little Scout, but you know what he is like with animals; I do not believe he is at risk" the other knight apologised.

"Mayhap he is not…..but you cannot be too careful…" Gawain said as he stepped forward to retrieve Little Tris, but Bethan put out a restraining arm "Do not Gawain…I do not want to antagonise the beast. Just call him….he will come to you like no other."

He nodded "Little Tris? Going to come to Papa?"

The small boy looked over and saw Gawain "PAPA!" and came tearing to him "_Papa_!" Gawain caught him in a fierce hug and swept him into his arms. He hugged him tightly, "Little Tris you scared me half to death!" he said into the boy's hair.

Darry patted his little leg "Tris-Tris silly, that _bad_ horsey!"

"No bad….horsey my friend! Horsey, _nice _horsey!"

"I am sorry Befan; he was over there before I could stop him…." Muttered Milo.

She ruffled her brother's hair "It is alright, I know what a little devil he can be….."

"Horsey, horsey!" Her son was waving at the stallion who was tossing his head in answer.

"Can I try something?" asked Arthur thoughtfully.

"Nay! You want to use him to get close to the beast….I cannot allow it!" Gawain spoke before Bethan could open her mouth.

"He is right Arthur – it would be foolish….." she added.

"Please Bethan, if the beast attacks anyone, it will be me."

"Alright….but be careful…._both _of you." She shrugged at Gawain "He is right…Tris will be fine…it is our king who is at risk."

Milo scooped the small boy up before Arthur had a chance and walked purposefully towards the large black stallion. The others held their breath, Bethan was concerned….why on earth had he done it?

The horse flattened his ears against his head and started dancing round his stall. "Nay, nay horsey…..be nice….be nice to Tris-Tris and Miwo!" called the toddler.

The horse immediately stopped - Milo held out his hand and the horse sniffed suspiciously at it. The boy felt around in his pocket and brought out a carrot - he usually had some on him for Charity, Barastyr (his father's horse) and Afsati his own pony. The horse greedily took it from him, before casting a dubious eye over the boy.

"Come" murmured Milo to Arthur "but for God's sake bring food….it seems the way to this devil's heart is through his stomach!"

The knights smirked, Arthur did as he was bid; progress was made. "Why did you do it Milo?" he asked the boy.

"Because Befan spoke true; you are our king and we cannot risk your safety, I am naught - I am expendable." He replied matter of factly.

"I beg to differ; you are a loyal friend, and a wonderful brother…." Arthur said. Milo beamed with pride, more so as Bethan spoke.

"Aye, and I cannot fault you. It was foolish, but also brave what you did Milo. I am very proud of you to put your king first…."

"Not just my king…..also my friend."

"Aye, that too" Arthur patted the boy on the head, he would be happy if his own son grew up like him; which was likely with the way all the knights' children stuck together, with Milo and Bethan at their head.

"But you are _not_ naught, and to me you are _not_ expendable; where would _I_ be without you? I love you so much my little brother!" Bethan hugged him fiercely.

Milo beamed at her "And I you…"

"Can I borrow Tris tomorrow? It seems so long as he is by him the beast is somewhat calmed….." Arthur asked thoughtfully.

"I suppose so; though I do not trust him as yet, but Tris _does _have a way with animals." She looked out the stables at the sky "I must depart Arthur - call for me in the morning and we will see if we can do something with that dark devil..." she smiled; but there was something in her look.

Arthur touched her arm "Do you fare well?"

"Tired…merely tired" she rubbed a hand over her face "every one is speaking in cryptic messages either about me or to me all of a sudden. I am getting bored with it very quickly; I prefer people just speaking their minds…." She shrugged and smiled "Still, my brothers are good at playing games - I should be used to it by now!"

"You too?" Gawain asked, walking over with Darry in his arms "I have had it for three days now! It is driving me mad; if they keep on, I intend to start knocking heads until I get answers!"

"They will get tired of it if we just ignore them; you know what they are like for their pranks!" Bethan quirked an eyebrow, Gawain winked and then they nodded, grinning; it was as if, to Arthur at least, they had had a conversation……he envied them. They were so like Sandrina and Tristan; but he would have to get the others to give them some space, they could end up forcing them apart instead of together…..

Bethan turned to Milo and Tris "Come my little men, shall we go to the graveyard with Dag and Ilara?"

"We are here…" said a voice from the back. She turned to see Dag raise his arm in greeting, she walked over and kissed his cheek, he briefly embraced her. "The boys wish to come too." He looked a little odd, but when she asked he merely smiled "I am at peace….I have said my goodbyes…." She hugged him tightly.

"I do not know if I _can_ say goodbye Dag…..."

"Then merely say what is in your heart."

0-0-0-0-0-0

Milo walked along with Rahil and Tanwir, all chatting about Little Tris. Milo looked at the others "why is everyone being so funny with my sister?"

"Do you not know?" Tanwir looked surprised.

"What?"

"I thought _you_ would have worked it out…" Rahil said.

"Do not you start the bloody Merlin riddle game as well…just _tell me_." Milo was becoming exasperated.

"They wish her to be with Gawain…"

"_WHAT!"_

"Hush!" Tanwir hissed urgently as the adults looked round. "What is so bad about that? He is nice, our brother liked him much and he is good with Tris, also our sister is good with Darry."

"Aye, but…._Lucan_…I mean she is only now just coming to terms with his death!"

"It has been a year since he passed….she is a warrior, as is Gawain. They should seize the moment; we none of us know how long we have, especially them – that is what your father and ours believes. Battles shorten lives easily." Rahil spoke solemnly and sadly "Our brother learnt that to his cost."

"We miss him; but we do not wish her to be alone…neither would he. We have talked about this a lot, and we think Lucan would have picked Gawain for her." Tanwir added.

"What of Ysabeau?"

"She too would have chosen Bethan; did she not pick her to be a mother to Daralis over her own sister?" Rahil had obviously given this a _lot _of thought.

"Aye, but only because her sister has her own 2 children, 3 if you count Galahad when he is being a child - which is most of the time……" Milo pointed out.

"True, but she picked her none the less" the other boy sighed "Milo, we wish them to be together, our fathers wish them to be together. Do you not agree?"

Milo considered it "Hmmm, from what you say the grown ups have been trying for some time… but it does not seem to be working. Perhaps we should have a hand in it?"

"You agree then?"

"Only because I wish her to be happy, and I _do _like him" he paused for a moment "Aye, I agree."

"A lock in?" Tanwir suggested.

"My sister invented that – she would suspect immediately. Nay, we have to think of another way….more _subtle_. We are our father's offspring, we can be as sly and cunning as they; with the other knights children we should be able to come up with a plan. We must plan it carefully, and take our time; there is naught to rush for."

"You are best for that Milo. Tristan is your father, he kills with military precision and his scouting abilities are beyond reproach; your sister too, is sly and good at manipulation and you have abilities with nature, as does Little Tris, even more than you.

You are also blood tied to Merlin…with you two and the others we could prevail where the adults have failed." Rahil smiled.

Milo grinned back "it would be nice to beat the adults at aught for a change" He cleared his throat "Then I suggest this afternoon I 'lose' my sister and we have a council meeting of the children of the knights." The adults were completely unaware that their children had set up their own 'round table'…..

All three gripped arms in a gesture similar to their fathers…..little did Bethan and Gawain know that now they _really _had something to worry about.

0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0

Bethan stood by Lucan's grave, Little Tris in her arms. She heard a horse ride by, glanced back and saw her mother and father ride past; she had Dagonet and Ilara standing with her whilst the boys were all playing.

The older couple stepped back to allow her some privacy, but now she was here she did not know what to say; she decided to speak of what she had been thinking for some time "Lucan….I miss you _so much_, I wish you had not left me. Little Tris, as we are all now calling him, misses you; though Gawain is being wonderful with him."

She sighed "I do not know what to do without you Lucan, you were my heart. Gawain is the only one who really understands my loss…..though Dagonet and Ilara, especially Ilara, understand it too to a point.

But I know now I am not abandoning you here; because you, the part of you I loved so dearly, no longer resides in this grave but in a better place. If anyone deserved a place in Heaven Lucan, it was you….you were the sweetest, kindest and most gentle man I ever knew. If I could change places with you, I would without question." She sighed once more and knelt low to the ground, her face mere inches above the dirt and whispered "I miss you more than you will ever know my love….they say I should move on, but how can a body move on without it's heart?"

Dagonet and Ilara exchanged a look, they had had no idea her sadness had still run so deep. Bethan continued talking to him as if he were sitting beside her "Little Tris is thriving and adores his 'sister' Darry. They are almost as inseparable as we were Lucan; as is Milo and Suriana, though she is not with him at the moment. I think he is up to something with your brothers!" she smiled.

"Gilly is running the Smithy now with Lynette, he is teaching her about metalwork and I think she will be good at it. It is too much for him to run alone, and she is the owner so he felt she should learn the trade. He misses you and we speak of you often, when we are not fighting!" she laughed "I think I have broken his nose _six_ times now….it is starting to look a little bent in places, yet the rest of the time we get along fine! Funny how things turn out, is it not?

I am getting my wildness back, you taught me life is too short to play by the rules purely because I am an adult now; it may drive Arthur mad, but I love it…. As to Little Tris; Gawain told me you disliked the name Thane, so we are having a naming ceremony for him to call him Tristan. Papa was so proud he cried, not where anyone could see, but I chanced on him outside….he embraced me and he told me I was a good person."

There was a brief pause whilst she composed the sudden rush of tears to her eyes "Of course I am not….if I was, I would have saved you….." her forehead hit the dirt "I wish I could _see _you – I never got the chance to say goodbye, and that haunts me. Gawain told me what you said…but it is not the same….it is _not_…"

Suddenly there was a breeze round her; it was different to the others, the ones that told her things…that told her secrets. This one was icy cold, yet at the same time strangely familiar - it smelt musky, a strange metallic odour was there…it reminded her of Lucan. She sat up suddenly and looked around, but could see nothing. Yet the odour remained and she could not shake the feeling that someone, other than those who had accompanied her, was still there.

Suddenly she felt someone at her shoulder and heard a whisper "Be free Bethan, be happy…." She turned instantly, but no one was there - though she could swear it was _his_ voice.

"Lucan? Lucan is that you?" she whispered in return, though she could not really believe it….

"Be free Bethan, be _happy_….that is all I want for you, my heart." This time she was sure the words breathed into her ear were his.

"Lucan…I need you back. Please Lucan…do not leave me…" she whispered, the air so cold around her now that her breath could be seen making a thin mist before her each time she spoke.

Ilara and Dagonet stood transfixed, they could see the outline of their son with his arms wrapped around the young woman and small boy in front of them; yet it was obvious that whilst Bethan was aware of him, she could not see him.

Tris turned his face upwards towards his father and grinned "Angel Papa….wuv you….wuv you…" he saw his father smile.

"Bethan…I love you…I always will…be happy, be free….**_be free_** Bethan…." the voice whispered as it drifted away. Dagonet watched his son's spirit fade away with tears in his eyes; he had said his final goodbye…..the one he had needed to say the most.

Milo could not believe what he had seen; he felt his cheeks were wet and realised he had been crying. His poor, poor sister – he knew without seeing, that she too would be weeping…

Bethan hung her head and wept….wept for all that might have been….all that she had lost. She felt a cool hand caress her cheek, and a final stroke of ice cold lips on hers in a butterfly kiss……

Milo slid to her side and wrapped his arms around her as she wept "_Lucan….."_

"Befan….Befan I am here….it will be alright my sister…my Kêmtir Mader…he has said his goodbyes…..surely that is a good thing, a good thing he loved you so much he came back to let you say goodbye?

Please, Befan, please do not go back to that dark place. He wants you to live on, do you not see? He wants you to be happy and free - Lucan wants you to take every day and live it!" he pleaded, terrified she would go back to being that other sister – the one with the blank eyes and no fire in her ….the one who nearly went to Heaven and left him; he shuddered, he would not allow it.

He looked to Dagonet, panic in his face "What can I do?"

Dagonet shrugged, tears in his eyes "There is naught to do; she will find her way in her own time Milo…."

No one saw Tris turn to his mother, but they heard a little voice "Mama….Mama, Angel Papa happy now - he is in Heaven, he wait you there. He want you happy here, I see Angel Papa - he smile; he wuv you…wuv _me_….he good boy."

Bethan hugged the small boy to her fiercely "Aye…..he does…he is…"

"Then let him go sister….let him leave for Heaven….it is _cruel_ to keep him earthbound."

She spun to her brother "Is that what I was doing?"

Milo nodded as Dagonet spoke "It is what we were all doing Bethan; we saw him on the yester day, you saw him this day. He wants us to be happy and free - but _he_ too wants to be free; we must release him, let him go……" he choked on the last words.

A small mist was once again gathering by the grave, Bethan looked at Milo who nodded; she took a deep breath and tried to steady her voice "Go Lucan….go, I will miss you and you will always own part of me; but I will not hold you earthbound."

Dagonet, Ilara and the boys repeated her words, they all heard a soft sigh and the mist thinned before disappearing completely……..he was gone.

She turned and buried her head in her brother's shoulder, sobbing. He patted her consolingly "I will miss him too, but you did right Befan….you did. Shall we walk?"

She looked at Dagonet and Ilara, who nodded. She rose and holding Tris in one arm, with the other wrapped around her brother's shoulders, she left the graveyard. She turned once and looked back at the grave of her husband….it seemed strangely empty for the first time in a year.

0-0-0-0-0-0-0

As they walked she turned to him "Milo you are growing into a very wise young man."

"Not really, I am but 10; but I hope to be like you and Papa one day." He blushed.

She tilted his chin to look at her "Nay, Milo…_now_. You make me proud to call you brother. You, to me, _are_ a little man…..you are too wise and grown up, too good to me, for me to call you a boy or child."

She hesitated before continuing "You know, when Mama was pregnant with you I did not want you" he looked shocked. "I was jealous; I was worried Papa would want you more than me when you were born. But when I saw you for the first time, even if he _had_ loved you more, I could not help but love you so dearly.

You have been a light in my life ever since, I would not know what to do without you, you have never given me cause to doubt you; you have always been a rock in my life. Even as much as Gawain; you are my friend full as much as he."

Milo hugged her "You love him very much."

"Who, Gawain? Aye, aye I do; he has been a good friend to me over the years. Ever since I pushed him over in the training grounds at the fort at the wall, when I thought he was making fun of Papa." She smiled at the memory.

"I see….how old were you?"

"I was…umm…9 I think….maybe 8….and he was… let me think….he was _23_; Lord I had forgotten he was 15 years older!" she chuckled "It is quite funny, but it sounds a lot more then does it not? Now I am 19 and he is 34, it does not seem so much!"

Milo made a decision - whatever he was going to do he was going to bring her and Gawain together; he too had heard a voice speaking to him, it had said one word……."Gawain".

He knew what it meant, and he would obey his "brother"; somehow he would find a way.

He looked at his sister "You do know how much I love you Befan?"

"Of course I do Milo….you tell me often. You know I feel the same, do you not?"

He nodded. "You know I would never do you ill?"

"Aye, why?"

"Naught…I just think it is good to tell those we love how we feel sometimes…." He covered.

"Crafty Miwo…_crafty_!" grinned Tris, and Milo could swear he _knew_….

0-0-0-0-0-0-0

After a while they made their way back to the room and she sat chatting with her little brother about the strange events of the day. Some time later Gawain came in with Darry, who made a beeline for Little Tris, and they talked of what had happened with him.

Gawain told her of the row that Lancelot had had with Amila which ended with him getting a cut lip when he did not duck fast enough to dodge a plate she threw at him. Bors had laughed like a drain whilst pointing out that maybe he should have learnt that knack by now.

All three had laughed "what did they argue about?" asked Milo.

"Moving furniture….." Gawain gave Bethan a knowing look "apparently she has not left him alone about it for three days now, and the poor man is exhausted!"

"Why does she want him to move it for three days? That is cruel!" Milo had a soft spot for Lancelot; he loved the knight's sardonic sense of humour which could always make him laugh.

Bethan thought for a moment "She was like this when she was pregnant with the twins, and then Ehsan - you do not think?"

"I would think it was most likely; she was this temperamental too, if you remember. We _all_ walked on eggshells round her for the 9 months!"

"Poor Lancelot; still, he did want more!" giggled Bethan.

"Why would she want him moving furniture around when she is pregnant? It makes no sense; but then you lot constantly shifting furniture around night and day makes no bloody sense to me anyway!" Milo sighed in exasperation.

Bethan and Gawain roared with laughter, "Milo, I promise you faithfully when you are but a little older than you are now, I will tell you why we grown-ups like to move furniture so much." His sister promised.

"You better; because I am telling you now, the curiosity is killing me!" he grinned.

"We better get the children ready for bed" Gawain commented watching Tris and Darry rubbing their eyes in unison; he grinned "They are almost like twins are they not, despite the gap of 6 months?"

"Aye, it is very funny sometimes!" Bethan looked at the two toddlers adoringly.

Milo tugged Gawain's sleeve "Can I sleep here?"

"Of course, but where?" Gawain asked.

"I will get my mattress; but I would like the little 'uns to sleep with me."

"Are you sure; there will not be a lot of room…" Bethan spoke this time.

"Nay sister, I will fare very well - I love having them with me." He went and fetched his mattress from his room.

As Bethan was getting the children ready for bed, Milo approached Gawain who was watching her. "Why do you not speak?"

"What?" Gawain looked at the boy with a smile "I do speak Milo, a lot!" he laughed.

"Nay….to her." He nodded at his sister "Why do you not speak to her of your feelings? I know you care deeply for her; I cannot understand why you do not speak…."

"Milo I tell Bethan how much I love and value her friendship every day, she does the same for me. Do not worry my little man…. we value what we have greatly." He smiled reassuringly at the young boy.

Milo realised that Gawain truly believed what he was telling him, as did Bethan. They honestly believed their feelings were merely that of deep and abiding friendship. He sighed in frustration, he and the other children were going to have their work cut out for them - but bring them together he would. He had heard what the voice said; what Lucan had said, for he knew deep down it was Lucan who had spoken to him, and he would do as he was bid.

He snuggled down on the mattress with the two children who crept close and bunched his shirt in their little hands. He loved them both dearly and would always protect them, he said as much to Bethan.

"We both know you are very brave Milo, and we never fear for any of the children here, especially these two, when you are with them. You will be a fearsome warrior and an exceptional scout when you are a little older and I for one, am proud to call you brother…" his sister told him as she hugged him and stroked his hair.

"As am I…" added Gawain.

Milo felt his heart swell with pride as his eyelids drooped "I merely wish to be a knight and a scout like you and Papa, Befan. So long as that happens then I will be happy - well, that and marry Suriana…" he tailed off.

Bethan smiled "she loves you as much my brother, and so she should. You are a wonder and I love you dearly…"

"Tell me what to dream Befan…." Milo yawned.

Bethan went through their nightly ritual and told him of their dream; Gawain listened intently, transfixed as usual by her heartfelt rendition of their ideal of freedom.

As her brother drifted into sleep she told him "and to know that we are lucky enough to have family and my knights – _my brothers _- especially, who would care if we died tonight" she glanced at Gawain, who smiled "You fill my soul with pride and my heart with love Milo; because of you all I have not lost all faith in mankind.…"

He murmured as he dozed "I love you dearly my Kêmtir Mader…..I _will_ help you."

She looked at him quizzically and then grinned at Gawain "Lord knows what he is planning now…."

"Probably just to help with the children, he does love them so….." He looked at her tired face and patted his lap "How was your day? Did you go?"

She nodded as she went and sat in front of him, laying her head in his lap and staring into the fire as told him of her day; of all the things that had happened. Gawain found himself stroking her hair as she alternated between tears and wonder at what had happened at the graveside.

Just then her parents knocked and came in….she smiled at her mother as she sat up "Leave him Mama – we will need to rise early tomorrow anyway if we are going scouting. I will move Darry and Little Tris in with me and give him some more space when we retire. But he insisted on them sleeping with him and I did not have the heart to say nay."

"That boy can wrap you round his little finger!" her mother smiled at her.

"Aye, he can that" Bethan chuckled "but then what sister would I be if he could not? He is my little man and I am his Kêmtir Mader - if he could not, then I would be failing in my duties! But if he is a bad boy, he knows my wrath well enough also!

He is growing so quickly; he is 10 now - I remember him as this tiny little baby! He will be a good scout and warrior; he has the same instinct for killing as Papa and I….." She looked adoringly at the boy in the bed.

Her mother drew her away, and conversed quietly until Tristan interrupted "Come wife, I suggest we go let these two get some sleep also; we have a long day of scouting planned for tomorrow. How went your day daughter?"

"Well, Papa; it went well" she thought of all that had happened "aye, it did. He told me…told me to be happy, to be free. As you did….." She sighed and looked at floor "I miss him still."

"But it is fading and you remember more of the laughter than the tears now?" Her father hugged her.

"Aye."

"Then it is as it should be…" He let her go and went to speak to Gawain briefly.

Bethan watched the two men and her heart swelled with pride; the only other she loved as much as they, was the boy in the bed before her….

0-0-0-0-0-0-0

Her parents left and she looked at Milo; her heart resided as much with him as the others. She leant over him and whispered "I will always be there for you Milo; no matter what life has in store for us, or where destiny may pull us, it will _never _part us I swear that my brother."

She lifted the two small children into the bed with her, Gawain climbed in with her this night and hugged all three "You look like you could do with a hug my friend" he murmured as she grasped his arms and tugged them further round her, she kissed his hands.

"You help me every day Gawain; I thank God you are my friend…." She looked at her brother "You know, you were right."

"I always am……about what?" He grinned into her hair.

She slapped his arm "About Milo - do you remember I told you when he was born that Papa would love him more, that I would be consigned to heal while he would be taught to fight and scout?"

Gawain thought for a moment "Aye; aye I do remember that…"

"You told me that healing would be no bad thing, you asked where Mama and Ilara would be without healers such as Merlin. I bleated about how I wanted to be a warrior and a scout" she smiled at the memory. "Being a healer is better than I thought as you said…."

"I remember Lucan saying he did not want you to fight and you retorted that you would find someone that would train you. You said very proudly as I recall, that you were Woad _and_ Sarmatian and you could do aught!" he chuckled. "I reminded you to have patience and wait; I knew Tristan would not forsake you over Milo.

You told me I gave you good counsel and wished you were more patient like me. Lucan got very jealous; and you went for his throat, you told him that you loved me and I was your best friend in the whole world!" he laughed quietly now "I will never forget the look on his face; he was so jealous. But he loved you deeply Little Scout and all your worries were for naught - you married him and loved him deeply and Milo became your best friend in the whole world."

She shook her head "Nay Gawain that is not strictly so; you were then, are now and always will be the best friend I could ever have in this life or the next. Milo is my brother and I love him deeply, but _you_ are my very best friend…."

He hugged her fiercely "Thank you Bethan I feel the same; but you know what? You are all to him" she felt his head nod towards Milo.

"Aye, I know it; as he is to me. Funny that the one I was most jealous of should become the one I adore most of all" she smiled. "But I also remember that as unlikely as it was, you and I were best friends even then; you made me put my worries about Milo into perspective and I am so glad you did - I would have laid down my life for you then, and I would do the same now…."

"As I would for you; but remember, he will always need his sister, he loves you deeply Bethan."

"As I love him; and always will – I will always be his little mother as well as his sister." Her last sight as sleep claimed her was her brother smiling in his slumber - she knew he was only half asleep and had heard every word.

"Goodnight little man, I love you…." she whispered, and his smile broadened…


	23. Lancelot & Bors

**_Disclaimer: As chapter one; so please, for the love of _God, _do not make me keep writing it out people!_**

_**WARNING: BAD LANGUAGE, VIOLENCE AND SOME SEXUAL REFERENCES (though not too graphic) SO READ AT YOUR OWN PERIL. **_

_**All reviews, and constructive criticism, gratefully received – but no flaming please; and I will try to update regularly.**_

'_**Thoughts'**_

"**Speech"**

_**-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-**_

_**Bethan & Lucan**_

_**Chapter Twenty-Three – Lancelot & Bors**_

Bethan was sat on the ramparts with two of her fellow knights; it was quite early, but these three liked it. They had time to chat about the children and just generally watch the fort awake. Bethan would always be the first to begin with - watching the sun rise and then Bors and Gawain had taken to joining her the past few weeks.

All of a sudden a shout rent the air, a door opened and Lancelot came running out in bare feet and breeches, wearing little else, being hotly pursued by his irate wife.

"You….you…BASTARD!" She screamed, tossing a plate at him and narrowly missing his head.

"_You_ are naught more than a sad bloody harpy! I have no idea what is wrong with you….apart from the obvious fact you have LOST YOUR BLOODY MIND WOMAN!" he shouted in return.

"I just want some furniture moved! Surely that is not too hard for a wonderful bloody _knight_!" her voice dripped sarcasm.

"You are _always_ wanting furniture moved - either literally or figuratively speaking! I have lost count of the times you have made me move the table, and as to the other – I am terrified of going to bed!"

"Most men would be thrilled their wives found them so attractive!"

"I _am_ - but not all night, _every_ night! Even I need _some_ sodding sleep you mad old bat!""

Bethan flinched "oops, he _so_ should not have said that!" Bors was doubled up with laughter, which was not helping her and Gawain keep a straight face either.

"WHAT!"

"See what I mean?"

"Right well if I am so mad and old then I want a divorce as you obviously do not want me anymore…."

Lancelot stopped running away and stood looking at her "I….WHAT! You want a WHAT!"

THWACK! A large mug got him square in the face….

He saw stars and felt blood running from his nose "I am _**bleeding**!_ You vicious cow, I am actually _bleeding_! Well, have your bloody divorce then, you have completely lost your bloody mind anyway – now you can lose me too!" he stomped off towards the tavern.

Amila stood there for a moment, before running after him "Lance…I did not mean it….I…"

"Amila?" Bethan called.

"What?"

"Clothes?"

"What?"

"Clothes would be welcome; you are as naked as the day you were born, my blood!" Bethan gestured to her state of undress; whilst struggling vainly not to laugh.

Amila blushed bright red and ran back to her room. It was no good, Bors was on his knees and tears were running down his face. Even she and Gawain were laughing…

Lancelot had turned on hearing Bethan's voice, and was now falling about at his wife's predicament. Bethan went over and helped him stop the bleeding….

"You know why she is like this Lance?" she asked with a grin.

"She has finally lost her mind?" he offered wearily.

"Nay…_think_. When was the last time she was like this?"

"Yesterday…and the day before that….and the…." He sighed before Bethan interrupted.

"Nay, you dolt, _think_!"

Amila returned "I am pregnant" she muttered "Sorry….."

Lancelot leapt away from Bethan and seized his wife "You are? That is wonderful!" He swung her round and round………until she threw up on him.

"That was _not_ on purpose…." Amila gulped going green again, as Lancelot leapt out of the way.

"I probably should not have done that…..the swinging and twirling…"he muttered looking at the mess they were both in.

They retired to clean up; Bethan sighed "I am dreading the next six months, maybe we could find a few Celtish hoards to fight; it has got to be better than battling Amila!"

The others fell about laughing again. The rest of the day was spent with everyone congratulating the happy couple.

Lancelot was delirious with joy, and Bethan was so pleased for him; he was a wonderful father, and another child would make him so happy. But still, there was aught there, hanging in the air around her - she could not think what, but there was…….

That evening Bors approached her "What is the matter, Little Scout? You seem bothered…"

"It is as if I am waiting for the other boot to drop Bors, I do not like it…." She sighed.

"Neither do I; I hate it when you and your mother get those bloody feelings. Nothing good ever comes of it. The last time, Lucan died…" He sighed with her "Look, We will keep our eyes peeled - any trouble and we will be ready" He pointed to his eyes and smiled.

She nodded "You are a good friend and brother Bors…"

"Do not you forget it!" He hugged her.

As it was they did not have long to wait.

0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0

Later that night she heard a noise, like a soft thud, outside; she was immediately on her feet and pulling on clothes, her swords in her hands, daggers down her back and Guido by her side.

As she exited the room Gawain was already dressed and following her; she tapped on Bors door next to theirs. He came out rubbing his eyes and pulling a sleepy Van to take the children in with her and their offspring.

"So soon?" he whispered. Bethan shrugged and nodded. "Should we call the others?"

She went to nod and felt a hand on her arm; her father was standing next to her "You heard it too." He stated.

She nodded and silently gestured towards the main gates. "She knew this was going to bloody happen!" Bors exclaimed quietly. Tristan nodded unconcerned. "Well, _I_ still find it creepy…." Bors shivered as she grinned at him.

The other dogs from their pack had now dropped in behind Guido and were following Bethan. They walked slowly forward and Tristan and Bethan immediately picked out the dead guards. Bethan noticed movement at the gate and counted at least two; they were trying to open it.

They three could take them easily, but she felt there was not time; she nodded at the pack of dogs walking with them. Two quiet words passed her lips "kill…._quietly._"

Bors raised an eyebrow "they go for the throat first, it stops them screaming" she whispered.

The 8 dogs flew forward and a scuffling could be heard amidst the snarling and growling. "Fetch the others, there will be more waiting outside and we need to deal with them."

Tristan let out a low whistle.

A Celtish voice called out something in question….Bethan answered.

"What was that?" asked Bors impressed.

"He asked if all was well, I said it was - it helps to have Celts settled here…" she grinned.

The others came running; Lancelot a little hot, sweaty and grinning "She is pregnant; I can refuse her naught."

The others smirked before advancing to the gate, knocking others up as they went.

"Maybe we should just unleash Amila on them?" grinned Bors.

"Where the hell were the guards!" hissed Arthur to Bethan as they reached the gates.

She gestured to the corpses at the bottom of the steps by the battlements. "They never stood a chance…." She whispered.

Arthur saw the ripped and dismembered corpses of the Celts that had made it into the compound "What did….!"

"The pack…."

"Who told….!"

"I did….." her face brooked no argument "We had no time…."

They swung the gates open and saw about 40 Celts on the other side. They far outnumbered them and soon a full-scale battle was in progress…….

"ROOOUUSSSS!" the knights and their fellow fighters cried as they ran full tilt towards the stunned enemy, who had been expecting only their comrades.

Bethan noticed that Gilly had followed them into the fray, she felt uneasy. A breeze blew at her and she knew what she had been waiting for. She tore towards him "**_BORS!"_**

The other knight swung round and saw where she was racing - his face blanched "_KNIGHTS!_ _**KNIGHTS!**" _He panicked, following Bethan; Lucan's fate suddenly fresh in his mind.

He saw what she was going to do as he saw his son being crept up on by a Celt _"**BETHAN!**_" he cried.

She flung herself at them; she would not let another perish, not again and _not_ Gilly - Dagonet was suddenly beside her, as was Gawain but……….too late.

She felt the claymore dig deeply into her side as she pushed herself between it and Gilly. The other two knights cut down the Celt and any others approaching, Gilly stood dumbstruck as he realised what she had done.

Gawain dropped to his knees beside her _"_**Bethan!**_"_

She groaned "Gawain? It hurts…Gawain…..it…." she slipped into unconsciousness.

He grasped Dagonet's arm, the older knight's heart went out to him with the naked fear in his eyes "Dagonet you must help her!"

The fighting was ending and the other knights, led by an enraged Bors at what had happened to Bethan went tearing after the retreating Celts; the same strange mist from before helping to mask them as they made short work of the enemy.

Gawain lifted Bethan into his arms and took her back to their room. She was bleeding freely from her side and he was soon covered in blood. Tristan's face was white with worry at the amount of blood she was losing; they stripped her off so that Merlin could see her wound better.

He and Dagonet cleaned and stitched it. "It is not a fatal wound by itself, but she has lost a lot of blood; and then there is the risk of infection…" Merlin muttered to Dagonet.

The older knight closed his eyes "I do not know if we can take another loss Merlin; I know I canno, and neither can he…." He indicated a frantic Gawain, pacing outside the door with an equally distraught Bors trying to console him "She is much to us…."

"And to me…" the shaman sighed. The older knight gripped his shoulder in silent support. They turned to face Gawain - this was not going to be easy….

Galahad stepped forward "Let me tell him how she fares…." The other two nodded, this man was the twin to the one outside.

0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0

"How fares she? I must go to her…." Gawain both asked his brother and tried to sidestep him at the same moment.

"Hold brother….we must speak…" Galahad gripped his arm. "She is bad Gawain. The wound itself is not the problem, but the blood loss is…."

The other knight ran his hand over his face "Dear Gods it is Ysabeau all over again; the blood loss - that is what killed _her_ Gal."

"Nay brother, it is not all that it seems. She came back to you once, she will do so again - but I felt you should know…there is a chance…that…" he saw Gawain stumble slightly at what he hinted at and took his brother's weight.

"I could not survive without her Gal…I _would not_…" He leant briefly on his friend and brother's shoulder. "I must be with her…." He went into the room.

Galahad leant against Alisia "Where is this fair Ali? First your sister and now Bethan; he does not deserve this."

She comforted her husband "I know Gal, I know; and yet he still does not admit his love….why?"

"I do not know, truly I do not. But Tristan said their feelings must find their own way…."

"Well it is a pity it might be too late Gal, that is all. I know this is not what Ysabeau would have wanted."

"I know…but Tristan said…."

"Hmmm….I know what he bloody said…" She went to Lancelot and Bors, two she knew who would pay no heed to Tristan, not on this issue at least.

She approached the two knights "They must be made to face their feelings; I cannot believe that Ysabeau or Lucan would wish this to continue. As she is sick you must make him understand first."

"We would have done something soon anyway" Lancelot replied "This nonsense has gone on long enough."

They looked in the room and saw Gawain with his head bowed over Bethan, begging her not to leave him.

Bors still looked shocked and had his arm around Gilly "Pa? Do you know the children are planning something too, to bring them together?"

"What?" Lancelot turned.

"I do not know what, but they were….'course now…." His voice trailed off "I never expected her to…you know…for _me_…"

"Who else would she do it for?" asked Lancelot "You, _we,_ are all to her Gilly. She loves you as her own; she would not let you perish if she could do aught to prevent it…" he sighed "even if it meant sacrificing her own life in your stead…"

Bors rubbed his face "I do _not_ want her to die; I _especially_ do not want her to die without knowing Gawain loves her, and that she loves him…."

"Then we must act; act whilst his guard is down."

They strode into the room together "Gawain? How fares she?"

"She is so pale Lance" he shook his head. "What do I do? I will surely follow her if she passes….I cannot survive without her…I cannot."

They felt a pang "Poor sod!" muttered Bors, still stricken at what Bethan had done. He hugged his son close "You better not start any more fights with her Gil; you owe her a lot." He would not believe she would die; their Little Scout would not abandon them like that.

"You have got to tell her Gawain…." Lancelot began.

"Tell her what?"

"How much you love her…" Put in Bors.

"But I do - all the time! She knows what her friendship means to me…."

"Oh cut the crap Gawain…we know you love her….not only as a friend but as a bloody lot more – otherwise why not do the blood oath with her….and she never batted an eyelid about it! She knew, you knew, we _all _bloody knew; _you love her_!" Bors was exasperated "Look, she might sodding die tonight; are you honestly going to sit there and let her die without knowing how much you love her?"

"She is my _friend_ Bors, believe me!"

"Aye, and I believe _that_ about as much as I believe pigs can crap gold!"

"Well mayhap they _can_!" Gawain leapt up as Bors did.

"Will you two bloody calm down for the sake of the Gods!" Lancelot grabbed them both and made them sit.

"Look Gawain, Bors has a point - we all see the way you two are. But think about it yourself, the only other you are as close to as Bethan is Galahad, right?"

Gawain nodded.

"Have you _ever_ been like this over him, or any of us; or _anyone_ else for that matter?"

"Only Ysabeau" Gawain offered after a lengthy pause. "Mayhap not even she as much" he muttered guiltily.

"Precisely; you love her…and not just as a friend. I know that is what it _was_ in the beginning; but somewhere along the line since Ysabeau died, you and she became close and you fell in love with her. You buried it, ignored it - whatever, so when Lucan died you could not acknowledge it.

But I know she feels the same, the way you two are with each other; you nearly died and damn near took her with you, and she did similar to you." Lancelot flapped a hand to still the other's protest "and it is not just the 'tie that binds'; it goes far beyond that."

Gawain thought for a moment and then slumped down, his head on the hand that was holding hers…

"I cannot tell her…I _cannot_. It would betray Lucan….you do not understand…"

Suddenly Bors realised "You loved her _before_ Lucan died, did you not? You were not jealous of how she was with Darry, you were jealous of _him_! That was why he would go to you before anyone else…_he_ knew too!"

Gawain did not answer.

"But you did not act on it, you did not!" Bors also knew that his brother would not betray a friend.

"Nay, but the feelings in themselves were the betrayal."

Lancelot leapt to his feet "Oh shut up! That is bullshit - I had feelings for Guinevere and never acted on them and now I love Amila with all my heart and soul.

You honestly think that Arthur considered it a betrayal because I had feelings I could not control? I _never _acted on them; never, not once. When I met Amila it all changed; I realised that I loved her more than anything in this world or the next…..and I still do, probably more so!"

Bors sat open mouthed at the tirade from his friend. "I never knew…."

"No one did, only San – and Tristan I think – she kept me from making a fool of myself. I am eternally grateful to her; she kept me sane, and I realise now I was waiting for the right person."

He rubbed a hand over his face "Look, we cannot help who we love Gawain. You were a true friend, you could have tried to lure her away, but you did not. You never once let on that you thought of her as more than a friend; and you buried those feelings so deep, that even _you_ thought you had imagined them. But _we _could see; _all_ of us, we could see the love between you.

Now, I donot know what her reasons are for not telling you, but I know yours are no longer valid. If she dies tonight without her knowing you love her, you will regret it forever."

"What if she does not die and then hates me, or we find the relationship does not work? I would rather have her close as friend forever, than lose her entirely because of a moment of madness!

Do you have any idea at the guilt I am feeling? That I did not love my Ysabeau as deeply as I should; that if what you say is true, neither did she with Lucan? That he was my friend, and I _loved_ his wife to the point where I would lay awake at night trying not to think of them together? How I would ache to hold her in my arms and kiss her, but then would see them together and burn with jealousy?

I wonder did I do enough to save him that day? I ran, aye I did - I tried to save him, tried to make him live for her; the Gods know how _I_ would have fought to stay by her side, when he….he just _gave up_….but was it my fault? Did I just not try hard enough?

The guilt Lancelot, the guilt _kills_ me! I will not put her through it too - if you speak true she will feel the same guilt over Lucan; even if her feelings for me changed after he died, it still means she did not love him as much or as deeply as she loves me, and the guilt will crucify her, as it does me. I will not be the one to cause her suffering like that!"

"What if she do not survive?" Bors spoke quietly "The guilt of not telling her your true feelings will far outweigh the guilt you feel over the others. I know….."

"How?"

"Van was 14, but promised to another - he was injured and died, I too was hurt. She nursed me, we had been friends for a long time. I loved her and knew she loved me, more than she ever had him. I was lucky he died, if he had not she would have married him and I would have lost the one woman I loved with all my heart" he muttered "Purely because I felt guilty and would not speak…."

"Are you saying I should be _glad_ that our partners died!" Gawain was incredulous.

"_NAY!_ You bloody idiot – nay, what I am saying is that Merlin believes in all this fate and destiny crap; well, mayhap it is _not_ so much crap anymore, maybe all this bullshit happens for a reason."

"If you are that worried when she wakes, and she will, pretend it was the injury and she dreamt it; at least until you think the time is right to declare yourself." Lancelot suggested.

"You did your best to save him Gawain; _I_ know that and so does she - you could not have done one thing more to save Lucan. " Dagonet spoke quietly from the door, as Tristan and Sandrina rushed in with Milo "I know that in my soul."

Gawain gave him a grateful look "I worried….."

"Well, for that you need worry no more; you were honest then and you are now."

"How fares she?" Tristan's normally passive face was etched with fear and worry, though his voice remained calm as always.

"Merlin fears she will not last the night; she has lost a lot of blood; then there is the risk of infection" Dagonet spoke to both.

"NAY! I will not believe it; I will not" San spoke first, her eyes wild with fear. "How do you cope, with losing a child, how?" she looked at Dagonet.

"A very wise friend told me to take a second and turn it into a minute…" he smiled sadly "it is hard San…it is very hard….."

"Wait a bloody minute here….she ain't sodding dead yet! She just needs something to live for……only _he_ will not allow it!" Bors jerked his head at Gawain, clearly intent on forcing the younger knight's hand.

"What does he mean? Gawain, what doe he mean?" San looked at the knight frantically.

"He loves her" Tristan's voice was an oasis of calm in the storm of emotions at the sick young woman's bedside "he loves her and will not speak…"

"I will not; I will not subject her to the guilt I feel." Gawain said flatly.

"So you will not save her either! I cannot believe you would forsake her like that!" San was incensed "You love her, so save her! I will _not _outlive my child!"

Milo walked calmly to Gawain "You love my sister?" Gawain nodded "Then you will not let her die" He turned to his parents "He will find a way to help her - trust him…." Either way he had an idea; it would mean bringing their plan forward, but no matter.

0-0-0-0-0-0-0

A while later Milo returned with Little Tris and Darry. Tris struggled to get down to Gawain "Papa! Papa!"

"Maybe you can explain to _him_ how you let his mother die!" cried San before storming out.

Tristan gripped the other knight's shoulder as he went after her "She is upset, do not mind her; but find a way my friend, I cannot lose my daughter."

"Papa, Papa no cry…." Tris patted Gawain's wet cheek, he was in torment "Mama wake up soon…..say 'wuv you' to Mama and she wake up….I say….." he patted Bethan's cheek "Wuv you Mama, wuv you muchly…. Darry say" he gestured to the little girl toddling across the floor.

"Wuv you Mama, wuv you muchly…" she laid her head on Bethan's hand.

"Now papa say…." Tris patted Gawain's face again and looked at the door; all the adults followed his line of sight - all the knights' children were there and grinning. Lancelot and Bors exchanged a look, this had been bloody _planned_ - maybe not tonight and not like this with Bethan so sick…..but it had been planned nonetheless.

Gawain could not resist the small boy and his daughter as he resisted the adults; he laid his mouth near Bethan's ear "Bethan? I hope you can hear me, Little Scout, I hope you do not hate me for what I am about to say…..I love you….I love you Bethan.

Now he had started he could not stop "did you hear me? I……I love you in ways you cannot even imagine; I love you with all my heart, body and soul. You are the moon and sun to me, I love you - I will always love you, and even if you hate me now I will still love you…." his lips brushed hers, oh so gently.

She never stirred and never murmured but Gawain felt a change – he could not explain it, but he knew then she would recover. "She will survive…." He turned to others now a respectable distance at the door.

Everyone exchanged a look "How do you know?" asked Bors.

"He knows as I would" murmured Tristan "He loves her full as much as I love my San." He turned to his wife "You were cruel to him and should apologise San. He only wished not to hurt her."

She hung her head knowing the truth of his words, but she did not have the same faith in her daughter's recovery they did. How could he know from one chaste kiss that she would live?

She approached the younger man "How do you know?" she could hear the harshness of her tone and saw him flinch. She put a hand on his shoulder "I am sorry Gawain, but I love her so much, you…I….." she could not explain how she loved her daughter; how the young woman before her had been the one to keep her mind focussed on living, long before she met the other half of her own soul in Tristan.

He reached up without looking and patted her hand, his eyes fixed on Bethan "it is alright San, I do not mind. But I just know, I cannot explain it, I just do. Like when you know if Tristan is hurt or upset….."

She nodded "Then you love her very deeply; I am sorry you feel so badly about it."

"I just do not want her to feel the same is all" he shrugged.

"What if she does not remember?"

"Then we go on as before, until the time seems right to speak."

Milo rolled his eyes and looked at the others "Then the original plan is back on; we can still make this work with my sister, and Gawain would fall for it again I am sure." He thought for a moment, "though mayhap an extra plan would be useful too…"

"And if she does remember?" San asked.

"Then I can only pray she does not hate me, for she is all the world to me and my life would be a colder place without her."

Lancelot motioned to Bors to follow him outside. "Are there any spare rooms here?"

"What, in our section or generally?"

"Both."

"Ummm….aye, there are a couple here and about 5 more around the fort. Why?"

"Gather the knights; we are moving…."

Milo looked at the two knights "It has already been taken care of Uncle Lancelot; all the children of the knights and a few more from the fort have decided it is time we spread out a bit. By the time she is well there will be no free rooms for her and the children should she even wish to move."

"We cannot do a lock in…" advised Bors.

"Nay….we are not….we are doing a lock _out_….."

"It was all Milo's idea!" breathed Suriana proudly "he said if she had nowhere to run she would have to stay with Gawain." Lancelot ruffled her hair with a grin.

"What of missions?" he asked.

"She will be too sick for a while, then….wait! I have had another idea…." He motioned for Torvald, Arthur's son and Rahil to follow him "I will be back Bors, do not leave her…."

0-0-0-0-0

Moments later the three boys were running to the Smithy…

"Where are we going Milo?"

"The smithy…"

"Why?"

"I want you to break my leg…."

"WHAT!" both the other boys were horrified.

"Just hit it with a hammer, but for God's sake make it a clean break….I do not want a permanent bloody limp!"

"It will _hurt_!" Torvald was shocked.

"So? She is my sister and I want her happy; he spoke to me…."

"Who - Gawain?"

"_Nay!_ Lucan; he said one word 'Gawain' - I know what that means, she is for him and Lucan wishes it so. But they are going to go on with this sodding insanity forever, I can see it! So now _we_ act - we need to make sure we all get ill so she has to stay here to heal us. I have to be the worse as she fusses me. I hate it" he sighed "but it will be worth it to make sure she ends up with Gawain."

"You are not going to break anything on me, are you?" Torvald swallowed. He was a little apprehensive that Milo was going to go around shattering limbs and bones with the hammer…

"Nay most of us can pretend things, like bad stomachs and aching heads and the like; but unless I am _really_ hurt she will suspect."

"You are very brave" said Rahil "I am proud to call you brother."

"We are knights are we not? Albeit children too."

"Aye…"

"Then we have to suffer for those we love…"

Bors and Lancelot had followed as a whisper went round the children who had begun to quickly follow the three boys.

They arrived at the smithy just in time to see Rahil hit Milo's leg with a large hammer and hear the sound of breaking bone. The small boy had a piece of leather in his mouth and was sweating. Torvald was holding his legs and a sobbing Suriana his arms, whilst whispering what a wonderful boy he was and kissing his cheek.

"**WHAT IN BLOODY HADES ARE YOU _DOING_!**" roared Bors in horror.

"I asked them to do it! Do not yell at them, the action is mine…." Milo yelled at him, spitting out the leather strap.

"WHY!"

"Because we have a plan and one of us has to be really hurt; I am their leader and her brother, so it falls to me to be the one genuinely injured."

"WHAT!"

Milo explained the plan; that coupled with them taking over all the available spare rooms would mean that Bethan would ostensibly be confined to both Gawain's room and the fort respectively.

Lancelot smiled "You have organised this with military precision Milo, I am proud."

"You cannot be serious!" Bors gaped at Lancelot.

"I am; you have to admire his ingenuity Bors, and look at the way they follow him…."

"Aye, only because they know he is the one to hurt!"

"Not so…" Rahil spoke first "I would equally have taken his place as would any of us here."

"That is right" Torvald added "she is much to us and we wish to see her happy…"

"We will have to have horrible medicines too; but we will gladly suffer them to see her happy with Gawain" Suriana defiantly interjected, her eyes blazing; taking her suddenly from the softly spoken little maid she usually was, to a miniature of her mother.

"Aye and what if she…if she…." Bors could not bring himself to say it "Then what? You have got a broken leg for nothing!"

"She will not…..Gawain says she will not and I believe him…" Milo winced "Can you help me?"

Bors scooped the boy into his arms, a lump in his throat at the devotion from him for his sister "You are one brave little bastard Milo, I only wish you was one of mine…"

"Uncle Bors I take that as the greatest compliment you could ever give me…." He smiled.

"Let us get him back to the other room and get his leg fixed; are we going to tell them what really happened?"

"Nay, we will say what I had already planned on - I fell from the steps of the battlements where we went to see if more Celts were coming, as everyone was worried about Bethan."

"What of the guards?"

"They did not see us; we were quiet in case we got into trouble."

"Will they not tell the truth?"

"Nay, Suriana and Celeste have gone and told them what we were doing and why; everyone here loves Bethan and wants her to be happy, so they are happy to help us."

"What of your father?"

Milo sighed "I cannot lie to Papa, we will tell him the truth; but only him."

"Milo I would hate to meet you on the battlefield when you are older; your tactical planning is amazing" Lancelot laughed.

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Bottom of Form


	24. Plans & Schemes

**_Disclaimer: As chapter one; so please, for the love of _God, _do not make me keep writing it out people!_**

_**I've researched the setting of broken bones in Ancient Rome, and it is so laborious that I've taken a little liberty so that it is done at once rather than over the many days it actually did. But they did use splints and tight bandages.**_

_**WARNING: BAD LANGUAGE, VIOLENCE AND SOME SEXUAL REFERENCES (though not too graphic) SO READ AT YOUR OWN PERIL. **_

_**All reviews, and constructive criticism, gratefully received – but no flaming please; and I will try to update regularly.**_

'_**Thoughts'**_

"**Speech"**

_**-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-**_

_**Bethan & Lucan**_

**_Chapter Twenty-Four – Gawain & Milo_**

They took the boy back to the room and fed everyone the same story; as Milo had suspected, his father was not convinced and so was told the truth. He was not happy; but understood and had to admire the boy's tenacity to help his sister, as well as the lengths he would go to.

"You will be in great pain for many weeks."

"We _need_ many weeks Papa, the children cannot all pretend to be ill for that long - Bethan would become suspicious."

"Could you not have injured your arm?"

"Nay, she would not stay for that; but if I have trouble walking my Kêmtir Mader would not leave me behind." He smiled.

Tristan was very proud as he could not fault the planning "How did you plan this so quickly."

"We had another plan, which we had started to use…."

"Darry and Tris?"

"Aye, but I needed another quickly to ward of disaster when she wakes; and wake she will." He stated firmly "We have also taken over every spare room at the fort, she will have nowhere to go; should she wish to."

Galahad had overheard and pretty soon it was not long before the only ones _not_ in on the scheme were Sandrina, Bethan and Gawain.

The parents of the children involved – minus San – gathered in another room to discuss what in the hell their children had been up to.

Arthur was very displeased with his son and told him so - but once again Milo spoke up "It was Rahil that dealt the blow, Torvald and Suriana merely held me down and gave me something to bite on.

It was my idea and on my instructions, if anyone is to blame Arthur it is me; I accept full responsibility for my actions. I will not let those I hold dear take the blame" he eyed his king defiantly.

"Very well Milo" Arthur sighed "he will not be punished, and neither will you – you will suffer enough over the next few weeks. I have had enough broken bones over the years, as have all the knights, to know the pain you will be in.

It was a foolish thing you did, but I admire the devotion that drove it." He smiled and ruffled the boy's hair. He might be growing into a wild card like his sister but, like her, he took the blame for his mistakes and the consequences for his actions.

0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0

Meanwhile Gilly was pacing outside the room, he was losing the plot here; the children were not paying attention to him, which was obvious by the actions that Milo had carried out. Though he had to admit that they followed the young boy when they could not follow his sister, he was merely there as a go-between for the children to the adults.

Galahad came to him "He is a brave, if stupid, boy is he not?" he smiled.

"Aye; but you have to admire his love for his sister and his determination to bring her and Gawain together. But I would have done it if he had but asked me; I owe her much."

"A word of advice Gil, do not treat her differently when she awakes. She will hate that, I heard what your father said and she would not wish it."

Gilly nodded.

The rest of the Bors brood came running up "how is she?" asked Eight.

"We do not know yet, she is still unconscious" Gilly told his siblings.

"Is it true that Milo broke his own leg?" asked Eleven incredulously.

"Aye……but now listen to me, Sandrina, Gawain and Bethan do not know the truth and they must not if this plan of Milo's is to work. I want you to get everyone, especially the children of the fort to start playing sick as soon as Bethan is well."

"She will get well, will she not?" Eight was worried, he truly adored Bethan.

"If Gawain has anything to do with it; along with her parents, Dag and Merlin she will." Gilly assured him.

Merlin stepped into the room where Milo was being tended "I see you have been busy…" he smiled at the boy "This will hurt…a _lot_".

Milo braced himself and never cried out once as his leg was set "Brave boy" Dag said "It was a clean break Milo and should heal well."

Milo clapped Rahil on the back "Well done my friend" He grinned, as the sweat ran off him and his colour returned "You broke it perfectly."

His father picked him up "Let us take you to your sister so she can see your handiwork when she wakes." He said. Although Tristan's voice was calm, he held his son close to him and nuzzled his hair "I am proud of you Milo." He whispered.

His son put his arms round his father's neck and hugged him tightly "I will never be you father, you are the most amazing man I have ever known - but if I can be one quarter the man you are, I will be happy."

Tristan blinked back the tears that formed in his eyes and smiled at his young son.

0-0-0-0-0-0

Sandrina was beside herself on seeing her son with his leg splinted and set with the tight bandages to immobilise it.

"Dear God Milo, have I not got enough to worry about with your sister without you now adding to it!"

"I am sorry Mama, I fell….."

She sighed and scrubbed her hand over her face. She stared at the pale face of her daughter. "Speak to her Milo; we must all speak to her, bring her back…" She ran from the room in tears.

Tristan gently set his son down on the bed by his daughter and Gawain and ran after her "It will be alright Milo, it will" he said quietly from the door.

Milo grasped his sister's hand, clearly in pain. Gawain shot him a look "how fares you?"

"painfully" the young boy tried to smile "it hurts, but I will survive as she will."

"You have a lot of faith in her…"

"As much as I do in you" he sighed and regarded his friend "Did I not tell you long ago Gawain that you would be my friend too?"

The knight smiled for the first time that night "Aye, aye you did…."

"Do you remember why?"

"Nay, not really."

"She trusts you, with _all_ her secrets; even with her _life_. You are an honourable man Gawain; she would not trust you so if you were not.

I know….I know what you told the others about how you felt about her even whilst Lucan lived" he grasped the hand of the knight with his free one, as the other went to protest and laid it on his sister's. "But he was not jealous. He trusted her and with good reason - no matter what she felt about you at the time, she loved him; she loved him with her all her heart. Her feelings towards you only changed when he died and you were there for her in the same way she had been for you.

But mark this Gawain - she may have given Lucan her heart, but you _own_ her soul; that is why he released her that day at the graveyard.

He knew; when he passed on he realised the reality of her feelings, there is naught held back when we die. Our souls learn all; and in that learning we find out all that may have escaped us here on earth. Lucan knew when he lived that you had feelings for Bethan, but he also knew she loved him.

But when he died, he knew then that she could be happy with you in a way she never would have been with him" he shook his head at Dagonet "I am not saying that she would not have been happy with Lucan; she would, for they loved each other dearly. But he knew, as I do, that the connection with Gawain is different, deeper somehow.

Lucan wanted her to be different; calmer and more sedate, and she was for him because she loved him so much. But Gawain you love her as she _is_…wild and free….the a' allaidh soirbheas" all three men grinned at the remembrance of the Bethan they used to know.

"I know this because though a child, I watch and I see everything. People forget I am there a lot of the time and do things they think I do not see. A look, a gesture - things an adult would miss or make no mind of" he smiled.

"Whatever happens Gawain, know this - you two are meant; and if you have Lucan's blessing then you must have Ysabeau's."

"How do you know I have Lucan's blessing?" Gawain asked sadly. Milo could tell he was unconvinced by all he had said.

"He whispered one word to me that day by the graveside, the day he said goodbye to Bethan and Tris; it was Gawain."

The other two knights gasped "I speak true; this is no scheme or plan to trap you with Bethan."

"I believe him…" Dag spoke quietly from the door.

"As do I; my son would not lie about something like this." Tristan spoke as he entered the room.

"So what now?" Arthur spoke as he too came in.

"We wait….." Tristan sighed as he looked at his daughter.

0-0-0-0-0-0-0

They sat for hours watching her, then the hours turned to days. She stayed as she was, almost as if asleep. Gawain never left her and neither did Milo, not unless they had to; and the others came in and spoke to her.

This day started the same as the other four had; first Dagonet and Merlin entered.

"Any change?" Dag asked.

"None." Gawain sighed "Are we sure she did not sustain a blow to the head?"

"Aye…" Merlin answered "we are sure…"

"Then why does she not wake? It is not even as if there is a fever…."

"I do not know…."

"I can feel her dying….."

"If you give her just reason she will return to you, to all of us…" Merlin stated.

He crossed to the girl in the bed "You have two here who pine for you" he looked at Milo, he could see the boy sickening; Dagonet said it was the pain in his leg, but it was more than that; he was pining for his sister. "Do not think to leave them child, for they will both soon follow." He murmured in her ear.

"Keep talking to her; she will recover Gawain, you have to believe as he does." He pointed to Milo. Gawain nodded as the Shaman left.

Dagonet sat down on the bed and took her free hand "Bethan, we miss you, the boys miss you - you have a sick brother here. His leg is broken and he needs his little mother." He leant down towards her "your Gawain pines most….do not desert him Little Scout; it is not what Lucan would want, trust me" He whispered.

He rose and patted Gawain's shoulder "Have faith Gawain; she will not desert you…how could she desert her soul?"

"She would not, she would only take mine with her" he muttered.

Milo squeezed his hand "and mine" he smiled sadly "Look" Gawain glanced down and saw that the boy had done the 'tie that binds'. "I could not let you both go without someone who could scout for you…."

Gawain shook his head as tears ran down his face "Milo; Milo why? Your parents cannot lose you both, it is too cruel."

"Then she must live; and frankly my bloody leg hurts too much to care!" He grinned at Gawain, trying to lighten his mood.

The knight leant over and hugged him "You are a very special boy Milo; you are, and I am proud to call you both friend and brother."

Milo blushed and hugged him back "As I am you Gawain, as I am you…" he paused "but best not to let my parents know of this, eh? I think it would upset Mama and cause much grief to Papa."

Gawain nodded.

Just then Galahad and Alisia came in "How fares she brother?"

"No change; but we hope, do we not Milo?"

"Aye we do…."

Galahad walked over to the unconscious young woman and leant by her ear "You cannot leave him now Bethan…..not when he has finally admitted how he feels."

Alisia crouched down next to her "Bethan hear me, Ysabeau would not mind I swear. Please do not leave us…."

They patted Gawain's shoulder as they left.

"Is that not annoying?" asked Milo.

"Very, but they mean well…"

"I would tell them to piss off!" They grinned together.

"You remind me of your sister! She was swearing a blue streak at your age, still is…" they both chuckled.

Bors was next, with Van and Gilly….

"Any change?"

"None."

Gilly looked at Milo "That bloody leg of yours will have healed by the time she sodding wakes up!"

"Then I will just have to do it again…."

"I bet you bloody would too!" Gilly asked incredulously.

"'Course he would, it is his sister and her happiness; he is a bloody excellent little sod, are you not lad?" Bors said with pride.

Milo grinned.

Gilly walked over to Bethan "If you bloody die whose going to keep on breaking my nose for me?" then he sobered "Please Bethan, we would all miss you so much…"

Van touched his arm and whispered her own message into the girl's ear "Gawain would follow you; but I worry that Milo would too - please Bethan, come back to us."

Tris and Darry toddled up "Mama get well; but you tell her off Borsey, and then Lancey tell her off and then you say 'wuv you', Papa…"

Bors looked at the boy and realised what he was saying - he strode over, just as Lancelot entered "How is she?"

"No change."

"Right, well I have had enough of this bloody debacle!"

"So have I!" Bors exclaimed "even Little Tris is saying we should be telling her off…."

They both went to her. Bors sat her up and shook her "Now you listen to me and listen good - you will _not_ die, you hear me you little cow! _I_ will not bloody allow it, I will not let you rest…I will keep you sodding earthbound until the end of bloody time!"

Lancelot gave her a shake as well "I do not know what you think you are doing but your mother is beside herself, your father is a shell of what he was and both Gawain and your bloody brother are dying with you! That is _not_ the Little Scout we know, she would _not_ do this to those she loved!

So buck your bloody ideas up girlie! You are a _Knight_; knights do not give in to this sort of injury! I never took you for a weakling, a coward - but obviously you are!"

Bors was having to restrain Gawain from braining Lancelot with his axe - but just then there was a groan from Bethan "Sod off Lancelot…….I am not dying……..I was just resting my eyes".

"I knew it! I did, she is her mother's bloody daughter; could not let an insult lie; would come back from the gates of death just to have the last word!" he crowed before racing out with Bors to tell everyone.

Gawain went to her, taking her hand he smiled with relief "where did you go that you wanted to stay for so long?"

"Heaven…"

"I hear it is a nice place, so what brought you back?"

"You…..you called me… then you said…you said…you said you loved me….Gawain I…I cannot, it is wrong…….."

"hush…….all is well, we are friends, just friends - always will be….." he stroked her forehead, tears pooling in his eyes. Oh Goddess – he had lost her, he knew he would….

But he had reckoned without the young boy on the bed. He caught Tris and Darry's eye….and nodded, then he turned to the door and winked at Gilly. The adults were completely unaware a whole plan was being put into action without their knowledge.

He was ready for this eventuality, he was not going to be defeated now; the adults would not be able to help. But he would; he and the other children - Bethan's _only_ Achilles heel…..

"You have not lost her Gawain; not while there is breath in my body you have not - I will call you brother yet" He smiled. The knight did not believe him as he ruffled his hair, but that was alright.

Arthur had watched from the door and smiled. He would be a leader one day, a good one; until then he knew he would have double the headache he had before - now he would have the Little Scout _and _the brother to deal with.

He wandered away smiling; they would have to think of a nickname for Milo, like they had for Bethan - but what would fit?

Fixer? Nay….

Schemer? Nay….

Trouble? Aye…..now that would fit him - Trouble! He grinned; he was that alright with a capital T, but at least in a good way.

0-0-0-0-0-0

So the days passed again. Bethan was recovering quickly, fear for her brother driving her healing. Milo's plan worked well.

It seemed that Bethan was completely aware of all that had transpired and she was mortally guilty about her own feelings as well as Gawain's. Things became difficult as she fought her feelings and knew he was doing likewise, and so she had wanted to move her and Tris to a room by themselves.

Of course there was none, and Arthur was unwilling to accommodate her by moving anyone; even Milo's room was quickly occupied whilst he was out of it, so she had no option but to stay with Gawain.

She could not shake the feeling that something was going on and she was missing a crucial part, but she could not get her head round it - even her breezes had stopped as if ensuring whatever was being carried out went ahead.

She sighed as she shifted in the bed; Milo beside her. She saw the little piece of fabric….and froze "Milo?" she shook him awake, whilst trying not to disturb Tris and Darry.

"Hmmm? What?" he was groggy with sleep.

"Did you do the 'tie that binds' with me?"

"Aye, I would not let you and Gawain die alone" he was immediately defensive.

The yelling brought everyone running "You _stupid_ little bastard!"

"_Me _stupid! I am not the one pretending I do not love someone when it is obvious to anyone with a bloody _eye _in their head that I adore him!"

"What!"

"You heard me; you are being a complete _prat_ Befan - Lucan would not want this….he would not…it is stupid!"

"How dare you speak to me like this? I am your sister…."

"It is _because_ you are my sister that I _can_ speak to you like this!"

"If you did not already have a broken leg I would break your bloody neck!"

"Huh! I would like to see you try! Even _with_ a broken leg I could take you, sister!"

Bors stood at the door as they hurled insults at each other "Good to have the old spitfire Bethan back!" He laughed "we have missed her, so much you would never guess…."

She started laughing then, and almost immediately the laughter turned to tears. Bors flew in as Milo tried to scoot across to hug her too. "I did not mean to upset you Befan!"

"What is it Little Scout, eh? Why do you weep so?"

"I feel so bad Bors - there I am laughing and Lucan cannot laugh. I love Gawain Bors, I love him so much - and I never loved Lucan like that!" She sobbed "I feel so guilty…."

"No one condemns you Bethan; not Dag or Alisia or even Ilara - no one. Everyone would be pleased to see you and Gawain get together." He placated.

"But _I_ condemn me Bors; _I _do…."

"Why?"

"Because I cannot explain why I love Gawain more than I did Lucan - that is wrong, Lucan was my husband….Gawain is a friend, yet I love him with all my heart, body and soul!"

"So? Lucan is dead, but while he was living you loved him; he never once doubted that…"

"But it was not the _same_!"

"Mayhap it was not, but it was enough for him; do not spoil his memory because of this…."

"Mayhap I just need to get out of the fort…" Milo and Bors exchanged a look over her head.

"I do not think that will happen Bethan; there are many sick around at the moment and Merlin cannot cope on his own and you know Dag is all about battle wounds."

She sighed "I am sure they will fare well…."

"Well the adults might…." Bors paused theatrically "But I am not sure about the children, especially ours." He lowered his eyes in case something in them gave the game away.

Bethan was immediately alert "Children? The children are sick……_our_ children are sick?"

"Then of course there is Milo….and he is having problems, are you not boy?"

Milo nodded emphatically, pointing to his leg.

"What is wrong with the children?"

"Well, it seems like some kind of stomach cold - aches, pains and aching heads, with stomach pains and nausea" Milo invented quickly, as Bors caste about in his mind for symptoms of diseases.

He smiled gratefully to the boy '_Ye Gods, that child could think on his feet_!' he thought.

"I must go and see them" She went to rise - but her stitches pulled and made her catch her breath.

Gawain came in "What are you doing?" as he pushed past the others.

"Going to the children; Gawain, they are sick - why did no one tell me?"

"Because you are too and there is no way you can help them until you are fit." She glared at him mutinously "Look I will help you…" she looked dubious "will you not let me help you Little Scout?" the plaintive way he spoke, Bors' heart went out to him - the hurt look on his face. But then he saw her relax and nod; mayhap there was hope yet.

He looked across at Milo, who nodded to Tris and Darry. "Mama kiss Papa fank oo's" Tris giggled "Mama kiss Papa fank oo's…"

"Not today Tris; mayhap a later…" she blushed as to how that might have sounded.

"NAY! NOW! MAMA KISS PAPA!" He stamped his foot on the bed and Milo flinched, even though it had not bothered him too much.

"Alright, alright…..just mind Milo" She kissed Gawain's cheek, quickly and with the barest touch of her lips to his skin.

"That no kiss Mama….kiss like dis…" he planted a real smacker on Gawain's cheek "Mama no like Papa anymore? Poor Papa…poor, poor Papa – Mama meany; but Tris-Tris wuv Papa, wuv Papa lots…."

Darry piped up "Aye, Mama a meany – _we_ wuv you Papa!" and she too planted a huge wet kiss on Gawain's cheek. He smiled adoringly at them.

"Nay…..it is alright, we are…friends. Mama and I are friends, and things are different." He tried to cover for Bethan who was looking very hurt.

All the knights looked on as Milo grinned behind Bethan's back; Lancelot, Bors and Arthur the only ones to really twig what was going on. Lancelot admired the boy for his planning, these were small children but they had obviously been schooled as to what say for certain situations…..

Bethan reached up and pulled Gawain down, kissing his cheek properly. She desperately tried to ignore the fluttering in her stomach, or the way her breath caught in her throat as her lips touched the warm skin of his cheek…

For his part, Gawain had to steel himself from crushing her to him and never letting her go, consequences be damned. Guilt or no guilt he was not sure how much longer he could stand the torture of having her so near him; he knew she felt the same, had heard her whispered conversations with Van, Amila, Guinevere and her mother; all of them telling her to be free. Even Ilara, who had moved her to tears, had told her it was alright….but she could not.

If he could just get things back to the way they were before….where they could hug and kiss without fear. He wondered if he could. He looked at the children, he had no idea what had got into them lately; they were always trying to get him and Bethan together. He sighed….he just did not know how to fix it.

Galahad watched and his anger grew; he would not allow her to continue treating his brother like this. Nay, he would not - it was time _he_ said something, and it would not be nice.

0-0-0-0-0-0

He strode into the room a few days later…. Bethan was alone; he had made sure of that. Milo had gone to have his leg checked and rebound by Merlin and Dag; Gawain had taken the children outside for some fresh air.

"Bethan?"

"Hello Gal…" she smiled. She was pale and sad looking; his resolve nearly faltered, but as he thought of his brother he stood firm.

"Why are you being such a complete bitch to Gawain? Has he ever done anything to you to deserve it?" he ground out.

She looked surprised "I did not know that I was…."

"Don't play sodding dumb with me Bethan, you and I go back too far for that! I have known you full as long as all the others, and I know _you_! You are tormenting him beyond reason and it is not fair!" He cried.

"You think I am not being tormented?" She looked hurt.

"Well if you are, you obviously enjoy it for there is no other reason for it. Both your partners are dead and have been for some while – more than a year for Lucan and over two years for Ysabeau – and you love each other to distraction. Ye Gods, you even love each other's children and they call you Mama and Papa!"

"But I feel guilty…"

"Oh, I see so you are going to go on tormenting you and Gawain forever so that you feel you 'pay' for the feelings you have? That is so ridiculous that if was not hurting my brother I would laugh out loud at you. How old are you? 5, 6? Because that is how you are acting…."

"Gal…I…." she tried to explain.

"Nay, forget it…you know what, just forget it….I will not bother you again Bethan. You are not the sister or _knight_ I thought you was to torment one we know you love so. I would not treat a dog the way you treat him! The really sad part Bethan is Lucan would not wish this crap and neither would Ysabeau - YOU are the only one who wants it…….think about it!" he slammed out.

Bethan sat there for a moment and then burst into tears, it was not like her to cry over an argument, but he really had no idea what she was going through. But what if he was right - that all this misery was her own doing?

A few minutes later Alisia came in with Ilara "What happened? We saw Gal and he looked like he was going to hit something…"

"I think he would have liked it to be me…" she smiled, wiping her eyes.

"Has he made you cry? I will bloody kill him!" Alisia went to go after him.

"Nay…..he spoke true that is all. But this is, to use Bors' best loved phrase, such a bloody mess….I do not know what to do anymore…."

"Mayhap you should just follow your heart; it has been well over year since Lucan died Bethan. He would not wish this, he would not. So you did not love him as you love Gawain. But you _did_ love him; you must have, to try and change as you did for him. I knew you would - even when the others said Lucan would be lucky to just survive the ride with you, I knew how you loved him and would do aught to make him happy - and you did." Ilara spoke softly.

"I love Dagonet a million times more than I loved my first husband, does that make me a bad person? I love my boys full as much as I loved my natural son who perished, does that make me a horrible woman? Of course not; we have to live our lives, and I consider myself very fortunate that Destiny has been kind enough to give me a second chance at love.

Do I love my first husband still? Aye, there will always be a piece of me that belongs to him, as there will always be the same from you and Gawain for Lucan and Ysabeau. But they would not wish this torment you and Gawain are going through….they would not."

"I know Ysabeau would not, and I think I knew enough of Lucan to think the same for him." Alisia added.

Just then Tris and Darry toddled in - pushed by Milo "Mama? Papa crying in the beer place…."

"What?"

"Papa crying tearses……help Papa, Mama; do not be mad at Papa anymore….." Tris patted her cheek "Make Tris-Tris and Darry sad when you not like Papa…."

Fresh tears sprang to Bethan's eyes, as the two other women exchanged looks, this was slightly out of character for the small children; they would get to the bottom of this…..

Bethan stood and flew out, the two women followed the little ones…..straight back to Milo, and the other knights' children. "I knew you had to be in on it somewhere Milo!" Glowered Alisia "You made her cry!"

"Good, then maybe she will see sense."

Ilara laughed and laughed, Alisia looked askance at her "You cannot find this funny?"

"Oh aye, I can….I mean you have to admire all the work they have put into this - his broken his own leg; schooling the children about what to say. Every house she has visited since she has been back on her feet has had a child in it asking her about Gawain…….it must have driven her near mad. Gawain's had all the boys following him around wanting to know what he thinks of Bethan.

They have not been allowed a moment not to think of each other from the second they awake until they sleep. Naught has been left to chance, you have a general in the making here Arthur!" she spoke to their king as he wandered up with an amused looking Guinevere.

Milo" she turned to the boy "I salute you!" she grinned as she walked away with Alisia.

"I know I have a general, I only hope you work as hard for me as you do your sister!" Arthur chuckled "How is the leg?"

"Painful but these crutches help….at least I can move around."

"Who made them?"

"Gawain and Papa. I would be lost without them. Arthur?"

"Hmm?"

"Do think I am being cruel? You know with this new plan of ours? Over egging the pudding as Van says?"

"Nay Milo – I do not. I think they need a swift kick in the backside to stop all this. You are doing well, my young Trouble."

"Trouble?" Milo was confused.

"Aye, as we call you sister Little Scout; I thought we would call you Trouble…. Do you not approve?"

Before he could answer Rahil ran up "Milo it is starting, Bethan has Suriana at the tavern and has apparently caught her telling Tris what to say - she is baying for blood! Now?"

Milo thought for a moment "It is as good a time as any."

Tanwir ran up with Celeste "Have you told him? Should we start now?"

"May as well…..if this does not work, I might have another plan…."

"Do not you always brother!" Laughed Rahil and they went with the hobbling Milo.

"I do not think Trouble suits him Arthur" Guinevere smiled at the boy's retreating back.

"You do not? What then?"

"How about Little Captain? For do they not all follow his every order?"

Arthur hugged her "You are wise my darling….Little Captain it is then. MILO!" he called.

"Aye Sire?"

"You will be known as Little Captain!" he smiled.

"I like that muchly better, to phrase Darry!" The boy grinned back.

"Come my wife; we have our part yet to play…."

"Takes you back does it not? Remember Dagonet and Ilara?" she grinned happily.

Arthur laughed out loud "Aye I do; it seems the brother is full as much a schemer as his sister!"

"Better I would say!" giggled Guinevere as they made their way back to the meeting room that held the round table.

0-0-0-0-0

Milo and the others found Bethan holding Suriana by the arm and giving her a mouthful "Why would you teach him to tell me I am bad for not loving his papa!"

"I….I…."

"Get off her" Milo spoke low and angrily.

"What?"

"You heard me…get off her…" he batted at his sister's arm with a crutch.

Suddenly a light went on for Bethan "_You_ did this? But why?"

"Because you are wrong Befan….very wrong - I tried to be nice…tried to make you see sense the better way; but now we are going into a lock out…."

His sister's eyes widened as the other knights looked on seemingly confused "You would not do that to me….you _would not_."

"I would and I will; you are no longer with us Bethan" for the first time since he was born he used her proper name "We will neither speak nor acknowledge you until you see sense."

He slowly turned his back; after a moment of blinking at the enormity of what he was doing, the others slowly followed suit; all had hoped it would not come to this. As Arthur and the others knew, they would always follow their 'Little Captain'.

"Darry, Tris-Tris….Mama has upset Uncle Milo muchly, we will not speak to her until she is being nice to Papa Gawain…understand?"

The two small children nodded, not really grasping what they were doing, and slowly turned round on their mother.

As she looked round the open area by the tavern she saw children whispering and as they caught her eye each turned their back on her - she was locked out.

The children slowly walked away. Suriana was upset, and even Milo had tears in his eyes "Do not let them fall Suriana - none of you. We are doing this for her own good" he hissed….but he felt awful, a betrayer.

He had stood by his sister no matter what she had done, shoulder to shoulder - but this time…_this time_…..it was different….when this was all over he prayed she would understand why he had done it.

Bethan stood mutely clasping and unclasping her hands - this was beyond cruel, the children here were her life; she loved each and every one of them…….and the knights children were her special favourites.

"What have they done?" Lancelot asked, worried by the stricken look on her face.

"They have initiated a lockout - none of them will talk to me or acknowledge me; I may as well be dead to them." She looked at him sadly. "It seems they love Gawain as much as I do…."

"Will your guilt be worth this now?" San looked at her daughter "You know Milo would not take such actions lightly - he hates what you are doing only…"

Bethan nodded "But…..I thought he loved me….." she could not finish.

Bors had had enough "He does, you daft wench! Do you…"

"Bors….." warned Lancelot.

But the other knight was beyond reason "do you know he broke his own leg just to keep you on the fort! To keep you around Gawain…..to make you see….he has planned and schemed to try and bring you together; I cannot believe you would doubt him like this….poor little sod!"

Bethan swung round "Bors!" Lancelot groaned "Can you not just let it lie?"

"He _would_ not….he _could_ not…._broke his own leg_?"

"Aye he did…we saw him…" Lancelot nodded "He loves you so much Bethan. It is not only Gawain you are destroying, but him too. Believe me, he is as stubborn as you - I would not see this lock out ending any time soon, if you persist with this ridiculous 'guilt' of yours."

"I will not be bullied Lance" she warned, though the fight was not there. She seemed merely…..devastated.

"He does not wish to bully you sister" he said more softly, hugging her to him "He wishes to help you see sense; I pray this works, as we are all out of options. Gawain…."

"What of Gawain? I was told he was here and crying?" She looked about, suddenly starting to panic…

"Tell her…" Galahad hissed angrily "Tell her…."

"Tell me what?"

"He is leaving…."

"Who?"

"Gawain, Bethan, Gawain wants to leave; you have succeeded in breaking his heart and now he wishes to leave. He has gone to see Arthur, to be released so he can leave the fort……._for good_!" Galahad ground out viciously.

She spun round and took off towards the meeting room as fast as her side would allow…..


	25. Turning Point

**_Disclaimer: As chapter one; so please, for the love of _God, _do not make me keep writing it out people!_**

_**WARNING: BAD LANGUAGE, VIOLENCE AND SOME SEXUAL REFERENCES (though not too graphic) SO READ AT YOUR OWN PERIL. **_

_**All reviews, and constructive criticism, gratefully received – but no flaming please; and I will try to update regularly.**_

'_**Thoughts'**_

"**Speech"**

_**-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-**_

_**Bethan & Lucan**_

**_Chapter Twenty-Five – Turning Point_**

"I hope we have done the right thing?" Galahad said as he stood a little behind Lancelot.

"We did as Milo asked; what else _could_ we do?" He sighed "We are trying to help them, that is all we must remember."

0-0-0-0-0-0

Bethan burst into the meeting room and saw Gawain sitting talking to Arthur and Guinevere. Her anger, grief and guilt all got the better of her; she let rip at the one she loved more than her own life and she did not care who was there to hear it.

"You cowardly _git_!" she spat, striding over to Gawain who just gawped at her "How can you bloody leave when they are virtually holding _me_ prisoner!"

Gawain went to speak, but she carried on "I do not give a fart about what you have got to say! They have locked me out - the children have _locked me out_; all because of you. They do no give a damn about me…they do not, and Galahad is giving me a nothing but crap; something he hasnever done before….

Why? Why is my life being slowly crushed around me? You – you are the reason Gawain; you own me….dear God help me, but you do – you own every fibre of me…..and because I feel bad, _so_ bad about Lucan; that I did not ever feel that way about him and I cannot reconcile that yet, the rest of them are making my sodding life even more miserable than it already is!

I have a brother to tend who called me _Bethan_! he has _never_ called me that; and, apparently, he broke his _own_ leg to keep me here in the fort. God alone only knows what else he has done - apart from coach our children to _hate_ me for not throwing myself at you!" she was breathing heavily.

"If anyone has got good reason to leave then it is me, trust me…..I have _lost_…." She fought the tears "So much and I stand to lose even more it seems and…oh who gives a bloody damn! I do not anymore; _you_ do not have to leave…._I_ amgoing - then you can all commiserate with yourselves as to what an awful person I was and how wonderful it is without me!" She turned and strode out of the room – cannoning into the knights who were all outside.

"You blood bunch of _children_! Honest to God, you really are…..well, satisfied? I am leaving; I am going and good bloody riddance….."

"What in Hades are you on about woman!" Gawain had followed her, now he was mad "I have not the faintest idea what you are raving about? I am not leaving…no one is….."

"They…." She turned to indicate the others, particularly Lancelot and Galahad, only to find not a soul there "COWARDS!" she called out after them.

Gawain spun her round, he was mad now and very close to breaking point "You think you are the only one with a problem? How do you think it is for me? To tell a woman you love her to the very fibre of your being and then be rejected because she feels guilty for loving you more than a dead husband!

You are not the only whose feeling guilty Bethan….nay, not by a long chalk….shall I tell you why? Do you want to know what you have done to me? Want to know how you have haunted my dreams and cursed my days for so long now?

I loved you _before_ Lucan died! I was not jealous of how you were with _Darry_ - I was jealous of _him_! I know what it feels like to feel guilty because I did not love enough; I did not love my Ysabeau as deeply as I should - instead my love waited for _you_! My love for Ysabeau was a _pond_ compared to the _ocean_ I feel for you!

Lucan was my friend, and I _loved_ his _wife_ to the point where I would lay awake at night trying not to think of them together! How I would ache to hold her in my arms and kiss her, but then would see them together and burn with jealousy!

I wonder did I do enough to save him that day? I ran, aye I did…I tried to save him, tried to make him live for you….the Gods know how _I_ would have fought to stay by your side, when he….he just gave up….but was it my fault? Did I just not try hard enough?

They say I did; even Dagonet says I was the perfect friend, I did all I could to save him…but did I? Why _did_ he die! _I_ would have fought tooth and nail to stay with you Bethan - but _he _gave up! I knew he knew I loved you, I knew because whenever he wanted to talk he came to me; and it was always about you. He knew how much I loved you – you are in me….in ways I could never rid myself of…you control my _world_ Bethan!

So when it comes to guilt I have the lion's share - so DO NOT act the injured party, because you are not the only one suffering here!"

He pulled her roughly to him and lowered his head; she closed her eyes. If he kissed her now she could no longer fight it; she was his, heart, body and soul, guilt or no she would not be able to do aught but love him until the end of eternity and beyond….

Then let her go, so abruptly, she fell over; her eyes wide with shock. She had _never _seen Gawain so angry or….tortured.

She got slowly to her feet and walked back to their room; not knowing that was where Gawain had gone…

0-0-0-0-0-0-0

The knights, who had been watching round the corner, groaned in unison as they saw victory eaten by the jaws of defeat.

"What in Hades do we have to _do_?" Bors was almost beside himself with frustration "I mean…bloody hell!"

"Wait…did you see her face?" Arthur queried.

"She would have given in - I saw it, if he had but kissed her…..she would have never been able to hold out" Guinevere confirmed.

"You think?" Galahad was a little hopeful.

"Well, that is just bloody wonderful! How the bloody hell are we going to get him to kiss her?" Bors felt like he was losing his mind over this. He had never met such a stubborn bloody pair as these two.

"Look the children have locked her out, we just need to let them know to keep it up a bit longer; she will turn to him because she will have no one else…."

"She has got us….." Galahad pointed out.

"Not really, she thinks you hate her; she knows Bors and Lancelot are fed up with it, as are Dag and Ilara. Her mother and father are really only just supporting her because they are worried about Milo; Arthur and I will ensure we are too busy - so that only leaves Gawain.

So long as Van and Amila do not help her, we have her cornered" Smiled Guinevere in satisfaction.

"Does anyone else have a problem with how we are manipulating her?" Galahad sighed.

"Nay, if she had just allowed herself to be with him in the first place then we would not be doing this. I think we should do the lock out and stuff on Gawain too - that way they have really only got each other." Lancelot stated.

"Agreed; it should work….." Arthur said.

"Aye, of course - like it bloody did _this_ day; I was _convinced_ it would work this time!" Bors sighed.

"Well, we keep trying" said Milo as he limped towards them, followed by the other children. "It is working, but taking longer than we thought. They are just more stubborn than we anticipated; but we will get them in the end - we will." He sighed.

Arthur looked at the boy "Are you alright Milo? You look a little pale…."

"I fare well, Arthur thank you." he smiled tiredly "My leg pains me though and I have difficulty sleeping. It was worth it; .if it helps, it was worth it…"

"You are a brave boy…" Dagonet said "It _will_ work Milo - we will _make_ it work."

"I know Dag…I know…"

"Do you ever wish you had not done it?" Bors asked sympathetically, nodding at his leg.

"Every night Bors……every night!" He laughed "But if it _had_ worked it would be have been worth it, to save all this. I had to take the chance…"

"Aye lad, but you have my pride in you for even doing it. I am not sure I could have…"

"Neither am I…." Lancelot agreed, Galahad nodded.

"I am glad to hear it; I do not really want to find my knights running around shattering their own limbs, no matter how worthy the cause!" Arthur laughed.

"Where is my sister?"

"Actually we do not know; I think she went off to their room." Lancelot noted.

"But that is where Gawain went!" They all broke into a run, with Dagonet picking Milo up.

"We do not want you missing anything do we lad?" he grinned at the boy.

"I love you Dag" Milo smiled, and kissed the gentle knight's cheek.

Dagonet hugged the boy tightly…………….for one moment, one brief small moment, it was almost as if he had Lucan back.

0-0-0-0-0

As they reached the room Bethan shared with Gawain they could hear the pair shouting…

"Well, we can safely say that the old fiery Bethan is back!" Bors volunteered with a grin.

"Sexual tension!" grinned Lancelot hugging Amila who had come running up on hearing the commotion "Gets 'em every time!"

Sandrina grimaced at the language her daughter was using "Should we not intervene?"

"Are you jesting? We have finally got them together even if it is shouting….now we just have to get them to kiss!" declared Bors.

San turned to her son "I cannot believe what you did Milo; but I love you for going to such lengths for your sister. But if you ever do it again…I _will_ kill you!" She hugged the boy tightly as Dag set him on the ground.

He turned to the large knight "Dag? It would be a big help if you could hold me for a bit, it takes the pressure off my leg and Papa is out scouting or else I would not bother you."

"Tis no bother Milo…." Dagonet said as he once again swept the young boy gently into his arms "I will always be here to help you." and he hugged him tightly to him once more.

Everyone thought it would now be just hours until they wore each other down…. unfortunately it did not work out that way.

0-0-0-0-0-0-0

Six _months_ later all was the same, almost all - Milo was back on his feet, but he was sickening for something.

Dagonet had become a regular visitor to the young boy's room and Tristan himself was now frantic with worry; even though he did not show it beyond his brother knights and Merlin.

"What is it?" He finally asked Merlin one day, as they left his room.

"It is all this business with Gawain and Bethan; he adores them both and cannot speak to them. He must ensure even their own children do not speak to them as well as all the children of the fort. He is a natural leader Tristan that is true, but he is still only a few months from 11 summers. He is young for this much responsibility."

"Is there anything we can do?" Dagonet asked.

"Bring this situation to a speedy conclusion; tell them they are killing him - for in a way they are." He walked away.

Tristan rubbed a hand over his eyes "Right, I have had enough." He listened as the shouting started again….

0-0-0-0-0-0-0

He stormed into the room, flinging the door open so hard it rocked on its hinges. "That is enough Bethan…." he stated, before stopping. They were inches apart and Gawain had her in his arms without even realising it – though they had borne witness to this many times over the last few months naught ever came of it, still he wished he had waited a moment more….this time….mayhap. He surveyed his daughter and his friend "Your brother is dying and you are the ones killing him."

"Tis true" Dagonet answered "The stress of not being at peace with you, and keeping all the children tied to the lock out is proving too much for him."

"I already knew he was sickening; I felt it…" she sighed heavily.

She went to brush past Gawain, glancing up as she did so. He closed his eyes tight as his body made brief contact with hers, the anger still holding her rigid – she melted at that moment, the hurt and pain in his face was almost palpable.

They knew why they were constantly fighting; something they had never really done until now - to stop themselves from kissing, making love; from finally owning each other in _every_ way; to stop themselves doing….what? From doing what their souls cried out for…..release - freedom for the halves to finally become the whole it was meant to be.

But this was too much; she could not let her brother die. She grasped his hand, his eyes flew open "Bethan?"

"We must help my brother…." He nodded and followed her out "Can you stay with the children?" she asked her father and Dagonet. Both nodded.

As they walked to the room she turned to him "I cannot own I am happy with what I am about to say - I do not know what fresh tortures I am about to impart on us….but we need Milo to think all is well, I will not lose him too."

"I understand – what do you wish to do?"

"Let him believe all is well and we are one."

"How do you intend to do that?"

"Just the odd kiss….regaining the friendship that we once had before….before I got injured."

"I see….you mean to manipulate him as he has you."

"Nay Gawain, I wish only to help him….look, it has been nearly 2 years since Lucan died, and 3 years since Ysabeau passed, we need to talk about…." she hesitated as she felt those dark green eyes upon her, the warmth of his hand grasping hers; she felt herself swaying towards him…and pulled back "but not now; now we need to save Milo."

He nodded and then pulled her tightly against him "But I do not know how long I could pretend" his head dipped to hers "before falsehood became a reality." His voice was heavy with emotion; his lips a hairs breath from hers, she could feel his breath on her mouth……and then he pulled away, smiling at the way she had closed her eyes.

He knew he was winning, wearing her down – they had been this close many times over the last few months, and each time she resisted a little less. But he worried for the boy; he would speak to him without her around.

They entered his room "Milo?"

He turned and she gasped, even Gawain started – the boy in front of them was pale and lifeless; his deep brown eyes like his father's, were emotionless. He stared at her - never once breaking the lock out, no more than he had for the few weeks he had allowed her to attend his leg before deciding he would rather Dagonet do it; Dagonet who he was now so close to.

"Milo, we give in…."

He continued to stare.

"What I mean to say is you have caused us to…." she searched for the right words.

"Have a heart to heart on the way here and we realise we are only fighting the inevitable…" Gawain finished.

Milo noticed they were holding hands, in fact he noticed they only seemed to realise it at the same time he did. He knew they were lying, the way Bethan quickly pulled her hand from the warmth of Gawain's….but he thought _this _was finally aught he could work with. What started out as a thing of convenience could quickly be fanned into what he knew was the fire just under the surface. He continued to stare.

Bethan sighed and looked at Gawain, he read the message in her eyes and bent his head; her mind was telling her to run, run away because if he kissed her there would be no turning back….but she told it to shut up, she was in control and it was merely a kiss. She would be fine.

His lips touched hers oh so lightly and gently, a gossamer touch of butterfly wings. He almost smiled as he felt her lean into him, unconsciously winding her arms round his neck and into his hair….….and that one small gesture was nearly his undoing - he could have picked her up then, taken her to their room and not let her out until she was his in every way.

But instead he pulled back even as she started deepening the kiss - her tongue flicking at his bottom lip, her feelings overcoming her restraint "Gawain?" her eyes fluttered open as she felt his warm lips part from hers….and then realisation dawned.

He smiled at her "I think he is convinced, look….." She glanced at her brother who was trying to get out of bed to hug her.

"Befan….oh Befan I have _missed_ you….I have missed you my sister….my Kêmtir Mader! And you Gawain!" He knew he had them - they maybe lying with their mouths and minds, but that kiss came from the heart.

She did not look at Gawain as her cheeks flared, even as she flew to Milo and hugged him tightly – tears pooling in her eyes though they did not fall….

"Never do this to me again Milo….never _ever_ do this to me again….I can stand aught except losing you my little man…." She hugged him so tightly he could not breathe.

"Or Gawain…." He gasped.

"What?" she loosened her grip.

Or losing Gawain; you could not bear to lose him either now could you?"

"I never could stand that" she muttered.

"What?"

She repeated it a little louder though still trying to ensure Gawain never heard her. "I still did not hear you…"

"I never could stand that…" she sighed. This was going to be nigh on impossible, Milo would be watching; but at least she would have missions again now and of course when they were alone with the children things could be a little less tense.

But would they? That was why they were arguing, trying to fight……dear God what was she going to do? Nay, there was no need to panic….none; she knew it was right that she suffered so; she had no right to happiness.

"Befan can I come stay with you?"

"What?"

"I will not get in the way I promise….I just need to be with you for a little while" he pleaded, '_just until I get you two together_' he thought.

"Well, what do you think Gawain?" she gave him a look that begged him to say nay…

"I think that is a brilliant idea Bethan; he has missed you as much as you have missed him, so it would be nice for the two of you to spend time together." The smile he gave Milo, seemed almost conspiratorial.

She sighed….this was going to go badly for her, she could feel it - she was now swimming against the tide. It was only a matter of time before she drowned, she looked at Gawain chatting to Milo - she would drown in him and his love for her, and her for him; she could feel it already, the guilt waning….the longing building…her resolve weakening.

But why _was_ she fighting it now? She could not go back and change things with Lucan, no more than he could with Ysabeau. He seemed to have made peace with all the guilt that had been eating him alive since his confession after her injury.

Could she do the same? It had been 2 years almost since Lucan died, 2 years of self hate and recriminations - and for what? To be put through hell these last few months; and worse, to do the same to him, he who deserved it least - but then she had not been good to Lucan, had not loved him as she should….she did not deserve happiness.

She sighed and rubbed a hand over her face. "Why do you not go and see to Darry and Tris and I will help Milo move?" Gawain spoke gently.

She smiled gratefully "Thank you Gawain…." She bent over to kiss his cheek; as she went to, he turned his head and their lips met in a hard kiss…..albeit briefly, but it was enough to once again have her senses reeling.

After she had gone, Gawain turned to Milo "I need your help…"

"I see" the boy grinned "What can I do?"

"You know in _her_ mind this is all a ruse, right?"

"Of course…though the kiss tells me you have already given in and she is fighting a losing battle against the inevitable."

"Well, I cannot stand to love her this much and from this far….."

"But I have tried everything…."

"Not this, the whole 'keep things nice for Milo until he gets well'….that has not been done. Would you?"

"Of course, I can also make sure the other children follow you around; they do mostly anyway, but Befan will know I will be reported back to. You might want Arthur to confine her to the fort, on my behalf or something…" they smiled at each other.

"It is good to have you back Milo…I have missed you muchly." He hugged the boy tightly, whilst they smiled at the use of Darry's phrase.

Darry and Tris came in with Van; they looked straight at Milo who nodded "PAPA!" they screamed, which brought Bethan running. The sight of Gawain with both the children in his arms was nearly her undoing.

He was hugging them tightly, tears in his eyes as her brother looked on adoringly. "Mama!" Tris spotted her and squirmed down before dragging Darry with him "Mama, huggle!" She picked them both up and squeezed them tight.

"I have missed you little ones talking to me…." She laughed.

Van grinned. She ambled over to Milo "How goes it?"

"They kissed" He whispered "for my benefit; but Gawain wants my help and she is weakening with every moment that passes. I can see her questioning her reasoning now too."

Van nodded with a grin and left.

"I will carry him and then come back for his mattress" Gawain said.

"Wait, the last time he stayed you had to sleep in the bed with me…remember? There was no space for the cot…"

"So why should that matter now you and Gawain are together?" Milo interrupted, with an innocent look an angel would be proud of.

Bethan sighed and closed her eyes briefly; destiny was conspiring against her she could feel it. She could fight him, she could fight _all_ of them…but she could _not _fight fate as well….but still…..

"Nay Milo, that is absolutely right. I do not know what I was thinking there…" she smiled wearily.

Bethan left with the children and Gawain followed her out with Milo….as they were leaving Eight, Nine and Ten ambled up. "How goes it Milo?"

"Well….they are together…." He winked and shook his head, "Gawain can you put me down?" the knight smiled and lowered him to the ground.

"I will take your mattress and come back…." The boy nodded.

"Well?" Eight asked as soon as they were alone.

"They are not really; she is pretending…" the others understood – Bethan was playing a role, but one they would all make a reality.

"What of him?"

"He is on our side now; he has made peace with all that was troubling him" Milo grinned. "I need to speak to him further, but the tide could _finally_ be turning in our favour…."

"The Goddess knows what you have put yourself through for it Milo…" Suriana walked up, looped her arm round his waist and leaned her head on his shoulder "I hope you are right this time…"

"Who knew my sister was so stubborn!" he grinned. "I will let you know when I have spoken to Gawain what the outcome is - but the lock out is over. We have to let her think we believe her."

Suriana smiled, he would live and all would be well – she knew how the adults had worried, especially Uncle Dagonet and Uncle Tristan.

She never doubted her Milo - he was all to her, she loved him with all her little heart and soul. He would be a great man, and she believed him when he said she would be his wife. But she had feared she too would have to do the 'tie that binds' when he was so sick….for she would not lose him; nay, she would not ever lose him.

They spotted Bethan walking towards them.

"Need your room?" Nine asked nonchalantly.

"Nay. I am staying with Bethan and Gawain for a few days, maybe a week - until I am well." He saw his sister sigh once more and stifled the smile. '_I can be more stubborn than you my little mother, and I now have something to live for_!' he thought.

"Good, then we will have it…we could do with a break from our army!" they grinned innocently at Bethan, before Eight spoke to her "It is good to be able to talk to you again Bethan, we will let the others know for you Milo."

"Thank you…oh, and Eight? Let them know _everything_…" he winked again.

Bethan closed her eyes; her only line of escape had just been closed. Tonight was going to be……interesting - please God let the children want to sleep between them for once, for she was fearful of what she would do in her sleep with his arms around her…

As it was, it appeared that God was on the side of Destiny this time……

0-0-0-0-0-0

Gawain took Milo to one side as he lifted him into his arms "we need to talk to the others too; this will only work if we have everyone on side." He whispered winking at the boy. Milo knew then that no matter what demons his sister still carried with her, Gawain at least had made peace with his.

The lad flung his arms round his neck and hugged him tightly "I love you Gawain, my brother….I do." He whispered, before saying more loudly "Can you me to the tavern please Gawain?"

"I am just taking Milo to the tavern to let them know the lock-out is over…" he called to Bethan; before saying quietly to the young boy "and I love you my Little Captain; more than you will ever know…" his voice thick with emotion.

"Fine, fine….stay as long as you want, I will call you when the food for lunch is ready!" she sounded so relieved that both Milo and Gawain had to smile.

"Just give me some time to get my thoughts untied; for you muddle me up Gawain, and I cannot think straight when you are so near" she muttered unaware that it had been loud enough for both of them to hear her.

"We are winning" Milo grinned.

"Hmm….but she is driving me almost as insane."

"What is your plan?" Milo asked as they walked to the tavern.

"Only to carry on as we are - when she finds out the truth, and she will for there are no flies on our Bethan, she will be as mad as Hades but _I_ will deal with that. I only know I cannot live without her in my life, the last few months have been little short of hell; and for her too. It has got to stop Milo."

"Then I have a plan…." The boy smiled.

"I never doubted it for a moment!" Gawain grinned.

"This is what we need to do……." They discussed it together, and then with the other knights.

It was simple and for once all thought it would work; all they had to do was ensure that she and Gawain had to constantly have someone around so they could 'pretend' their love; eventually there would be no pretending - of course Tris and Darry were the best weapons they had…..

Milo gathered the children and told them "This is all that has to happen….." They began to giggle; _this_ plan would be fun!

Tristan took his son to one side "Never frighten us like that again boy…I will not tolerate it." He hugged the boy and kissed his hair.

"I love you Papa, but the worry of it all made me sick."

"Do not worry Uncle Tristan, I would have done the 'tie that binds' – I would not have let him die" Suriana piped up.

Milo gaped "You would do that for _me_?"

"Of course, I love you Milo….heart and soul I am yours." She stated emphatically, before hugging him tightly.

The young boy hugged her back, smiling into her hair "as I am yours Suriana, as I am yours."

Lancelot and Tristan exchanged a look "It seems we are to be more than brothers!" Lancelot laughed.

Tristan grinned "aye it does; but not yet a while, we have enough trauma to deal with at the moment!"

0-0-0-0-0-0

That night Galahad spent the evening with them; Alisia also came too. They chatted about this and that….

Bethan tried to sit on the bed or by Milo on his mattress, but every time she did so the other couple looked at her. In the end she had no choice but to sit in front of Gawain. After a few minutes the fire lulled her, and without thinking she put her head in his lap and he stroked her hair as he talked of all Arthur hoped to achieve here.

He grinned over the top of her head at Galahad. Alisia too was pleased; she thought that Bethan was being unreasonably stubborn towards her feelings for Gawain. She loved her brother in law and was upset at the way he had been treated.

If Bethan suffered a little too because of all this nonsense then all to the better; she smiled, mayhap she and Gal could get them to kiss before they left? She leant over and whispered into Galahad's ear…

He smiled "We could try I suppose…."

Gawain raised a questioning eyebrow and his brother made kissing movements with his lips pointing to an almost hypnotised Bethan. Gawain began to chuckle, which startled Bethan out of her reverie.

She had missed this, God how she had missed this….the way he calmed her soul, no matter how things were raging round her he could always make her feel calm and in control.

Except now _he_ was the reason she was _not_ in control. Gawain saw her jump, and smiled. He had missed this, missed it more than she would ever know….just being able to touch her, however small the gesture.

Galahad nodded to him. "Is all well Gawain?" They knew her guilt would goad her briefly now - they were right.

She leapt to her feet "Do you…umm….want some ale?" She motioned to the jug.

"Thank you!" said Galahad holding out his mug.

"Aye, thank you." said Gawain, holding his out – he lifted his head for her to kiss him, she sighed and bent her head; a quick kiss…just a touch, she could do that…no problem…easy….

She was still pouring the ale….his lips touched hers gently, they moved so softly over hers she felt her mind leaving, her senses taking over….one hand pulling his head closer…..then "Bethan!"

Galahad was laughing like a drain as was Alisia; she had emptied the contents of the jug into the mug…….which had in turn deposited the overspill into Gawain's lap!

"Sorry, sorry! Idiot! Dolt!" She berated herself.

"I am glad to see I have such an effect on you" Gawain murmured against her lips "it makes it all the more…..believable."

She was blushing scarlet and rushed to get a cloth to mop up the mess. Gawain and Galahad grinned at each other. Milo had to turn over on his bed so she would not see him laughing. '_Sister, sister…you do not stand a chance now_!' he thought.

She resolutely refused to look as Gawain changed his breeches much to everyone's mirth; instead she pretended to make small talk with Alisia. She only relaxed when the two men stepped outside.

Galahad turned to Gawain "Why in the name of the Gods did you not do this before?"

"I could not get close enough; it was only Milo sickening that made her think of it herself. That is another thing in our favour; if she ever tries to tell me off, I can say it was all _her_ idea!" They laughed.

"It is good to have you back brother…" Galahad embraced the other knight and slapped him on the back "I have long missed you…."

Gawain returned the hug "Aye, I have neglected my twin too long."

"Why?"

"Honestly? I was heartsick about Ysabeau and thought that Alisia would hate me; especially over my feelings for Bethan. So I thought it best to avoid causing you any grief…."

Galahad shook his head "I would never have forsaken you brother - you are blood tied to me Gawain. As far as I am concerned we _are_ brothers; if my own mother had birthed you as well as me, I could not feel closer to you." Tears formed in his eyes "Never doubt my love or loyalty again - I will _always_ be there for you."

Gawain found a lump in his throat and could not trust himself to say much "I feel the same Gal……I do; I only wished to avoid conflict for you. But you too are brother blood to me…" they embraced again, this time Gawain slapping his brother on the back.

"We should get back inside before she regains control of her senses!" Galahad laughed. "Let us see if we cannot get you another kiss…….only this time _without_ the ale bath!"

Back inside Alisia had been speaking to Bethan of her feelings for Gawain. Bethan did not lie, there was no point and it would only reinforce their pretence anyway.

But even for her reality and pretence were clouding, merging, so that she did not know where one began and the other ended. But was not that the same as she and Gawain….never knowing where she began and he finished?

"So you love him then?"

"Aye….aye, I do."

"So much you have spent the last six months torturing him?"

"I tortured myself too Alisia; I am sorry if I angered you…" she cast down her eyes.

Alisia was angry and yet at the same time she pitied the young woman before her; how old was she? 19…20 in another month, the month after that it would be 2 years since Lucan died. To have that much guilt for so long - but she should now make peace with it as Gawain had.

"I am glad you have made peace with your guilt as Gawain has…."

"It was pointless to continue, it was killing my brother…our separation, the anxiety of it all; it was causing him to sicken, I will not sacrifice another I care for."

"Bethan….do not hurt Gawain….I would never forgive you and neither would Gal…." Alisia warned her.

"I would never intentionally hurt Gawain, Ali - you must know that?" Bethan was hurt; she was many things, but she did love him and would not do that.

"I do know, I am only saying…."

"I know and I take the hint, but I would not" Ali saw the shutters come down and quickly backtracked, she did not need to mess things up now – not when they were so close.

"I am sorry Bethan, I did not mean to speak harshly; it is just he and Gal are so close and I get a little protective…" she smiled.

"It is alright, I would be the same with Gawain…" Bethan smiled back, knowing that whatever had happened in their lives she would be.

The two men came in and Galahad strode to his wife "I have missed you, my wife - give me a kiss to show you still love me!" he demanded with a flourish.

Alisia grinned "Child!" but she kissed him anyway, which deepened deliberately. She knew why and almost laughed against her husband's lips.

Gawain grinned at the couple and then raised an eyebrow at Bethan, as they looked on expectantly at her. Now this was too much! But she knew she could not refuse for fear of being found out….and what would that do to Milo?

She rose and walked to Gawain, she could not trust herself to speak or look him in the eye; she wrapped her arms round his neck and pressed her lips against his.

He never meant to make the kiss what it was he thought after, but he could not help himself; his arms were about her - one about her waist and the other her neck pulling her tightly, but gently, to him. His lips softly pressed to hers, but then he slowly parted them with his tongue, it seeking hers and finding it.

She pressed herself closer still, her arms tightening and her fingers wrapping in his hair; his own hands were running up and down her back……...just when he thought all his willpower and control had gone and he would take her to the bed regardless and make her his, he heard a polite cough.

They sprang apart to be confronted with a grinning Galahad and Alisia "I think we should be going brother….it seems your furniture needs moving!" The other knight crowed punching Gawain in the shoulder.

"Even if his does not, ours certainly does…." Laughed Alisia.

They all turned to hear Milo giggling hysterically. "What has tickled you, little man?" Bethan asked with a smile, trying to dispel the blush in her cheeks as she felt Gawain's eyes resting on her; she could feel the love and passion in them from where she stood. If Gal had not coughed when he had…..if they had been alone….

"I know what that is now; Eight told me….how stupid was _I_!" he laughed until his sides ached.

All the adults stood dumbstruck until Gawain started laughing "Well, it saves you the task of 'the talk' Little Scout!" he put his arm round her shoulders and pulled her against him.

She let him; what could it hurt? The odd embrace, the odd kiss - she _wa_s his Little Scout after all, and it had been many months since he had called her that; though her senses were still reeling from that kiss…her stomach still doing somersaults with the butterflies that permanently seemed to reside there these days.

Galahad and Alisia stepped outside and walked along to their own rooms "How long?" he asked "I give it a couple of weeks."

"I give it _days_ at this rate; but it is ensuring the children are there enough to force her hand, but not when they…um…..move the furniture!" She fell into gales of laughter.

"I think Milo will ensure they are alone when the time is right….he is a master tactician that boy; he will serve Arthur well." Gal grinned.

0-0-0-0-0-0

Gawain had said goodnight to his brother who slapped him hard on the back "All will be well brother…it will….all will be well."

His brother nodded and grinned "Aye, I think I am finally starting to believe that might be true."

"You seem happy?" Bethan remarked as he closed the door.

"Aye, Gal and I are back as we were; brothers with no worries, it has been a long time returning…"

"It never went away Gawain….he would not desert his brother, he merely waited until you were ready. He loves you very much, you are blood kin to him" she touched his arm and smiled warmly. She suddenly thought of something that might make him laugh. "You know he told me off and soundly too."

"When?"

"When the children instigated the lock out; he was so mad I thought he might strike me!" she smiled.

"If he had I would have killed him!" Gawain was not grinning.

"Gawain I jest only - but he _was_ deeply upset with me for hurting you."

"You have not; you merely adhere to your own thoughts and convictions; he looked at floor.

She went and hugged him "I am sorry Gawain; sorry for being so awful."

"You are not; I could never fault you Bethan - you are true to who you are...I have always loved that about you. You should never change who you are for anything." He buried his head in her neck and then let her go, he did not wish to push her too far; and walked over to the children.

In that moment Bethan realised why she loved him as she did; he did not wish her to change…to be different. He had _always_ loved her as she was….wild, bad, good, sad; all the different things she could be, he was the sole one that never questioned her.

She thought back over all the years; nay, he had never once condemned her, had defended her against the wrath of the others on many occasions, and had reasoned with her too. She looked at the man before she? Would it be right? She must speak to someone; someone with no vested interest in them being together… _Merlin!_

She would speak with him on the morrow. However, she still had tonight to get through….but she would have the children between them; dear _GOD_ let her have the children between them, for even she only had _so much_ willpower.

She looked round to find God would not be fulfilling that fervent prayer this night; both Tris and Darry were now snuggled up and sleeping with a dozy Milo. Who was smiling; she walked over to her brother "What did you do when Eight told you?"

"Naught….I laughed I think…he told me to cheer me up as I was so sad and felt so ill. But it suddenly made a lot of sense - I never could understand why moving furniture would be so interesting!" He grinned at her, opening his eyes.

She leant down and carefully hugged him "I missed you little brother, more than you will ever know." Her voice was suddenly thick with tears and Milo felt a huge wave of guilt for doing what he had, and was, doing to her. But he squashed it down; it was for her own good.

"I missed you Befan, but I am so glad you are with Gawain now. That is why I got Tris and Darry; that way you two have more room now you are a couple." He grinned innocently at her……so much so that Gawain had to turn away. That boy was one of a kind; he would hate to lose him…and was glad they had not.

Bethan ruffled his hair and sat with him until he fell asleep – yet she could not shake the feeling that all were in on a secret she was not; but then mayhap she was a little paranoid because Gawain was standing so close to her that as she stood she could feel his breath on the back of her neck.

She swiftly sidestepped him and got into bed "You are going to bed like that?" he enquired mildly.

"Like what?"

"Fully clothed; are you sure you do not want your armour too?" he grinned so she could see he was jesting.

She could not resist the merriment in his eyes "Aye, well….it is cold…." She smiled.

Before she could protest he was in beside her and had tugged her back against him "Well, then we had better let me warm you up…."

She tried desperately hard to make her breathing even, to still the racing of her heart; but it had been a long time since he had held her like this. Since she had felt the warmth of his body next to hers, the comfort he always brought her, the _peace_.

She could feel his beard against her cheek as he had turned her slightly toward him, feel his breath on her skin; the weight and warmth of his hands on her……..it was going to be a _very_ long night….

Gawain felt the hammering of his heart and tried to slow it, his body was responding when it should not…..it had been a long time since he had held her like this; felt the warmth of her body next to his….the comfort she always brought him.

The smell of lavender in her hair and on her skin from that soap she loved to use; the softness of her, of her face touching his……it was going to be a very _long_ night…..


	26. Sickness & Hope

**_Disclaimer: As chapter one; so please, for the love of _God, _do not make me keep writing it out people!_**

**_Romans did use 'paintbrushes' of sorts; though, according to various sources on the internet, they were made out of many natural materials, i.e. from twigs, wood, reeds, or rushes. Oh and the poem used for Gawain's 'song' is mine – awful I know, sorry:O)_**

_**WARNING: BAD LANGUAGE, VIOLENCE AND SOME SEXUAL REFERENCES (though not too graphic) SO READ AT YOUR OWN PERIL. **_

_**All reviews, and constructive criticism, gratefully received – but no flaming please; and I will try to update regularly.**_

'_**Thoughts'**_

"**Speech"**

_**-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-**_

_**Bethan & Lucan**_

**_Chapter Twenty-Six – Sickness and Hope_**

The following morning Bethan awoke before dawn to find herself huddled into Gawain's arms, her face buried against his shoulder and her hands clutching his shirt. His face was leaning against hers and she could once again feel his breath on her cheek, her hands were over his heart and she could feel the steady beat it made.

The way things were she knew she should move, but she could not – she could not give up this wonderful feeling. The feeling of peace….

She snuggled closer against him and closed her eyes; she had not noticed the change in his breathing - he was awake; awake and revelling in the feeling of her in his arms. He tightened them about her and pulled her closer still…..nuzzling his face against her.

Milo glanced up and smiled, he hugged Tris and Darry closer "Mama and Papa are going to be very happy!" he whispered as they giggled.

Gawain smiled….she sighed contentedly as she drifted back to sleep. "I love you" he murmured, his lips against her cheek.

She sleepily kissed his neck "love you too…" He knew she was half asleep, that she would not let her guard down so obviously whilst awake; not yet at least…but he was hopeful, and if he could only feel her love for him whilst she was asleep he would take that.

It was another two hours later that a gentle tap at the door brought Milo awake and tiptoeing to it. "What?"

He opened the door to Galahad "Well? How fare they Milo?"

The boy grinned "They fare well Uncle Gal…"

He stepped out pulling the two little ones with him. "I do not want to wake them up…."

"Can I see?"

Milo opened the door enough for Galahad to peer in; he saw the sleeping couple entwined in each others arms. "Awwww…."

Lancelot arrived "Well?" Galahad and Milo gave him the thumbs up. "_Really_?"

Bors wandered over with his entire tribe and Van "any luck?" the other three turned and grinned.

"They slept cuddling…." Milo said.

"At bloody _last_!" He picked Van up and swung her round.

Tristan and San wandered over; Tristan looked at his son and was relieved to see the old light returning to his eyes, he raised an eyebrow - Milo opened the door and his parents and the others peered in. Tristan smiled and hugged Sandrina to him, as Milo closed the door again.

"Well, I am glad to see we are making headway….though the pressure still needs to be kept up. How long will you stay?" He asked his son.

"Until I know she will stay put in the bed with him" He grinned.

Tristan ruffled his hair "Good boy."

"Well?" Dag and Ilara arrived.

"They are asleep in each other's arms…it is a start Dag, it is a start!" Milo smiled.

He hugged the boy to him tightly "And they will have you to thank Little Captain will they not?" he grinned.

"Not just me Dag, all of us….we are all doing our bit to make sure we get the outcome that is needed."

"Aye, but not all of us have planned, schemed and gone to the lengths that you have Milo" Arthur said as he approached. "We are all very proud of you."

Milo merely beamed. Arthur was relieved, he had come to respect the young boy over the last few months, particularly the last six……to see him sicken as he had, he had worried – he would not want to lose such a loyal little friend.

0-0-0-0-0-0

Bethan woke slowly and focused her eyes on Gawain…..he did not look 15 years older than her. It was surprising to think in 2 months he would be 35, just after she turned 20.

She reached up and gently traced his face, her fingers lightly traced his cheek and round his forehead. She noticed he had a couple of frown lines between his eyes, her finger reached up to smooth them; she wondered if she had been the cause.

She leant back in his embrace and studied his face, his lashes fanned his cheek….his beard tickled her chin. She smiled, the guilt was waning; she could feel it. She could not fight the love she felt for this man, not any more…..she needed to speak to Merlin, she knew he would advise her. But in all honesty she doubted she could resist her heart and soul much longer.

She slowly tried to extricate herself from his embrace. But he merely tightened it "where are you going?" he asked.

"I need to speak to Merlin…..sorry, did I wake you?"

"Nay…..I am used to beautiful women who own my heart and soul caressing my face…." He opened his eyes and grinned at her. He let her go and she found herself strangely disappointed that he did not try to keep her there.

But that was Gawain all over; cold blooded killer on the battlefield and gentle man off it.

She hugged him briefly and got up. She went to find Merlin…..

He sighed, feeling the coldness steal round his heart again - but it was a start…

0-0-0-0-0-0-0

She found him in the stables. "Merlin?"

"How fares you child?"

"I am confused and worried."

"Speak and I will try to help." She sat next to him on the bale of hay he was already seated on.

She told him all what had happened right up to that morning. "I cannot resist him any longer Merlin….but what of Lucan? I feel I should be punished for not loving him as much as I love Gawain."

"Look down deep in yourself and think about what you want. Think about what you have and where you want to be….that will help you decide what to do.

As to Lucan, he knew you loved him deeply; he told you at the graveside he wanted you to be free and be happy. There is naught else he could do to set you free; you are your own captor Bethan…you are the only one who holds the key to set you free from your guilt so you can love again.

You loved Lucan, but the love you feel for Gawain is _different_ only because it is deeper and touches your soul. Gawain felt the same way about Ysabeau and came to me for advice - I told him as I am telling you, they were your first loves; as such will always be evergreen, and they both will hold a piece of your hearts for all time.

But you love each other too; as Ilara loves Dagonet….she feels no guilt to her first husband. She freely admits she loves Dagonet 10,000 fold more than she did him, but love him she did and confesses that he too will always own a part of her heart.

There is no crime in loving more than one Bethan, so long as we inflict no hurt on any other. You have not, the one you loved first died – as did Ysabeau. So you are both free to love again; but mark me, if they had not – if they had lived, things would be different.

You and Gawain would never have been more than deep and abiding friends. So do not think, as you do, that you cuckolded you husband; and he Ysabeau. You did not, your feelings only changed on their deaths as you realised who supported you and comforted you the most." He hugged her.

"You can almost read me like a book, my kin" she smiled sadly, stunned he had guessed at her darkest secret. "I worried that the 'tie that binds' did something…"

"Nay, it only made your bond stronger - but as I say if Lucan and Ysabeau had lived you would only have been friends….but destiny has other plans for you."

"I feel that, once again, there is much you know that you are not saying…"

"There is - but I can say this much, and plainly, as I now how my 'riddles' drive all to madness!" he smiled.

"Mainly Milo and my mother!" she grinned in return.

"You have trying times ahead Bethan; very trying and not too far distant. Gawain will be the rock you long for. But think on what I have said…."

She felt uneasy at his words, like he had confirmed something that had been nagging at her mind. "Aye…I will…."

He watched her walk away; his heart ached for her, she had indeed suffered so much already - but there was more to come. She would need her knight; those she would normally rely on for strength were the ones who would be leaning on _her_….and very soon. He could hear the rumble of distant thunder approaching.

0-0-0-0-0-0

Milo was in the practice yard with Torvald. "You should not be here Milo…."

"I am fine….now swing…" they were sparring.

They carried on like this, with Milo giving directions, until Rahil came and took his attention…..….all of a sudden there was a scream from Suriana that brought everyone running.

They found her crouched next to a prone Milo, Torvald standing over him and a bloody sword in his hand.

Tristan dropped down by the other side of his son, horrified at the amount of blood pouring from the wound in his shoulder "What did you do?" He demanded; his voice icy.

"It…it was an accident Papa…" grimaced Milo "I….was sparring with him…and Rahil called me, I let my guard down…..it is a clean wound…" Tristan checked and indeed it was a clean piercing through one side and out the other; but it had only missed his vital organs by inches.

The blood flow was not slowing and Bethan came running up "What has happened? Oh dear God Milo!"

"Befan it hurts a lot…" he grimaced. She took off her jerkin to stem the flow of blood.

She picked him up and Tristan took him "He is getting too big for you daughter. I will carry him."

"Take him to our room and put him in our bed; is that alright Gawain?" she nodded to the man who was standing close to her.

"Of course…aye….quick Tris we need to sort him out. Where is Dag?"

"Here…" the large knight pushed forward through the sudden throng of knights and children. "How bad is it?" he asked Tristan.

The other knight shook his head "I…I do not know Dag…bad."

San came running up "What has happened…I heard Milo is hurt - how is he?"

It was an accident, they were sparring…his attention wandered…."

"I am sorry San…." Torvald broke down in tears "It…I…."

Bethan hugged the small boy "It is alright Torvald…..it was an accident, no one blames you; we have all injured ourselves when sparring, not _all_ my scars are from battle you know." But inside she felt a deep disquiet.

Suriana was walking next to Tristan and holding a hand that Milo had extended down to her "Do not you leave me Milo…..I could not stand to be without you." she pleaded.

All the knights' hearts went out to the small girl as she clutched the hand of her beloved.

Bethan turned automatically to Gawain "What am I going to do?"

"What you always will be here for you, I will not leave you as you will not leave him" he smiled and hugged her briefly "If we have aught to do with it, the Little Captain will be alright."

She hugged him back; he was right, she would cope as she always had….so long as he stayed by her she would manage.

As it was she needed him more than she ever knew over the next few weeks.

0-0-0-0-0-0-0

They had worked on Milo long into the day and eventually had him patched up. However, like his sister before him, he had lost a lot of blood - and in his case infection also set in quickly.

Five days later it became clear that all was not well with the boy and they could lose him. They now had a battle on their hands; but one which no one, least of all his sister, was about to lose. Bethan was forced to look on incredulously as her mother and father fell to pieces whilst she watched.

The one that hurt the most was her father……..she had not seen him this distraught since her mother nearly died, twice. He was usually the strong one; she knew no matter what that she could rely on him….but this time both he and her mother were beside themselves with worry. She did not know what to do to make them feel better, there was naught she could think of; it was killing her to see her father so distraught as well as her brother so ill.

The other knights too were worried about the boy. He was an integral part of their lives. They had noticed all the children round the fort, particularly the knights' children, had completely lost their direction since he had become sick.

"What about our round table? Who will chair it now?" asked Tanwir, looking to his brother.

"What are you talking about?" asked Arthur outside the room on the fourth day.

"Milo chairs our meetings" the boy tilted his chin proudly "we are the Children of the Knights of the Round Table - we are warriors and leaders of the future; Milo tells us so. We have much to be proud of and not least our parents; he tells us that if we turn out to be one tenth as good and just as all of you, if we are even one quarter the warriors you are then we should consider ourselves most fortunate." He spoke with such quiet dignity, and the other children nodded so emphatically, that it was the undoing of three of the knights.

Dagonet and Bors both had tears in their eyes and had to turn away. Lancelot too found it difficult to control his tears. Dag because he felt he was losing Lucan all over again…..and because the boy had so much integrity, so much pride in his background and the knights; Bors because he admired the boy's tenacity and bravery in the face of all he had to do, especially when he broke his own leg to help his sister; and Lancelot because he too had got to know the boy well during their scheming about Bethan, coupled with the fact that Suriana talked of him incessantly.

The tears pooled in the eyes of all three men, and Arthur himself was not immune. He turned to Guinevere and made mention that they should leave, but she saw the stricken look in his eyes; as soon as they were around the corner she stopped and held her arms open to him, and the large knight and king leant into her neck and wept.

Torvald saw this and was crushed anew at what his foolish actions had provoked. He turned to leave, but Celeste gripped his arm "Do not despair Torvald, no one faults you. It was an accident and they happen, even Bethan said so as well as Milo and _they _cannotbe wrong."

"I know Celeste, but I still feel badly and I worry he will die. He is my best friend; as your father is to mine – so he is to me. I do not know how I would fare without his counsel and guidance….I must one day be king, but I do not know if I could be without Milo." He hugged her and buried his head in her neck.

"You will, whatever happens you will; and be a good one, for that is what Milo would wish. But I know that he will not die, none of us would allow it; not least my sister and his."

0-0-0-0-0-0

Bethan was distraught but trying to be positive for the sake of her parents; they were completely beside themselves.

"I will not outlive my child! That is not what is meant to happen. I knew I would not outlive you Tristan, that is why I have been grateful for Bethan being almost a second mother to him; that way when our time came together, and together it will be, he would not feel our loss as greatly. But I do not want to outlive him…he is not 11 summers for another 2 weeks!"

"Hush, hush…you will upset Bethan….he will fare well. Would she let him perish? He is as much to her as Gawain." Tristan tried to reason calmly, his voice and face as passive as always.

Sandrina hugged him to her tightly "Your voice tells me one thing my husband, but your eyes another." She sighed into his ear.

Tristan closed his eyes against the emotion that rose like bile in his throat and threatened to choke him, it was at times like this he cursed her for giving him back his heart. Without his humanity he would neither care nor think about suffering.

But even as he thought it, he knew that not to be true; even before she came he cared about his brother knights. Had he not attacked Cerdic because he thought he had a better chance at defeating him than Arthur?

Again too, he knew he would never change the life she and Bethan had given him - did he not thank all the fates for bringing them to him every day, even after all this time?

He paced the room like a caged animal; whilst San sat, wrung her hands and wept for her son. Bethan finally could bear it no longer, but tried to be nice as she felt Gawain's hand on her shoulder.

"I can stay with him…..go and rest. If there is a change I will call you; but you need to eat and rest, I will not cope if you sicken too and I end losing all my family." She tried to smile.

Sandrina and Tristan knew her enough to know she was fighting the urge to cry, but would not break down with them there. He nodded to Gawain who inclined his head back. Tristan knew the knight would not leave Bethan's side, no more than he had for the last 5 days.

"Come San….she speaks true, there is no need for us all to be getting sick." San nodded and they left, promising to return in an hour.

As soon as the door closed Bethan burst into tears "Gawain what am I to do? I know not how to save him! It is so bad; I know it is. Merlin worries, I can see it in his eyes; and if he does not know how to help my little man, then all is lost!

It is all my fault Gawain…all my fault….he worried about you and me so…his guard was down…that is why he got sick. If I had not been so bloody stubborn as usual, let myself love you like I wanted to…." She sobbed into her hands.

Gawain knelt down in front of her and gently drew her into his arms. "Remember what I told you? Way back when your father nearly died?"

"Aye" she mumbled against his shirt, wetting it with tears for her brother now, as she had with tears for her father then "You told me it was not my fault and he would agree when he awoke….and Milo will too. This has nothing to do with you and I - this was an accident; a deep wound that unfortunately became infected.

As to you; you were acting on emotions you thought were right - you always do. I can never fault you for that, and I never will. You always do what you think is right, no matter the consequences; I respect that so much about you, I love you so much for that…" he smiled against her hair.

"I love you too Gawain, even when I was being so stubborn I loved you….I just do not know what I will do….if he…if he…" She murmured clutching his shirt as the tears abated.

" He will _not._ But I will tell you now as I told you then -you are a strong person Bethan, brave and courageous too. I am as proud to ride with you into battle now as I always have been; and I think you make a formidable scout, just like your father." His arms held her tightly to him.

Her arms snuck round his neck and she clung to him as a drowning person would to a rock. For to her that is what he was; the knight who was first her friend, and then became her soul - was also now her rock.

She realised now what Merlin had meant, she _had_ loved Lucan rightly; loved him deeply and always would - a part of her would always belong to him, the wonderful man he was, as well as the sweet boy he had been. A small part of her would always miss him too… but now she had Gawain and, especially now, she thanked God for him as well.

Two very different men; but she had been fortunate enough to be loved by, and to love, both – mayhap one more than the other; but she _had_ loved them both. God had been good to her….it was time to move on; but for now her thoughts, love, heart and soul were centred on another…..

Milo.

0-0-0-0-0-0

Her brother had been sick for another seven days now, and Bethan was beginning to fear the worst.

Her parents constantly prowled the room until she could stand no more of her mother's weeping or her father's hunted face, and then Gawain would entreat them to leave and eat….as soon as they were gone he would comfort her through a fresh wave of grief.

Suriana would come every day and sit curled in Bethan's lap, much as she herself had in Tristan's when her mother had been so sick. Occasionally the girl would lay down by Milo' side and twice Bethan had caught her trying to do the 'tie that binds'.

"Suriana please do not do that; he would not wish it and your father would kill me…." Bethan would say and then hug the girl as she sobbed.

"He is all to me Bethan….without him I am nothing….he is my heart and soul. What do I want to live for, if I am forced to live without that which would give me life? We are two halves of the same soul, believe me….even without the 'tie that binds' I am his…"

Bethan would hug her tightly and soothe her tears; but even as she did so her eyes would stray to Gawain's and they shared a similar thought, both knowing that without the other they too would perish.

Bethan knew that all that had kept her sane this last week had been his presence. Hugging her through her tears and soothing away her panic. Even when all about her raged he only had to rest his hand on her and she would feel suddenly eased. When he held her tightly to him, murmuring words of comfort, she felt she could face anything.

0-0-0-0-0-0-0

Van brought Tris and Darry in; they had been spending their time between Van and Bors and Dagonet and Ilara. Darry got too upset on seeing the sick and ailing Milo to stay with them. Tris too had seemed upset at seeing the boy so ill - but today he was different.

"Unckie Miwo getting better, Mama….see?" he patted Milo's cheek and then kissed it.

Bethan felt her brother's forehead "Bloody hell, he is right - his fever has broken!" She leapt up and threw herself at Gawain "It is broken! His fever has broken!" Gawain hugged her tightly, grinning over her head at Van before burying his head in her hair.

Tris leant over and spoke quite loudly into the ear of his friend and uncle "Time to get well Unkie Miwo! You worry Mama, Poppa, Grandy and Papa….and all the other childrens….Suri is crying all the time…and Torvi is muchly sad. The knighties are sadly too." He smoothed the boy's face with his little hand. "Unkie Miwo will be well alright?" he patted Milo's face again.

Bethan's heart surged with love for her son, and she swept him into her arms and hugged him tightly "Awww; I wuv you too Mama….and I wuv Papa….do _you_ wuv Papa?" Bethan nodded. "Good then we all happy again…." He grinned and patted her face "Darry! Mama love Papa and we is all happy again!" Darry grinned and held her arms up to her father.

He swung her into his arms and hugged her tightly "Tris-Tris said she would!" she whispered in his ear, she turned to look at him. "Sing Papa – sing for Miwo….it make him happy and he come back from Heaven."

"What?" all three in the room turned to her.

"Tris-Tris say Miwo in Heaven with Angels Papa and Mama - he gone for a visit. Tris-Tris say he be back soon; so sing for Miwo and remind him time to come home…"

"Please Papa….he will come back if you do…" Tris looked at Gawain with his odd coloured eyes and the knight could sense the pleading and something more…like he actually _knew_ this to be true. Tris looked at the two women "Papa sing like an angel, but it big secret….hush" he put a finger to his lips "No tell, alright?"

The two women nodded in shock and merely looked at Gawain as he began to sing, a song he and Galahad had learnt long ago shortly after their conscription:

"the road before me stretches,

Through the coming days and years –

I had turned to see my nightmare,

To face my mortal fear.

Yet with my woman here beside me,

To ever hold my hand –

I find the road is now enlightened,

I grasp each day that I can.

No darkness now surrounds me,

No enemy is too strong –

I have her love to guide me,

Her footsteps lead me on.

May you find a love like mine,

A heart and soul to hold –

May you have a maid like mine,

To love you as you grow old."

His voice was clear and strong, and had a depth to it; it had also been joined by another, not as good but just as heartfelt, as Galahad sung with him the last two verses. "Why brother, it has been _long_ since we have sung that song!" he grinned as Gawain went and embraced him with a rueful smile.

"Blame the little 'uns…..they _made _me do it!"

Bethan and Van were openly wiping tears from their eyes "Oh come now my ladies….our voices are not _that_ bad!" laughed Galahad, until Bethan punched his arm.

"Why did you never tell us you could sing like that!" exclaimed Van "and why did not _you_!" she nodded at Bethan.

"Oh, this is one secret even _I_ did not know!" smiled Bethan through her tears.

"Well, I thought it was bloody lovely lads - and this secret _is_ safe with me!" They all turned to see Bors wiping his eyes at the door. Gawain rolled his eyes knowing that it would be nothing of the sort.

"That was lovely; I thought I was hearing angels…" a croaky voice said behind them.

They all swung round to see Milo looking at them with bleary eyes "If you sing like that again Gawain, I might even stay;though Uncle Gal could do with some work!" he grinned wearily.

Gal roared with laughter "He is his sister's brother!" he cried as he ran to fetch the others.

Bethan fell over in her haste to reach her brother.

"Less haste, more speed my little mother!" he grinned as she picked herself up.

"Oh Milo _never _do that to me again! Never, ever!You scared me half to death!" She hugged him so hard he hissed in pain and was gasping for air. "Sorry, sorry…"

"Try _not_ to kill him before he recovers!" Smiled Gawain "Or at least before your parents get to seem him…" He nodded over his shoulder as Tristan and Sandrina ran into the room.

Milo looked startled as they both hauled him between them for a hug. "Milo, if you ever scare us like that again I will not be responsible for my actions!" his mother sobbed into his hair. His father never spoke, but the fierceness of his hug spoke for him.

The knights all poured into the room and there was much back slapping and laughter. Dagonet walked over to the boy sat on the edge of his bed and took one of his small hands in his large ones "It is good to have you back Little Captain - your troops have missed you." he murmured to the smiling boy; then he looked at Arthur "Now?"

"Aye, with his parents permission." San and Tristan nodded unaware of what the other knights and their king had been up to. He gathered the boy into his arms and strode outside.

He walked across to a small room and kicked open the door; inside all the children were seated, all of them – even all Bors' brood……at a round table; an exact duplicate of Arthur's. Milo could only stare in wonder…..

Suriana crept over "Welcome home Milo my dove; here is to the _new_ knights of the round table! You are to be our Captain…Arthur decrees it!"

Milo could not withhold the tears any longer and buried his head in Dag's neck. "I think he is happy with the idea Arthur…." The gentle knight said with a smile.

"Whose idea was this?" Bethan asked with a hitch in her voice.

"Dag's…" said Bors "Would not bloody accept the boy would not recover, and he and Arthur wanted to do something nice for him. When Arthur and us found out about their own little 'knights of the round table', Dag had the idea of doing this. We all chipped in; that bit" he indicated a badly painted piece "That is Gal's, I never knew he was so blood awful with a paintbrush!" The older knight roared with laughter at the sulky look on Galahad's face.

"Is that your happy face?" Gawain grinned clapping his brother on the back, causing Galahad to laugh.

"Aye…it is alright…now will stop asking me? For over 20 years you have asked and now you know!"

They were all on a high - none had wanted to see the little lad, who was such a wild card like his sister, perish; but not just for them and his parents, but for her too. They did not think she would have withstood another loss like that.

Once they had him back in bed he hung onto Dag's hand "Thank you Dagonet……that was a wonderful thing you did. I will _never_ forget it."

The knight smiled "It was naught…a mere trifle to cheer our best boy." He smiled his goodnights to Bethan and then left.

"He is a good man…." Bethan sighed as the door closed behind him.

"Aye he is…the very best" her mother answered. "Bethan? I want Milo with us tonight….I would feel easier…"

"Of course…do you want Gawain to take him?"

"I will….." Tristan lifted the sleepy boy into his arms.

"Will it be alright to leave them Papa?" he whispered.

"Your job is done my son….your illness brought down the final barriers; trust me, your work here is at an end." Tristan smiled as he muttered back. "But you are good to remember after all you have been through."

They left, with San holding Milo's hand.

0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0

Bethan suddenly felt sick with nerves; they were alone, completely. Ilara had taken Darry and Tris back with her and Dag for the night; as she said she wanted a visit with her grandson and his 'sister'.

So here they were, alone. She had had so much she wanted to say to him and now did not know where to start….

He turned to her "I will fetch the cot back in" he went towards the door, but then felt a hand on his arm.

"Nay, do not; this is your room more than mine." Gawain waited for her to say she was leaving…….but it never came "The bed is ours."

She dipped her eyes until she felt his finger under her chin; she raised her head, and blue eyes regarded deep green ones. "I am happy to just hold you until you feel ready for more Bethan…" he smiled lovingly at her - trying to reassure her there was no rush; he had waited for her this long, a little longer would make no odds.

She lay down and he curled up behind her, hauling her towards him as he had done that last night, before Milo had sickened…… she felt the warmth of his body next to hers, once more the comfort he always brought her, the peace.

She could feel his beard against her cheek as he had turned her once again slightly toward him, feel his breath on her skin…the weight and warmth of his hands on her…..

Gawain felt like he had finally found some peace for his soul; he felt the warmth of her body next to his….once again the comfort she always brought him. The smell of lavender in her hair and on her skin from that soap she loved to use….the softness of her of her face touching his.

I love you…." he kissed her hair and snuggled closer against her, before allowing sleep to claim him. He had hope now….hope…..

"I love you too Gawain" she muttered back against his cheek. His arms tightened about her; he had longed to hear her say that……not because there were others present and she thought she ought to, or because she had been half asleep, but just because she wanted to and could.

They slept; entwined both in body and in hearts and souls as well; tomorrow would be a new day - and she would have something to say to her brother, for she had heard his conversation with her father. She smiled, she felt she would be hearing much from all the knights…..


	27. Brother & Love

**_Disclaimer: As chapter one; so please, for the love of _God, _do not make me keep writing it out people!_**

**_a' allaidh soirbheas' is Gaelic for 'the wild fair wind' and I felt that as the Woads were supposed to be north of the wall, then Gaelic _could_ be their language. _**

_**WARNING: BAD LANGUAGE, VIOLENCE AND SOME SEXUAL REFERENCES (though not too graphic) SO READ AT YOUR OWN PERIL. **_

_**All reviews, and constructive criticism, gratefully received – but no flaming please; and I will try to update regularly.**_

'_**Thoughts'**_

"**Speech"**

_**-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-**_

_**Bethan & Lucan**_

**_Chapter Twenty-Seven – Brother & Love_**

He woke in the night and realised she was missing - he immediately panicked; he knew he did not have to…but still…. He went outside and something made him go to the battlements…..

Faith and Hope were flying above her keening quietly, Guido was loping behind the horse; she was riding Charity round in the long grass just outside the gates, no saddle or bridle, her arms outstretched as though she was in flight. The breeze was blowing around her and whipping her hair round her face; she was holding her face up to the moonlight that was shining on her as she rode, her face completely at peace.

The scene below him made him catch his breath….she looked whiter than snow in the moonlight…her shirt being pressed against her breasts and slim waist by the wind; the only indication to her warrior background were the two daggers he could see sticking out the back of her breeches. Then he saw a figure approach her, it was Milo. The boy walked slowly towards his sister who leant down when she saw him and swung him up in front of her.

They rode around in a large circle and she held his arms up outstretched as her own. "Breathe Milo….breathe in the night…take strength from it…." she called quietly to her brother.

Gawain was transfixed as he watched them canter round and round. He became aware of others near him. He glanced round and saw Dagonet, Tristan and Galahad were climbing the stairs.

"Why are you here?" he whispered.

"I do not know…" shrugged Dagonet "I woke up and just got the feeling to come up here."

"This is a side of Bethan we rarely see….the gentle side." Galahad murmured.

"I do not believe that….we all see her gentle side every day; you only have to watch her with the children." Gawain muttered.

"Not like this…." Tristan spoke and Dagonet nodded.

"This Bethan is a rarity….she is at one with nature – this is the Woad in her…." The large knight said.

She held her head up to the rain that gently began to fall, arms still outstretched….. and then it stopped. "We cannot have my sick little brother getting wet can we?" she grinned.

Milo gasped "Does anyone else know you can do that?"

"Nay…Merlin taught me…but no one else need know."

The knights exchanged a look "That means we are not supposed to see, I think." Whispered Galahad.

"Then why did we get the feeling to come?" queried Tristan "More like _she_ does not wish us to know, but something else does…"

"What else can she do?" Asked Dag, looking at Tristan.

"I do not know…I did not know she could do this." He looked calmly at his brother and fellow knight.

"What else can you do?" asked Milo with a smile, not knowing he was echoing his friend stood above them in the darkness.

"This….." she looked at the sky; the temperature dropped and it started to snow…

The knights looked on in wonder "But it is _July_!" exclaimed Galahad quietly. The snow stopped.

"Can you teach me?"

"Aye, I think so….you are my blood; we can try when you are better. I can do one more thing…." She brought Charity to a halt, closed her eyes and concentrated; out of the forest a deer came, then another…

Milo looked on incredulously as he slid from the horse "Stay there…." She closed her eyes again and the deer came forward to her brother. He held out his hand….and one small wet black nose touched it. He stroked the deer, his face in rapture.

Tristan and Dag felt for the boy, to be able to do that - to reach out to a wild animal….but Tristan most of all. He was another who felt at one with nature, he would have loved to have been down there with them.

Bethan hauled her brother back onto the horse and they once more trotted around before breaking into a canter, the deer returned to the edge of the clearing, and then disappeared.

"Tris is better at that than I….if he had been here he would have had a herd of them around him the minute we came out!" she chuckled.

"Does he come with you?"

"A few times, but he is a bit small…." She grinned at Milo "But you are not…"

They rode round for another 15 minutes arms outstretched once more and bathed in moonlight…..you could almost feel them drinking in the peace and serenity around them.

Milo almost seemed to glow with it…..then Bethan suddenly wrapped her arms around him "We had best you get back my Little Captain, before we are both missed. But we will come again Milo…..your soul needs to feel free….as mine does…..to blow away the cobwebs…" She smiled at him.

"So you do this often?"

"More than anyone knows. Watch……." As they rode back into the fort a thick mist covered them… Dagonet gasped and realised that the few times they had fought the Celts and killed the stragglers – the times when Gawain was badly wounded, then she had taken the blow for Gilly and the other when Lucan was killed – she had been responsible for the mist that had aided them.

"Did you know you could do all this?" Milo asked as they put Charity away and Bethan quickly brushed her down. The hawks settled back in…and for all the world you would not have known there had been aught amiss.

"Not to start with, I thought it was a coincidence; but then Merlin explained my elemental abilities and so I practiced - Mama can do it too, but chooses not to. The wind speaks to me….."

"What does it say?"

"It tells me muchly…" they grinned at each other; they were all using Darry's strange little word. "It tells me you will recover and I will love Gawain and be happy. You will marry Suriana and all will be well….for a time. But there are battles ahead; we must fight to protect our king, our united Briton. But that is not for now, for now there will the odd skirmish, the odd fight."

"But what of peace?"

"There is no such thing Milo…..unfortunately whenever there is any peace in this world; another man will wish to conquer that country which is peaceful, and so war begins again."

"It tells you all that?"

"Aye, if it feels I need to know….sometimes it will not, like when Lucan was going to die. I had no wind to guide me then. Sometimes it tells me ill; as when Ysabeau died and then I would not listen, as I was heartsick at losing my friend." She sighed at the memory.

"I do not feel it…"

"Well, not everything will be the same for you. Come, time to go back to bed my Little Captain…" she swung him onto her back.

"I am not heavy for you?" He asked concerned.

"You will never be too heavy for me to bear Milo; you are my brother and that will always make carrying you a light burden." He hugged her tightly, choked at the love in her voice.

The knights all blinked at the girl's solid devotion to the boy.

"Why did Merlin teach you all this?" he asked as they walked out of the stable.

She stopped "Because he wishes me to succeed him when he dies…"

"Will you?" he was fearful; to succeed their blood would mean her going to live with Woads, as he did most of the time. Gawain stiffened; the other knights listened intently for her answer.

"Nay, I will not. I told him I knew deep in my soul that when both he and Arthur die there will never another like them. Mark me Milo, they will go down in history those two, and his knights of the round table – Gawain, Galahad, Tristan, Dagonet, Bors and Lancelot ….they are _giants_ amongst us. Stories will be told of them and they will be remembered when all we know and see here is naught but dust, including us." She spoke with a fierce pride that brought a lump to the throats of the men listening.

"I am glad only because it means you will not leave me. But I agree with what you say of our knights, Arthur and Merlin, sister…..I believe they are the greatest men this country will ever know, and I am proud to say I not only know them but am related to one of them." He spoke quietly and with great feeling "I am proud to call them friends. Three in particular are the dearest to me…."

"Who? Though I may guess one…" she smiled.

"Aye…one is papa _obviously_" They grinned at each other, raising a smile to Tristan's lips as well "the other two are Gawain and Dagonet."

"Why they?" They had started walking again and the four knights had to dodge backwards, colliding with Arthur and Lancelot.

"Mind!" hissed Galahad to Lancelot "what are you doing here?"

"We both heard voices and came to investigate…" he hissed back "and mind yourself…"

Arthur punched him "shush!"

Tristan noticed their leader had tears in his eyes; he had obviously heard much of what she had said. But then, as he looked round his fellow knights and brothers, they all did……they did not know the strength of feeling these two had had for them.

"Shh…" Bethan looked round.

"What? I did not hear aught…"

"Go on then, tell me why Gawain and Dag…"

"Gawain because he is a good man and makes you happy….even though you drove us all to distraction with your guilt and pig eyed stubbornness!" She smiled and slapped his hand as he grinned "I know you will be with him now…you will, will you not?" He hesitated.

Gawain held his breath as she replied "Aye; I could not do otherwise….I had come to that decision before your sickness; but that just made me realise even more how much I _need_ him, as well as love him. I loved Lucan deeply and part of me always will, and will miss him too. But Gawain owns my soul; and, to be in truth, has for much time - my head just had to catch up.

He has been a mentor to me when I was younger than you, a friend when I was a little older, a fellow warrior on the battlefield who has saved me more times than I care to count" The knights all looked to him, he grinned and nodded. "And now a soul mate and lover….I have been fortunate that God has smiled so kindly on me, to allow me two such wonderful men in my life."

Gawain's heart lurched at the depth of feeling in her words, and he longed to reach out and hold her.

"I love Gawain as a brother Befan, he will be muchly to me…." He smiled "it would seem that love is not in vain if all you say is true."

"It is not in vain, and I _never_ lie…well, not without good cause, or fear of retribution by a certain ten year old sibling!" She laughed lightly.

"11 soon, another week and I will be 11." She set him on the ground outside her parent's room, they sat on the wooden porch and leant back against the wall "What if we are missed?"

"We will tell them that we could not sleep and came to keep each other company." She smiled.

"Is that not a lie?"

"Nay….it is merely….not telling the whole truth!" she grinned mischievously. "Why Dag?"

"I do not know…it is hard to explain; I feel a connection to him. We have always said have we not that when Mama and Papa die together, and they will one way or the other for they love each other too much not to, that you will be my little mother, my second mother?"

Bethan nodded "Aye, I have told you that ever since you were old enough to talk."

"Then I feel in here" he pointed to his heart "that he will be my second father… I do not know" he sighed "I think Papa would wish it…they have a bond I do not understand."

Dag felt the tears rush to his eyes and he could not stop them. He looked blindly at Tristan and his brother knight nodded "He speaks true, I would not wish it any other way." He said calmly.

"I thought he was closest to Bors…."Milo added.

"Aye his is; Bors is his brother in a lot of ways. But Papa…..well he and Papa are different to the others; quiet, watchful and loyal - loyal without question. Dag told me once that he felt without Arthur they would all have become mercenaries; that he was the only thing keeping them on the side of right.

That he was more than their commander, leader and then king…..that he was their friend and brother and they would kill and be killed for him and each other; because that is what he had taught them, and what they knew he would do for them.

In each other they recognised kindred spirits; Merlin thinks they were brothers in another lifetime. I do not know; all I do know is Papa would do much for Dag. You could not have chosen better my brother, for he too has a special place in _my_ heart."

Dagonet was now leaning back against the wall……the softly spoken words of the girl had undone him, they both had the mark of him. But it had touched him deeply that she had remembered such an insignificant conversation with him so long ago – she could not have been more than about 11 herself at the time; and here she was now 1 month from 20, and she remembered it as if they had only spoken yesterday. It was obvious too his friendship with her father had piqued her curiosity enough to get her asking Merlin his views on it, for Dag knew she held the Shaman in high esteem.

"Was Merlin sad you would not succeed him?"

"Aye, he was muchly…..but he understood, I wish to remain here. With all of you, and the knights…."

"Befan?"

"Hmmm?"

"Will we die in battle?"

The knights all caught their breath; she closed her eyes briefly "Aye some of us will my Little Captain; but some of us will live long lives and be happy. But that is the way of the warrior…..we go to battle knowing we may not return."

"Aye…it is something I understand, but still wish to be a knight."

"There is an art to killing Milo…it is not as bad as Gal says you know; I cannot believe his has never developed a taste for it…" she grinned "_I have_…"

Galahad glanced at Tristan "She is her father's daughter…" he whispered with a grimace. Tristan's reply was a smile he did not like.

"Come, it is getting chilly and dawn will be here soon; you will have our parents keen to shed the blood of the one who took their boy, and I will have my man in frantic search of me!" she smiled.

"You love him muchly?" Milo grinned.

"Aye…exceedingly muchly" she smiled, then sobered "more than he will ever understand or know; he owns me Milo. He owns me to the deepest reaches of my heart, body and soul. He cannot know that - he cannot understand how my heart sings at the thought of him, and how he throws my senses into kilter at his slightest touch; or how his merest presence gives calmness in the midst of all that rages round me."

Gawain's heart was in his throat and tears in his eyes; she was right, he had _no_ idea she loved him that much or that deeply. Without thinking he said "I love you too, full as much…." and walked forward.

She blinked as she saw him……he bent down and swept her into his arms; he buried his head in her hair "Little Scout" he murmured passionately "oh, my Little Scout…what you do to me…"

"Goodnight sister" grinned Milo "I think he wishes to move some furniture!"

The other knights, even Dag, had to clap their hands over their mouths to keep from laughing.

All made their way back to their rooms except Tristan and Dagonet…..they could not go to theirs without passing the boy. They sat on the ground with their backs against the wall. "She will be the same with him as I am with San." Tristan smiled.

"Aye….he is a lucky man. As I am…..my Ilara loved before, but she loves me best. Gawain is as fortunate…."

"What of Lucan? You do not feel bitter?"

"Nay, Tris….she loved him too _and_ deeply, I know that. As Ilara said she tried her best to change into what he wanted, she would not have done so if she had not loved him very much. Ilara loved her first husband with all her heart and a small part of her still does…Bethan is the same…Lucan was a lucky man, and so is Gawain."

"So is she…."

"Aye, but I think she knows it…"

They heard a door open and close "He has gone in and I am discovered!" smiled Tristan.

"Aye…..I best be back afore Ilara raises Bors in a panic!"

"Brother?"

"Aye?"

"Naught…just trying it out." Tristan got up and walked away.

Dagonet watched his retreating back with a smile. "Brother?"

Tristan turned "What?"

"Naught….just trying it out…" The large knight exchanged a small smile with the scout and they parted.

0-0-0-0-0-0

Gawain kicked open their door…….he could not see the handle as his lips were locked to Bethan's. He nudged it shut with his shoulder; her fingers were wound in his hair and her kisses driving him to the point beyond reason.

Setting her on the ground he drew back, trying to regain control before it was too late; he had waited so long to hear her speak so of him, and he did not wish to ruin it now. His eyes spoke of his uncertainty, his worry that he might be moving too fast for her.

She smiled as she reached up and fondled his cheek; she leant forward, her lips touched his in the gentlest of caresses. She felt him respond and pull her to him; the kiss deepened…. His hand cupped her cheek and the other caressed her neck.

She felt her senses reeling….her whole world tipped into kilter. This man had control of her in ways she doubted he even understood; she felt her arms go round his neck and pull him closer….

He picked her up and carried her to the bed "Point of no return Little Scout…" he spoke hoarsely as he laid her down "I can turn back now, but soon…." The passion and love in his eyes spoke for him.

She merely pulled him down beside her, matching passion and love mirrored in her eyes; her lips locked with his once more as his hands slid over her…..he quickly divested her of her clothes, leaving her in just her under things. She worked feverishly to free him of the few clothes he had donned to go look for her.

His eyes positively glowed as he looked at her "I will never own you Bethan…I do not wish to….how could I own the a' allaidh soirbheas?" he muttered as his lips caressed her face "But I freely admit you own me…down to the very fibre of my being. You are in every breath I take, every beat of my heart…" he mouthed against the skin of her neck.

"You _do_ own me Gawain…..I cannot explain it….but you do….mayhap because you do not wish to. But you too are with me in each breath I take and each beat of my heart…my soul is at peace now because it is twinned with yours…" she groaned as his hands played havoc with her senses.

His lips kissed their way around her body, her under things quickly ending up on the floor with their other clothing. She too tipped his world into kilter with the things she did to his body….and his heart and soul. She owned him full as much as she felt he owned her…..

0-0-0-0-0-0-0

Later as they lay entwined and sated, they murmured their love of each other…each knowing that this was the start of something that went deeper than love, and would stretch beyond death.

She touched her forehead to his, gazing deeply into his eyes.

"What?" he smiled.

"Naught…." She smiled back "I am merely kissing your soul." his eyes pooled as he hauled her to him and kissed her deeply.

"Never leave me my Little Scout…" he groaned against her mouth "for I would lose all sense of reason without you."

"_Never….never would I leave you_……I will follow you Gawain, for all the days of my life and beyond. I will follow you even unto the gates of death; for to be without you is to ask the night to be without the moon, the day to be without the sun." she kissed his eyes and cheeks and finally his lips.

"I worry though Bethan…." he turned slightly so he could not see her face.

"What? What is it? We have never had any secrets have we?" she turned him back to see her "except your wonderful singing abilities!" she tried to lighten his mood.

He rolled his eyes before adding "Nay, nor except your elemental abilities…." He hesitantly ventured.

"You were there!" she gasped.

"Aye, and not the only one either…..your father, Dag and Gal were there also; Arthur and Lancelot came later…." He could not lie to her; he never had really been able to. "I never knew…" he spoke in wonder.

"Does it scare you? Is that what you worry of?" she seemed fearful of his answer.

"_Nay! _Nay…it is not that! Nay _that_ makes me cherish you all the more; the fact that you are so different - so wild…so free…I love that most about you Bethan….I do…I always have loved that about you.

Always respected and loved the way you have always taken each day and squeezed the life from it. The way you are so passionate and loyal…." He was punctuating the last words with kisses; she felt herself responding once more but pulled back.

"If you persist we will never finish……for I own I cannot resist you Sir Knight!" she smiled at him "What worries you; if you tell me, mayhap I can do aught to change?"

"_Nay_!" he broke in "I would not change you; I would _not_ - not one thing about you. Bad and good….wild and safe….happy and sad…..angry and calm….loving and hating - I love you as _you_ my Little Scout. Nay…what worries me is that I am 15 years your senior. In 3 weeks you will turn 20 and 1 month later I will be 35…."

"That is not so much - my father is 8 years older than my mother, Lancelot is 10 years older than Amila and Arthur is 12 years older than Guinevere. What care I for age! You are all to me Gawain, I would not care if you were twice that many years older than me!" she burst out indignantly "You _are_ me Gawain; heart, body and soul I am you. Your soul is the other half to mine - I cannot explain and nor would I wish to. All I do is thank God for you each and every day – thank Him that you, and Darry, came into my life; that Little Tris has you, even as he lost Lucan…. he still has a father….I…."

His kisses stopped her words dead as she responded – their bodies joining once more in passion and love; both showing the other how they ruled their worlds…..

Later still, they lay once more entwined – this time it was Bethan who showed worry "Do they hate me? Do they believe me odd?"

"Nay…of course they do not…why would they?"

"Because…they _saw_….they saw what I could do…I never meant….." she turned from him.

He pulled her back and gazed into her eyes "Bethan they _all_ love you dearly; they do. You and Milo moved Dag and Arthur to tears with your words. Neither man knew you felt so much for them….why then would they hate you?" He sighed "Do you know Lucan was right about one thing he told you, he said that we would pick you over him every time. He was right, we would…..we loved you from the moment we all set eyes on you." he smiled at the memory.

"You were 7, a really little spitfire; you mothered the other children until they were all adopted out. Even then you still looked out for them. As the knights had children you became their protector too….

You would fight Bors' brood….ride, bow, and do sword work as long as you had to to become good. You were a warrior….we never knew how much until you killed that Celt to protect Tristan. How you got him back to the wall I will never know…but you did, and in that moment we loved you forever.

You were loyal….remember how you took on me and Galahad when you thought we were ridiculing him? The day you went out scouting for the first time and he got hurt?" they both smiled at the memory.

"Aye…I still feel bad that I pushed you over; yet you took it in good humour."

"I did because I respected the feelings behind it. It was that day, especially when you brought him back, that I silently pledged my friendship to you….."

"And I to you; you were the one who did not treat me as a child and did not lie to me…."

"The others have always felt the same; they will always love their Little Scout. Not in the same way as I do, thank the Goddess - for I would not want to kill them all to keep you!" he smiled ruefully "but they love you as their own….

I know six men last night who were relieved when they heard you say would not leave us to take Merlin's place, and I was only one of them…."

"I worried…"

"Well, do not….for there is naught to worry you."

He leant forward and touched his forehead to hers.

"What are you doing?" she smiled.

"Just kissing your soul….for mine is in need of a hug too…" he smiled as she wrapped her arms about him. "What you do to me…my knight…what you do…." She murmured against his cheek.

They slept huddled so tightly together, it was as if they were trying to climb inside each other to become one.


	28. Games & Babies

**_Disclaimer: As chapter one; so please, for the love of _God, _do not make me keep writing it out people!_**

_**Barastyn is the Sarmatian God of the Earth Powers…….very fitting as a name for Tristan's horse; the horse of a scout.**_

_**WARNING: BAD LANGUAGE, VIOLENCE AND SOME SEXUAL REFERENCES (though not too graphic) SO READ AT YOUR OWN PERIL. **_

_**All reviews, and constructive criticism, gratefully received – but no flaming please; and I will try to update regularly.**_

'_**Thoughts'**_

"**Speech"**

_**-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-**_

_**Bethan & Lucan**_

**_Chapter Twenty-Eight – Games & Babies_**

They awoke later, entwined exactly as they had fallen asleep. Darry and Tris were standing on the bed bouncing…

"Oh dear _GOD_!" cried Bethan waking with a start, for the first time in her life being caught off her guard.

Van fell about laughing "Bethan, I never thought I would see the day when _I_ could creep up on _you,_ and you would never know it!"

The girl before her smiled ruefully as she pulled the blanket up around her "Blame him!" she pointed at Gawain, laughing lightly; who was happily bouncing the two children before him, and then hugged them.

"Me? What have I done?" he looked surprised and perplexed, which only made the two women fall about again.

"Mama being silly Papa….Mama being silly today!" Darry laughed.

Bethan hugged close to Gawain before reaching and pulling her undershirt and shirt on quickly "well, Mama happy….…."

"You better explain to them….though I doubt they will be surprised; Tris has been telling us all morning about how his Mama and Darry's Papa are going to be just their Mama and Papa now - that Darry is his sister…" Van grinned "If anyone has got the gift of foresight at this fort Bethan, it is your boy!"

"You hardly need the third eye to know these two are going to be together for good woman!" Laughed Bors from the door. Bethan was now blushing a bright red as she was trying to get dressed in the bed without anyone seeing anything they should not

"I could really do with a bath…." She muttered.

"Oh, that can be arranged…." Gawain stood up, pulling on his breeches as he went, she marvelled at his ability to dress so fluidly and quickly – no one had seen anything; he saw her looking "years of practice….a knock and then you are on a mission, you sleep with your clothes to hand so you can dress swiftly…" he smiled.

"And so you can also kick the tavern girls out of the room as fast!" roared Bors.

Gawain's face darkened dangerously, until Bethan put out a steadying hand "I know you lived no life of a monk Gawain……the same as Ysabeau did. I accept it as she did, and I know you have been with no one else since you met her." She smiled.

He looked down at her with such love written across his face that both she and Van caught their breath "You know I would never look at another now, do you not?"

"Dolt! Of course I know!" She slapped his arm playfully "Good Lord what kind of an idiot do you take me for?"

"A pretty bloody big one actually Bethan!" laughed Bors "After six months of scheming, planning and conniving and you never getting the message – we thought you two would _never_ get together! OOOWWW!"

"_Shut up,_ you idiot!" Van slapped his head.

"Why do you _always_ hit my head Van?" Bors sulked.

"Because it is the only bit of you with no sense and no feeling!" she barked as she dragged him out, rolling her eyes at Gawain.

"Wait just a minute!" Bethan scolded "I have been meaning to ask about this; what plans and schemes, I mean I knew about Milo's leg - but there have been _others?_"

"Ummmm…….It did not work, so what is the point of discussing old issues…" muttered the older knight backing away with a rueful smile.

"You lot are never going to tell me are you?" She looked to Gawain.

"I doubt it; but they did it to start with, and I joined later because we love you and wanted you to be with me - we just had to help you understand…" he smiled, leaning down to kiss her gently and slowly.

He grinned at the way her eyelids fluttered open a while after he broke the kiss. "You should not tempt me Gawain - at this rate, we will never get up and get these little ones sorted!" She grinned.

"There is only so much furniture moving I can do my lady; though I own that making love to you has haunted my dreams at night, and my mind in the day for many a month now" he pulled her up and into his arms as she struggled to lace her breeches "just this…just holding you, kissing you" he kissed her "_being_ with you….that would be enough; that was why I hated to tell you my feelings…in case…in case I lost you.." he closed his eyes at the remembered hurt of the last few months. The gentle touch of her lips to his made him open them again.

"I tormented you terribly Gawain, and I am so sorry; you will never know how much….all I can do is make it up to you now…." She hugged him fiercely.

"There is naught to make up now Bethan, I have and will hold you; you are all to me and I have you with me for eternity, what is a few months of pain for that prize?" he whispered in her ear.

Tris held his arms up "Huggle us too Papa!" Gawain swung the boy into his arms and Bethan lifted Darry.

"Make Mama yours, Papa…will you? Make _us_ yours forever?" one green and one blue eye regarded dark green ones. Gawain knew what the boy was asking… and he smiled. "I will, I promise…."

Tris bounced in his arms….grinning…

"What are you two up to?" Bethan asked suspiciously…

"Naught…you are just being paranoid!" Gawain grinned.

"Nay Gawain, as I understand it from Arthur it is only paranoia when they are _not_ out to get you!" she grinned back, and dodged him as he came at her.

"Now about that bath!" he grabbed at her again. "I know of a nice horse trough….." she side-stepped him once more.

They ran outside, Tris and Darry giggling and in hot pursuit as well, as the other knights ventured out - she ran to the tavern and clutched at Vanora "quick hide me – he is going to dunk me in the bloody trough!" Van grinned, she had not seen this Bethan for many a year.

"Where is he?" She could hear nothing.

"_QUICK! Van!" _Bethan cried laughing, the older woman shoved her under the counter and stood nonchalantly waiting; if Bethan could hear him, then he _was _coming…

She looked at Bors "not a word; not a sound….and NOT a look!" she warned.

He grinned "Would I!" she rolled her eyes and laughed.

A moment later Gawain shot into the tavern, followed by Darry and Tris who went to Van for a cuddle "Where is she!"

Van shrugged, all the time keeping her eyes on Bors. Gawain looked at the two; they were definitely up to something…Bors' eyes were fixed on his drink and he was trying not to laugh, and Van was acting _too_ nonchalant.

"She is here, is she not?" he looked at Bors who stared at his drink like his very life depended on it - which in a way it did…

Gawain stared around the room; his eyes alighting on the counter - he ran round the other side to find….it empty. Van grinned "Moves like lightening, does she not!"

He kissed her cheek and swung her round before running past Bors, merely stopping to plant a kiss on his head. The older knight laughed and batted the younger one away, "Get off me you daft bugger! Go find your woman, for the sake of the Goddess do not bloody let her escape now!"

"Van….can you run her a bath?" Gawain looked beseechingly at her "She thinks I am going to toss her in the trough….as if I would!"

"Go on…it will be ready!" she laughed.

Darry and Tris looked up at her "Papa and Mama very happy….." Tris said with a grin.

"Aye my darlings they are…very…." Van smiled.

0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0

Gawain skidded to a halt by the stables "Is she here!" he called to Jols, who shook his head laughing.

"Nay Gawain…..if I was you I would enlist some help, she can hear you coming; she is going to be one step ahead until you give up…" he grinned.

"I will not, I know she will stay in the fort; she will not cheat like that!" grinned the knight. He dodged back outside.

Bethan came out of her hiding place "Thanks Jols, you could have given me away…" she smiled.

"This is the happiest I have seen the two of you in _years_; takes me back to the old days when you two used to go riding and racing" He smiled at the memories. "You have grown up a lot since then…"

"Had to… but it is nice to let my hair down again!" she ran off laughing.

"Be young, be foolish…but most of all - _be happy_ Bethan!" he called out after her.

She laughed "Alright Jols…I will try to remember, but I doubt I could be aught else with Gawain! He makes my heart sing!"

"daft buggers….I do not know why it has took 'em so long!" he muttered with a grin as he went back inside "Well, my beauties - what do you think? I reckon they will be together for good!" all the horses stamped and whinnied as if agreeing…Jols laughed.

She dodged round the side of the stables and took the stairs to the battlements two at a time…….and came face to face with Gawain who was trotting along the top. She turned, intending to run back down; but slipped and fell – she braced herself for the impact; but instead felt a strong arm grab her own, and she was pulled into an embrace before being swept into his arms.

"Alright….alright….pax, pax! I will take my punishment; take me!" she laughed, wrapping her arms round his neck…

"I fully intend to…later tonight!" he whispered into her ear, before blowing gently. He felt her go limp. "Ah….I should remember that for later too!" he chuckled.

She kissed him very softly, gently mouthing his bottom lip whilst wrapping her fingers in his hair. He groaned into her mouth "It seems I should remember _that_!" she smirked.

His eyes glittered as she stared into them, then he hoisted her over his shoulder "Now Gawain….now…_be nice_!" She giggled, trying to hang onto the back of his shirt.

"Oh, I intend to be…_very_ nice - sod waiting until later! Van, look after the little 'uns for a bit….I have a bed to move!" he called as they passed the tavern.

"Making up for lost time, eh!" Grinned Lancelot as they passed him and Amila.

"Too bloody right; I have a lot of lost time to make up…at least six months!"

"_Excuse me_? Does anyone care what _I_ think?" Bethan called as he strode to their room.

"Nay, not really!" Gawain grinned.

Amila looked at Lancelot and smiled contentedly "They are going to be very happy."

"Oh aye, I think so. I think they will be as happy as you and I; though I think their connection is probably deeper than ours, more on a par with San and Tristan." he smiled "I am just glad they _finally_ got together, I was beginning to think it would never happen!"

Bors walked over "You know it does the old heart good to see them like that; you would not think he is to be 35 in a bit would you, it is like he is 20 again!" he put his arm round Vanora "And you my little woman, make my heart sing too!" he hugged her and planted a huge kiss on her lips. She slapped him playfully, but he could see her eyes dancing.

"You soft old bugger!" she laughed and then sobered "But I love you too, more than you will ever know…" the look in her eyes at that moment caught Bors by surprise and he hauled her to him, crushing her into a tight embrace.

"Even after all these years Van, you still make my heart race you know that?" he whispered.

"As you do mine…." She smiled against his lips.

"Let us go and make another little bastard by moving the bed around too!" he laughed.

"With 12 I think we have enough; but I am happy to keep practicing!" Van grinned.

"Later…" he gestured to a smirking Lancelot, before sweeping his wife into his arms and moving swiftly back to their rooms.

"Sad I am too far along for that at the moment?" Amila asked gesturing at the two couples.

Lancelot smiled lovingly at her and patted her extended stomach "Nay, my love – this more than makes up for any furniture moving I may be missing out on for a while…" he hugged her gently to him.

"But to borrow Bethan's phrase; you make my heart sing, and my soul calm Amila. You are all to me, you _and _the children - I _never_ thought to love and have a family. I felt I had killed too many other people's sons to have one of my own, to have _any_ family of my own. But you changed all that, and I thank all the Gods for it…." He kissed her deeply "I love you so much….my sun and moon rises and sets with you."

"I feel the same….." Amila replied with swimming eyes. They walked slowly on to see San, Tristan and the recovering Milo.

0-0-0-0-0-0-0

Back at their room Gawain was slowly divesting Bethan of her clothing, all the while blowing gently in her ear and kissing her neck. He could feel her almost turning to putty in his hands, and smiled.

He had known, had hoped, their love-making would be good; but he had had no idea it would be this wonderful. It was almost as if they became one in more ways than the obvious one. He could not explain it, did not want to, all he knew was he nearly came undone at these moments with her.

Bethan was having similar thoughts – she never thought she would feel like this with another man after Lucan. She had hoped, but had not expected…..she was wrong. Their love making was almost her undoing; she thought she would tip into an abyss at those moments, with only him and his touch keeping her anchored to this world.

Later they were once again lying in a tangle of limbs, softly kissing and murmuring their love once more; when he suddenly stood and hoisted her into his arms. She looked at him startled "You are _not_ going to toss me in there now, surely?" she asked in horror.

"Nay, dolt! Look!" he indicated a tub in the far corner of the room "I asked Van earlier to prepare it, though in truth I do not know how hot the water will be now; we were overlong shifting that bed…." He smiled ruefully against her lips "but I cannot be blamed for finding you, and your wondrous body, too much to resist…." He kissed her neck.

She squirmed giggling "Gawain! If you continue we will only be going straight back to bed, and we have children to tend! But I own that I too find _your_ body in all it's perfection" she stroked a hand across his chest and down his side, making him shudder "a great temptation….certainly our bed has suddenly become much more welcoming!"

"Perfection? You obviously are blind to the many scars I have!" he smiled.

"Blind, nay – merely admiring them; they make you so….distinguished!" she purred; running her fingers over the particularly deep scar on his side, the one she had tied herself to him for. He growled and buried his head in her neck, nibbling gently. He almost turned back to the bed…..

"Stop that woman!" he groaned as he kissed her deeply "You drive me near to madness with desire as it is!"

She ignored him and continued her ministrations pleased to see the reaction she was having on him…..until he dropped her unceremoniously into the tub. "As you say my lady….we have children to attend to!" he laughed.

She coughed and spluttered and looked at the mess of soapy water on the floor. He turned to walk away and slipped, falling into the tub with her…..their laughter could be heard outside.

Milo stood outside the door with his father and smiled. He let out a deep sigh…

"What?"

"Naught, I am just happy for them; it has been a _very_ long time coming Papa…"

"Aye, it has; but better late than never." Tristan smirked.

"Do not…..do not die too soon Papa, will you?" Milo suddenly hugged Tristan tightly round the waist.

The knight hunkered down "What brought that on?"

Brown eyes regarded brown eyes, one set concerned and the other worried.

"What Befan said; about some of us dying….I worry….." They had discussed Tristan and the others witnessing Bethan's abilities only a short while before. He pulled his father to sit down on the edge of a wagon.

"She also said it would not be for a long while; so do not fret so boy. Your mother and I, the other knights and your sister we all look out for each other and not just ourselves. Remember how Bethan put herself at risk to stand guard over Gawain so the Celts could not finish him, or how Gawain has saved her many times it would appear?" Milo nodded "Well then, we will live as long as destiny decrees…." He hugged the boy.

"I just want you to be around for when I become a knight; I want to fight with you Papa, you and Befan" he hugged his father tightly back. "I am glad she is not leaving…."

"So am I; but I would not have stopped her, she has to live her own life. But I truly doubt she would ever leave her knights; they are all the world to her, have been since the day she came to the fort." He smiled at the memory of the serious little girl with the huge blue eyes.

"Three in particular mean muchly to her; Gawain, you and Dag…." Milo grinned.

"Aye, but she loves them _all_ dearly; I cannot explain it."

"We took her to our hearts from that first day." Dagonet walked up "She _and_ San, I think it was because they were so tough. Naught bothered Bethan; if she was hurt, no matter how bad, she would just get on with it.

She came to the tavern one day and said she had had enough practicing for a bit. That was unlike her; apart from lessons of reading and writing with Arthur of an evening, whenever he could spare the time, she would usually be found practicing. Hours and hours a day…."

He smiled "they loved her for that, even Arthur respected the time she put in… she would play with the other children, especially Bors' lot, but she would always go back to her practicing – even if she had to do it on her own. Jols tells stories of how she would be in the practice yard at sunrise whether we were there or not.

Anyway, this one afternoon I noticed she was favouring her left hand more and her right wrist was swollen. As she is right handed I immediately assumed something was wrong; I was right. When I finally persuaded her to let me look, it was broken. It had been like that for four hours, and yet she had continued practicing until it got too painful. She let me set it and never flinched once….

I asked her why she had not just stopped when she had done it; she said that on the battlefield the enemy would not allow you to stop for an injury. I remember the look on Arthur's face, total respect, and Bors said "Spoken like a true knight."

She looked at him very seriously, bear in my mind though she was only about 8, and she said "Aye, that is good then; for that is what I wish to be…because of him" and she pointed at your father "Tristan is a good man and an excellent fighter, I wish to be just like him" and in that moment I saw your father was lost to her!" Dag grinned as he finished the story.

"Nay….I was lost long before that" Tristan smiled "Their first day at the fort in fact. She had come over to make friends with Lancelot and Dag's horses; then she noticed me stood next to her and her face lit up as she said "You have a hawk as a friend! You are indeed fortunate – they are very choosy about who they share their friendship with. My name is Bethan." He smiled remembering the small girl with long blond hair and plaits.

"I was surprised as much at her knowledge, as at the gentle way she spoke and carried herself….as if aware that to be quick and noisy would disturb the animals "You are correct." I told her, finding myself chatting in a way I had not for an over long time "She became my friend long ago, and I am glad to have her back. I am Tristan."

"She is gladder to have _you_ back" Bethan said giving my hawk a very long look; then she looked around her "He is your horse?" she pointed to Barastyrn.

I told her he was and then she said "that is nice…." I was puzzled and asked what was, and she said that my animals missed me and were glad of my return. She said it showed I was a good man, with a good soul." His eyes deepened as he remembered that first conversation with the little girl he now regarded as his own blood. Dag too smiled in remembrance of the child she had been.

"I think _not_." I told her a little amused at the heartfelt way she spoke. "I do." She had said "You cannot lie to animals – there is no duplicity about them, only instinct. If an animal likes you, it is because they trust you. They do not trust lightly; therefore you cannot be as bad as you think you are."

I was impressed with her knowledge of animals; I knew that San had most likely taught her, but all the same it was impressive at her age. But still I wanted to make her see what I was, so I told about my life "I killed men for 15 years as a knight of Rome; now I would kill for my friend and my King, Arthur. That does not make me a 'good man' Bethan, does it?" I'd said.

"Did you kill for glory or fame and fortune?" she asked me; I told her nay. Then she asked me if I deliberately inflicted suffering for my enjoyment when I killed; again I said nay….

The she asked me if I killed innocents, like women and children? Did I burn villages? So I said nay again. Her reply was my undoing….

"Then you are no bad man Tristan." she said very calmly, but emphatically "_I_ like you a much as they…." she nodded at Faith and Barastyrn "and _I_ would be proud to call you friend."

I felt a small hand creep into mine as I looked down. She had the same serious blue eyes as before, but only now she was smiling. I could not help myself, for the first time in I could not remember how long, I smiled back….and from that moment on I loved her as my own." He lost the faraway look in his eyes as he came back to the present. "I am sure if you asked all the knights they could tell you similar stories of your sister Milo - but I think it is just her; her loyalty and her warrior spirit that we all love in our different ways…."

Dag nodded "I think she is one of a kind. She speaks of there never being another Arthur or Merlin, or even any of us again; but there will never be another Bethan either, and her story should be as much remembered as ours I think."

He grinned "I should get back, Ilara will think I have left her!" He patted Tristan on the back "You are a lucky man with both your children, Brother…" he gave Milo a grin, who beamed back at him "but then I suppose we all are; but there again we need to thank Bethan, for does she not rule them all with a rod of iron when they are bad and a fur glove when they are good!"

"Aye Brother – Aye that we do; and Brother?"

Dag turned "What?"

"It is good to have one, that is all….." Tristan flashed a small smile and Dag grinned.

"Aye it is that….Brother…." With that the large knight walked away.

0-0-0-0-0-0-0

Later that night Lancelot burst into the room and woke Bethan so suddenly she fell out of bed "For God's sake Lancelot this had better be bloody good!" she grumbled, struggling to light a candle and pull on some clothes. She turned to an equally startled Gawain "You are definitely going to have to teach me how to get _into_ my clothes as quickly as _you_ get me _out _of them!"

"Amila's waters have broken!" Lancelot gasped.

She stopped dead, her face passive but her eyes fearful as she asked "Is there any blood?"

"Nay…no blood…" the other knight said softly, his panic briefly quieted by the fear in the girl's eyes. Both his and Gawain's heart went out to her; she was still haunted by Ysabeau's death to some extent.

"Then I have a baby to help deliver! Is Van there?"

"Aye…." Lancelot went to follow.

"Stay here….I will call you when we are done…." Her tone, though light and merry, brooked no argument.

Lancelot sad down with a smiling Gawain "What are you grinning like an idiot at?"

"You; has Amila really put that much fear into you that would obey your sister as meekly as Darry here would?"

"Oh shut up Gawain!" Lancelot sulked.

"Aye it is then!" the younger knight laughed.

"How can you be so bloody calm at a time like this?"

"Tis not _my_ wife having the baby!" Gawain slapped Lancelot on the back, both men started laughing.

0-0-0-0-0-0

Bethan flew into Lancelot and Amila's room, Van came over "It is moving very quickly….."

"Is all well?" The older woman could tell she was worried.

"Aye Bethan, aye; do not fret so - you are always like this in the beginning with a birthing now. Did the poor girl's death leave such a scar on you?" she soothed.

"Aye Van, it did; for she was my friend." Bethan spoke sadly; then she brought herself to rights "Come, let us get this done so I can be away to my man!" She walked over Amila "How fares my blood?"

"I fare well sister and glad I am to hear you call Gawain such…" she smiled between contractions. Bethan gave her a puzzled look "to call him your man…." She smiled "I never thought to hear it spoken from _your _lips…."

Bethan leant and kissed her sweaty forehead, her eyes alight with love and merriment "Aye but that he is now, and will be for eternity. Still, this is not helping _you_…."

"It is; it is helping me through until I need to push…." She gripped Bethan's hand "Where is Lance?"

"Back at ours – I told him to stay, and he did!" she pealed with laughter "How much violence _have_ you threatened him with over the last 6 months!"

"Not much…why?" Amila smiled.

"Well, I cannot believe my brother would just do as he was told, unless he lived in fear of your wrath!" They all laughed again…..then another contraction came.

"It is time to start the hard work of bringing new life into the world…." Van smiled as they set to work to help Amila.

0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0

An hour later Amila was done and all was well; Bethan begged to be the one to fetch Lancelot - this was something she did not want to miss….

She found him stretched out on her bed with Darry and Tris. He and Gawain were both asleep; Lancelot had Darry on his chest and Gawain had Tris on his…

"So sweet!" said Ilara. Bethan had been under strict instructions by the rest of the wives to wake them if necessary, and by default their husbands, to tell them. On hearing the news of the delivery there was a mad scramble to see Lancelot.

She woke them gently and the other women took the children. Tris looked at his mother and grinned; he held up his fingers, and those that had been told gasped "How could he _know_?" asked Arthur in wonder.

"The same way Merlin will know even though he is not here…." Bethan grinned at her leader and friend.

Lancelot took off with Bethan in hot pursuit; Galahad whispered into Gawain's ear, who burst out laughing "Bloody hell – rather him than me!"

"I know, it do not bear thinking about, does it!" smirked Bors.

Lancelot burst into the room to see Amila holding a baby, then Van turned holding another……..Bethan stepped past him and bent into a crib, and held up another.

When he came round a little later, he was a bit groggy…. "is she alright? Amila, I mean…...is the baby alright?" He tried to sit up "I had the strangest dream….."

Then he saw his wife with three infants on her lap….

"I am sorry brother, that was rotten of us….but we could not resist…." Bethan beamed at him.

"Three?" Lancelot managed to speak; though his voice was little more than a croaky squeak.

"Triplets! Is it not wonderful?" Beamed Ilara.

"Three?" was the weak reply.

"I know, twin boys and another girl…." Bethan said, trying not to laugh at the shock on his face.

"Three?"

"I think he is in shock…" Bethan grimaced with laughter in her eyes at the other knights.

"Should I slap him? That always works for shock…" Bors offered, a little too eagerly Bethan thought

"Nay, leave him; come husband, come meet your children!" Laughed Amila; herself only just controlling her laughter.

Lancelot went and sat obediently next to her, he looked at her in confusion… "three?" No one could resist anymore; all assembled burst out laughing.

Gawain wrapped his arms around Bethan's waist "_NEVER_ do this to me I beg of you….." he whispered urgently into her ear smiling "One would be more than sufficient at a time!"

She laughed and twisted in his embrace to kiss him "I will try to remember! Though in truth I do not have as much control over the situation as you give me credit for, my knight!" Gawain kissed her deeply.

Bors turned "Oh, for the sake of the Goddess – someone direct them back to their bloody room!" but he was laughing as the younger couple broke apart with a grin.


	29. Proposals & Meetings

**_Disclaimer: As chapter one; so please, for the love of _God, _do not make me keep writing it out people!_**

_**Poppa is the name Beth gave my Dad and I love it…..hence the reason it's in the story!**_

_**White feathers appearing seemingly out of nowhere are meant to signify an angel is close by.**_

_**WARNING: BAD LANGUAGE, VIOLENCE AND SOME SEXUAL REFERENCES (though not too graphic) SO READ AT YOUR OWN PERIL. **_

_**All reviews, and constructive criticism, gratefully received – but no flaming please; and I will try to update regularly.**_

'_**Thoughts'**_

"**Speech"**

_**-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-**_

_**Bethan & Lucan**_

**_Chapter Twenty-Nine – Proposals and Meetings_**

The months slid by and if anything the love between Gawain and Bethan grew……..soon another six months had passed and Tris was getting anxious.

He was 4 now and Darry 3½, he was keen for his Papa to make Mama and him his forever; he knew it was what his Angel Papa and Darry's Angel Mama wanted, but no one would listen.

He sighed, it was hard being so little….. but then he had his Poppa; well, two Poppas really. The quiet men, he thought of them like that. They were good to him and he loved them dearly; he was glad he knew they would live to be old - he knew a lot that he felt he should not say. The wind spoke to him, and the animals did too. Sometimes Angel Papa and Angel Mama would visit him in his dreams and tell him muchly.

Merlin too, was a help – but even so, getting things done sometimes was hard. He thanked God for Uncle Milo. God had been so good to him to give him and Darry Uncle Milo; he even let them sit at his table now – though he had to keep Darry quiet and that was hard as his sister loved to chat.

But he had a special plan tonight; he wanted to take his Poppas to see his special friends….

He climbed carefully out of bed and shushed Darry; since they had got their own room now, connected to Mama and Papa's by a door, it made it easier to sneak out. She grinned and followed him to the main door.

"Nay Darry, tonight is for the Poppas; I want them to meet my friends…alright?" he smiled and patted her face.

She nodded, yawned and returned to bed. She had met them all already, so did not mind missing the outing; though she did love to be with her brother.

Their pack of dogs immediately roused themselves to follow him, Guido at the head "nay, nay….Guido….you all stay here, you come if'n I need you only." He patted the dog affectionately, and he and the others returned to their owners doors.

He crept into Tristan and San's room - Tristan immediately awoke.

"Little man!" he whispered, with a smile "What are you doing here?"

Tris crept across and patted his face "Poppa come and meet my friends…"

"Now?"

"Aye…important…bring other Poppa…." Tristan knew he meant Dagonet.

He knocked Dag up and they set off after the little boy. 

"What is he up to?" Dag asked.

"I know not – wants us to meet his friends…."

"What friends?"

"Do not know; but he says it is important…."

As they passed the stables the horses all whinnied quietly "Hello! Aye, aye, I will see you later…..but not now" the horses immediately quietened down; Tristan and Dagonet exchanged a look "Bet Jols wished he could control them like that" smiled Dag.

They got to the gates and Tris pulled a couple of boards up and slipped through. The two older men were amazed the guards did not notice; but they followed him.

Outside he waited for them to join him. Then he grinned, out of the forest came the animals. The deer and some boar all came out of the trees and surrounded the small boy "Please, pet them; that is why we come…you want this?" he eyed the two men.

"Aye…..I did." Smiled Tristan.

"So did I…." grinned Dag ruffling the boy's hair; they stayed there for an hour and then almost as suddenly as they arrived the animals departed.

The two men looked at the boy quizzically "I sent them home to their babies…. like…." but he stopped and grinned "oops….no one knows yet 'cepting me and Merlin."

The two men smiled at him "you talk in riddles like the shaman, that is true…" said Dag.

On their way back they stopped at the graveyard "Wuv you Angel Papa…" Tris said to Lucan's grave. A gentle breeze blew around him and a white feather fluttered to the ground before the boy "Thank you! Can I have one for Darry, Angel Mama?" as if on cue another fluttered down before him "Thank you…."

The two men with him stood speechless "We can go now….." he wandered away.

"You do not think?" Dag asked his brother.

"Nay, I do not think so….but…." Tristan looked at the sky that was beginning to lighten as dawn approached "I cannot see any doves, and that is the only sort of bird those feathers could have come from…..I…." he shook his head "where that little boy is concerned _naught_ would surprise me anymore."

They made it back to their rooms without being discovered; as the men were about to part from the boy he turned "Would you like to meet them again some times and my other friends?"

"Aye Tris we would; but what other friends?" asked Tristan.

"The blue people like Merlin. They sometimes come and sit with me while I visit my animal friends; they look a bit….." he searched for the right word "stunned" he smiled "but they are very nice…."

Tristan nodded "I see…is Merlin with them?" he was worried that they might try and take the boy, as he knew they held his abilities in high esteem. "Aye, usually….they are his tribe. They would not take or harm me Poppa, they are family too."

"I see…" the scout smiled "we cannot be too careful though; I would hate to lose you my little man, and for your Mama and Papa to start a full out war with the Woads."

"They would not - Mama would know, the wind would tell her; she would come and fetch me!" he laughed.

"He is his mother's son Tris, has an answer for everything!" laughed Dag.

"Aye, brother…." the scout agreed with a smile.

They all parted ways; Dagonet feeling somehow special that he had been included in such a special moment….

As he went to go in Tris heard the triplets start to cry "shush, shush…" he called gently "let your Mama and Papa sleep for a bit…" the crying stopped.

"Goddess if we could bottle _that_ we would be in high demand!" grinned Dag to a retreating Tristan.

"Aye Brother; shame we did not have him when ours were small!"

Back in their room Darry stirred in her bed "Ello Tris-Tris…." She murmured. He laid the little white feather in her hand "From your Angel Mama…." He smiled.

She got up and went with him to the boxes under his bed; when they opened the ones they had each, made for them by Ganis, they each held around 100 small white feathers…….now 101.

0-0-0-0-0-0

In the room next door, Gawain and Bethan had spent most of the night 'moving the furniture' as she had called it all those years ago; it still made Gawain chuckle when she mentioned it.

They lay in a tangle of sweaty limbs, and she finally asked him why he was chuckling "I was just remembering the day that phrase was coined…"

"Who _did_ think it up?" she was intrigued as she smoothed his hair out of his face and kissed his cheek.

He kissed her back "You…well, you and Lancelot…"

"What! Now I am intrigued!" she laughed lightly and he rolled onto his back hauling her close against him as he went.

"Well, you were meant to be going on your first scouting mission with your father, and Lucan wanted to go. You thought you had better go and ask him, but then you saw him carrying your mother to their room.

You told Lucan you could not ask now as they had shut the door, and that mean they would be there for some time. You said" he grinned at the memory "that they sometimes made a lot of noise and Lancelot had told you that they were moving the furniture about! That was how the phrase was coined…you and Lancelot!" he laughed and hugged her to him.

"Good Lord…..and it has lasted all these years!" she laughed with him and snuggled up closer "mind you it is a useful way of talking about things without the younger ones twigging and asking awkward questions!"

"Well, if it is anything like 'the dream' it willl be doing the rounds when we are naught but dust!" he smiled.

"Aye, that one my mother started though; I cannot be blamed for that!"

"They heard the click of the door next to theirs "He has been out again…" sighed Gawain. "Should I go see?"

"Nay, leave him…he is alright; have I not done the same without you knowing?"

"Aye, but you are 20, nearly 21 in fact; and he is only 4…."

"Ah, but he has the pack, the wind and the Woads to help him; he is probably better protected than _Arthur_!" she chuckled.

He rolled her over until he was hovering above her; she closed her eyes expecting him to kiss her. He smiled at the look of love on her face as she held him close.

"Marry me."

"What!" her eyes flew open.

"You heard me, marry me…" he grinned.

"But….why?"

"Because I want you to be mine completely, and because I love you beyond all reason."

"But I love you the same, and you know I am yours Gawain; with all that is in me, I am yours."

His face dropped "You do not want to marry me…." The statement carried a disappointed tone.

"Gawain it is not that; but you are a pagan, you do not believe in the marriage rites. Under your beliefs we are married already are we not? By joining our households and bedding together as we have" she blushed slightly "we _are_ married."

"Aye that is so…." He reluctantly agreed "but…under your beliefs, we are living in sin."

"My beliefs are that I accept all others; and I know that in the eyes of my God, as well as yours, we are wed. So do not fret so; I am happy Gawain, more than you will know."

He sighed; this had not gone as he had hoped. Still he would not press it now, he would wait – he had waited before, he could wait again.

She could see she had hurt him, then she remembered a charm her mother and father had run. She pressed her forehead against his, and then held his hand against her heart as she did the same to him "my heart beats with your heart – my soul winds with yours, my life force is now your own. We function as one….I will always know you Gawain".

"What was that?"

"A Woad charm; I have now tied my lifeforce to yours for all eternity, even after death.….we will _never_ be separated now, _never_…you have no need to wed me Gawain….."

He felt strangely compelled to repeat the charm, and did so; she flung her arms round his neck. "I will always be yours Bethan…always. But I still want to marry you….though I will not push. If you decided not, fair enough. But think about it, alright?"

"Alright….." she kissed him and inwardly sighed. She had a lot to think about and a lot to tell him; she also had to talk to someone else first, or rather two someone's.

She wrapped herself in his arms and snuggled up to him; as soon as she knew he was asleep she got up, dressed quietly and crept to the graveyard.

"Are you here?" she asked quietly.

She felt a cold breeze blow round her gently. "I want your…." What? What did she want; their advice or their permission? "_Help_….I want your help…." She sighed and sat down on the ground.

"I love him, you two and God only know how much I love him……and I am sorry; I am sorry that as much as we both loved you, it was not the same as what we feel between us. But we are together now and I cannot, and would not, give him up.

I do not think he knows how he rules me…..how I miss him when he is not there; how I pray that Arthur sends us together on missions so that I can be with him; just that, be with him.

If he is sent without me ….he does not know how I stand on the battlements looking for him to return, how I listen to every breeze, every call from Faith and Hope to know he is alright and well.

How his touch makes my skin burn, his love makes my heart sing; and his soul calls to mine - he has such a beautiful soul…..you would not think him a warrior; he is so gentle with the children, and me. I know when he is sad or happy, angry or calm. He is bound to me in ways I cannot explain to anyone here; not even Papa….not even Merlin.

I am less than you Ysabeau, in so many ways..…I know I am not as worthy of him as you were. You were good and kind and I loved you like my own.

You were everything I am not: I am wild, you were calm; I am hot tempered, you were placid; I am a killer, you were peaceful. But….but I love him…I love him _so much_…" she paused. Should she continue? The breeze blew again and so she pressed on.

"He….he has asked me to marry him; I want to……I _do_….and now I have hurt him by sort of saying nay…" the cold breeze blew hard in her face, almost in exasperation "I know…it was stupid…but there are reasons." She sighed "I…I want to do what is right… I want to know that I will be making him happy for all time, and not just now.

Just for once I want to do what is best for _all_, and not just me. I want to be the one doing the right thing; I want to know you agree with it, both of you. But especially you, Ysabeau, as he never married you; though I know he would have if you had lived.

I just want a sign, _one sign_ that you are happy for us; both of you….are happy….and I will be content…._finally_…." she put a hand to her eyes and said the last thing she was worried about……

"And….and I am pregnant…and I have not told him yet." There she had said, said it out loud; at least to those she worried about most, still thought of each and every day, next to Gawain.

She sat there for a few minutes, but there was naught. Even the cold breeze had dropped; then suddenly two small white feathers floated down in front of her……..she held out her hands and they settled gently into them.

She heard a faint tinkling laugh and then a deeper one carried by the chill breeze…..and she knew, she finally accepted, they _were_ happy for them.

A little hand touched her shoulder and then another, larger….she spun round to see Tris standing regarding her with his odd coloured eyes, and Darry holding his hand, and Gawain behind them….Gawain with his eyes full….

She heaved a sigh and stood, facing the two men who ruled her life; the little Woad shaman, for she knew that was what he would be, and the other half to her soul.

"Well?" Said Tris "You have their answer Mama….." he grinned.

She smiled at Tris "Aye I have…." Then she turned her attention to Gawain "How long were you there?"

"Long enough…." He said quietly "More than long enough to hear it all….I am not as heavy a sleeper as you think" He smiled slightly; then sobered "Is that what you really think; that some how you are not worthy of me?"

She would not look at him; he walked to her and tilted her chin to look at his face. Blue eyes regarded green ones "Aye…." She whispered "Aye, that is what I really think."

She stood back from him, his mere closeness confused her and she had much to tell him; _needed_ to tell him "You do not know Gawain, what you do to me….you do not know how I love you. You are like Ysabeau…everything good, that I am _not_." She hung her head.

He took her by the shoulders and shook her slightly "I love you Bethan…everything about you; your wildness, your temper. If anyone is not worthy, it is me….you…..you are having my baby….I cannot believe it!" He kissed her deeply.

She smiled and leant against him "Gawain, we have been at it like rabbits for over six months; it _was_ almost inevitable!" she grinned "and you _are_ worthy; I love you so much…" she buried her head in his neck as he hauled her to him.

"So….you will marry me?"

"I think you know the answer….." she smiled lovingly at him "I just had to know they agreed…."

Tris tugged Gawain's breeches "Are we yours now?"

"We have been for a long time Tris…." Bethan said.

"Not quite but you will be soon son, you will be soon…" Gawain bent down and gathered the children into his arms "Very, very soon we will be a family in _every_ way -and you and Darry will have a little brother or sister."

"I already knew that Papa, the wind told me…."

Gawain kissed the small boy "Well, maybe you should have told _me_!" he smiled.

"Nay…that would have spoilt this!" he laughed.

They made their way back to the Fort "How far are you?" Gawain asked, his arm flung around Bethan's shoulders, the children walking hand in hand with them.

"About 2 months; I wanted to make sure all was well, before saying anything."

"A winter baby….." he grinned.

"Aye…a winter baby…." She smiled.

"7 months….we had better get married quickly…" he smiled "Though I do not have a problem with that….."

"How soon?"

"Tomorrow…."

"WHAT!"

"Tomorrow…."

She grinned, remembering another time. "Tomorrow it is then….so long as Arthur agrees."

"We wil go see him now…"

She looked at her right hand "I'll catch you up….." he looked at her hand and smiled.

She went to their room and opened the top drawer of the chest that stood there; she put the two small feathers in the very bottom.

A single tear slid from her eye "Thank you" she whispered. The cold breeze blew, caressed her cheek ……. and was gone.


	30. Weddings & Witchcraft

**_Disclaimer: As chapter one; so please, for the love of _God, _do not make me keep writing it out people!_**

**_Blythe is an old English name meaning Joyous, Darrel is old English for Beloved (in the male form – Daralis being the female) and Hale is also old English meaning hero and army ruler. a' allaidh soirbheas' is Gaelic for 'the wild fair wind' and I felt that as the Woads were supposed to be north of the wall, then Gaelic _could_ be their language._**

_**WARNING: BAD LANGUAGE, VIOLENCE AND SOME SEXUAL REFERENCES (though not too graphic) SO READ AT YOUR OWN PERIL. **_

_**All reviews, and constructive criticism, gratefully received – but no flaming please; and I will try to update regularly.**_

'_**Thoughts'**_

"**Speech"**

_**-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-**_

_**Bethan & Lucan**_

**_Chapter Thirty – Weddings & Witchcraft_**

Arthur had not only been pleased to agree, he had actively encouraged them to wed that day…..

"Why the rush?" asked Bethan.

"We do not want the ructions of your last nuptials!" he grinned.

She smiled and looked to Gawain "He is right! Let us do it today! Once we put the word out, it will be wonderful…."

Gawain picked her up and swung her round "Only last night you were telling me we had no need to wed, and now you cannot wait! I am certainly not complaining!" he grinned. Nodding appreciatively at Arthur, who smiled; Guinevere clasped his arm tightly – trying to contain her joy….finally giving in and rushing over to Bethan, hugging her fiercely.

"Not only that" Arthur added "We wish to ensure you do not get cold feet; I could not stand another lock out, lock in or anything in between!" he smiled.

0-0-0-0-0-0

They went back to their room "What of Merlin?" Gawain asked "I know you would like him to perform the ceremony; part Woad/part Christian as he does…"

"If I know Merlin, he is on his way here. Remember what Tris said 'it would spoil this'? They already knew the outcome…." She smiled.

He hauled her to him and crushed her into a tight embrace "I love you Bethan, I love you" he kissed her deeply.

"No time for furniture moving Gawain, we have a wedding to prepare for; and indeed I have to tell my parents! Plus I desperately need a bath after our….efforts last night!" He could tell she was excited; he was pleased, so happy in fact he wanted to shout it from the rooftops – wanted the entire fort to know. Just then the children entered and something occurred to him.

"Shall we give Mummy a bath!" asked Gawain of the two children, mischievously.

"Aye, Papa, Aye!" they cried in unison; clapping their hands and hopping around laughing.

Bethan had stopped laughing at the tone in his voice and was quickly making for the door - only to be grabbed by the waistband and tossed over Gawain's shoulder.

"Gawain! _Gawain!_ What are you doing? GAWAIN!" she cried "Gawain put me down….it is not funny!"

"Of course it is not….I am merely taking you for a bath." He explained calmly, but the evil grin on his face did nothing to placate her.

Outside the room the other knights had gathered; Lancelot had his hand round Amila's shoulders the triplets in their arms "Ah the good old days! Remember those?" he smiled as Gawain toted a screaming Bethan, who was now threatening him with all sorts of violence.

"Mmmmm…was it not after this we would move furniture for hours?" She grinned at him.

"Already done it - all night too! Now we are getting married!" Gawain smirked as they passed.

The knights all burst out laughing "About bloody time I say!" called out Jols with his arm around Lynette. They too would be married in three weeks time.

"_GAWAIN! _I cannot believe you just said that!" Bethan was outraged "Put me down or I will gut you like a fish; I will tie you up and torture you…."

"Awwww….I am all nostalgic!" Lancelot sighed with a dreamy look in his eye "remember when you used to threaten _me_ like that!"

Amila laughed out loud; and his baby daughter, Blythe, tugged at his hair…. "Oh you are your mother's daughter, you little vixen!" he cooed at her and kissed her cheek.

The two boys in Amila's arms reached up to him; Darrel and Hale adored their father. Suriana came forward with Celeste and Ehsan "Let Celeste and I take them Mama…we have not had a cuddle for hours." The two twin boys went willing to their twin sisters; showing a devotion that would one day be as deep as Milo's to Bethan.

"You love me…." Gawain stated.

"**_I_**….what?" Bethan stopped mid tirade, confused.

"You love me…."

"Well,…I…aye; but I will still…." She blustered.

"Nay, you will not……you know you will not…." he was grinning now.

"I bloody will! Do not think because I love you can get away with murder sir knight, because that is not so!" She railed, suddenly comprehending – or so she thought.

He walked to the horse trough; Bethan's eyes widened in horror as she squirmed on his shoulder and saw "You _would not_!" she squeaked.

"Aye, I _would_!" he grinned, and dropped her gently into the trough….

Galahad was almost in tears with laughter "Take care brother, she has a temper!" he squeaked.

"Aye, as do I; but I love her too, so we are even!" Gawain laughed. The scream from Bethan should have deafened all within a 5 mile radius.

"Well my _lover!_ If I am to bathe in cold water and horse spit, then so are you!" and she pulled him in with her…..

By now they were gathering a small crowd which suited Gawain perfectly "I wish it to be known by all here" he said standing up in the trough, and quieting the hysterical laughter of those around him "that I am taking Bethan, daughter of the knights of the round table - Sandrina and Tristan - as my wife, and" he looked at her "this very day!

So I know there are those of you…." he looked around a few of the men gathered "that thought much of her; well do not….not any longer; for she is with me and I love her dearly…." He helped her stand "and…." He added finally with a flourish "she carries my child within her" All gasped.

"Forgive me? I just wanted their attention….before I do this…." he swung her up into his arms and kissed her deeply "We will be wed at sunset! You are all invited!" he called and turned, carrying the dripping Bethan back to their room….

"Now I _definitely_ need a bath!" she roared with laughter.

Sandrina, Tristan, Milo and the others followed them back; all agog at what had just been announced.

"Well, I did not see _that_ coming!" exclaimed Galahad.

"Well, then you are dafter than I thought husband!" laughed Alisia.

0-0-0-0-0-0

Back in their room all the knights crowded in "Is this true?" asked San of her daughter.

"Aye Mama, it is! We have spoken to Arthur; we were going to wait until tomorrow. But he felt today was better!" She grinned "And aye I am 2 months gone with Gawain's child…."

San could see the happiness radiating out of her "I am so pleased for you Bethan, I am truly!" she hugged her daughter to her.

Tristan walked to Gawain "Make her happy or I willl cut you down where you stand…" he murmured matter of factly.

Gawain grinned "If I did not love her so much and intend to do just that Tris, you might frighten me…"

The scout smirked and took his arm, before speaking calmly "You do me an honour to wed my daughter."

Gawain gripped his fellow knight's arm tightly, tears suddenly pricking his eyes "You do me the greater honour to allow it."

Dagonet stepped forward and Bethan drew him to one side with Ilara and Alisia "I spoke to them first, they agreed…." She took them to the chest and opened the drawer "I asked for a sign…" they saw the feathers.

Alisia hugged the younger girl "You do my sister honour by always remembering her so…." Her voice caught "It is nice to know also that she is still close…."

"I could do naught else Ali - she was a good friend to me, and I considered her my sister also; and I doubt she would ever truly leave us for long…no more than Lucan would…"

Dag's breath caught in his throat, remembering Tris only earlier that morning, he knew now why it was important he went "I am glad, but I knew that already – but it shows your kind heart that you would still consider them so….." he smiled.

Bethan looked at the older knight, who was friend, brother and surrogate father to her and Milo. A huge lump formed in her throat and she flung her arms round his neck "You are my blood Dag, remember that….you and yours are part of my family for now and always." Tears sprinkled his shirt.

"Now, now Little Scout…..no more of that!" he smiled, though his and Ilara's own eyes swum "not on your wedding day!"

Lancelot approached her "Are you sure it _is_ only _one_ baby!"

"Nay….but do _you_ regret it?"

"_Never_…but it is hard work…I still wake in a cold sweat on remembering first seeing _three_ newborns!" he laughed.

Amila wandered over "Aye, and he has suddenly stopped going on about how he wants more!" she grinned.

Bethan stepped outside, to get away from all the hub-bub…..A hand on her shoulder told her her father was with her.

"Happy for me Papa?" she turned to look at him.

"Aye, I could not be happier. He is a good man and will make you happy, make sure you do the same for him."

"Or you will cut _me_ down?" she smiled.

"Nay, but you are not too old for a spanking" was the mild reply.

She hugged him "I thank God for you every day…do you know that?"

"As I do you; you were the first, the very first to see through me Little Scout. All that time ago."

"The day in the stables…the day we first came into the fort at the wall….I remember. I was amazed you had a hawk, and I loved your horse.

But I liked you and quickly loved you; you were more of a father to me than any other could be. To me you _are_ my father; if the other arrived here now I would spit in his eye before I called him blood. For _you_ are that to me now - you are blood, kin and all that matters between God and Heaven!" she spoke passionately, but her face was passive as his.

Tristan knew 'the other' was long dead, but her words still touched him deeply "Aye, and I feel the same about you daughter. That was why I did the blood tie with you, our blood mingled and in always now I am your father. But in here" he pointed to his heart "I have been since the day I first clapped eyes on you."

She hugged him tightly and cried into his shoulder "Do not mind me Papa, it is the day and the baby….."

He said nothing - merely holding her close and smiling; his eyes holding all the emotions of his heart.

0-0-0-0-0-0

"We best get you back if you are to wed your man at sunset…." He said eventually, pulling her back and wiping her face with his large calloused hand.

"By the Goddess, we thought she had already done a runner!" exclaimed Bors, coming out the door. He saw her tear stained face "You alright Little Scout? I was only jesting you…honest. Do not tell Van I made you cry, she will bloody kill me!" he mumbled.

She hugged Bors tightly and kissed his cheek "You soppy date, it was naught to do with you; I fare well, just over excited and pregnant!"

He hugged her back "You will not be breaking Gilly's nose for a bit then….he will be relieved I reckon…." He grinned.

She laughed out loud "I have not broken his nose for the last six months; since Arthur erected the children's round table none of yours have fallen out with Milo, not even Eight, so me and Gilly have not had to come to blows. I have been quite disappointed." she grinned mischievously.

"I think he has too…." Bors smiled "Still you would not want to now anyway would you?"

Gawain came to the door and overheard the exchange "Nay, I would not risk it….I really would not; it is too easy to lose a baby, and I cannot lose this little one; it is too precious to me." She patted her stomach. Gawain felt his heart lurch; she was still haunted by that loss….

Tris tapped her arm and spoke emphatically "you will not Mama….you will not…._I_ will not let you…" before walking away; she smiled after him.

Bors looked closely "How far are you?"

"2 months….why?"

"You already showing a bump…."

"Am I?" she looked down and grinned "I am, am I not?"

Lancelot walked past Gawain grinning evilly "Be afraid brother, be very afraid…."

Gawain slapped his back "Shut up Lancelot; she would not do that to me!"

"You have great faith in her Gawain, and that is commendable; but even an elemental cannot control conception or birth!" Amila laughed.

0-0-0-0-0-0

The blue dress came out once more, and Bethan could not hold the back the memories of the last time she wore it. It was nearly 4½ years ago. Had she and Lucan only been married 2 years when he died? Poor Lucan, she still missed him…..she knew a part of her always would; a little piece of her heart would always remain with him.

She went outside and walked to the graveyard with Tristan. She and Gawain had wanted to marry there; to marry near those who had first shown them true love, to share this day with those they had loved and lost.

Merlin arrived a little after lunch and seemed unsurprised at the news; those who knew him well just smiled.

The wedding began precisely on sunset - Gilly watched Bethan approaching "I want to find me a girl like that; and someone that loves me that much…" he muttered.

"No one will love you, you are a _pig_!" Snorted Ten in derision.

She felt a blow to the back of her head and then a voice hissing "Do not speak to your brother like that Miss, he was looking out for you before you were out of napkins!" Bethan glared at the girl who sank lower in her seat.

Gilly grinned "Thanks…_Auntie_!"

Bethan lunged at him "I told you _never_…"

"Bethan?" Gawain cut in with a grin as Tristan, like the first time, hung onto her arm "Any time you are ready!"

She smiled lovingly at him, and then turned her gaze to Gilly "I _will_ break your nose you _git_ – maybe not today; but I _will _break it!" she ground out while fixing a smile to her face. The young man visibly paled, as she moved on.

"It is alright; she is pregnant!" comforted his father.

"You do not honestly think that would stop her do you? I doubt it would even slow her down!" Gilly was _not_ reassured…

Everyone fell about laughing.

As she reached Merlin, she turned to her father and grinned "At least there is no black eye and split lip this time…."

He smiled and kissed her cheek "Be happy, daughter, be happy."

"I already am….."

0-0-0-0-0-0

Just as the ceremony was ending there was a shout of alarm from the battlements "**CELTS**!"

Arthur closed his eyes '_Why now?_'…..he looked around him; the men were already rising "**KNIGHTS!**_"_ he called.

Bethan faced Gawain "I do not wish to risk the baby….but….."

"You wish to fight?"

She nodded.

"Then do what you must….but stay safe….I could not bear to lose you….both" he hugged her tightly to him, one hand on her slightly distended belly.

They flew to ready themselves; but Tris stopped them…."You will not lose my…the baby Mama…I promise…" he smiled.

"I believe him" Gawain said as they kissed the children and ran to their room.

"As do I…."

0-0-0-0-0-0

The fight raged for only a short time; once again Arthur was winning. The Woads had appeared and joined the battle to aid them; he was not sure where they had come from, but he was only glad they were there.

He saw Tristan stagger slightly, but Bethan was there as was Gilly as his own father began to flag….they were aging, his knights, but their children were picking up the slack and soon would be doing the fighting in their stead.

He saw Lancelot fall, a wound to the shoulder but once again Bethan appeared out of nowhere.

"**Get away from him you _bastard!_**" she spat at the Celt about to deal the death blow, and took the man's head.

"What took you so long!" Quipped Lancelot "Mind you, I would not be averse to dying right now…..I could do with a long sleep!"

She grinned down at him "nay, brother….you do not think, do you, I would let you leave my sister to deal with your 6 brats by herself! In the name of God, why do think we keep Bors alive for Vanora!"

Despite his injury, and the battle raging, Lancelot laughed out loud - he was so glad to have this Bethan back….

She saw Gawain and caught his eye, they smiled at each other and he mouthed "I love you…." she raised her hand, and then spun round as the breeze blew to her back…..killing the approaching Celt where he stood.

As he fell she saw Dagonet lying on the ground behind him, and obviously wounded "Lancelot, can you fight?"

"Aye I think so…."

"Then come…" she helped him stand and they staggered to Dag; as she had protected Gawain, they now protected Dagonet.

As the fighting began to wane Galahad looked across at her "Little Scout?" He motioned to the retreating Celts; she knew what he wanted to her to do….

Something caught her attention - Tris was on the battlements with Merlin….they stared at her and she nodded.

"Wait!" She called to Galahad. She walked over to the Celt he was about to kill "Leave _him_…" Galahad held his sword back, but kept it at the throat of the man on the ground.

"Do you speak Briton?"

He nodded.

"Good. Do you know me?"

He shook his head.

"You _will_ after _this_ day; I want you to witness this and then go tell your people to leave Arthur, his people and his land alone - or I will _slaughter _you _all_. The curse will reign yet - for I am the a' allaidh soirbheas'."She spoke calmly, but with malice.

She turned to Galahad "Pick him up…." The other knight hauled the man to his feet.

She walked out into the midst of the still fighting Celts, who were only just starting to retreat, but surprisingly their arrows continually missed her – Arthur glanced at the battlements.

Merlin had Tris in his arms and both were concentrating hard on Bethan. Arthur felt a shudder….this would not end well for his enemy; he was only glad it was not him. It also explained why the Woads appeared out of nowhere to aid them.

Bethan held her arms outstretched, her eyes black with anger; the same way, Gawain thought, as when he saw her riding that night; only now there was nothing beautiful about what she was about to do…..

The mist began to rise around the Celts; but the knights and others from the fort were free of it and able to see. The pack appeared as if from nowhere and began to close in on those within the mist, the knights and other fighters walked forwards - soon the screams of the dying Celts echoed round field….

Only minutes later the pack came trotting back covered in fresh blood and the knights and fighters walked out; Bethan let her arms drop and the mist cleared.

She turned to the now terrified man, still being firmly held by Galahad "Go and tell your people this…_I_ have cursed them; I who can do _this_" she gestured to the mist still surrounding the bodies of his countrymen lying torn, bloodied and broken on the field "have cursed them…. And for generations to come" the man started, but she smiled grimly and pressed on "I say that you will feel the boot of more than one master on your necks. Long after I am dead and forgotten, _your _people will live as _slaves._

They will starve in their thousands as your crops fail…. You will shed your own blood in battles and wars amongst yourselves….freedom will not be yours for generations….." The Celt stood white faced and trembling.

"Now go and tell your people; tell them if they come back I will wish for more than even that, and I _will_ see it done. I am blood kin to Merlin…I am the a' allaidh soirbheas, and I have spoken…" she smiled evilly at him.

"The…the Woad devil…the witchcraft……" the man muttered.

"Aye, and I am of his blood; so, go and tell your people to plague Arthur and his land no more…or there _will_ be a plague upon _you._" The Celt noticed her eyes changing back from black to a deep blue, and shuddered.

She nodded at Galahad "Let him go…."

Galahad released the man and he fled as if possessed.

Arthur walked forward and enquired mildly "What happened to 'the only good enemy is a dead one'?"

"It is pointless cursing the people if they do not know I have done it. They are superstitious and this will frighten them out of their minds; the curse is merely the sweetmeat to the cake."

"You do not believe the curse will take then?"

"I care not…" she sighed at the expression on his face "I do not care for them Arthur, so I care not what happens to them. I do not hate them any longer; I just think nothing about them…."

"Somehow I feel that is worse than hating them…."

"Then so be it; but I cannot help how I feel."

"Do you think this is what Lucan would want?"

"This is from _me_ - naught to do with Lucan. I have consulted much with he and Ysabeau of late I admit. But not to do with this…." She took a deep breath knowing she might be starting an argument, but not willing to back down.

"I do not believe you will have the peace you strive for Arthur.." she held a hand up to silence his protest "I know…I know what you think; but it will not be.

There are many that see a man of peace as weak, that see his need for all people to be free as feeble, his wish they be equal as gutless. So they will continually invade that land – harass its people. I will not have that – your way _is_ just. I swear fealty to my king."

She bowed slightly dropping her head, and then laid a hand on his arm as she stood "but more than that you are a _good man,_ Arthur….rare in these times. You have watched me grow; you have schooled me, disciplined me and been a friend to me - you gave me my knights, you made _me_ one of them, and my mother…." Tears pricked her eyes.

"I am _proud_, _very_ proud to call you my _king_….but more I am _proud_ to say you are my _friend_. So though I cannot give you the _peace_ you seek so diligently – I can at least give you respite from the _war_." Her voice hitched at the end…..her emotions clear in her eyes. She loved him, and she loved him dearly – both as her king _and_ her friend.

The man before her swallowed deeply; he stood for a moment, his jaw working…. she thought him about to argue – but then he pulled her into a fierce embrace "Never change Little Scout, never change; for I love you full as much…" he whispered into her ear.

Her words had carried around the hill and all had heard her impassioned viewpoint - at the end, as Arthur embraced her, they cheered for their king; and the girl they knew would give her life to protect not only he and the knights she adored so, but also they.

Merlin, Tris, Amila, and Guinevere stood on the battlements, tears in all their eyes – _this _day, of all days, they were at their proudest to call her blood….to call her _Woad._


	31. Names & Betrothal

**_Disclaimer: As chapter one; so please, for the love of _God, _do not make me keep writing it out people!_**

_**WARNING: BAD LANGUAGE, VIOLENCE AND SOME SEXUAL REFERENCES (though not too graphic) SO READ AT YOUR OWN PERIL. **_

_**All reviews, and constructive criticism, gratefully received – but no flaming please; and I will try to update regularly.**_

'_**Thoughts'**_

"**Speech"**

_**-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-**_

_**Bethan & Lucan**_

**_Chapter Thirty-One – Names & Betrothal_**

Dagonet recovered from his wounds fairly quickly as did Lancelot. The Celt attacks dwindled and finally ceased altogether as word spread of the Woad witch and her Shaman brethren that had cursed their people so.

The next 7 months sped past and Lancelot wasted no time in constantly teasing his fellow knight about the impending birth.

"Knowing how in tune with nature Bethan is, are you sure she is not having a litter?" he joked one day "I mean eight babies is not so much!"

He had not reckoned with Tristan being in earshot "Are you saying my daughter is a dog?" he enquired mildly, fingering his dagger.

"Ummmmm" Lancelot was now on the back foot; they had learnt from San and from watching him, that Tristan _did_ indeed have a sense of humour - however it was open to interpretation exactly _when_ he was jesting, as his face never changed "Well…..I…." he took a deep breath "what I mean is…."

"Shut up Lancelot…" Tristan walked off; smiling a small smile that only San and Gawain saw.

"You know you can be cruel!" she grinned and Gawain nodded.

"Aye, but he deserved it. He has ridden the boy for months now and enough is enough."

"You should not worry Tristan, I would have hit him with my axe when I had had enough." Gawain smiled.

San rolled her eyes at her husband "You know you are a bad influence on him…and because of that, his brother" She looked pointedly at Galahad, who in turn was staring murderously at Lancelot….

"Gal!" Gawain called to his brother.

"What!" he swung his irate gaze over to the three stood by the door of the stables.

"Is that your happy face?"

Everyone fell about laughing, including the youngest knight.

Lancelot for his part merely breathed a sigh of relief, Tristan was actually quite scary…..and you did not always know how to take him – especially where his family was concerned, and that was most of the bloody knights now!

Gawain obviously as he was married to Bethan, Bethan was his daughter, Galahad was considered family as Gawain's 'brother' and so was Dagonet as both 'brother' to Tristan and 'father in law' to Bethan….that only really left Bors….

He sighed; oh well….he could go wind his wife up – but then wondered if his brood had done that already!

0-0-0-0-0-0-0

As they walked across the compound to their quarters Milo appeared with the other children, Bethan had not been on any missions for a while now. She was big and fed up, and the children of the fort had been keeping her company; especially the knights children.

"Thank God you are all returned; the baby is coming and we cannot find Van! She tried to wait for you to come back Gawain - but the babe is quite insistent it will make a show now!"

Everyone broke into a run for the door; they found her laying on the bed panting heavily. "I waited until you returned but…." She gasped and held her breath "I do not think the baby will wait too much longer….."

Guinevere and Amila, who had gone in her stead on this mission, were upset as was San "We should not have left you…" Guinevere ventured, kneeling beside her.

"Tis not your fault Guin….I am two weeks early." Bethan smiled between the pains.

Merlin appeared in the door "you could never wait for anything child" he chided merrily "always in such a hurry for everything! It seems this is no different!" he indicated her swollen stomach.

"Merlin! Glad I am to see you…." she gasped "I knew you would know…"

Van rushed in "Sorry Bethan, I was in the tub; Eight had had a fight with Six, and then I got as muddy as they sorting them out!"

"Van it is alright! I am _early_! It is not as though everyone knew I was in labour and then left me!" She chided her friend gently "No one need apologise…"

"Right, well I suggest we get this birthing done…" Merlin spoke.

All the knights filed out, except Gawain who had paled "I wish to stay…if…if aught goes wrong….I…." he could not finish.

"I will not leave you, my knight….whatever the outcome you would feel me with you every day…" she spoke gently to him and chafed his hand to her cheek.

"You wish to be here to say goodbye if aught goes wrong?" Gawain nodded silently gripping tightly to her hand, more than she was to him "It will not…..." was all Merlin added.

Tris crept in and patted Gawain's arm "All will be well Papa, come with me…." He winked at Merlin.

"Aye, go with your son, boy; I will call you should things change and your child arrive…"

Gawain looked uncertainly at Bethan "If he says naught will happen I believe him…" she reassured him.

He reluctantly took Tris' hand and left, being guided by Darry as well…he felt they were ensuring he left and this made him even more concerned.

Two hours later and Van strode to the door; Gawain immediately leapt up "she is alright…..do not fret so…" she smiled at him, but there was something behind the smile he did not like and he burst into the room with the other knights close behind him.

"Gawain!" Bethan exclaimed, looking tired but very happy "Come and meet your new son!" he looked gingerly around the room and then came and sat on the bed.

"You are lucky brother!" Laughed Lancelot "Only the one…."

"Oh, you only wanted one….oh, I see….." Guinevere looked upset "Then I had better throw this one out with the rubbish…" Gawain's head nearly spun off his shoulders as he turned and instinctively grabbed the baby in her arms "or maybe you would rather keep your daughter too then?" she laughed…

"My heart, that was cruel!" Chuckled Arthur, pulling her into his arms.

"Two?" He smiled at Bethan.

"Have we not been here before?" roared Lancelot "I vaguely remember saying the same!"

"Nay, yours was _three_!" reminded Bors with a smile.

"Two!" Bethan smiled back, ignoring Lancelot.

"I am pleased…" he gently hugged her and the babies, and he was – shocked, but pleased "what should we call them?"

She looked deeply into his eyes "Lucan and Ysabeau…."

Alisia and Dagonet both caught their breath as tears instantly pricked their eyes.

"I could not think of anything better…." He smiled and kissed her deeply. "Is that alright with all of you?" He turned to Dagonet, Ilara and Alisia; they could only trust themselves to nod.

"Thank you for my wonderful children…" he said to Bethan with utter devotion in his eyes.

"You never look at me like that!" Van slapped Bors' head.

"OOWWW! You evil woman! I bloody do!" Bors moaned.

"When! I do not see it, when I have a baby; all you worry about is wetting its head, which is Bors speak for getting drunk - as bloody usual!"

"Gawain! Stop looking at her like that…you are getting me into trouble boy!" Bors barked at the younger knight.

Gawain laughed out loud "I will try…" he looked at Bethan then he looked at Tris "Why do I get the feeling you already knew, son of mine, that your mother was about to have twins!" he laughed.

"Aye Papa, I did - I told Darry and it was _hard_ getting her to keep the secret!" Tris laughed. He looked at Ysabeau and Lucan "No odd eyes!" he smiled.

Their parents looked, Tris was right Ysabeau had deep green eyes and strawberry blonde hair like her father and Lucan had blonde hair and blue eyes like his mother. Tris, now 5, and Darry, 4½, walked over "can we huggle them Mama?" Tris asked.

Gawain settled them on the bed and they each held a baby on their laps "Hello Lucan…I am going to love you muchly!" cooed Tris to his little brother.

"So am I…Ysi…Iso…Bo-Bo!" Darry finally found a name for her sister she could say.

0-0-0-0-0-0-0

Six months later it was time for the naming ceremony. Not only were Ysabeau, now known to all as Bo-Bo, and Lucan, also known as Luc, being formally named by Merlin – but also Tris was being officially called Tristan instead of Thane.

"I had no idea Lucan hated it!" laughed Bethan to Dagonet and her father as they all played with the four children "He never once said; but he told Gawain!"

"Well, he probably thought _you_ liked it…." smiled Dag.

"I had only just had a baby, I do not think I knew _what_ I was saying!" she laughed "I could have called him 'Fish Stew'! But I admit that Tristan is better!"

The three laughed, but Dag could see the pride in his brother's face.

"Are you happy?" Dag asked, it had been over a year since she and Gawain had married.

"Blissfully…..he is the deepest part of my soul…" she smiled and it lit her whole face "I could not face life without him now…"

The object of their discussion entered the room and swooped on her, kissing her neck "How is my wife?"

"Well, my husband…" he bent down and kissed her deeply. "how was your mission?"

"Quiet……I just wished you had been there" he said, before whispering in her ear "these last three days I have missed you muchly" then he blew gently before kissing it, he felt her go limp and grinned.

The two older knights found themselves suddenly finding the ceiling and walls of the room interesting, before hastily remembering they had pressing chores to do that required the help of all four children.

Tris pulled his Poppas hands until they both bent down to him, each holding Luc and Bo-Bo "Mama and Papa are going to be moving the furniture again; Uncle Lancelot told me that is what grown-ups love to do!"

Even the little shaman could not understand why the two men fell about laughing.

0-0-0-0-0-0

Gawain swept Bethan into his arms, holding her close and kissing her deeply. "I really missed you Bethan; the nights were the worst."

"You mean you had no furniture to move alone?" she asked mischievously.

He kissed her again and smiled "Nay, though I could have found something to shift I am sure!" then he sobered "but it was you…I missed _you_; just holding you, cuddling you….kissing you…" he kissed her again, and carried her to the bed.

He lay down beside her, drawing her into his arms and nuzzling her hair. "You are all to me Bethan; I just hope that Arthur sends us together on the next mission."

"I doubt it….you know Arthur hates sending us together…" she sighed and snuggled closer "though as a knight and the fact there is little trouble at the moment I might ask...a few nights with my wonderful knight might chase away my melancholy."

"You feel melancholic?" he asked concerned.

"Only a little….." her face looked incredibly sad.

Gawain was worried and raised himself on one elbow to look down at her, trying to gauge how deep her sadness went. "Why?"

"Well, I am married to this marvellous man; he is an angel to me and his children and he went away for three days. I stood on the battlements watching for him, listening to my hawk who watched over him for me and came back to tell me he was safe; I missed him…..more than he will ever know…" she hesitated to tell him, but wanted him to know how much she loved him "so I would go to sleep clutching one of his shirts…"

"I….you…" he clutched her to him "I would not be without you for all the world Little Scout…" he muttered into her hair.

She turned her head and her lips met his; she sucked gently on his bottom lip, her tongue flicking gently against his teeth. He growled as he pulled her tightly against him "What you do to me Bethan…what you do…." He groaned against her lips.

She kissed him deeply "But what you do to me….Gawain…you have no idea how you rule my world." She muttered as she kissed his neck tugging his shirt off and then trailed her fingers down his side to the deep scar from the wound that nearly killed him, and was the catalyst to her first binding herself to him; at least then in deep friendship.

He grasped her hand "I fear I will not be able to contain myself if you persist…" he muttered.

"Then do not; for I have missed you in _every_ way my husband…." She nuzzled his cheek; her lips once more seeking his, even as her hands pulled at his breeches.

They loved each other for a long time before rising to retrieve their children, even then the night and their bed called them after the little ones were asleep…..

Before they retired again, Gawain stepped to his pack and silently pulled something from it; it was an old shirt of Bethan's…but it smelt of lavender and her….it was well crumpled and had obviously been with him for some time.

No words were spoken as they now discovered they had shared the same want and need, even without realising it. He ensured they were quickly naked and soon were beside each other in bed; though this time they merely held each other snuggling as close together as possible, kissed and murmured their love long into the night, until sleep finally claimed them.

0-0-0-0-0-0-0

The next day was the naming ceremony… Merlin carried it out and everyone thought all the children looked lovely. Tris was becoming excellent with a dagger and bow, but all could tell his heart really lay with the animals; although now 5½ he could ride as well as children twice, even three times, his age as he and the horse almost became one and were able to move as a single unit.

Tristan thought he could be a formidable warrior, but knew his heart would not be in it; he would be a shaman as Bethan thought, though even at this young age he was adamant he would learn at the fort and not leave his family.

She could see him and Merlin locking horns, but knew how stubborn her son could be. All thought him to be a sunny natured child like his sisters and brother, but in actual fact he had a lot of her in him. He could be as mule headed as she, and it amused her greatly; she knew her blood would have his work cut out with the boy!

Darry demanded they name her too as she did not want to feel left out; it was unusual for the child to be so mutinous and so Merlin agreed, whilst hiding his smirk at the little girl's glowering look which brightened immediately he acquiesced to her demand.

Blythe, Darrel and Hale were now a year old and were a real handful for Lancelot and Amila; but with Suriana, Celeste and Ehsan to help they were able to feel like they still maintained some control over the triplets. Though it was Celeste and Suriana that ruled the roost with them; the girls, now 11, were keen to help their siblings and Ehsan, now 9, was as eager to play the father figure to his younger siblings when Lancelot was away on a mission.

Lancelot never knew how Amila missed him when he was away. She never told him, that was not her way, that every night she took a shirt of his to bed with her; it was her only way to sleep, it was something that Bethan had told her about - as sleeping with an old shirt of Gawain's was the only way _she_ could sleep.

But neither did she ever learn that he always took a used gown of hers with him and slept with it tightly wrapped in his arms, it was the only way he could sleep…..it was a trick that Gawain had told him of, as taking an old shirt of Bethan's was the only way _he_ could sleep now.

But on this special day the triplets were angels; the strange thing was that as Darrel and Hale gravitated towards their twin sisters, so Blythe latched onto Ehsan. Between them all they were as inseparable as the other knight's children were with their siblings.

Suriana had hold of Darrel as she wandered over to 11½ year old Milo. He put his arm around her shoulders and her little brother and tickled Darrel's chin "And how is my little friend, eh?" he cooed at the little boy.

"Miwo…Miwo!" Darrel bounced in Suriana's arms; she laughed and handed him over.

"I think he loves you as much as I do…." She grinned.

"Is that possible?" asked Milo smiling in mock surprise.

She pretended to think about it "Hmmm….possibly not, actually!" she laughed.

He leant down and kissed her forehead "I love you as much…"

She turned his head to get his attention "I am still for you Milo…."

"You are…in two years when I am 13 I will ask your father for your hand…"

She hugged him tightly round the waist "Good. But do you think he will agree?"

Milo was unsure…it was hard to gauge Lancelot - he had dropped the use of the word 'Uncle' with the knights over the last few months - sometimes he was extremely funny and very nice, but when it came to his girls….

Milo, never one to walk away from a problem as proven with his sister, decided he could not live a whole two years wondering…. He strode over to Lancelot, who happened to be talking to his father. "I will ask now…" he said as he walked away from her, handing Darrel back as he went.

"Milo!" Lancelot grinned at the boy.

"Has he had much to drink?" he asked his father.

"Nay…why?"

"I wish to ask a question and I need a reasonable answer."

"Then ask…" Tristan considered for a moment "if he says nay, I'll kill him."

"Papa if you had your way you would kill all who upset your children!" chuckled the boy.

"Aye….so?" his father asked mildly. Milo merely hugged him tightly.

"What is it?" asked Lancelot, slightly confused by the strange conversation twixt father and son.

"I wish to ask you an important question…."

"I see…" Lancelot spotted an anxious looking Suriana bobbing her equally anxious brother, who was picking up on her anxiety and the loss of his friend and was starting to whimper quietly "You had best ask then…"

"I wish to know if you would be amenable to Suriana and I becoming betrothed when I am 13; that is in 2 years time…" he hesitated "I would be happy to be betrothed now as I know there is no other for me, but am willing to wait."

"I see; I need to speak to her mother…."

"About what?" Amila walked up, immediately taking in the situation.

"About Milo now becoming betrothed to Suriana…."

"I do nt see why not...they have been attached for over 5 years…"

"_Now!_" Milo was shocked.

"Would you rather wait?" Amila asked.

"_Nay_….nay, I would not…I just thought _you_ would."

"I do not see the point, do you husband?"

"Nay…I would be proud to call you family Milo. You have impressed me much over the years. Plus you are loyal to Suriana…."

Milo looked genuinely confused "Why would I be aught else? I love her and wish to be with her always."

Lancelot realised that he was completely unaware as to what a handsome boy he was growing into, and how a lot of the girls in the fort had been making doe eyes at him.

He saw the way he was grinning at Suriana and knew, in that moment, that whether or not he knew other girls liked him he only had eyes for his daughter.

"Why indeed?" he patted Milo on the back "Go…..go tell her you are betrothed…" he smiled.

Milo ran over to Suriana and swung Darrel around before kissing her on the cheek; they watched him speaking excitedly and then her jumping up and down and flinging her arms round his neck…

"Is it alright with you?" Lancelot asked Tristan who had been standing quietly by during this exchange.

"Aye - if you had nay, I would have killed you…" he replied mildly.

Lancelot laughed out loud "I do believe you Tristan, I do…."


	32. Epilogue

**_Disclaimer: As chapter one; so please, for the love of _God, _do not make me keep writing it out people!_**

_**WARNING: BAD LANGUAGE, VIOLENCE AND SOME SEXUAL REFERENCES (though not too graphic) SO READ AT YOUR OWN PERIL. **_

_**All reviews, and constructive criticism, gratefully received – but no flaming please; and I will try to update regularly.**_

'_**Thoughts'**_

"**Speech"**

_**-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-**_

_**Bethan & Lucan**_

**_Chapter Thirty-Two – Epilogue_**

It had been 4 years since the naming ceremony and the twins were thriving. Bethan (now 25) had had another baby; a little girl they named Harmony (now aged 2). For no matter what the problem, her mere presence would bring peace to those around her. She and Tris were a formidable duo, none could stand against them - and her older shamanic brother doted on her to distraction.

Tris was now 9½ and Darry 9, they still visited the graveyard and still received their white feathers; their second little boxes almost full. Neither spoke to their mother and father of it, knowing they suspected and were happy for them to be in contact with their birth parents; albeit in spirit.

Bethan and Gawain (now 40) often spoke of Lucan and Ysabeau…..particularly as the twins were their namesakes. Neither mentioned to each other the fact that the children, now 4½ would occasionally talk to the air; for both knew that their past loves still watched over them all, and both found it strangely comforting.

Bethan's suspicions of peace were well-founded and shortly after the Celts backed down, the Huns raised their banners….however, with the help of the Woads and Merlin, along with Tris, they were swiftly defeated.

Rome had fallen; and though Arthur felt in some ways it was deserved, he had never really forgiven the likes of Germanius and his ilk for the death of Pelagius, he could not help but feel a little sad.

Merlin himself was ageing now; none knew his _exact_ age, though it was evident he was extremely old. But he still visited the fort and argued with Tris about joining his tribe; however the boy remained firm, as his mother suspected he would, and though keen to learn the shaman ways of his brethren, he stayed at the fort. He was, however, becoming a powerful force to be reckoned with; but agreed with his mother, there would never be another Merlin on this earth.

The knights were ageing also, most were now in their forties – a good age in these uncertain times - and were increasingly handing over the fighting to their children that were of age. The knights' numbers were swelling once more, as more and more of their children were becoming eligible; and those of others at the fort. Arthur looked on in wonder and delight as the children's round table grew as well as his own.

Milo had married Suriana that summer; he was 15½ and she was just 15. They were a happy little couple and longed for children… Torvald (14½) and Celeste (just 15) had wed shortly after them. Their romance had not been as obvious, they were both deeply private youngsters, but their attachment had been equally as deep….

Torvald relied heavily on Milo for advice and guidance. Like his father, he was a diplomat and peacemaker – like Lancelot, Milo played the voice of 'devil's advocate' (as Arthur called it) and gave the young prince the not so welcome options they should consider in a fight. They went to battle with the knights, Milo's tactics far outstripping the knights'; and leaving them wondering at the mind of a boy who could out manoeuvre their enemies so quickly, even if not always easily.

Gilly, now 26, had married a Woad fighter who had come regularly with Merlin to visit Tris. It was strange how they had fallen in love….very similar to Lancelot and Amila, warring that turned to loving; and at least, Gilly joked, he now had someone else to break his nose! But they were extremely happy, and she was carrying their first child.

Bors had despaired of his favourite and first born ever marrying; and whilst he was not particularly thrilled at first at it being to a Woad, he was grateful they seemed so happy. However, he now doted on his daughter in law; and the family was a happy if extremely large one, as the older members married off and produced grandchildren.

His relationship with Vanora was as strong as ever, though she was still hitting him round the head…much to his disgust. But he was easily as devoted to her as the other knights were to their wives, just a little less obvious.

Tristan and Sandrina were as devoted to each other as ever. Tristan had had a bad cold which had worsened a few years before; it had been touch and go for a short time and Bethan and Milo watched their mother waste away with their father. Bethan later told Gawain that both she and Milo had discussed the burial so sure were they that their parents would die together. Dagonet and Gawain became the rocks they clung to as they tried to nurse their father and support their mother.

However, Tristan rallied and as a result so had Sandrina. Both children breathed a sigh of relief; but knew the time would come when it would not be so……they were comforted though by the large gentle knight that was Dagonet, the surrogate father they knew they had in him; and Gawain….the other half to Bethan's soul and her guiding light.

The irony of the similarity of their relationships were not lost on her; and she ensured her brother would care for their children should anything happen to either of them, she knew that both she and Gawain would not long outlive the other.

It was, she thought, perhaps a selfish love; in that they would not live without each other, and would therefore leave their children orphaned – but the heart could not help the way it felt, and she knew deep down that if Gawain perished he would take her soul to the gates of death along with his own…..and vice versa.

Tristan was still the same as always – ruthless and chillingly calm when he killed, but the skirmishes that all the knights went on were fewer now as they aged and their children took their places where possible….. Bethan was now the walking double of her father on the battlefield.

Without her knowledge her infamy had spread far and many knew of the witch that walked the battlefield with Arthur, King of the Britons. How she took heads, spilled blood and cursed the enemies of the king; she would ride into battle with eyes that grew black and a calm rage about her that made their enemies quail against her attack.

She always had a wind about her that seemed to guide her fighting, and so her infamy grew….along with the legend that told of Arthur, Merlin and the knights…all killers in their own way….all trying to ensure that Arthur's peace reigned for as long as possible.

Galahad and Alisia had no more children, and you would think he would feel sad; but he and Gawain were closer than ever, and through that Bethan drew closer to Alisia; they shared their children and their lives and the four would often be seen together with all the children sparring around. Galahad's children Ghauth (now aged 12) and Aaleyah (now 11) were especially devoted to little Lucan and Ysabeau…..

Galahad was the only one of the knights' to have not yet reached 40 and still smarted at the fact that at 39 summers he was still considered the 'baby' of them all; he still sulked and whined when he felt either slighted or annoyed, and Gawain would still enquire as to whether that was his 'happy face' to jest him along at such times…. though in truth neither one minded as their bond was so close.

Lancelot had decided that he wanted no more children after the triplets, but fate did not agree and he and Amila had another baby a year before who they called Ella -which was old English for fairy woman…and that the child was. For though dark of hair and eye like her parents, she was small and fey and would wander wherever her heart desired; her devoted companions were Tris, Darry and Harmony. Tris in particular was her most loyal friend, and for her part she would only really obey him; many commented that the two would one day end as Suriana and Milo had. Tris would merely smile his secret smile.

Dagonet and Ilara too were content with Rahil (now 16) betrothed to Bors' Seven and Tanwir (now 14) much enamoured with Aaleyah. Dagonet for his part doted on his sons and also Little Tris…but his especial favourite was, and always would be, Bethan.

As for Tristan; he and the scout had become extremely close over the ensuing 4 years, and indeed found they had much more in common than just their quietness. But it was with Little Tris that they shared so much, the dawn visits to his friends and his 'Angel Papa' and Darry's 'Angel Mama' still took place, and the three – sometimes accompanied by Darry and Harmony too – would always find it strangely comforting that they could have this time to just themselves.

Dagonet knew that if Tristan went before him he would miss the scout more than he could say to anyone; he also knew Tristan felt the same about him. Their affection for each other was always mirthful and/or fairly abrupt, but they both knew their kinship was there and that was enough for them. The gentle giant and the brooding silent man were an unlikely partnership to many, yet they were closer than a lot of blood siblings.

Gawain……Gawain could not believe that even after four years of marriage that he still had to rest with her shirt, if he were away from her for more than one night, just to sleep. But it was a comfort to know she fared the same…he thanked whatever Gods existed that she was still with him and still loved him, that had even brought her to him in the first place.

Ysabeau still owned a small part of his heart…but Bethan owned his soul. He knew she felt the same, and so they found they grew closer with each passing day. Bors often joked that you could no longer see daylight between the two!

Arthur was the most grateful for the way things had turned out up to now. He was Bethan's greatest supporter, after the obvious three of Tristan, Gawain and Dagonet, ever since that day on the battlefield. They still argued, sometimes furiously, and Lancelot would laugh and say she was now the foil to Arthur that he had once been. Bethan had long since guessed that she was the sounding board for Arthur's temper, rather than take it out on others. But hers was equally as fierce and so they whiled away many hours in furious combat…albeit a spoken one.

Yet, when it came to battle she would lay down her life for him as everyone who knew him would…from the man who cleaned the latrines to any of the knights. All loved their king, but _she_ loved him most as a friend.

0-0-0-0-0-0-0

In today's society, in the year 2005, you'd be forgiven for thinking that Arthur, his knights and all the others here never existed….that they were merely a figment of someone's over active imagination.

Our crime levels soar, old people are mugged and other people are brutalised.

But take a closer look – see the little boy helping his Mum unload the shopping. The young woman visiting her elderly neighbour to make sure she's coping since her hip replacement. The young man who steps into save the girl being beaten up by her boyfriend.

See the medics who volunteer for Medicines San Frontiere and go to some of the most troubled parts of the world, just to ensure those who need it most get the medical attention they require.

Bethan was right; complete peace for all _is_ an unobtainable ideal…but where possible a lot of us try to ensure a respite from the war for most.

No, the knights _lived_….so did Merlin….and so did Arthur…King of the Britons. Their legacy is that for most of us we try and do the right thing…to fight on the side of good……

The legend says that Arthur merely sleeps and one day, when Britain needs him most, he will rise again to come to the aid of the country he loved _so much_.

I believe he's already here, as are his knights. Inside each and every one of us….look around you…can you see a Gawain, a Dagonet or a Tristan? Can you see an Arthur? I can….and I thank God….for I feel in some small way all hope for the future is not lost.

**Family Tree of Arthur & His Knights**

**Arthur married Guinevere** – Torvald & Felicia

**Lancelot married Amila** – Celeste , Suriana, Ehsan, Blythe, Darrel, Hale & Ella.

**Tristan married Sandrina** – Milo; he also adopted Bethan as his own.

**Gawain lover to Ysabeau** – Daralis. Ysabeau died aged 30.

Gawain married Bethan (3 years after Ysabeau died) – Ysabeau, Lucan & Harmony; he also adopted Bethan's son by Lucan, Tristan.

**Galahad married Alisia** (twin sister to Ysabeau) – Ghauth & Aaleyah

**Dagonet & Ilara** – Adopted Lucan, Rahil and Tanwir.

**Bors married Vanora** – had 12 children, the oldest was Gilly and numbers One to Eleven.

**Bethan** – daughter to Tristan. Married Lucan; had one son, Tristan, and was later widowed when Lucan was killed in battle aged 20. She went on to marry Gawain, 2 years after Lucan's death, and have three children with him.

Milo married Suriana. (Milo aged 15½ & Suriana aged 15)

Torvald married Celeste. (Torvald aged 14½ & Celeste aged 15)

Amila cousin to Sandrina.

Sandrina & Amila Great Nieces to Merlin.


End file.
